Site hosted by Build your free website today!

Title: The Most Highly Anticipated Silly Story...
Posted By: Callandor
Posted On: 7/25/99 1:12:04 AM

It's not all done, but I'm releasing it in 5 parts I hope, maybe 4, but well...Anyway..On with the story....


The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass leaving memories that become legend, then fade to myth, and are long forgot when that Age comes again. In one Age, called the Third Age by some, an Age yet to come, an Age long past, a wind rose in a galaxy far, far away. The wind was not a beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Wheel of Time. But it was a beginning.

Born among the stars of this galaxy, where the planetary forces and harsh vacuum of space can kill or make life with ease, where stars boiled and burned the wind blew past them all. To the swampy planet of Dagobah, where it swept up the lone Jedi Master there and his apprentice, to the giant Super Star Destroyer, Executor, where it swept up everyone there, from lowly stormtroopers to imperial officers to the Great Lord of the Sith himself. To the Nebulon-B frigate, the Redemption, where it swept up everyone there too, from Mon Mothma herself, all the Rebel Officers, including Ackbar himself, to the highly trained but still cannon fodder Rebel troopers. All was swept up, but the wind was not satisfied and it roamed out searching and found the fastest hunk of junk. Sweeping its occupants, the wind continued to Coruscant, its tall towers gleaming. The towers, taller than the Tower of Tar Valon, housed the most important man in this galaxy, but the wind did not pause and swept him away too. All was quiet in the far, far away galaxy for now and the wind blew on past the galaxy and slowly blew towards one place in the universe that could give the people from the far, far away galaxy a big headache, or would the people it had swept up give those people at that one place a bigger headache? Only Time would tell and it did not feel pretty communicative right now. So shrugging its Windy shoulders, it continued blowing towards Dragonmount.

The wind blew to Dragonmount, past the White Tower, blew past the Black Tower, the Fields where the Band was camped, the Forest of the Wolves, the Secret Hidden Base of the Freelanders, past Shayol Ghul, slowly randomly dumping its passengers off. Then the wind blew on, for there was no ending to the wind;it would return, but at its own leisure.


Arik Korpin stared at his plate in disgust. Chicken again, he thought. Maybe I should go for a walk. He left his study, this time through the main door, but decided against it. The Dark One take me, but it's more fun to go out via the balcony. Slowly, he let himself out through the balcony, but lost his grip and fell down. Down and down he plunged, but just before he hit the ground, something stopped him and grabbed him and he landed with no more than a bump on the rump.

Rubbing his bump with his right hand, he looked around, trying to see who his rescuer was.

"Next time, I'll try a rope instead of trying to climb out through the crevices," he said wistfully, rubbing his aching butt. Something knocked him down. Arik groaned. He sat up, staring into his attacker, ready to seize saidin to defend himself and lost it as he stared into a green face, lined from the years, tufts of white hair around the scalp, huge eyes and large tufted ears. A baby Ogier, Arik thought. It must be, those ears...

"Do or do not; there is no try," the green thing said. "Me Yoda, you? Jedi Master am I, train you I shall, but your name I know it not."

"Yoda right?" Yoda nodded. "Ermm...I'm Arik Korpin, Soldier of the Black Tower and what exactly do you want to train me for?"

"Luke your name not, Arik it is, but train you I shall. Come, come."

"Yoda? I'm quite capable of channeling saidin, so I don't think I need the training."

"Need no training you think, but do this you can?"

Slowly, a rock rose from the ground, floating and more and more rocks floated up. Arik stared at Yoda, whose eyes were closed and his hand was poised in the classic 'I'm working powerful magic' position. (Which meant the hand was opened and held out like it was grabbing something.) Arik could not feel saidin at all in Yoda. Nor could he feel any goose pimples.

"Umm, you must be female, right? You found someway to make it unable to detect saidar near a man right?" Arik asked and regretted it instantly as Yoda swung his walking stick, hitting Arik on the head. "Ouch! Hey, that hurts!"

