The Amyrlin Strikes Back!
Title:Urgh... my sequel...
Posted On:04/09/1999 16:20
OOC: It must be pointed out that not everything in this story is mainly MY idea... some of it originally comes from Mom/Lone Wolf's humor story, and some comes from Narell's.
The same goes for my first one too, not ALL was mainly my ideas... (They forced me to say that... J/K)
I advice you to read those before you read this one, to get all the jokes, and REALLY advise you to read my first story. (COMMERCIAL! COMMERCIAL!)
You will find this one in a slightly different style then my first (I think?), but still...
Also, I don't have such a wide vocabulary (it's true!!), and if you happen to find sentences and words that are used often or over again, I apologize. I know that such things can be annoying sometimes...
Last, I would just like to say that where my first story was written after ideas that I already had my mind on, that is mostly not the case with this one. Let us call it... impulsive writing... *shrugs* That could explain the change of style... (I think?) ;)
Lastly, I would like to thank everyone who gave me ideas or sentences to use in my story (sounds like if I had gotten an Oscar, huh?). You know who you are! *g*
Lastly, infinite + 2: Alanna, REALLY FUNNY story *lol* I am afraid it will put this a bit in the shadow, but still...
There is one difference here, there is a pudding deliverance... just accept it, okay? Good... *s*
ON TO THE STORY, THEN!
The Wheel of Time turns, etc.
Once again, the story was to start out at the Black Tower, or, to be more specific, Arik Korpin's luxury study. The night was cold, and Arik was huddled together. Unlike some others of his fellow Soldiers, he had not yet had proper isolation installed. He spat at the floor and the walls. And this was supposed to be a luxury study!?
There was one relieving thought in it all, though... tonight, in about five minutes, he was going to visit the White Tower again.
Lately, he had been having various nightmares about giant cartons of chocolate pudding, omelettes, and slumber parties. It was a wonder in itself that he had been able to sleep at all! The roosters and hens and chickens seemed to have found a nice place to nest.
Just such a bloody shame it had to be outside HIS door!
He started to laugh, and pounded his fist hard into his mahogany desk repeatedly while chewing on the fingers of his other hand...
Sitting up straight again, he remembered the meeting with the M'hael, were he was supposed to ask for another grant to visit the White Tower. It had started out all right, but in the midst of their conversation, the M'hael had started to pull feathers slowly out of his mouth. Arik had done nothing less than to just run, and lock the door behind him when he was safe and sound in his study again. He hoped the M'hael would forgive him for that.
Yes, he would have to leave without permission tonight... And that meant no gateway, as the others would surely notice a ripple... And no door, as the chickens and hens and roosters roosted outside it. That left only the window... He jumped over to it, and looked outside. It was a long way down, but he had a plan...
Bending down to open a drawer under his bed, he dragged his heavy pillows over to the window, and began to throw them out one by one.
His brothers had wondered what he had been doing all day. They were ignorant...
Did they think it was safe to jump out of a window onto a pile of pillow accessories without measuring the fluffiness and the volume correctly? The fools! He clenched his fists, and felt an excruciating pain in one of them.
Besides, math was not his strong side...
When he was done, he carefully climbed up onto the stone window, and looked down as the wind ruffled his hair... There was only one thing in his mind at the moment:
He could not believe they had not made him a luxury balcony! With the fat bribes they had received, they better damn well do their jobs! He would have to check into the facts and figures of that when he returned... No one messed with Arik Korpin's luxury study without paying the prize. And so he jumped...
The landing was a success, not that he had counted on it to be anything less than that... He rubbed the feathers from the now ruined pillows off his new, and neatly buttoned Asha'man coat. He had totally forgotten about the content of the pillows, and he could feel something silly coming on... He croaked, and flipped out in a weird, guttural laughter...
The moon was high, and the tides were rising. Oh, that sounded so cliché... He didn't even know if it was right... Probably wasn't...
Arik reined in his horse, Gollyoh, just outside the White Tower, and slapped him on the back, watching him run back towards the Black Tower in a gallop.
