Title: Ben & Sera''s honeymoon Silly Story!
Posted By: Jeni_alTerra
Posted On: 9/6/99 3:37:02 PM
Well, here it is. The first Silly Story I have written and I think the only one ever set at the Inn. I thought: "So much stuff happens at the Inn, it's like one continuous silly story anyway, so why not write it up?" Those of you addicts who, like me, spend a whole lot more time than is healthy at the Inn will recognize a lot of this stuff… if not, you might get confused. I hope you enjoy:
THE INN SILLY STORY
The happy couple strode into the waiting carriage and set off, with Ishmael leading the rest of group to the reception hall. In retrospect, Ben decided it was probably not all that wise to put the odd Forsaken in charge of the alcoholic beverages, but really, what harm could he do?
*This is where the scary music begins… hehehe*
It was a joyous occasion. Everyone at DM as well as the others who had attended wished the newlywed couple well. Eventually a line formed, and an entrepreneuring Whitecloak began selling tickets to congratulate Ben and Sera. It was not long before scalping of tickets began, led in earnest by Barid Bel Medar, formerly Demandred25…
After the party, during which several of the Forsaken were seen dancing with Aes Sedai--something the Amyrlin swore to punish them for until Demandred wooed her into a waltz with the promise of extra pudding-- Callandor was sweeping about with his lovely emerald broom (with which he had danced more dances that he had with actual people) and everyone was slowly trickling out the door. Ben and Sera climbed into a second waiting carriage to head off towards the Inn where they would be staying during their honeymoon… The Spring of the Morning Inn…
*Okay, the scary music should really start HERE*
They arrived to find the inn full of people sitting around, drinking stuff a horrid shade of bright blue, as well as Oosquai, Mint Oosquai, and something that looked like Oosquai with a splash of apple juice. Having visited the Inn a few times before, they knew most of the regular patrons. Jhaenara, in her new Accepted dress, was drifting in and out of a closet, with a giggling Lasir in tow. Jeni was sitting on a very odd couch, the pattern of which seemed to change constantly, as she chatted with a giant purple thing with thirty-four tentacles and seventeen eyes on stalks.
"Ben! Sera!" Jeni jumped up from the couch and ran to hug each of them. Somewhat startled by the enthusiastic greeting, they stumbled back, with Ben landing on the large purple tentacled thing he'd seen a moment before. It was rather squishy, like a balloon filled with Jell-O. It squawked as he landed, muttering something he couldn't understand as he stood up. "That's Oooblaat. He says hi." The purple thing jabbered indignantly. "YES, you DID, Ooob! Be nice!" Oooblaat slithered off sulkily. Jeni smiled. "He's one of my friends… Don't ask, it's a long story. Want an Applesquai?" She held up a glass of Oosquai that had been mixed with apple juice. The Aiel would NOT be pleased to discover what had been done to their Oosquai… Just then, Hiarthborn entered the Inn and Jeni leapt at him, tackling him to the ground with a kiss.
"Hmmm…" Serafelle eyed Ben, grinning. Ben decided she'd had too much wine, if she was considering the dreaded hugglepounce…
"Here are the keys to your room." A pair of keys dangled in the air. Confused, Ben looked around.
"Who said that?" Jhaenara popped her head out of the closet and giggled.
"The Innkeeper… Blackthorne's not here, so it's a Non-playing character." She ducked back into the closet, this time dragging Jaksyn Connor and his sister Jayce in there with her. Ben shook his head; not sure he wanted to know what happened behind the door of that closet…
They had to stop for a moment and decide the perfect gait with which to head up to their room. Sera wanted to scamper, but Ben, being the big, tough Warder that he was, simply did NOT 'Scamper'. Of course, 'trudge' wasn't too good for a wedding night, and simply walking was no fun. Running might get them killed, as the Inn's stairs were infamous for being slippery and full of random objects at any one given time. Finally, Ben picked Serafelle up and whisked her away to the room. It worked.
(Oh, you Sick, SICK people! You thought I was gonna WRITE that sort of thing! Dirty, DIRTY minds! SHAME!!!)
"Baaaaaaaaa…" Ben opened one eye. Of all the odd things Sera had ever said, that had to be the oddest…
"Ben, was that you?"
"Noo… you mean it wasn't you?"
"Baaaaaaaaaa…" Hand on his sword, Ben looked around the darkened room for the intruder. Who would attack them, though? And why on earth…?
"BAAAA!" Ben was suddenly knocked flat as a large goat trampled him, and then calmly began chewing on his cloak, which he had put on a chair.
"Hey!" Sera lit a lamp, and laughed at the sight of the odd creature slobbering on the Warder's cloak. "Hey! I need that!" Ben scrambled after the goat, attempting to grab it and get his cloak back… Warders had a hard time without a cloak… The goat nimbly scampered off, this time discovering a tasty pair of slippers belonging to Serafelle.
"Grab it!" The room was suddenly rather full of people. Aiel, veiled and ready to dance the spears with the goat, were circling menacingly as every channeler who could manage it attempted to get the goat off the wardrobe, where it seemed to have taken residence. The four or five Warders and Wards usually around the Inn were threatening it with swords as a few Forsaken were trying to order it down through use of threats, and Koe the Whitecloak stood there screaming that the goat was a Darkfriend and needed to be Questioned. Jarron pushed through the crowd (It's amazing how many people you can crowd into a suite, try it sometime…) and apologized to Ben and Sera.
