Tremors - The Best Film In The World!

Tremors was released in 1989 to little real critical acclaim, but we all know film critics are a bunch of stuffy old gits stuck too far up their own arses to know what makes a film good. The film was directed by RON UNDERWOOD, who (luckily for us) cast KEVIN BACON (swoon Ria, swoon) and FRED WARD as the two main characters, Valentine (Val) and Earl. The film is a tongue-in-cheek creature-feature parody, and bloody hell is it funny! Me and Clare still live out the whole argument about who cooks breakfast, the speech about the mountains, and Val's endearing, very realistic list of his ideal woman's attributes. ('You will have: Long Blonde Hair, Big Green Eyes, World Class Breasts, Ass that won't quit and legs that go aaaaaaaall the way up').

In the film it is Val and Earl's (hopeless cowboy handymen)task to take on hideous underground wormy creatures that eat a lot of people basically (most notably Nester, his come uppance for yelling 'hoo-ray' in such a stupid way). The film is a veritable feast of cheesy B-Movie blood and guts effects, with explosions, guns ('WE GOT THAT MUTHAHUMPA') and even a sniff at romance in the form of the girl who's in it whose name I've forgotten. Kira or something (the actress). It's a complete must see for any self-respecting film fan, ok so it's no Schindler's List or The English Patient, but to be honest, I am sick to the death with 'meaningful' films. What the hell happened to good old fashioned cheese-fests eh? You HAVE HAVE HAVE to see this film, unless you're someone like Spluggins, and you hate seeing horses being killed mercilessly by weird snaky tongue things. To have seen Tremors is to love it. So go hence, watch and LOVE.

This sequel has one big problem with it. NO KEVIN BACON! by the time of this film's release, Kevin was enjoying a fruitful film career, while Fred Ward obviously wasn't. He's back as Earl Basset, who unlike Val, did not invest the money he made from the discovery of the 'Graboids' and is still in Perfection, Nevada, with his failing Ostrich farm. Anyway, basically, some mexicans come get him because there are a NEW STRAIN of Graboids on the loose in old Meh-heek-o. They have legs this time, in fact, they resemble cooked turkeys with flappy things on their heads. This time they are heat sensitive, and a lot more difficult to outwit. But of course, Bert turns up again with his bombs and guns, and they get trigger-happy out in the desert. Earl manages to find love, and if he's your thang, there's a 'replacement Kevin' too. It's still good, but the humour so fresh in Tremors is slightly tired in this cash in. AND KEVIN'S NOT IN IT!!!! Take me back to the index please