Chapter 44Toni woke up the next morning and went to sit up but cringed since she was still really sore from the night before. "Damn it," she said to herself almost in a whisper but Nick was half awake and heard her.
"What's wrong?" he asked sitting up next to her.
"You Nick. You're what's wrong," Toni said with an attitude.
"Why? What did I do?" Nick asked all innocent like.
"What was with you last night? I don't know what the hell got into you but it better get out of you because I don’t like the shit you pulled."
"What are you talking about? I didn't pull anything on you!"
"Okay Nick then answer me this. Why were you so anxious to have sex with me last night that you could barely wait until we got home?"
"Because I missed you. Since when is it a crime to want to make love when I miss my girlfriend?" Nick asked sarcastically.
"Really? Because to me it seemed that you were trying to get Dallas's touch off me by replacing it with your own."
"Toni, you know that's not true."
"Then why did you keep repeatedly saying you didn't want anyone's touch on me but you're own? And you have never been that rough before."
"I'm sorry if I was too rough for you but you could have said something so don’t be blaming me for stupid shit."
"It’s not stupid shit Nick!" Toni yelled at him. "And I did say something to you and all I got was you saying you don’t want his touch on me! You couldn’t even take the time to put a damn condom on!"
"Well it’s not like I have any diseases that I could pass on to you."
"That's not the point! What the hell are we going to do if I become pregnant because of last night? I sure as hell don’t want a baby right now and you wouldn’t even be able to handle one."
"If you're pregnant then we’ll deal with it when it comes. You don’t have to start getting all worked up about me not using a condom."
"It’s not because of the condom! What don’t you understand about that? I want to know why you were so rough last night and you kept saying you didn't want his touch on me. I'm not worried about it so why the hell are you!?!"
"Because I love you that's why!" Nick finally yelled back then put his boxers on, grabbed his shirt and walked out of the bedroom slamming the door shut behind him. Toni sat there trying to think how that related to anything but was completely clueless. She got out of bed and put on one of Nick’s larger t-shirts and walked out of the bedroom to find him sitting down on the couch with his face in his hands as a few tears fell from his eyes. Toni sat down next to him and took his hands off his face and turned his head so he was looking at her. "You have no idea how sorry I am for last night," Nick said looking her right in the eyes.
"I would know if you would give me a better explanation than you love me."
"Ever since Howie called me that morning and told me what happened with you and Dallas, a million and one thoughts ran through my mind. I even had a hard time sleeping at night since you weren’t there next to me so I would know you were safe. I kept thinking about what would have happened if Howie hadn’t have walked in when he had."
"It doesn’t matter because he did walk in."
"But what if he hadn’t Toni? Dallas could have taken complete advantage of you and you wouldn’t even have known it. Then I started thinking about how you could go out clubbing again and some other guy would see you and liking what he saw, he would get you drunk and try and do the same thing Dallas did except there won’t be anybody to walk in on him. I couldn’t stand the thought of someone physically and emotionally hurting you at the same time without you having a say. Last night I thought that the more I loved you the more it would make that night go away," Nick explained. "I didn't mean to hurt you and I'm sorry."
"Come here Nicky," Toni said wrapping her arms around his neck as he wrapped his around her waist.
"And if I got you pregnant we’ll deal with it even though neither one of us are ready. Okay?"
"Don’t worry about it unless it happens. I just got off my period about two days ago so I shouldn’t get pregnant. How about we make each other a promise to keep as long as we’re together?"
"What kind of promise?"
"A promise that unless the two of us are together we won’t drink any alcohol so we can’t get drunk and something bad happen to either one of us. So is it a promise?"
"A definite one."
"Same here and you know I love you too," Toni said as she kissed Nick.
