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Dragonmount Life Adventures-Part Deux

Note: All situations were either made up by me or greatly exaggerated by me. No ill wishes meant to the unknowing actors; we lurb you all and keep play your roles! I need it for further episodes! Now that I've warned you, shall we enter?

Scene 1

(The usual scene at The Spring of Morning; Alardin, Ishamael, Lanfir, Morgan, Yveva, Leane and Toman are in the Tavern, drinking their respectable drinks, when a Tall and Ta'veren-ish Visitor enters.)

TTV: (walks to the bar) I'd like some milk. (ignores Lanfir and Morgan's mint tea induced laughter)

The_Innkeeper: Um, sure hun. Drink that up and you'll grow big and…tall as an Aiel.

(à Corß looks up from her seat on the pillows)

à Corß : Blackthorne, you require my services to make this TTC, er, TTV grow taller? (suddenly laughs) Did I ever tell you this joke about the Roof Mistress and the copper snake? One day…

The_Innkeeper: (quickly) I think you did. Thank you, right arrow-Cor-left arrow, but I can handle this TTV myself. (turning to the TTV) So what brings a man such as yourself to an Tavern in the middle of Nowhere?

TTV: /w The_Innkeeper Actually, I suddenly remembered that I've never been here before and it's on my own site.

The_Innkeeper: /w TTV (sighs) That's not good. You have to keep on top of these things, Phoenix. (grins)

TTV: /w The_Innkeeper I know, but I've been busy lately with real life stuff. And with the Breaking.

TTV: Oh, I've been busy chasing an item stolen from Fal Dara. (leans closely) Have you heard about any Shadowspawn in the area? Or a man with a dagger named Sathinar?

(Alardin and Ishamael stare at each other)

(Leane and Toman stare at each other for another reason)

(Morgan and Lanfir speak Dutch to each other* and Lanfir falls off her chair, giggling

*see the abilities given to mass consumers of Mint Tea? Mind you, Lanfir could do that already quite well.)

(Garatt_Jax bursts into the room)

Garatt_Jax: I've finally found you!

TTV: Um, really?

Garatt_Jax: Oh, Shadar isn't in here? Drats.

à Corß : I see you, Garatt Jax.

Morgan and Lanfir: Hej Garatt!* (*Lanfir and Morgan have evolved to the next level of Mint Tea mass consumption: speaking fluent Swedish)

Garatt_Jax: No you don't. I'm wearing a Warder's cloak. I'm invisible.

Alardin: Why?

Garatt_Jax: Haven't you read my stories? They're at (no addies named to protect people's identities).

Alardin: No.

Garatt_Jax: (dramatic sigh) You people…No courtesy at all. I wear a Warder's cloak because I was nearly eaten by Trollorcs and a Warder saved me! Why won't you people understand?

Alardin: (shrugs) Sorry. (orders a beer; The_Innkeeper asks for some id)

The_Innkeeper: Chill, my good man. Have a sandwich.

Garatt_Jax: No. I'm not hungry.

The_Innkeeper: (glares at Jax) Eat.

(Ishamael takes the time to poison the rats in the garbage behind the Tavern for No Particular Reason)

(Lanfir and Morgan giggle and draw pictures with the mint tea leaves)

(The_Innkeeper finally convinces Garatt_Jax to take a bagged lunch on his way out into the Real World)

(Arik_Korpin enters the Tavern)

Arik_Korpin: Hi everyone!

Lanfir and Morgan: Hej Arik!

Arik_Korpin: Du tala Svenskt? Vad har du varit dricka?* (*translation: You speak Swedish? What have you been drinking?) Hey, wait a moment. I'm from Norway. I'm not supposed to understand this. (eyes the Mint Tea carefully) Ciara didn't tell me this was what we had at breakfast.

(Lanfir and Morgan grins up at him)

(Arik sighs and sit down by Alardin, away from the ladies)

(Leane and Toman are still rapt with each other)

Ishamael: (stands up) I proclaim this here Tavern to be my own!

(Everyone ignores him)

Ishamael: What? No challengers? Drat. (sits back down)

(Jon'atha totters down the stairs to the Common Room)

Jon'atha: The Light bless you all!

