Hi, my name is Juli, and I have something that I feel the Lord wants me to share with everyone. If you really know me, you also know I sleep hard. Someone has to kick me and scream at me for a half-hour to wake me up. I am also very rough and tough for a girl, and not as dainty as my father would like me to be. I am very loud as well, so you would think that if someone were to sexually violate me, I would scream and then crack him. I thought that too until it happened.
Some of my friends do things that I don't approve of, so I am not always with them, and I only like to do things with them when they're not doing anything wrong like watching a movie, going eat out, etc. My friend's parents weren't home and we were going there to watch movies. It was going to be just the girls and her parents knew, so I thought cool. Sometimes my dad works nights, but nothing ever happened to me so it'll be all right. After we finished watching the movies, they wanted to leave and go to someone else's house because a few people were over there. I knew there were going to be drinking and maybe even some drugs there, so I refused to go. I told them it would be fine to go on ahead without me. I was just going to go to bed. It was about midnight at that time. Well, I woke at about four or five in the morning and there was one of my guy friends lying behind me with his hands under my clothes, and he kept pressing his body hard against mine.
I felt very violated. He didn't have the right to touch me like that. I freaked out and did not know what to do. I was totally unprepared for this. I just thought he would stop. He had to stop, but he didn't. I tried to move so he would stop, but he kept on. I didn't see his face because my back was turned to him, but I knew who he was. He was one of my best friends. I was left speechless for once in my life. I didn't know what to say to get him to stop. I didn't want to scream because it would cause a scene and wake others or be mean because he was my friend. But if he was really my friend, he wouldn't have done that to me. Why did I try to consider his feelings when he didn't even consider mine? So I was just frozen in shock and he kept on. Sometimes he would stop, but then I would move a little and it was as if I would wake him up and he would remember what he was doing and then continue. I then tried to not move and my body started cramping up. I was scared and near tears. I heard his pants unzip, and I thought "No God please don't let him do this to me." It was that moment when I realized to just get out of the bed. Why hadn't this thought ever cross my mind before? I don't know. I casually got out of bed. I don't think it was until then that he knew I was up. I looked at the clock and it was 7:36. That was the worst three hours of my life. I went take a bath hoping some how the feel of his hands would wash away. I couldn't believe he had done that. I'm glad I got out when I did, but it still went too far.
After I had gotten saved, I promised myself I would stay a virgin until I was married. I didn't want to even test the limits of going too far by doing anything physical with guys. I want to be able to tell my husband I loved him before I even knew him because I stayed pure just for him, and he will be the only man to ever touch me. That boy didn't even give me a choice. I was sleeping. I don't want a boyfriend until I get married because of things that can occur like this and because it would take my focus off of God. I wouldn't have let it happen, but that boy almost took away my purity because I was unprepared to fight back.
I went to a back to school bash in Walker where their theme was "It Is Time 4 War." I thought YEAH! I'm ready for war. I can fight the devil. Little did I know, he was going to use my friends. He could even use my five sisters and mom and dad, too. I need to be prepared in any circumstance. When the devil has a grip on you, you can not think he'll just stop. He's getting pleasure out of this. You have to fight back! Walker got their theme from Joel 3:9 --- Proclaim this among the nations: Prepare for war! Rouse the warriors! Let all the fighting men draw near and attack. ---I didn't do that. I just sat there and said Lord why are you doing this to me, when I should have been saying Juli why are you doing this to yourself. I needed to fight back.
I wouldn't have to be in a continuous battle if I would have obeyed Proverbs 12:26 --- A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. --- I know that now. My choice of fiends is a major decision in my life because they influence me so much. That boy's excuse is that he wasn't in his right mind because of something he had taken. Well he needs to stop taking those things if it affects his mind that much. That is when the devil can come in and tempt you. His friends probably influenced him into taking what he took. That made him think irrationally and in effect, he sexually violated me. A real friend would just not do that. Proverbs 12:26 --- A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. ---
I do forgive him so that my father in heaven can forgive me of my sins. This doesn't mean that I still hang out with him; it just means that I don't hold anything against him. God has given me peace now, and what happened doesn't get to me anymore. I just hope my experience has not only taught me a lesson but will also teach others a lesson. Surround yourself with godly people, but also be prepared to fight against the devil at any time. Even when you are sleeping.
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