Love’s Angels and Howie were on the tour bus on their way back home to Orlando after the girls’ last concert for their tour a few months later. Mandy was fast asleep in one of the bunks and Kristen was trying her hardest to get to sleep since it was so late at night but it wasn’t working for her. She got up and went to the back of the bus where Jasmine and Howie were. They were laying on the couch under a blanket in the dark with Howie’s arms wrapped Jasmine as she laid her head down on his chest as they watched a movie. "I hope you two don’t mind me interrupting. I know you don’t get to spend much time alone because of the tour," she said.
"Don’t worry about it," Jasmine said sitting up. "I thought you went to bed awhile ago?"
"Yeah well something’s been on my chest ever since we started this tour and now that we’re going back home it’s really starting to bother me."
"I'm going to go to bed so you two can talk," Howie said getting up.
"No Howie it won’t take that long," Kristen said feeling guilty about ruining his and Jasmine’s ‘alone’ time.
"We’ll be home in about two hours anyways so I want to get a little rest before having to unload the bus so don’t worry about it. Let me know when you go to sleep," Howie then said to Jasmine as he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left the room.
"So what’s wrong?" Jasmine asked turning on a lamp and motioning for Kristen to sit down. Kristen instead laid down on the couch with her head on Jasmine’s lap.
"Before we left for the tour AJ told me he wanted to try again at having a baby."
"What did you tell him?"
"I said I didn't know and he told me to think about it while I was on tour."
"And obviously you have or else it wouldn’t have been on your chest all this time. What have you decided?" Jasmine asked curiously.
"I don’t know. I mean I want to but I'm so scared. Jasmine if I had a third miscarriage I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I’d go completely crazy."
"You're always going to be scared no matter what until you go through with trying again. And if you don’t try you’ll never know if you would be able to have a baby. Besides isn’t the third time a charm?"
"Well say that I do. What’s going to happen to the group? We’ve made it really big across the states to where we get recognized everywhere within in an instant. If I were pregnant it could ruin the group since I wouldn’t be able to do as much."
"It won’t ruin the group. Mandy and I will be there to back you up on everything. And besides your happiness comes before the group. We have no idea how long this group will last but making a family with AJ will last for an eternity."
"So you think I should agree with AJ on this?" Kristen asked.
"It doesn’t matter what I think and I won’t tell you. It’s what you and AJ want together."
"Thanks Jas," Kristen said giving her a hug.
"No prob. That's what I'm here for." A few hours later they arrived in Orlando. The bus driver woke Howie up and then he woke the three girls up. Howie drove all three girls home and when Kristen got home she walked into a dark house. She turned the lamp on in the living room so she could see where she was going and saw the Christmas tape Kevin had recorded laying on the in-table. She looked at it for a second then dug in her bags for a pair of pajamas, quickly put them on, then got comfortable with a blanket on the couch and put the video in and watched it in the dark. When the video got to the part when Kristen told AJ she was pregnant and he started swinging her around a smile formed on her face. She kept rewinding the part over and over again and even turned the volume up so she could hear AJ’s cheers better. The noise woke AJ up so he walked into the living room to see Kristen sitting on the couch rewinding the part of the video over and over.
"Welcome home baby," AJ whispered in her ear leaning over the back of the couch causing Kristen to jump.
"AJ, don’t scare me like that," Kristen said turning around to look at him.
"When did you get home?" he asked her walking around the couch and sitting down next to her pulling the blanket over him too.
"About an hour ago. Why didn't you put some boxers on before walking out here?" Kristen asked since he was still completely naked.
"You're the only one who is going to be walking in here between two and three in the morning so I didn't see a purpose. What are you watching?" he asked even though he knew.
"The Christmas video," Kristen said leaning up against AJ as he wrapped his arms around her.
"Last time you watched this you got all upset. What's changed?"
"Look at us AJ. That was the last time we were both that happy together."
"So what are you saying?"
"I've been thinking about the conversation we had before I left."
"And?" AJ asked.
"What if it happens again? What if I lose another baby?"
"What if you don't?" AJ asked simply and Kristen just smiled at him then kissed him.
"God I missed you so much," she said.
"I know the feeling," he said as he laid her back on the couch and made sweet love with her.