(Everyone ignores him, except Lanfir and Morgan)

Lanfir and Morgan: Og du for, Fader Jon'atha*. (translation: And you too, Father Jon'atha. Yes, this is Danish. Lanfir and Morgan are slowly working back up to Dutch and English. Withdrawal from Mint Tea is a slow process)

(à Corß looks at the Aes Sedai's strange reference to 24's, then shrugs and resumes her mental practice of Aiel jokes for the next gleeman that comes by the Tavern)

(Alardin looks up because his mug is empty and he wants to know where the Fade is or why Jon'atha is a Fade)

(The TTV decides to leave)

TTV: Sorry everyone. It's my birthday today. (Hehehehe) I have some important business to do…I'm going to Taco Bell.

Everyone, including Leane and Toman: What?

The_Innkeeper: /w TTV Is it really, Phoenix? Why didn't you tell me?! I would have sent a card!

TTV: /w The_Innkeeper Yup. (Hehehehe) I didn't want my email account to get stuffed.

The_Innkeeper: /w TTV I could have sent one via snail mail, you know. I still have your address.

TTV: /w The_Innkeeper No, that's okay. (Hehehe)(mental note to self: Move soon. Explain to girlfriend that a psycho from DM has my address and wants to kill me)

The_Innkeeper: /w TTV If you say so. What's so special about Taco Bell, anyway? (mental note to self: Tell everyone to send Phoenix b-day cards. When it's my b-day, tell everyone to send me cards. Email ones though; some psycho in California already has my real life addy)

TTV: (forgets to whisper) Nothing at all. Forget that I mentioned it.

(Ishamael gets a keg of Vodka for himself)

(Leane and Toman disappear into Real Life)

Jon'atha: Did I mention I had the strangest dream?

The_Innkeeper: No, you didn't. Do tell.

Jon'atha: I kept dreaming that Square made a Wheel of Time rpg. Phoenix had spiky hair and carried this big sword, Maarin wore this pink outfit and her hair had this white ribbon in it with a pale green rock, Dem had white hair and Darksmoon was smoking cigarettes and swearing like there was no tomorrow!

The_Innkeeper: Wasn't I in it? (pouts and sulks)

Jon'atha: Yes, you were in fact. You ran a bar called the Seventh Heaven and wore… (blushes)

The_Innkeeper: Nice clothes?

Jon'atha: Hmmm? Oh, yes. There were quite…nice. (has a quick sip of his drink)

The_Innkeeper: Anything else? I mean, no crystals or airships or chocobos or moogles?

Jon'atha: (eyes glazing over) Yes…Crystals to seal the Dark One, Zeromus…Phoenix and Maarin and Darks and you traveled to the Last Battle in an airship called The Big Highwind Blackjack Falcon-Whale…Chocobos were these Aiel Waste and Blight birdies and the moogles…(drools)…I never knew…in steddings…

The_Innkeeper: Last call before the Tavern closes for the night!

Morgan: (lifts a finger delicately) I would like a pot of Mint Tea please.

Lanfir: Me too! All the bags I stole from my fav café are gone!

(Note: Morgan and Lanfir have recovered enough from their daily massive Mint Tea intake to speak English until their next hit, er, cup, pot, whatever)

Ishamael: I wonder where they went off to, hmm? Remember, resistance to the Shadow has its price. (poses in grand Ishy style)

Lanfir and Morgan: You! You're the one who sank the Sea Folk ships that supply the Green Ajah so we have to drink the Shayol Ghul blend!

Serafelle: (sips daintly from her cup of jolly ol'Earl Grey in the corner) Of course. It only makes sense from the evidence.

Lanfir: (glares at Serafelle) You've been drinking too much of that Grey tea the White(s) like so much! Go read a book and regain your Brown fogginess!

(Note: See what Mint Tea Withdrawal™ does to the usually polite and friendly Lanfir! Know the dangers! Learn the signs! Talk to your Accepted about it! If you or a channeling friend is developing these signs, go talk to your Mother or an adult mentor or any adult that you trust! Brought to you by the Aes sedai and Gaidin and Extras Learning to Exist and Survive Successfully Not Eating Such Substances (AGELESSNESS))

Serafelle: Well! I'll never…If that's what you think, I'll…I'll study Dark Prophecies and tell you about the future of your warders. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you lost one of your three 'Darks'. (Aes Sedai sneer) And you know what? I might even decide to become the Aes Sedai Saruman! I'll become Evil Sera! Mwa hahaha!