There had been several occasions when he had tried to change that STUPID name of his horse, but without any luck... Its former owner had trained it well, and it did only obey the name it had received from him. It had been a joke among the Ashaman for months now, and he was sick and tired of finding silly notes stuck on his horse every damn time he went to groom it. They did not even make sense!
But that was not too important now, he thought... He had another plan... An eeeeevil plan... A revenge plan. The Amyrlin would pay... not only for the Spoon, but also for those hideous slurping sounds she made when she ate her pudding... Truly hideous, they were, those sounds...
The flute would play a different tune tonight... He barked into a raw laugh, and walked up to the gates. At last, it was his turn...
Well inside, he pressed himself towards the Hall Wall, listening...
He had forgot about the Slumber party, but it seemed like it had ended. The Main Hall was in almost complete order, except for a few smores here and there... so that was what it was... he sighed of relief, and sat himself down on the floor, picking up those yummy smores, eating and waiting...
Suddenly, as there was a loud knock at the gate, he raised himself quickly, and opened it. Outside stood a fat man, poorly dressed, with bad teeth, and all that fun stuff...
"Delivery for the Amyrlin, Watcher of the..."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever!" Arik snatched a thin piece of paper from the man. "Where do I sign?", he asked with a cruel smile.
"Right there, good sir." the foul-smelling man pointed.
"Good, good... let us see...vermicelli?!? What is that? Is this supposed to be a joke!?"
The man started to tremble, and could not manage to speak.
Arik patted him absently on the head.
"There there, I am sure it will be in order. Leave it outside as well. Now, bring in the pudding!"
He rubbed his hands together as the fat, bald, foul-smelling and poorly dressed man with the bad teeth pushed in a BIG crate. There was no mistaking... the Amyrlin always got her pudding deliverances on Fridays. And Arik would know; he had done some inside investigations...
Before he knew a word of it, his hands were on fire. Sticking them in his mouth to light it out, he hoped no one had noticed...
"That will be 200 Tar Valon silver-like coins, Sir."
Arik turned rapidly towards the man. "WHAT?! That itself is a felony! How can a crate of chocolate pudding cost... uh...oh... the vermicelli, huh?"
The man nodded sadly. "It is very rare, I'm afraid..."
"Issee... Well, the money will be in the DMmail! Now, go, before I get upset and channel huge amounts of something gooey upon you!"
The man ran, dragging his pudding sleigh surprisingly fast behind him. Arik shook his head at the scenario...
Now, for the pudding! Once again, he started to laugh terribly, but got himself together fairly in time. He didn't want to wake anyone up...
He opened the crate gently with a heron marked crowbar, and behold! It was the pudding... it was lying there, in a big yellow carton, like a huge, motionless glob, the half of it visible over the edge. Arik thought it looked sort of gloomy...
Beside it lay the plastic cups. Aha, so she had servants to fill them up for her... they would have to be released after this story was over...
He had a big job in front of him. Although there were no point in fixing more than one cup, it would look suspicious if they all were not filled up...
The Wheel started to turn.... as it always did....
When he was done, he settled to take a breath.
Loading heaps of chocolate pudding into tiny cups had been harder work than he had thought! Let them fight their wars on the battlefields! But load pudding? Hah! They dont have the guts to do it!
Into one of the cups, he had placed a little... surprise, so to call it... he was sure the Amyrlin would be both surprised and unpleased, at least after the... "ostentation"... but she would never find out who had done it. To celebrate the whole, he took one cup of pudding, and curiously started to eat the stuff, before he spat it out. Blight! It tasted like... dirt! And worse! How could she eat such things? She had a twisted mind, that being, he knew that for sure now. But the servant Aes Sedais would be here to pick it up soon... he hid behind a curtain.... he wouldnt miss this pre-assuring moment for anything.
Meanwhile, in the Amyrlin's study....
"Mother, there is a guest for you.", Chissa popped her head inside the door and sighed. "He says, as always, that it is most important..."
The Amyrlin threw away an empty cup of pudding, and frowned.
