Story: Postmodern Sandwich Boy
Tim was sitting at his desk, working on his webpage. He definitely was not eating a sandwich. Especially a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. However, he was thinking to himself, "Boy, I wish I had a sandwich, and I wish my friend would make me one."
Just then, his friend Pierre entered the room. "Bonjour good buddy! What are you up to?"
"Just sitting here working on my webpage, eating a delicious peanutbutter and jelly sandwich!" It seemed strange to Tim that he had decided to lie about the sandwich, but really, it wasn't important any way, it was just a little lie about a sandwich.
"OK then Mon Frere! I'll talk to you later!" With that, Pierre left the room. As he left, he wondered to himself, "I wonder if Tim really had a sandwich? I don't see why he would lie to me. Unless of course he knew that I was going to punch him in the face if he didn't have that sandwich. I wouldn't want to punch a man in the middle of a meal. That's just against French social etiquette." Pierre was a native Frenchmen, living with Tim as part of an exchange program with the local school. Well, I guess I'll just have to go back and punch him later. (Indeed he did go back to punch Tim, but that's a different story for a different time. It's important now that we get back to our hero, Tim, in his room.)
"I wonder why I lied to Pierre about that sandwich," Tim said to himself. "Probably because I really want a sandwich, and I figured it wouldn't hurt anything to lie about it. It's just a little lie about a little sandwich."
Then something hit him. In class, his teacher, Mrs. Jarface, had told him that truth, for the most part, is found in our perceptions. If we think something to be true, then to us, it is. This deeply troubled Tim, because he realized that by lying to Pierre, Pierre's reality may have been changed. You see, if Pierre believed that Tim had a sandwich, then maybe he would later go to the refridgerator to find that there was no more peanut butter and jelly left because Tim had used the last of it on his sandwich (which existed in Pierre's mind, but not Tim's.)
Fortunately, this idea quickly left Tim's mind as he came up with a new idea. "Maybe," Tim idead, "if I really believe I have a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich, my stomach will fill up, and I will taste the sweet delicious flavor of peanutbutter and homemade blackberry jelly!" He was so convinced that if he believed this enough, he would taste a deelicious sandwich, that he determined he had to believe even more than he already did that he was eating a sandwich. So he got up, went to the refridgerator, got out the last of the bread, peanutbutter, and jelly and made himself a sandwich. (This helped Tim to believe that he actually was eating a sandwich. Especially when he put it in his mouth and swallowed small bits of it.)
Sure enough, Tim tasted a sweet, peanutbuttery, jellyish taste in his mouth. His worldview was forever altered.
Little did Tim know that this strange turn of events would forever alter his life, especially his relationship with Pierre.
Five minutes later, Pierre returned to the refridgerator, in hopes of making himself a peanutbutter sandwich. Unfortunately, Tim's lie about eating a sandwich had so drastically altered the reality continuum, that there actually was no more bread, peanutbutter, or jelly! Pierre was infuriated.
Meanwhile, Tim, having finished his sandwich, returned to working on his webpage. (Since I haven't mentioned it, it was a webpage fighting communism, especially in America. This was a cause of the utmost importance to Tim, because since his recent conversion to a belief in subjective reality, he felt that he had to convince America that it was not a communist state, lest it should become one.)
Pierre stormed into the room and shouted, "Viva la France!! You finished off the peanut butter!!"
Tim was struck to the core. Had his lie actually altered reality?! He rushed to the refridgerator to find that in fact, there was no peanutbutter or delicious blackberry jelly left. There was nothing he could do but cry. He had horribly altered reality through his lie, and there was nothing he could do now.
Suddenly another idea struck Tim! "Maybe, if I believe hard enough in the bread, peanutbutter, and jelly, it'll come back!"
We may never know what may have come of this though, because as luck would have it, just at that moment, Pierre punched Tim in the face, causing him to forget all about the peanutbutter and jelly.
There are many times in life when the whole future of mankind hangs on the actions of one person. Who would think that this would be such a situation? Well, in fact, it wasn't, but you know what? Pierre was still mad about the peanutbutter sandwich, even if it wasn't going to alter the future of mankind. That's why he punched Tim again. THE END (or is it?)