(Serafelle runs out of the Tavern cackling in Sathinar style)

Ranges: (taking a sip) That's one strange sister, sister. Sitter. (looks at his drink intently; apparently the Mint Tea is still affecting him through the bond with Morgan, or maybe it's a Dutch reaction to Mint Tea thing)

Ranges: (stands up) Hark! I hear wolves!

(Everyone looks at Ranges strangely)

Ranges: Er…Sorry. False alarm. (sits down; stands up) No, there they are again! Nope, they're gone…(sits down, then stands) Aha! It's not wolves! It's Darksmoon!

(Darksmoon runs in and shuts the door behind him, looking frantic)

Darksmoon: Somebody hide me! She's after me!

The_Innkeeper: (brings him a brandy) Calm down. Who's after you?

Darksmoon: (gulps down the brandy and coughs) Her…Chissa! She's brought the entire Tower with her to capture me! She says that I ran away from the bond!

Morgan: (sniffs) Did you?

Darksmoon: No…Not really. I left an email. (ignores the gasps and looks of 'You Idiot!' from everyone else) What? I explained everything.

Lanfir: So I bonded a bonded man?

Darksmoon: (shuffles his feet) Yeah…technically. But my heart will always be with you.

Everyone: Aw…

(Chissa bursts into the room)

Chissa: Where's my Darks? Ah, there you are!

Lanfir: Stand back! He's my Darks now! I need him for my collection, er, for my protection! (stands between Darksmoon and Chissa)

Chissa: Lanfir, you dare to disobey the Keeper of the Chocolate Pudding?

Lanfir: (sneers) I never liked your pudding anyway! It had too many lumpy bits!

Jon'atha: (recovers from his emotional dream) Sisters, peace. Let's not fight over one measly man.

Chissa: You're right. We'll fight over all our Warders. Winner takes all the bonds.

Lanfir: Deal!

(They shakes hands)

Darksmoon: Um…How are you going to fight over me?

Lanfir: Isn't it obvious?! Paper, rock, scissors!

Chissa: (nods) The best of three. Innkeeper, please ref.

(Everyone crowds around the ladies and watches, Jarron_al_Tanin walks in unnoticed, with a bruise on his face)

The_Innkeeper: /w Jarron_al_Tanin What happened to you, Phoenix?

Jarron_al_Tanin: /w The_Innkeeper That little dog at Taco Bell packs a mean punch. Please, that's all I'm willing to tell.

The_Innkeeper: /w Jarron_al_Tanin (lol) You wimp!

Jarron_al_Tanin: (groans)

The_Innkeeper: Ready? One, two, three!

(Chissa and Lanfir both have rock)

The_Innkeeper: One, two, three!

(Both have paper)

The_Innkeeper: One, two, three!

(Both have scissors)

Chissa: Urgh! This is impossible!

Lanfir: Why don't we just share him?

Chissa: Hmmm…That is the only logical thing to do. Shall we?

Lanfir: Let's.

(Smiling, they take each of Darksmoon's arms and lead him upstairs)

Darksmoon: (whispers, grinning as he passes Alardin) 2cst.

(Alardin stamps his feet in frustration)

The_Innkeeper: (shakes her head) You don't see that every day. Okay, it's closing time!

(Sam_d_ma_Shadar appears for the sole purpose of going upstairs to Blackthorne's room)

The_Innkeeper: Bye! (leaves)

Morgan: /w Ranges You think she'll ever write about this?

Ranges: /w Morgan Probably. Hopefully, I'll be wandering somewhere in Europe and I'll never know.

Morgan: /w Ranges You're so lucky.

Ranges: /w Morgan (grins) I know. (has a cup of Mint Tea)

Scene 2

(The White Tower that night)

Sathinar: Teehee! With all the Aes Sedai knocked out with Mint Tea or asleep in the Spring of Morning, Kathana's totally unprotected. Now's my chance to start a role-playing thread by kidnapping Kathana!

(Sathinar climbs the Tower walls)

Sathinar: Boy! This is a lot of work! There's got to be an easier way!

(He sees the pudding dummy lift)

Sathinar: Teehee! I'll climb in there and have Kathana do all the work!