"Who can that be, this late? I am getting curious now... ok, send him in... oh, and Chissa? Do remember to bring me my chocolate pudding deliverance, will you? Thank you, dear..." She smiled warmly and chocolately...
"Mother! Bond me! Now! Please!!!"
Kathana let out a scream of fury. "AAARGH!!!! You AGAIN?!" She calmed down a bit, before telling him the news. "Well, it doesn't matter now anyways... I have already bonded someone..." She smiled pleased at him. That ought to get him away for good...
"Mother! I can't believe my own ears! Are you sure!?"
"Of course I am... uhm.... actually.... well... YES, I am sure. Now, go away... I have matters to take care of. " She drooled...
"But Mother!" Mother, no!" Roland threw himself to the floor, dragged himself over to her chair, and started to kiss her feet fanatically.
"You flatter me, Roland, but honestly.............. Oh, OK, then! I will... I will let you stay for TEN minutes..."
"Yes? Yes? And?"
She looked away and mumbled. "...and I'll let you taste some chocolate pudding too... but just ONE cup!"
"Mother!" He gave her a big hug. "Thank you, I will never forget this!"
"Neither will I, I'm afraid..."
And so, they waited for Chissa to bring in the pudding...
Arik slashed the curtain away with his knife, and stepped into the light... It had worked! The Aes Sedai had been there, picking it up. He had heard the footsteps... and besides, the pudding carton was gone.
Too bad he had no secret access to her room, so he could view the "show"...
Suddenly, without warning, a big, huge, and very bright thingy appeared in front of him, almost like a gateway, and out stepped a man with flaming eyes. He looked around, then spotted Arik, and started to chuckle.... Arik felt threatened, or something...
"Welcome to the Dark side, Arik Korpin... MWA HA HA HA HA!"
"Excuse me, but... the Dark side? Don't you mean the Shadow? Besides, I am still in the Light, I am just craving for some fun, that's all. Who are you, by the way?"
"I... am Ishamael!!!"
"...Oh, a Forsaken? Cool, can I shake your hand!?"
"A CHOSEN!" His eyes roared with flames. "And no... You cannot..."
"That's too bad... Ah, well, I must head back to the Black Tower... Give me a lift?"
"SILENCE, MORTAL FOOL!" He licked his lips with a mad look. "Now... I am sure we can talk this over quietly..."
"Yeah, probably. But can we take it tomorrow, cause you know, I really need to get back to..."
"Drat! A Red! Sorry, I have to go... They are so facetious and moonstruck, I'd had better get back to Shayol Ghul at once!"
With that, he vanished in a cloud of smoke. Of course, Arik knew that the smoke was fake... It was an old gleeman's trick, but it had been greatly misused by the Asha'man for Ages.
Then he saw the Red Sister too, and froze. She was coming right at him, holding a giant jar, and she looked quite upset. He hoped that jar was not for him. He had heard various tales... She was also wearing some indescribable wooly stuff...
"Oh my! A male! Uhm, I mean... Oh... A disgusting man in the Halls... what are you doing here?" She winked at him weirdly, while at the same time holding a straight and strict mask.
She wasn't very good at it, though...
He made sure that all the buttons in his coat were done, and he wrapped himself in his cloak, neatly, as always, in his stories.
"Actually, I was just leaving... Err... So... Bye bye now!"
"Just one minute!" She pulled out a bag of scrambled and really tiny ripped toilet-paper pieces, and the label said Coupons. "Would you like to support the case of the Retreat in Arad Doman?? We promise to do a really good job at it!" Her smile was quite convincing...
"I'll take two! How much will that be, then?"
"Let me see... five... three... that would be 2...4 coins!"
"And I'll take two more if you promise to forget about me being at the Tower in this late hour..."
"Okay..." she started to clink together more beads on her silver abacus. "That would be nine coins!"
" Urrh... Alrighty then... There you go!" She oddly enough put only four coins in the jar, and five in her wooly pocket. It took some time for them to reach the bottom.
"Now, see too it that I win!"
She handed him four "coupons".
"That was really... uhm... good done of you... and I didn't even tell you about our fabulous prizes!"