Yoda stared at him. "Learn now you will? Yes? Yes, come, go to learn we will. Follow me." Yoda said in his gravelly voice. He turned around, walking into the nearby Black Tower swamp, which was previously where the Cleaner of the Black Tower dumped all the chicken poop, and with the changing of the weather, the dry poop had mixed with it, and somehow, plant life managed to sprout, turning the area into a swamp, complete with smell.

Somehow, Arik got the feeling that swamps were a permanent part of Yoda's life. He did not know why, but he felt insanely curious as to what the little green thingy could teach. He could already be mad, and could be seeing things, nevertheless, he was curious and Arik being Arik, shrugged his shoulders and followed Yoda. At least, wherever I'm going, there ain't chickens.


IG-88 walked past the White Tower message board, past the NPC novices and found to his dismay a message saying that the board was under the second breaking. Undeterred, IG-88 walked on to the next board, namely the Black Tower message board. Again it/he/she found the board down. (For simplicity I'm gonna use the male pronoun.) He stared at all the boards as he realised that all the boards were undergoing a second breaking. He overwrote his internal programming and began swearing in all six million languages. He took a while to finish, but when he was done, he discovered a message board that was operating. It was prone to randomly moving the postings all over the place, but it was functioning and everyone was using it.

He scrolled down past the irate complaints over the board, the angry rebuttals that came, the silly stories, searching for information on any jobs that he could do. Finally, he saw one.

J To All, I need someone to get rid of Sathinar...more Pigeon Keeper and Trainer
18/05/99 4:31 am

  • L No way not a chance n/t Mor’dib 18/05/99 4:36 am

    L Sorry busy watching Phantom Menace n/t Sam d’ma Shadar 18/05/99 5:03 am

    L No way…not even to be Nae’blis n/t Lanfear 18/05/99 6:52 am

    L Look…whoever gets Sathy will get a promotion n/t M’hael 18/05/99 7:05 am

    L Whoever gets Sathy gets a yr supply of pudding n/t The Amrylin Seat 18/05/99 7:23 am

  • The list scrolled on and on, mainly denials; apparently no one wanted to get this Sathinar guy. Well, IG-88 would get him, he was the best and he always got his man. Clicking on the link, he opened up the message.

    Name: Pigeon Keeper and Trainer


    Subject: To All, I need someone to get rid of Sathinar...more


    Urgent!!! Due to the recent hunger depravation that Sathinar experienced, the Pigeon lofts have been running out of pigeons. We are placing a bounty of 20k Tar Valon Gold Marks to the first person who stops Sathinar from rampaging through the reserve supply until our main banks are fully restocked.

    Please! We want Sathinar alive! Apparently he serves a purpose;he culls our pigeons, so that you get the best pigeons we have to offer.

    "Remember, if it ain't a Trained Pigeon, it ain't worth it."

    Pigeon Keeper and Trainer

    Remember We want him ALIVE!

    IG-88 stared at the e-mail. Well, it would be difficult to procure Sathinar alive, but he would get the job done. Plugging into his internal radar, IG-88 began scanning Dragonmount for Sathinar's body heat pattern.

    Then he realised that he did not have it.Oh well, looks like I have to do it the hard way. IG-88 walked out the White Tower, ignoring the stares that Lone Wolf, Ben T-Gaidin and Jona'tha gave. IG-88 had to work out a pattern for Sathinar movements. Feeling really happy, he almost whistled.

    Lone Wolf OCC: Did I just see IG-88?

    Lone Wolf IC: Hey! That isn't Heron Marked ™!