"So sorry… Khaavren's animals got loose again…" there was a collar on the goat, reading simply: 'Khaavren's Goat'. By this time, Khaavren's Llama, Khaavren's Duck, and Khaavren's Mongoose had also begun to wreak havoc in the room. Jeni, with Khaavren's Chinchilla nestled on her head, tried to speak over the general chaos.
"Where’s Khaavren? Shouldn't HE be controlling some of these animals?" The crowd buzzed. Khaavren stepped forward, grinning sheepishly and scratching his head. Khaavren's Fleas were seen jumping all over him. People backed away reeeeeal quickly.
"Hehe. Sorry… uh… I guess I just kinda forgot my password…"
"WHAT?" there was silence.
"My password… you know, for the login. I can't control the animals…" He grinned. Jeni and Jhaenara took turns whopping him soundly. "Ow! OW! OWWWW!" he sought cover under the bed, only to discover it was home to Khaavren's Dust-bunnies.
"WHAT IS GOING ON???" Ben was confused. As Jarron explained the finer points of the chat room, login, and multiple handles, the Amyrlin wandered in.
"OCC: hey, everyone was in here. Why did you leave the common room?"
"It's a silly story, you can drop the 'ooc'," someone called from the back. Several lurkers dropped in to laugh, then left once more.
"Silly story? Yay!" she looked around anxiously for her pudding. "No one's stolen my Pudding or Spoon, have they?"
"No, but it's Ben and Sera's honeymoon!" The Amyrlin blushed beet red.
"Well… um…eer… hello…" she smiled. Ben and Sera feebly waved back.
A large chicken flew out of nowhere and laid an egg on the Amyrlin. Soon its origin was discovered as Arik stepped through a gateway, surrounded by a cloud of chickens.
"Arik! --Pfft! --" The Amyrlin spat feathers with a dignity reserved only for her position as she attempted to see through the cloud of animals filling the room. No one else was faring any better, and by this time the goat had consumed two cloaks, one shift (It was Jhaenara's--though what she was doing without it, no one was quite certain) three pairs of slippers, on pair of boots and half of Lanfir Sedai's hair (the hair was rescued). Suddenly, another sound was heard:
"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaa…." It was a second goat!
"Khaav… PLEASE don't tell me you have TWO goats!" a mournful voice from the crowd was heard.
"No! I don't, I swear! It's not my goat! It's… it's… SEMIRHAGE'S GOAT!" A scream was heard and people began pouring out of the Inn in a panic, stumbling over one another and most of Khaavren's animals to get away.
"Uh-oh…" Jeni looked around nervously.
"Jeni! You sold your goat to Semirhage? How COULD you?" Lasir's hands were planted on her hips as she scowled, holding back a grin.
"Well… it was annoying… I don't like goats…" a plaintive "Baa" from the creature at those words "And Semi wanted her… so I figured it wouldn't hurt…" But Lasir was silent, trembling. "There's something really bad behind me, isn't there?" Jeni said, turning slowly. And she came face-to-face with the most feared creature of them all… the GOATDRAAL!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Jeni screamed, trying to back away. Khaavren's goat bleated mournfully as Semirhage's Goat plodded forward in its black hood and cloak not affected by the wind. It looked up. Khaavren's goat froze in mid-chew, the piece of couch it had been eating falling to the floor.
"Baaaaaaa Baaa, Baaaa…."
Loud guitars, followed by the sound of many drums and rather off-key trumpet fanfare, and many instruments that rather resembled an animal or person in great pain were heard as the Band of the Red Hand burst inside the room. With Aldiran on lead guitar and Kiero singing backup, they proceeded to get funky, something done fairly often at the Inn.
"No, no, NO! We're not a band! We're a … well, we ARE a band, but not that kind!" Odilon muttered, scowling. He looked around, as did the rest of the Band that is not a Band, at least, not that Sort. The goat was gone. In fact, BOTH goats were gone… the sound of happy bleating was heard in the distance, and a trail of hoofprints and half-eaten items pointed towards Shayol Ghul. Jarron stood in silence, watching as the Amyrlin stood beside him, happily snacking away on her pudding because this seemed to be the first silly story that she would get through without a pudding theft.
"This is not good." Aldiran muttered.
"They're gone, that's all that matters." Kathana was rather distracted because she could not find her hidden stash of pudding.
"And now we have a new worry. The Goatdraal may be our most fearsome enemy yet." Jarron said softly. "Light help us all."
Late into the night, a scream pierced the air. A scream of agony, of pain and eternal suffering the likes of which would put any of the Forsaken's prisoners to shame. The Amyrlin's pudding had been eaten… and the only clue was a trail of chocolatey hoofprints…
BUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA…*shuts mouth, eyes wide* OOP! Hehe… I mean… um… oh, dear, what have I done?
voice in Jeni al'Terra's head
DM's resident Insane Asylum Escapee
Possessor of the Most Evil Laugh From Someone Not A Darkfriend
Writer of... stuff...