(He gets into the lift and rings the bell, signaling a pudding delivery for the Mother. Unbeknownest to Sathinar, Kathana has a bad habit of sleep walking)

Kathana: Mommy…I want some more pudding…Bad girl, Kathana…But I like chocolate…(snarf)(snap)(starts pulling up the lift in her sleep)

Sathinar: Teehee! It's working!

(The lift rumbles slowly up to the Mother's room)

Kathana: Mmmm…Thank you…I like caramel too…(she opens the lift doors and takes one of Sathinar's fingers and bites it)

Sathinar: Ouch! Wake up, you silly pudding pusher! I'm no Gollum! (nurses his finger protectively)

Kathana: (wakes up) What are you thinking, waking a sleep walking woman?! Are you mad? Oh, I forgot. Sorry. Mmmm…I had a tasty dream…

Sathinar: (waves his finger) I know. (pouts)

Kathana: Anyway, what are you doing here?

Sathinar: Well, I came to kidnap you to start an RP thread.

Kathana: Really? That's so sweet! Why me?

Sathinar: (cough) Well, you are the Amyrlin Seat. Lots of sisters would have to post if I took off with you.

Kathana: Hmmm…That is true. Come in.

(They enter her study)

Kathana: Okay, you can kidnap me. But I have conditions. One is that we have to leave smart and cunning clues everywhere to people to find us. Two, we have to hide in the last place for anyone to suspect, in the Ways…

Sahtinar: Hmmm, I was thinking on a Sea Folk ship myself, but the Ways will do.

Kathana: (ignoring Sathinar) And three, we whine whenever people start to lose interest in getting me back. Because I'm afraid that they might not rescue me, preferring to elect a new Amyrlin instead.

Sathinar: (nods) Yes, that's always a problem. But what should I kidnap you for?

Kathana: (trying to be helpful) A truckload of Magic Moments™? The ter'angreal that makes pudding? I'll split the reward with you.

Sathinar: Naw, that's too easy. (thinks) Teehee! I have it! All the ter'angreal, sa'angreal and angreal in the Tower!

Kathana: (pouts) You sure you don't want the pudding?

Sathinar: Yes. Besides, the Tower doesn't carry low-fat pudding.

Kathana: (eyes narrow) What do you mean by that?

Sathinar: Um…nothing. Shall we leave a note and leave for the Land of Madmen? No sense going into the Ways when no one's going to be rescuing you yet. We can get a tan and play under the tropical sun. (smiles) Or watch the Warders practicing in the Yard, so beautiful in her forms…

Kathana: Sure. (mutters something about Warders being too much trouble and scribbles a letter to Chissa quickly) Okay! The letter's done!

Sathinar: 'To Chissa'? That girl's not going to see that letter for at least a week! She's far too occupied in seeing that Lanfir and her share Darks equally.

Kathana: (grins) I know. More time for me to relax in the Real World.

Sathinar: (sighs) You're one f*cked-up and intelligent and pudding-loving woman, Seat.

Kathana: Thanks Chair. Let's go! I need an escape from the Georgian sunshine!

(Kathana and Sathinar leave for Washington, where Sathinar gets his swimsuit and camera, and then they go the Land of Madmen (Australia and New Zealand) for a vacation)

Scene 3

(At Shayol Ghul. Demandred is speaking with his people)

Demandred: (on his cell phone) Lanfear honey, we know you hate this work-with-Aes-Sedai deal, but please, do it for me, baby. I'll negotiate a new deal tomorrow, I promise. Have I ever lied to you? But…Yes, but…Lanfear, as Nae'blis I order you! What? You don't care?! That's coming straight out of your pay, missy! Watch your mouth! I…Okay. Bye! Damned Chosen today, demanding too much of a cut on raiding trips these days. Why, when Blackthorne was here, we had the Aes Sedai looking over their shoulders all the time. (laughs) It was cool! Now look what I've got! Prima donnas and no-shows! (sighs) Being Nae'blis is hard on a man.

(The phone rings) What?! This is great! I'll send them over, right away! (quickly dials a number) Ishamael, Lanfear, get here right now! Kathana's been kidnapped, all the Aes Sedai are either hung over with Mint Tea or stuck at Blackthorne's Inn, Phoenix is nursing a bad encounter with a little dog and tacos and Blackthorne herself is unguarded! We can get the good guys for once! (clicks the phone off) (grins) This is so cool!

