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RASSLIN'

Before I spent the summer in the state of South Carolina, I was completely indifferent to the world of professional wrestling (speaks volumes about the state that hosts Biblymics, doesn't it?). But, thanks to Derrick and Little Dave I have a better understanding of the world of sports-entertainment. I wouldn’t have watched it on pay-per-view (and especially not on my birthday) if I wasn’t about to fly across the country in a matter of days for an indefinite period of time. So, I wanted to bond with my new gamecock pals and it just so happened that the only way this was going to be done was in Lexington, South Carolina while watching 4 hours of tough-talking ape-men. My favorite match was the cage match--wrestlers were placed inside of the ring which is surrounded by a cage and vicious man-eating dogs.

So my first wrestling experience was an overall positive one, I think, if only because it introduced me to The Rock, the most electrifying man in sports entertainment. The eyebrow does it for me. I’m such white trash. But after reading The Rock Says (check out the bestsellers list) I now understand that the Rock Bottom and the People’s Elbow is much more than a beast body-slamming grown men in his underoos. He’s fulfilling a wrestling legacy and does it ever-so magnanimously for the people. He’s not just a bitter ex-college football player--he can really write. There’s chapter upon chapter in which he [Dwayne Johson] actually becomes The Rock. And I quote:

“...Stone Cold Steve Austin, fool that he is, decides that he has a set of nuts big enough to accept the challenge of The Rock, and that is the start of what The Rock would call ‘magic.’ Why? Because The Rock detests Stone Cold Steve Austin. The Rock realizes that Stone Cold Steve Austin is without a doubt the biggest piece of Texas trailer-park trash walking God’s Green Earth. Why does The Rock feel this way? Because the guy personifies what trash would be to The Rock. He’s the exact opposite of The Rock. The Rock is The Great One, The Chosen One, The Most Electrifying Man in Sports-Entertainment--period! And Stone Cold Steve Austin...well, it’s just genetically impossible for The Rock to like Stone Cold Steve Austin, because to The Rock it looks like some woman made love to a big piece of crap, and nine months later out popped Stone Cold Steve Austin” (from chapter 11, “The People’s Champion”).

So, yes, I do smell what The Rock’s cooking.

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