hey julia...i have a problem with a guy i am going out with...
well i have been going out with him for 2 weeks, and at first i
really really really liked him. we were very good friends before,
and i asked him out when i found out that he liked me.
however...lately i have not felt the same around him...i always feel
awkward and uncomfortable around him. we used to be able to talk
about anything and we were totally close when we were just friends,
but now i dont feel comfortable around him anymore...i would break
up with him and go back to being just friends... but i think that he
loves me. he calls me all the time and he gets depressed when he
cant see me. he always says that i am his reason for living and all
this...i dont think he is suicidal or anything but i am afraid that
if i dump him i will totally hurt him a lot.
also, i am going through some crappy stuff with my friends and
family, and i could really use him more as a friend than a boyfriend
i need to be able to talk to him right now but i dont feel ok
talking to him now that we are going out and i have no idea
why...how can i tell him that i really need him as a friend and not
as a boyfriend right now without hurting him?
please help me i need advice!!!!!!
-very confused
Dear Stephanie~
I think you should tell your boyfriend exactly what you told me. That you need him more as a friend right now and not as a boyfriend. And that you're going through some hard times and that would be best for you. I can't say that this won't hurt him, because I don't think there is anyway to break up with him without hurting him...it just goes hand in hand. But being truthful to him about your feelings of why you want to break up with him and just by your concern about his feelings shows that you do care about him a lot...just more as a friend. Like I said this doesn't mean it's not going to hurt him, but being truthful (in the most possible nicest way) with him is what is best for the both of you. I hope this helps! And I hope everything works out with you two!
~Julia~
Hi! My name is Alyson and I am 13 years old. I have
a friend who is 15 years old. She is always saying
how depressed, ugly, fat, ect she is. I asked her if
she wanted to commit suicide and she said yes. I am
not sure how to help her. I feel like I need to do
something, but I don't know what.
Thanks for your time
Alyson
Alyson~
You are doing the right thing by being concerned about your friend. First thing is to stick by her side and be supportive. (Which it sounds like you are doing). Second, take it seriously, even if you think and know that she most likely wouldn't go through with it, you should always take it seriously no matter what. Third, be a good listener. You may not know what to say back to her but just by you being there and listening to her problems is helpful. Last and most important, if you feel that she may really go through with it talk to her school counselor. I know this is not easy on you because you are at the risk of losing her friendship. But remember you are doing it only out of the concern and love for your friend. She may get mad at you and she may not but you are doing the right thing for her, even if it may not seem like it at the time. If you don't want to talk to her school counselor for whatever reasons talk to someone like a paster from her church, a youth leader, a trusted adult, or teacher. Also, it would be good to give her a few of these crisis hotlines, so if she is feeling suicidal she can call them for when you are not available. Make sure to make it clear however that these phone numbers are for when you are gone or for when she doesn't feel comfortable talking to someone she knows personally. So that way she doesn't feel as though you are trying to get rid of her by giving her these other sources to call/talk to.
Here's some phone numbers:
Suicide prevention hotline 1-800-827-7571
Boys Town National Hotline: 800-448-3000
(Just because it says Boys, doesn't mean anything, it is for both genders).
National Youth Crisis Hotline
1-800-442-4673
Just For Kids Hotline
1-888-594-KIDS
-I hope this helps your friend, and I hope things get better for her. And remember to be there for your friend when she needs a shoulder to cry on.
Take care
~Julia~
hey julia...
i was just lookin thru yahoo and i found your page so i decided to write...
ok well, my name is jen and im 16 soon-to-be 17 on april 12th... i've got
major problems and im having sort of a self-esteem problem... there is alot
of stuff goin on at home and i dont think i can take much more of it
anymore... i need all the help i can get so ill tell ya...
ok.. well first of all my dad is an alcoholic and he has been for a long time
now.. it never bothered me at first but it is now.. he would always leave and
never come home and my mom never spends time with me... she is always too
busy with my younger sisters.. i go to a catholic high school... and i love
it there.. ive met a lot of great people in that school.. well, last summer i
tried to commit suicide but it never actually worked out.... i took about 9
iron pills and just went to bed hoping i would never wake up.. but i did.. my
best friend found out and she told my school and now guidance is like my
home.. im always up there and i see a therapist there.. i hate talking to
her.. she is really old.. and to make things worse.. shes a nun.. ughh.. but
there IS this really really really super nice counselor that i love and she
is so nice to me.. without her i know i would have did something really
stupid... but anyways... me and my mom and my little sisters had to move out
of my dad's and we're not at my grandmoms... i hate it there.. i miss my
dad.. me and my mom fight constantly.. and all i have to talk to is that one
couselor.. but i cant talk to her everyday. which sucks.. i just get really
depressed all the time.. im on medication called Zoloft.. it works a little
but the pain is still there.. it always will be. even though my dad is an
alcoholic, i still love him and i like him alot more than my mom.. he is nice
when he's not drinkin... well, ive gotten alot better and im going to Alateen
meetings and everything but my mom just keeps getting to me and putting me
down and i never see my dad anymore... i usually cry myself to sleep and i
dunno what to do....... i need your advice.. cuz sometimes my life just gets
too hard and there is only so much i can take... please write back.