(Demandred and his imaginary army of Shadowspawn arrive at the Tower. Lanfear and Ishamael show up late because they want to show Dem that they won't be pushed around)

Demandred: Okay, just open the gates. I know it's just women and Warders in there.

Matalina: (whispers to Ben) How does he know that?

Ben: (grins) I don't know. Why don't you ask him?

(Tari hides her cell phone in her pouch and shrugs when Matalina looks at her bondholder)

Matalina: Here me, Demandred! As a vocal member of the Warders' Org, I hereby declare you as a bad guy and will kick your behind because I'm a good guy. You have one minute to put down your phone and take your invisible army back with you! (to Ben) Was that good?

Ben: (grins) Yeah, but next time, add in something about the Calvary.

Matalina: What Calvary?

Ben: (grins) You know, Dem's alter-ego, Serak's Calvary.

Matalina: Oh, yeah. Gee, this is going to be fun to see Dem's shadowspawn and his Calvary going up against each other. (grins)

Ben: (grins) I know. I guess we'll stand here and watch while Dem's personalities battle it out. Oh, and for dramatic purposes, I'll get myself cut and have a fever. You know, fever meaning love symbolically. Sera can 'heal' me of my fever. Get it?

Matalina: In all due respect, sir, you're crazy.

Ben: (grins) Thank you, Mata. You're the first DM person to say that to me, face to face.

(Everyone FIGHTS. Some people get injured. Ender loses an eye, Blackthorne loses her memory, Narell loses the One Power, Yveva loses some One Power Items)

Demandred: (on his cell phone) What? Lanfear and Ishamael got written in as captured by the White Tower? Darksmoon came back and has gained the ability to negate Power weaves from Mint Tea consumption and a Jedi Mind trick? (looks at his watch) Drat! I have an essay to write and we're losing! Okay everyone! This war never happened! I balefired the war out of existence! Except that Blackthorne lost her memory and I stole this Indigo watch. (he plays with the light)

Blackthorne: Cool. (resumes her recovering sleep to gain Sam's pity and love)

Narell: For Christ's sake! Forget it! I want to remain severed! And Ender will keep his missing eye! (grins fondly) I like him better this way and Francesca stays away from him too.

Ender: (grins from his seat, surrounded by giggling Accepted and Green and Yellow sisters, who are watching him purely to check how his eye is healing. Honest.) Plus, I get to ogle at women all day long without punishment! Oh, can I remain a prisoner? This is fun. I don’t want to go back to the Black Tower. Free beer isn't worth no chicks.

Tari: What?! I betrayed my sisters and Mother for nothing?! Er…You didn't hear that. (tosses the cell phone into a well)

Demandred: Well, that's life. I can't unbalefire time. Bye all. No hard feelings.

(A letter floats down from the heavens)

Ben: (reads it outloud) 'You silly Children! Why won't you rescue me? Oh, the pain! Oh, the suffering! I'm in a place with flowers and a lovely tropical climate. I go swimming every day. Oh, don't you people Walk in the Light? Can't you see what he's putting me through? Lots of love, Kathana, who is still Amyrlin Seat, because Lanfir and Kaleyra's elections are illegal. P.S. Why didn't you just toss Blackthorne to Demandred? That was the sensible thing to do. (sigh) Oh the silly things you people do when I'm away! Send more pudding, Chissa. Sathinar keeps stealing the low-fat vanilla ones.'

Matalina: Now that Dem's gone back to Shayol Ghul, does anyone want to go and save her? (dead silence) Anyone?

(Darksmoon emerges from the Tower, tucking in his shirt)

Darksmoon: Hej! Vad gjorde JAG missa? (realizing everyone's looking at him strangely, he repeats himself) Hey! What did I miss?

Ben: (grins) Well, quite a bit. Read this.

(Darksmoon reads the letter)

Darksmoon: So? She's in the Ways near Shadar Logoth.

Serafelle: Um, how do you figure that.

Darksmoon: Simple. It has flowers and that's the place that Sathinar would take her to. (grins at his solution)

Serafelle: And the swimming part?

Darksmoon: (looks at Serafelle strangely) Swimming in air when Sathinar drops her off the bridges, of course. Anyone want to join Lanfir and me in looking for her in the Ways?

