I never met my closest friend's attacker, but at times I have felt myself seething with rage toward him. He hurt someone beautiful, and made her feel unlovable, a crime I at times found unforgivable.
I have spoken with several different survivors who say that one of the worst responses people have when they tell them what happened is an expression of anger toward the person(s) who did it. By your threatening to harm their attacker, survivors may feel that they are the cause of more violence and fear that they were wrong to tell you. In general, people do not wish to inspire hatred in others. I am not saying you shouldn't feel angry. I believe it is a healthy, normal response to be mad at someone for hurting those you love, especially in such a traumatizing way. However, I don't believe it's right to want to hurt someone. I have spoken with survivors, and together we have expressed rage at their attackers. I allowing them to speak, and agreeing with them instead of denouncing the attacker for them. Prosurvivors need to remember that it's the man or woman who did this to your loved one did it to them, not you, and the victim's struggle is between them and their attacker. The attacker took power from the victim, the victim is taking it back on a journey toward becoming a survivor, and you can't do that for them.
For a long time I imagined going back in time and stopping an attack before it could happen. I imagined beating up someone's attacker, exposing what he was doing, stopping him. I still wish to do so, at times. Recently, my dream was to step between a child and molestor, and do what I couldn't do for my friends: stop the attack before it happened.
I do not entertain these fantasies as I once did, but I still wish to step in and stop violation before it happens. I don't want anyone to go through the silent terrors that violation causes. I don't want anyone else to be hurt in such a devastating way. Part of why I created this website is to help educate people and add one more thing to the world that speaks out against sexual violation and says "look what we're doing to our children."
I recommend finding healthy ways to express the feelings the attacker causes. My website is mine, yours may be something else. It can be personal, spiritual, creative in some way. Just remember that the attacker is the survivor's problem, not yours. You may feel hurt by what he or she did, but that doesn't give you the right to take the survivor's battle and make it your own. If you love your friend, let them handle it themselves, this is their battle, but it's everyone's war.