"Tell me another time. Now, I have to go!"
"But you would really like t... oh, ok..." He was gone before she got the opportunity to throw herself over him. "Now, where is that vermicelli... it should have been here now..."
Outside, it was even darker night than before. He could barely see anything, but there was something that caught the corner of his eye, and he looked up, praying it was not another chicken...
A woman sat alone in a window three floors above him, and smiled at him. She was wearing a filmy, white dress, and she gestured for him to come up and visit her for a while...
He had to look again to see if he had been right... it was Siuan! He had once again forgotten all about her! He grinned at her, and made a sign meaning he would be up in a few minutes.
He just hoped no one would notice him gone from the Black Tower, and no others would notice him in the White... it would be no problem to connect him with the pudding scandal afterwards...
He ran back inside, past the Red Sister who looked mildly shocked, and towards the Hall Stairs. He would have to have about twenty minutes on him. More than that and the Asha'man would start looking for him. At least, to be on the safe side. He had planned his time carefully, and the minor things that had happened had not been in his calculations.
He ran up about three floors, and started to wonder where he was... it looked exactly the same all over!
"I guess this is it then..." He decided on one hall, and started to look for Siuan's room. It was supposed to be around there somewhere... Suddenly, without notice, a hand grabbed his arm, and pulled him forcefully into a room, closing the door behind.
Before he knew it, he was flung upon some of that squishy furniture he did not know what was...
"I am glad you could stop by..." A voice said from behind him. He heard quite well that it did not belong to Siuan... Yikes, he thought...
Turning around; it was difficult, he almost drowned in squishiness, he could see her more clearly. It was that drunken Aes Sedai, Lanfir... he immediately started to think of an escape plan...
"Where am I... what do you want...?"
She made a silly gesture with her arm, and spilled some of her cups content. It sizzled on the floor... "This, is the White Tower Harem!" She handed him a cup, but he refused.
"If this is a Harem," he staggered "then... then where are all the women...?"
"No... not THAT kind of Harem... Well, almost, then, only this contains men, not women... Ciara was right, after all... You ARE silly..."
He swallowed. "Then where are... all the men...?"
"It has been empty for years!" She walked around, wearing a filmy dress, pouring herself drink after drink from the big bottle she held in her other hand. Some times, she forgot she already had a full cup, and spilled more on the floor.
"W... what happened, then...?" Arik asked, nervous to find out.
"We bonded them! And as everyone knows, it is inappropriate for a warder to be hanging around in a harem all day! No... so now, we are looking for new ones to fill it up... only a few visit nowadays..." She threw the cup at the wall, where it broke, and the content fizzed disputably, then she gave him a hungry look...
It took only seconds before Arik was out of the room. She had, thank the Creator, forgot to lock the door. As he ran for his life down the hall, he could hear her shouting behind him, and cursing. He was sure the whole Tower would wake up soon.
Running down the exact same amount of stairs he had been running up, he found himself in the Main Hall again... At least, it looked like it... Only, there were stairs running down here, and there hadn't been any of those in the Main Hall. Stumbling down the rest of them, there were more stairs! He stopped and scratched his head. The Tower could really need redecorating... He had that ugly feeling that this was turning out to be another silly story...
This time, he set his mind on trying to stay on that floor, and began to hustle down the halls. He halted right outside a door to his left, as he heard a voice... Oh no... Busted!
"Good day, we're from the FBI. I am agent Fox Mulder, and this is agent Dana Scully... We would like to ask you some questions..."
And then, another voice; it seemed to be, but Arik could tell it was the same one, just in a different tone...
"Yeah, sure you want to! You always bring Scully, don't you?! Well, no more! As from tonight, you're with special agent Tari Scully... AARGH! It just doesn't sound right without the Scully!! Take that! And that!"
He winced at the sound of a breaking mirror, and various pots and pans crashing against the walls of the room. Yeah... it was definitely time to move on....
"Mulder! Stop her, she is hurting me! Oh yeah? Well, Fox won't help you! He likes ME better than you! Isn't that right, Fox?! Yeah, I guess it is... YA HEAR?! HA!"
