Once upon a time there was a caterpillar named John Locke. John Locke the catterpillar wanted to be a philosopher really bad, but his mommy wanted him to be a fine-art painter. Poor Johnny didn't want to be a painter because painters went to those scary places where people beat on drums and recited really bad poetry that didn't make any sense. He was probably right, so he decided not to be a philospher or a fine-art painter, and became an afghan-knitter.
John Locke was very good at making afghans. He quickly joined the afghan-knitter's guild and moved to Zimbabwe. In Zimbable they have very good afghan makers.
So John Locke went to the first house he saw and knocked on the door. The lady opened it and started screaming because she had seen John Locke's pet squash, Pedro. Pedro was a very intimidating squash. That was why the lady screamed. Squash is like a brick, because both grow on trees and are wonderful building materials. They both taste super-duper when deep fried in cheese.
Did you know that the first man to use a brick to build something was Arghofffengargh? It was! Arghoffengargh was the finest craftsman in his cave, and he used bricks to build the first ball-point pen. He thought he had invented the wheel. He was wrong though, it was just a pen. It didn't work very well because he used marinara sauce for the ink and it got all clogged up in the ball and the point of the pen...
Anyway, Pedro the Squash was a remarkable vegitable. He liked to drink cookies. Peanut butter was his favorite. (A dead horse said, "Stop beating me!" and got up and ran away.)
THE END