Once upon a time there was a crazy little blue jay that was known in the Furry Forest as J-Bird. He was a pretty cool cat, and knew where It was At. He liked to keep his feathers neat and smooth, sing, beebop and sock-hop, and to impress his many friends. He would do whatever they said, and would never do anything that they would laugh at or disapprove of. Singing was just about the only thing that he liked to do that was acceptable to them.
One day J-Bird started to feel sort of sad. He liked all his friends and all the fun they had together, but he just felt like something was missing, that he wasn’t quite the bird that he wanted to be. He went to consult with Yogi Don Alberto-Panini, the wise old owl of the Furry Forest. The wise owl was meditating under the influence of mangel-wurzel berries, but was shaken into consciousness when he heard J-Bird’s voice delivering a hearty rendition of “Little ol' Lady from Pasadena”.
“Yogi-man, wassup?” asked J-Bird, in his most respectful tone.
“I am now!” laughed the wise old owl. “What has led you here ?”
“ I’m not sure. I ...well...I’ve decided that I think that I’m not as happy as I should be.” stated the proud blue jay.
“He who lives only by the rules and standards of others is never truly happy.”
“Who says I do that?”
“It is you. There is no ‘should be’. Only what is can be ascertained.”
“Well then I only know two things that can be ascertained: you are crazy, and I am leaving!” With that, J-Bird flew out of the wise old owl’s abode in a great flash of blue feathers, corrupting the animals of the Furry Forest with a song telling them to get their motors running, head out on the highway, look for adventure, and to fire all of their guns at once. The last straw for Mama Rat was J-Bird’s final suggestion to ‘explode into space’. She shook her head.
“That boy would be perfect if he wasn’t so loud and crazy! And why can’t he sing nice songs about love or candy or surfing? Why always adventure? Hmmph!”
J-Bird thought and thought. The words of the wise old owl kept coming back to him. He didn’t really think the Yogi was crazy, he had just said that because no one had ever told him anything so true and so close to his own feelings before. He knew that he was not happy because he always did what others wanted him to, or what he thought they wanted him to do. He decided to stop caring what all the others thought, and to do what he wanted. J-Bird was gonna rock this popsicle stand. In other words he sang and danced and put on shows of all sorts. He donned some crazy duds and stopped his daily feather-grooming sessions, so his feathers stick out like crazy all over the place. All this was too much for his friends, and the entire population of the Furry Forest was in shock. The media said “SCANDAL”, the mothers said “CORRUPTION” and the old people said “IT’S AN OUTRAGE!” The wise old owl just laughed to himself. And J-Bird said “Oh man.”
They would not leave him alone. They would throw things at him, call him names, and wouldn’t let him join in their blue jay games (usually baseball.)J-Bird decided that it as time to blow that popsicle stand, so to speak, and hit the high road. In other words he decided to leave the forest and find somewhere where a crazy bird like him would be accepted.
The next morning, he left without telling anyone. As he flew, he felt happy. He had a funny cold but warm burning fluttering feeling in his breast. Like fire butterflies were dancing inside his belly.
“Well I’m not in love, I’m not hungry, and I haven’t taken any of the Yogi’s mangel-wurzel berries. I must be free. Or carrying that nasty feather eating virus.”
J-Bird flew on, higher and happier than he had ever flown, been or dreamed.
He visited strange lands, met strange people, and did even stranger things. He started new trends in 27 countries, explaining that he was an avant-garde post-first-impressionist working for the fashion police and travelling around the world to protest the oppression of acorns everywhere. He went on to Broadway and then Hollywood, and starred in 15 musicals, 28 TV movies, 36 toothpaste commercials, 4 Psychic Friends informercials, and recorded a number one smash hit called “Free As A Bird”, which would later be credited to John Lennon and stolen by the three remaining of the Fab Four. After a while J-Bird realized that he was truly happy. He did not do only what others wanted, and did not care to. He did what he wanted, and if people liked him for it, or liked what he did, he was glad, but did not care if they did not. Like the time he thought it would be funny to.......well we won’t get into that now, but most people liked J-Bird, and if they didn’t they were either too reserved, too mean, or insecure.
After a while he thought it would be a good idea to venture back to the Furry Forest, to see his old friends. When he got there, almost everyone came out to see him-- and what a sight he was! Messed feathers, a purple paisley smoking jacket over a golden velour toga, a pink mohawk, and blue suede boots from Guadalajara. To his surprise, they were all cheering. All his friends were asking him questions and being so nice to him, he couldn’t believe it. It was too good to be true. After a while he realized that they were only being nice to him because they wanted to be friends with a star, not him. They wanted to know all about Hollywood, they wanted J-Bird to invite them to his fancy parties and social events. He found it all very amusing.
“Well homies, why didn’t you want to be my friends before?” he asked, in a tone making a blatant mockery of innocence.
“Well you were....you were weird!” said Bertha the Badger. Yogi Don Alberto-Panini stood in J-Bird’s defence, coining a phrase later used by author Tom Robbins.
“There is no such thing as a weird person. It’s just that some people require more understanding than others.”
“Exackitically! Anyway, I’m still weird!”announced J-Bird, feathers all akimbo.
“But you're famous!” blurted out Hammy the Hamster.
“Aha! So you never accepted me, and still don’t- but only want to know me because I’m famous. I’m sorry, but that is not cool with me, you see; so now I will go and be the real me, and very very free!” rhymed J-Bird, inventing the nifty little ditty as he spoke.
He dropped a small packet of strange seeds and berries for the wise old owl, and then flew off into the sky, never to be seen again by the animals of the Furry Forest; in person that is. They would still gather at Mole’s and watch his commercials and informercials and TV movies over and over again, telling everyone how they had been such friends with him. J-Bird went on to become even more eccentric, and even more famous- but not as much as he was happy and free.
Ta-Da! (The End)