    Ben OCC: (mouth open, yet grinning at the same time; speechless)

    Ben IC: (mouth open, yet grinning at the same time; speechless)

    Jon'atha OCC: IG-88!!! IG-88!!! (Repeats ten or more times)

    Jon'atha IC: *yawns* We have that in Shara. (then walks away bored)


    Callandor, Cleaner of the Black Tower, paused in his sweeping. Using a dustpan, he brushed the dirt using his Heron Mark ™ Cuendillar ™ broomstick. As he held the dustpan in his hand, ready to tip the contents into a garbage chute, he heard someone approaching. Turning around, he saw a lady dressed in white, with hair tied in two buns. His first thought was that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Then he realised that Lanfear was the most beautiful person he had ever met. Utterly confused as to who this person was, he was about to ask her name when suddenly Shadowspawn in white ceramic armor came charging up with sticks that blazed red lightning. He was about to seize saidin to protect them both, when he felt someone kicking him into the chute.

    "Into the garbage chute, flyboy," Leia muttered, jumping in after Callandor.

    Callandor plunged down into the unseen but not unsmelled depths of the garbage chute. Landing in last week's supply of grape punch, he landed with a splash. He just managed to stand up when Leia, breaking her fall, rammed onto him.

    "Hey thanks! Ehh! My silk white dress!!! Arghhh!!! It's ruined!!!" Leia screamed in horror as her white silk dress slowly turned purple, absorbing the punch.

    "Umm... Whoever you are, I wouldn't scream so loud if I were you," Callandor whispered uneasily. "There's rumor of the monster the M'Hael keeps down here to get rid of the garbage."

    "Okay then," Leia whispered back, getting the hint. (Being the heroine, she had a lot of experience in the 'monsters can appear anywhere and when someone tells you about one, listen to him/her/it!' thing) "My name's Leia. You wouldn't be by any chance to be Luke or Obi Wan or Han?"

    "Umm, no. Never heard of them. I'm Callandor, pleased to meet you Leia."

    "Oh drats, so anyway, you're a hero, right? You'll get us out of here in one piece, right?"

    Callandor shifted his feet uneasily, not looking at Leia. Whistling. And generally feeling Out of Place.

    "Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Look at me! (faint melody of Geri Spice's new single; not that I like it, but well, it's a silly story) Okay, on second thought, don't look at me." Leia sighed; she hated being the heroine, it was a risky and low paid job;the things she did for George Lucas. She sighed again. Then she noticed that Callandor's whistling was getting louder. "Stop whistling! The monster!"

    Startled, Callandor stopped whistling, but it was too late. Out of the shadows, a large monstrous figure arose out of the inky blackness. Its comb was red, its body was white with splotches of purple near the bottom. Its yellowed clawed feet somehow retained its original color. And its sharp piercing beak gave Leia shivers. Callandor positioned himself in front of Leia, clutching his Heron Mark™ Unbreakable™ Cuendillar™ broomstick.

    "Fear not, oh fairest of the ladies I know, I shall defend you with my life!" Callandor said heroically. (Basically everyone could be a hero, it just depended on the current testosterone level. Right now, Callandor could have gone to Shayol Ghul and faced the Dark One. Why? Because Leia was pinching his butt. Hey, it's my story. Heh Heh... ;))

    The Rooster of the Black Tower, mutated beyond belief, took a step forward, ready for battle with this erstwhile hero. To make things worse, the walls of the garbage compartment began closing. (Yep, like in the movie..heh heh)


    Hawkwing was guzzling his third can of beer when he felt a tremor in the taint. Somehow the taint on saidin was responding to some nearby evil. Sathinar! was Hawkwing's first thought, but then he realised that Sathinar was merely insane not evil. Wrapping his black silk cloak around his black silk shirt complete with silk collars and slightly stained from spilled beer, Hawkwing stood up, brushing imaginary dirt from his black silk pants. Adjusting both the silver sword and gold Dragon pins, he poised in the Leopard on the Tree sword form, ready to meet the source of the evil.

    Wrapped in the Void, ready to channel, Hawkwing heard it. He heard it before he heard the footsteps. A heavy wheezing breath being drawn into lungs that could not work. He spun around, and saw something in a obsidian mask, the dark globes of polished blackness where the eyes should be stared at him. Completely dressed in shiny black armor, except for the chest, which had a plate sticking out and it, was in funny colors. Hawkwing had never seen those sigils before. He could not for the life of him, figure out what House this person was from.