(All silent, except for Ciara)

Ciara: Me! Me! I've never seen the Ways before! And that yucky Black Wind!

Darksmoon: Okay, you can come. Just promise to not sing unless I give you the signal.

Ciara: Okay. What's the signal!

Darksmoon: When I throw this kipper off the bridge.

Laurelann: Did someone say kippers? I like those. Too many bloody bones though.

(Her head pops in through a Gateway from Real Life briefly)

Okralord: Howdy! Laurelann, when will I see you again?

Laurelann: Hopefully sometime before the end of the year. It's so hard, finding net access and time. (looks at her watch) Oh! Got to push off! See you all some time in the future! Farewell my Gaidin.

(Laurelann fades out)

Okralord: (sobs) Don't go! Don't leave me alone!

Darksmoon: (pats Okralord on the shoulder) There, there. I'm sort of an expert on Aes Sedai. She's English and you're a Texan. It was never meant to be.

(Okralord trembles and hurries to the little Warder's room before he cries over the loss of his bondholder (again))

Lanfir: (sighs) Damn. Another good Warder bites the dust. (brightens up) Maybe I can take him under my wing?! (hurries after Okralord)

Darksmoon: Okay, let's go. Um, Lanfir? We're leaving!

Lanfir: (muffled) I'm coming! Just wait one more minute!

Darksmoon: (rolls his eyes) Are you bonding him or not?

Lanfir: (loud whisper) No! Don't say the b-word! You might upset him and spoil seconds of work!

(Lanfir emerges, wiping her hands)

Lanfir: There! He's all set for some caring, loving and responsible sister to pick up!

Yveva: You bonded another one?

Lanfir: No…I tied him up.

(Lanfir, Darksmoon and Ciara finally go and save Kathana. Peace is restored to the Tower. Pudding is ate and much celebrating is done by all. This would be a happy ending except for…)

Scene 4

(A Bonfire outside of the Black Tower)

Kagato: (roasting a hot dog) How come we weren't invited to the big party at Kathana's house?

Taimandred: (making s'mores) Because we didn't help out at the Battle or try to save Kathana.

Kagato: Oh yeah. M'Hael forbid us to. (his hot dog is on fire) Light! NO!!! (hurries to channel the fire out) Whoo! That was close. Sparky, here's a hot dog.

(Sparky the Taco Bell dog barks and eats the blackened hot dog. However, since he dared to attack the Lord Dragon, he will tomorrow be sent by the Black Tower to forage at the back of a Chinese restaurant in the Real World. Such things happen as the Wheel Turns)

Dark Blight: (has a drink from his mysterious clear liquid bottle) Hmp! I wasn't even there to miss it! It's not fair! (pouts outrageously)

Shadowkiller: (holding his beer can) Yeah, same here.

Hawkwing: (with two bottle at his feet) Ditto.

Dramon: Why are we complaining? We have lots of good stuff here! There's free beer, lots of friends to hang out with, we can watch sports all day long…We don't need to go to the Aes Sedai parties!

(All the others stare at him)

Dramon: What?

(Connor joins the bonfire group; all say hi, except the ones bonded to Green sisters; they say, 'Hej!')

Slaughterville: (from the shadows) I see you, Connor Bored-Message-Board-Creator

Taimandred: Hey! What did you just call Connor?

Slaughterville: (blinks) Connor Bored-Message-Board-Creator.

Taimandred: Is this true, Connor? You make message boards?

Connor: Well…I wouldn't call myself a creator, too pompous that, but yes, I can make them.

Taimandred: (rubbing his hands together) I have an idea.

Hawkwing: What?

Taimandred: Why don't you offer your services to Phoenix? Then you can rig the message boards so that they only work well for all the Black Tower Org members! It's the perfect revenge!

Connor: (scratches his head) I don't know about that…There are a lot of innocent bystanders involved.

Dark Blight: (stands up, wavering a little) Connor, as the most superior Asha'man present, I order you to do this.

Connor: (saluts) Yes, sir!

(Connor leaves to create the message boards. You all know the rest of the story. Connor forgot about the minor not-to-affect-the-BT-members detail and thus put everyone on equal ground.)

(Later that month)

Dark Blight: (click)(click) Why won't this bloody thing work?! ARGH!!! I'm complaining to Phoenix and Connor. Something has to be done.

~The End?~