thank you,
Jen
Dear Jen~
Hi, I hope you are doing okay =) Well I think going to the Alateen meetings is a good step. But as for the therapist, is there anywhere else you can go for counselling? Perhaps outside of the school? I once was told to never settle right away on a therapist-shop around a bit. If you do not feel that this old nun therapist is helping you and you don't like talking to her then she is only holding you back from you healing. I encourage you to stop seeing that therapist and find a new one. One that is reliable, there for you, caring, and that you are comfortable with. A good therapist can make a difference. I also strongly encourage you (after you find a new therapist) to have a group therapy session(s) that include you AND your mom. I encourage this because it sounds like you aren't getting along with your mom and that she may be part of the problem. Another good thing that you may want to consider is a support group for depressed teens. (Unfortunately this is hard to find, there aren't very many). And most importantly if you feel unsafe, like you may hurt yourself call your *new* therapist, a trusted friend, or a crisis hotline. Here are some phone numbers:
Suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-827-7571
Just For Kids Hotline
1-888-594-KIDS
Boys Town National Hotline: 800-448-3000
(Just because it says Boys, doesn't mean anything, it is for both genders).
National Youth Crisis Hotline
800-442-4673
Here's some online help: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
I want you to know that I understand, I know I can't completely understand because no one goes through the exact same situation or feelings. But I too am in therapy for depression and some other things. I just want you to know that if you ever ever need anyone to talk to I am here for you, ok? You can e-mail me anytime. Take care.
~Julia~
help me please. these feelings that dwell within me are about to explode.
nothing is ever right. my "best friend" is a backstabber. I cant even get
him to tell the truth. Every body is against me. i cant even talk to my
guidance counselor about it. I can only think of one way out. and i am
ever so close to it.please help me!!
Hi =) Do you need a counselor outside of school? Perhaps a therapist? (I hope I didn't offend you with that, I see a therapist too). If you feel like you cannot trust anyone you can talk to anyone of these. I'm not sure what's going on, like why you think everyone is against you, but if you feel unsafe, like you may hurt yourself because of this please call one of these hotlines. They are completely confidential. They may ask you for your name but you don't have to give your last name, you don't even have to give your name at all. They will listen, they will help. Also, you can e-mail me anytime if you need more advise or just need to talk to someone who doesn't know you. Ok? Here are the hotlines:
Suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-827-7571
National Youth Crisis Hotline
800-442-4673
Boys Town National Hotline: 800-448-3000
Here's some online help: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
-Please call these if you think you are going to hurt yourself, or if you just need someone to listen. I hope you are doing better =) If you ever need to talk, e-mail me anytime, ok? Take care.
~Julia~
julia,
can you help me?
my boy freind and i are having problems in our relationship. he says if we break up he'll kill himself. normally, i wouldn't be worried but he's seeking treatment for self-mutilation, and evidently its not helping. i know this relationship probably wont last forever, but... i don't know. ido love him very much, and i don't want to see him hurt.please help me.
Hello =)
I understand your concern for your boyfriend, and how it must be stressful on you. This threat of killing himself sounds a bit manipulative, he is using the threat of killing himself to keep you, but even so, manipulative purposes are just a serious as really wanting to die. So take these threats very seriously. You said he is seeking treatment for self-mutilation? So he is seeing a therapist? This is quite ironic, because I too struggle (I keep that in present tense because it is a trial everyday) with self-mutilation. I see a therapist for my chronic depression. Self-mutilation was just a symptom of my chronic depression. What I am getting at is that your boyfriend may be seriously depressed. I am guessing that if your boyfriend is seeing a therapist then his parents are aware of his condition. Perhaps you should talk with them, I know that wouldn't be an easy thing to do, but it is important. I can tell you care about your boyfriend a lot and that you really do love him. Speak to his parents so that they are aware of this and are able to inform his therapist. Or if you do not feel comfortable with that, speak to someone else you or he trusts, an adult that is. I will also give you some hotline phone numbers that may also have some advice for you on this issue. I hope this helps, and take care! E-mail me anytime you have a question, ok?
*Suicide prevention hotline 1-800-827-7571
*Boys Town National Hotline: 800-448-3000
(Just because it says Boys, doesn't mean anything, it is for both genders).
*National Youth Crisis Hotline
1-800-442-4673
~Julia~