    The stranger did give him time to think. Holding a metal cylindrical shaft in his right hand, he held it out in front of him. Hawkwing imitated him, except that his hand was empty. Seizing saidin, he stood ready to channel the flow of Fire that would make the Heron Mark™ blade appear. With a snap-hiss, the lightsaber flashed out. Green blade humming and glowing in the semi-darkness. Cool, Hawkwing thought and channeled and the sword appeared. The stranger appeared startled, but he swung his lightsaber at Hawkwing. Parting the Silk met lightsaber downward slash and as power-blade met laser-blade, sparks flew out and both blades sizzled from the different fields.

    Hold it a minute stranger, who are you and why are you attacking me?" Hawkwing asked as both jumped back, but still watching each other warily.

    "I am Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, I will bring you to see the Emperor. He will teach you the powers of the Dark Side. By now, you should know that your powers are nothing compared to the powers of the Dark Side," the stranger said in a deep resonant voice.

    Hawkwing stared as Darth Vader made his speech. This guy is one completely whacked out dude, but his sword work is damn good. And Hawkwing moved. Boar Rushing Down The Mountain met lightsaber parry and the lightsaber counterstroke met The Courtier Taps His Fan. Three more rounds later, with both combatants blades pushing against each other, Hawkwing stood face to face with Darth Vader.

    "Impressive. Obi Wan has taught you well."

    Light! What was this idiot talking about? Vader pushed, using his enhanced strength to push Hawkwing back. Vader grinned behind his mask. He would turn this one yet. And stared confused as Hawkwing suddenly grinned and charged him. The River Undercuts the Bank met a lightsaber block as the Force told him how to when to place his lightsaber to block and he slashed viciously at Hawkwing, who blocked with Folding the Fan. Caught up in the battle (the truth was too many beers had given Hawkwing the ability to become berserk, and well, he now became berserk.), Hawkwing completely forgotten about using the One Power to fireball Vader to Shayol Ghul. Vader, however, had not forgotten about using the Force.

    Jabba the Hutt

    Jabba floated into the White Tower on his repulsorlift chair, too many years of eating bugs, worms and generally alive and wriggly creatures had given the Great One a desire for normal food. His nose told him that whatever was coming from that study was positively delicious. Salicious Crumb, sitting around next to his tail, was sniggering away happily. Salicious could give Sathinar a run for his money in the mad laughter contest. As he floated towards the room with the smell, a human suddenly appeared in front of him. Ignoring her, he pumped his repulsorlift chair to ramming speed.

    Chissa stared as the giant slug on the floating platform charged towards her, opening herself to saidin, she channeled a weave of air to block the slug. The ram collided with a loud clang, followed by one loud thud and a smaller squish-thud, as first Jabba crashed into the Air wall, then Salicious Crumb crashed into Jabba. A Gateway opened and out stepped Ishamael. Chissa stared at Ishy, for she knew that he had no business here.

    "A jo-car? In this Age?" Ishamael spluttered in shock. "Mine, Fat Slug!" Seizing the True Power, he grabbed the repulsorlift platform and stepped back through the Gateway. The Gateway closed after. He did not notice that Salicious Crumb was still clinging on the repulsorlift platform.

    Jabba was really having a bad day and all he wanted was the food he had been smelling since he arrived. Stupidly ramming into Chissa's still active wall, he made a really loud ruckus.

    Kathana Justinia Trevalaer, The Amyrlin Seat came out of her study, disturbed by the noise. Holding the Spoon ™ with one hand, petting an ewok with another, the Amyrlin made a formidable figure; one to make thrones tremble (with laughter), which Jabba did.

    "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Jabba laughed loudly in his booming voice. Smelling the remnants of the chocolate pudding on the Spoon ™, he charged uselessly into the wall. "Gombea foota puddingerly!"

