THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMM..

I was driving home yesterday and as I was getting onto the freeway I saw a man hitchhiking. He was holding a sign that said "Heaven". So I hit him. He looked like a nice guy, I'm sure he got there.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

I saw a bank that said "24 hour banking", but I didn't have that much time.

Why aren't hemorrhoids called asteroids?

I went to a restaurant that served "breakfast at any time". So I ordered french toast during the Renaissance.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me by anything specifically.

If progress means to move forward, what does congress mean?

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brings out a guy who looks just like me.

I was in the grocery store and saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".

I have several hobbies I enjoy to the fullest. I have a large sea shell collection that I keep scattered on the beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it?

I don't get the "permanent press" setting for an iron...what's the point?

I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.

Is a fly without wings called a walk?

A day without sunshine is like...night.

I went to the store and bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

I saw a sign "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. A lot of people must be tired.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

I was going 70 miles an hour when a cop stopped me. "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?" "Yes" I answered, "But I wasn't going to be gone that long".

If Barbie is so great, why do you have to buy her friends?

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day. That means it's going to be up all night.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 2345678987654321

I bought a dog the other day. I named him "Stay". It's fun to call him..."Come here, Stay! Come here, STay"! He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps on typing.

I used to work in an orange juice factory, but I can canned...I couldn't concentrated.

I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive. But only for a second.

If you ever saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on the beaches. Perhaps you've seen it?

I filled out an application that said "In case of Emergency Who to Notify". I wrote "Doctor". What's my mother going to do?

My boyfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone. "The whole time" I told him.

If toast always lands butter-side down and cat's always land on their feet, what would happen if you strapped a piece of toast on a cat's back?

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when the prescription ran out.

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It asked, "What for?"

When a nudist loses at strip poker, do they have to put something on?

I went to the grocery store. The sign said, "Eight Items or Less". So, I changed my name to Les.

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

I went to a fancy restaurant called "Deja Vu." The head waiter came up and asked, "Don't I know you?"

If 8 1/2 x 14 paper is legal size. Does that mean 8 1/2 x 11 is illegal?

If nothing sticks to teflon, how does teflon stick to the pan?

How can there be self-help groups?

If a mute swears, does his mother make him was his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants, would they still grow -- only troubled and insecure?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?

Why do they report power outages on tv?

Who's face was on George Washington's dollar bill?