WARNING! These Jokes May Offend You.
Cow Jokes, E-Mails, Etc.
I've seen this one before, but I still like it.
FEUDALISM:
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you
to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care
of them, and you all share the milk.
APPLIED COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but
the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP:
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots
you.
MILITARISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts
you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping
two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the
milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell
you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote
for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in
cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. You feed them sheep's' brains and
they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates
what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to
milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the
milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction
for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a
Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned
by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk
back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company
owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill
the two cows because of bad feng shui.
LESBIANISM:
You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal
calf.
TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies
they ever existed. Milk is banned.
PAULINE HANSONISM:
The whole country is run by one mad cow.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of 'ownership' is a
symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two
differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified
gender.
COUNTERCULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. You have
*got* to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to
take harmonica lessons.
MICROSOFTISM:
You have two calves, and neither of them work, so you wait
for the COW 98 upgrade.
AMISHISM:
You have two cows, but if you use a milk pump, you will
surely burn in hell.
MARILYN MANSONISM:
U HAV 2 COWZ U SACRFISE THEM TO MONSON THE ANTECRIST.
SOLIPSISM:
Your mind would like to believe that several cows exist,
and that two of them are yours, but you know better.
CLINTONISM:
You have two cows, but you milk everyone else's anyway.
NEO-NAZISM:
You have two white cows, and they never see any other
non-white cows, and you have convinced them that
slaughterhouses never existed.