    "You know, Mother, I think the slug said something about pudding," Chissa said, still staring at Jabba.

    "Chumpawanba!" said Wicket, as he grabbed the spoon and began licking it.

    "Okay, furry thingy. I may have seen Episode 4, 5 and 6, but there's no way I'm gonna take that kind of language from you. Now either give me back my Spoon ™ or I'm calling Sathinar," Mother threatened the ewok. "And I need someone who knows how to translate Huttese!"

    Chissa stared in rapid astonishment as the ewok first shuddered in horror, then it returned the Spoon™ and then a golden metallic entity stepped out of the depths of the Hall.

    Greetings, I am C3-PO, protocol droid..."

    "Shut up, Threepio! Just translate what the Fat One wants!" Mother, experienced with dealing with the prissy protocol droid, due to watching the trilogy, cut in into Threepio's famous speech.

    "Did someone call me?" Sathinar began and paused as he saw Wicket. Licking his lips, he pulled out his Dagger™ and began stalking Wicket. Wicket began gibbering in terror.

    "Look here Sathy, there's more ewoks around, but this is mine! Understand!" Eyes blazing, The Amyrlin Seat looked fit to really take it to Sathinar. Sensing this, Sathinar beat a hasty retreat. "Now, Threepio, translate!"

    "His Excellency, Jabba the Hutt, bids a good day to you all and requires some pudding in exchange for his protection. He assures that if he gets his pudding, he will call off his Gamorrean soldiers in attacking the Black Tower."

    "Did he say all that? In that language?"

    "No, not really, your Seatness. He said that if he doesn't get his pudding, he'll blow up the Black Tower."

    "Whadya mean Black Tower? This is the WHITE Tower."

    "If I may say so, Hutts are notoriously color blind."

    So you mean to say right now a bunch of pig-like soldiers are headed this way?"

    "No, your Seatness. Gamorreans are not color blind."

    "Oh Light! Tell him he gets his pudding, but only one bowl."

    IG-88 chose this moment during the translations to step in. "Has anyone seen Sathinar?" He nodded his head in thanks, as everyone including Jabba and Wicket pointed absently in one direction. Right now, the ensuring Bargain between Jabba and the Seat took up everyone's attention. Feeling a little miffed, the only bounty hunting droid in DM felt ignored and so IG-88 left.

    "Your Seatness, Jabba says he can out eat you and if he does so, you'll have to give him the Pudding Maker™, put on a metal bikini, wear a chain connected to him and you'll have to sit next to him and he gets to lick you when he feels like it." Jabba stuck out his tongue.

    Chissa paled at the sight of the tongue and fled back into her quarters. Kathana endured it stoically. She did wear the stole of the Amyrlin Seat after all.

    "And what if he loses?"

    "HO! HO! HO!" came the booming laughter.

    "His Excellency says that you can tie a chain around him, will wear a metal bikini, will give you anything you desire most and let you lick him as and when you like."

    Kathana's face grew remarkably pale, but a Bargain was a Bargain and she had never lost a pudding-eating contest before. Unknotting Chissa's weave, she walked over to Jabba, spitted on her palm and held it out for Jabba to shake. Jabba stared at her, then licked the hand that was offered. And so the Bargain was made.

    Matalina and Alosha

    Matalina paused, slowly walking out into the forest. Enjoying the sights and sounds of nature, she was at peace with herself. Therefore, she was startled when she heard a loud roar heading in her direction. She quickly stood up, hand ready to draw her blade, when she saw a large hairy brown creature run past her. The creature was being chased by Alosha herself. The Aes Sedai stopped running as she entered the clearing, but did not even look at Matalina. Her eyes were focused on the creature and they were shining with a strange gleam.

    "Alosha, what are you doing?"

    "Go away, Mat. I'm busy."

    "Yes, I can see that. Well, but what exactly are you doing?"

    "Isn't it obvious? Big hairy creature, lots of FUR™!"

