Hillbilly Puter Chat

     LOGGON:......................................................Makin' a wood stove hotter.
     LOG OFF:............................................................Don't add no more wood.
     MONITOR:..........................................Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
     DOWNLOAD:..........................................Gettin' the farwood off the truk.
     MEGA HERTZ:...........................Win yer not keerful gettin' the farwood.
     FLOPPY DISC:..........Whatcha git frum tryin' ti keery too much farwood.
     RAM:.............................................That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
     HARD DRIVE:.........................................Gettin' home in the winter time.
     PROMPT:........................................Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
     WINDOWS:.......................................Whut to shut when it be cold outside.
     SCREEN:.....................................Whut to shut when it be blak fly season.
     BYTE:..............................................................................Whut dem flys do.
     CHIP:..................................................................Munchies fer watchin TV.
     MICRO CHIP:..................................................Whut's in the munchie bag.
     MODEM:......................................................Whatcha did to the hay fields.
     DOT MATRIX:........................................................Ol' Dan Matrix's wife.
     LAP TOP:..................................................................Whar the kitty sleeps.
     KEYBOARD:.........................................................Whar ya hang the keys.
     SOFTWARE:...................................................Dem plastic farks an' knifs.
     MOUSE:...................................................Whut eats the grain in the barn.
     MAIN FRAME:..............................................Whut holds up the barn ruf.
     RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY:..........When ya cain't 'member whut ya                                                                 paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
     MOUSE PAD:.................................That there hippie talk fer the rat hole.

~WHAT'S ON A HILLBILLY'S PUTER ~

       Their No. 1 product would be "Microsoft Winders"

       Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.

       Occasionally, you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty           bag and some duct tape.

       Instead of "Yes", "No", or "Cancel", dialog boxes would give you the           choice of "Aww-right", "Naw", or "Git".

       Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos".

       The "Recycle Bin" in Winders95 would be an outhouse.

       Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player, you'd hear "Freebird!"

       Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders95 theme song would be "Boot           Scootin' Boogie".

       Powerpoint would be named "ParPawnt".

       Instead of "VP", Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz".

       Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.

       Daisy Duke screen saver.

       Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator.

       Microsoft CEO "Billy- Bob" (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates.

       "ParPawnt" would have a "Pond Scum" and a "Junk Yard"           presentation template.

       One wrong turn while surfing the web would send you face to face with a           12 gauge shotgun.

       "This computer protected by Smith and Wesson" screen saver.

       Directions to Corporate Headquarters: "Down the road a block or so".

       Microsoft Word includes a phonetic spell checker "Hookt on fonics           werkt 4 me"

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