    "Fur!" Matalina turned around, staring at Chewbacca, who by now had a really bad feeling. Strange urges erupted into Matalina's consciousness, strange thoughts of how she would look in a fur coat. How soft the coat would feel against her skin. How grand she would be, the best-looking Warder ever. With a feral gleam in her eyes, she turned towards Chewbacca, thoughts of protecting the poor Wookie forgotten. Alosha, too, with only one thing on her mind, (fur) did not use the One Power at all. Gathering up her skirts, she began her Hunt. Together with Matalina, both of these two women began chasing Chewie. And Chewie ran for his life.

    Taimandred, Arik and Yoda

    Taimandred stared at the chicken cage he was holding up with the Force. He had done it! He had tapped into the power-source that his little sister had tried to, failed and had freed the Dark One. He had beaten his sister! He wouldn't go mad after all, he could use an alternate Power and not touch the tainted saidin. He would miss the rush of life that saidin provided, but at least he could sit around and watch all the male channelers go of their bonkers while he still remained sane. He would beat even Phoenix, unless of course, Phoenix cleansed saidin. Taimandred sat there, contemplating, not noticing the arrival of Yoda and Arik.

    Arik trailed behind Yoda, feeling utterly miserable. Somehow, Yoda seemed to know when Arik channeled to filter the smell away from the air around him, and he always ended up with a walking stick to his knees. His knees hurt real bad. He hoped that he wouldn't get any penance that involved kneeling. He prayed real hard to the Creator. As Arik walked into the clearing in the swamp, he failed to notice the Taimandred sitting there quietly. His eyes were on the cage of Black Tower Chickens™, floating in mid-air. Arik could not see the weaves of saidin that held it. He looked wildly around and saw only Taimandred.

    "Taimandred! Hello? HELLO?"

    Startled out of his post-celebrations plans, Taimandred let go of the Force and dropped the cage. The cage opened and the chickens flew out. Arik was standing there staring at the chickens in utter horror. Taimandred wasn't very pleased. He had just gone to the part when all the Aes Sedai in the White Tower started fawning over him as the last surviving member of the Black Tower.

    "What is it, Arik?" Noticing Yoda, he stood up, brushing carefully at the dirt on his brown cloak. "Greetings, Master Yoda. My training is now complete. I'll begin my protection of the Queen."

    Yoda nodded absently. Waving his walking stick at an annoying chicken that was trying to peck him, he could not be more concerned. Arik, however, noticed the brown cloak. Pointing one finger at Taimandred, he could barely gasp out the word "Brown?!"

    "Oh, this? A Jedi Knight has to wear a brown cloak. They look pretty stupid in black."

    Arik again managed to gasp out "Asha'man?!" (Clapping is heard for Arik's achievement.)

    "Umm... Maybe I still am, but for now, I'm a Jedi." Taimandred said as he straightened his cloak. "Oh, Arik? Study hard. Bye! Got to go."

    Saying this, Taimandred seized saidin and weaved a Gateway to Cairhien. The Gateway winked out.

    Arik could only stare. Until Yoda whacked him again with his walking stick.

    "First lesson you learn? Yes, yes? Catch clucky things you shall." As Arik stood ready to channel, Yoda waved his walking stick threateningly. "No cheating." Arik let go immediately of the Source. He sighed heavily, then began clucking and held out his hands to catch the chickens.

    "Start with this one," Yoda commanded, pointing at the chicken that he had unsuccessfully stopped from pecking at him. Arik sighed. It was going to be a real long day.

    The Emperor, His Hand and His Ass.

    Phoenix was as usual, staring glued to the computer screen when he felt a Gateway beginning to open. Seizing saidin, he stood prepared to blast whoever that entered if the person did not have an appointment.

    To his utter disappointment at not being able to blast the bugger; it was Demandred, all dressed up and ready for their JK (Jedi Knight, Dark Forces 2) match. Demandred was dressed in a typical Dark Jedi outfit, complete with obsidian mask (which he wasn't wearing, as his suit did not come with automated breathing).

    "Ready?" Phoenix asked.

    "All set," said Demandred, as his voice plunged deep a la Darth Vader.

    How did you do that?" Phoenix asked, curious.

    "Oh, just channel Air and Fire just so," and as he showed Phoenix, his voice deepened again.

    "Ooooo, that rocks! Hmm, I think I will do that the next time I intend to irritate the Asha'man."

    "Just remember to invert your weaves, or they'll go round with the Voice™."

    Phoenix nodded, understanding what Demandred hinted at. He would not let the Asha'man run wild with that Skill. It would be too much to handle. Boy, would I scare the breeches off them tomorrow at the Annual Asha'man Dinner and Dance.

    As both computer systems booted up, both felt a dark presence slowly walking in their direction. Both looked away from their computers and both their Jedi fell into a wind tunnel and got chopped into itsy bitsy bits.

    "That match doesn't count." Demandred said peevishly, a little irritated.

    Phoenix nodded in agreement and both of them stood facing the doorway, awaiting the arrival of the presence.

    "I see you are prepared, my young whatever your job description is (Jedi?)," Emperor Palpatine said in the gravelly pinched voice of his. "And now, you will submit to my will and power alone, or I will destroy you with the True Power of the Dark Side."

    Phoenix and Demandred stared in both horrid fascination and astonishment. The Emperor himself! And there they both were fighting among themselves when they had a true competitor. It was a dream come true for both Phoenix and Demandred. For Phoenix, it was similar to fighting the Dark One, except that well, he did not have to wait for RJ to write it out. For Demandred, it would be like challenging the Dark One himself and replacing himself as the True Lord of Darkness. Of course I can't win, in case the Dark One himself was reading this silly story. It did pay to be a bit prudent sometimes.

    Flanking the Emperor were two figures of unknown origin and as they threw back their hoods, Demandred couldn't help gasping. One of them was Lanfear.

    "This is Mara Jade, my Hand, she will ensure you do not cheat in the battle," the Emperor grinned evilly. "This, as you have already recognized, is my Ass. Lanfear, lastly known as a Chosen. And when I beat you both, Dragonmount shall be mine and all will be remade in my image alone. Mwa Ha Ha HA HA HA!"

    "Wait a minute there, Palpy. I've got a question, oh Great One," sarcasm apparent in Demandred's voice.

    "What is it, Demmy?"

    Hearing that, Demandred leaped forth, ready to smash the Emperor down. Mara Jade strode forward, lightsaber in her hand and ignited in one swift movement. Seeing the look and the glowing blade, he decided that non-violence was the 'in' thing.

    "Don't call me Demmy!" he demanded in a choked voice.

    "Don't call me cake and I won't call you cookie," said the Emperor happily, delighted that he could use that Phrase™. "Now, what is your question?"

    "Ok," Demandred said evenly. "Lanfear is your Ass?"

    "No! You are a fool and always were, Demandred!" Lanfear shouted back, hotly, angry at being called anyone's, even the Emperor's rear. She was about to go on, when a look from the Emperor quelled her.

    If you have notice the full stop..." Demandred and Phoenix nodded. "It's a short form for Assistant." Looks of comprehension both dawned on Demandred and Phoenix. "Can we continue our battle now, my young whatever your job description is (Jedi?)?" Demandred and Phoenix nodded again. "Then let it begin. May the best Jedi Knight player win."

    Demandred and Phoenix looked at each other, eyebrows moving up and down, communicating via the lost language of the Eyebrow™.

    Demandred: What a Sucker!

    Phoenix: Doesn't he know we're the best?

    Demandred: Guess not!

    Then they both grinned evilly.

    Dedicated Cleaner of the Black Tower
    Worst Male Channeler Ever
    Bonded to Novam Sedai
    Holder of the Cuendillar Broomstick
    Official Black Tower Welcomer