He had to find a window! Again, that seemed to be his only escape... he was too worked up about all the happenings for being able to channel...
"Arik! Over here!" A few paces in front of him stood Ciara, peeking out of a door, waving him over. "I have something important to tell you! But you have to hurry!"
He decided on that nothing could be worse than being caught. And on the other hand, his sister would help him whenever he was in trouble. He strode over to the door, and peeked inside where she had disappeared before he had reached her.
As he entered, someone threw a big sack over his head, and pushed him to a seat in something that felt like a very cold and hard chair. If this was Lanfir again... He was sure he had taken the right room... He could feel something lock itself over his wrists. When the sack was removed, Ciara stood in front of him, giggling.
"WE are gonna give YOU a make-over!" she gurgled... "Silly brother!"
"Ciara!? Release me this instant!" He was placed in a high-backed metal chair, secured tightly with the help of some solid steel gizmos! "I dont find this the least funny!!"
"THAT is because you are so silly!" She laid one hand to her mouth, giggling even louder.
"I am NOT silly! Release me! I mean it!" He twisted to get loose, but there was just no way.
"Nope! Not until we are done with you!"
"Who are you talking about!? There is only you here!"
Another woman stepped out, carrying a huge basket of various makeover-supplies. Looking at Arik with an artistic look, she grinned, and took out a pair of scissors. She slowly advanced on him.
"Oooh! This is so exciting, Arik! What are you gonna do, Alanna?"
Alanna talked, but never took her eyes of Arik's hair. "For your brother, Ciara, I have something special in mind... Something involving.... plaits.... and pink ribbons..."
"No!!! Anything but plaits and pink ribbons... Anything! Filmy dresses, ANYTHING!"
"Oh my... A good idea... Note this, Ciara: filmy dresses."
As she raised the scissors, the moon gleamed on them, reflecting a shadow onto the wall. The time stood still. Ciara giggled, Alanna laughed, and Arik screamed in agony. Then, she started to cut his hair...
Sitting alone in his luxury study in the Black Tower, lights turned off, Arik scribbled down a note. He had scribbled down other notes too... There were thousands hanging around in his room, saying don't write another story.
When he was done with that one, the woman standing beside him took it from his hands, and hanged it on one of the few available spaces in the room. He took a sip of his cognac, and started to write yet another one...
"Sir Arik, Señor, if I may say, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Your hair... It kinda suits you very well, Sir..."
He looked up at her without a word, and handed her another note. She shrugged excusably, and hung the note on to herself. "Is this good, Sir?"
"Very so, Consuela... now, bring me another bottle of cognac, and take the day off, will you?
"Si, Señor... same time tomorrow?"
Arik picked up the pen, and shook his head carefully. A ribbon loosened, and he let his head fall to the desk... the woman winced, and reached out her hands to help him up.
"No... take the next week off... I need some rest..."
"Oh, and Señor, I forgot to give you this! It came in your mail yesterday!"
She handed him a letter, and he opened it ruthlessly.
Congratulations! We are happy to inform you that you have officially won the third price of the Red Ajah's Arad Doman Retirement Raffle, and we hope you enjoy it! We had a very hard time picking the prizes...
"Signed, Francesca Sedai of the Red Ajah." Arik took off his reading glasses, which were now broken. "Well, well...At least there is a point of light in all of this..." He started to laugh again, and Consuela slapped him, as he had ordered her to do if he fell victim to silly behavior again. "Señor! Señor, I am afraid. I will leave now. When I first have a week off, I was planning on taking an early summer trip... Have a good day, and be careful!"
"Consuela, one moment only... did there follow a prize with this?" He waved the paper in front of her, and she got a weird look to her face.
"Si, but... I really think we should give it to charity instead of..."
"No, no, Consuela..." He smiled. "You have gotten me quite curious now... bring it in, will you?"
She limped for the door. "Yes, Señor..."
In the White Tower, Francesca looked over her notes one more time to make sure all was in perfect order, and smiled. The prizes had been delivered. The first prize had gone to the Amyrlin... That would keep her in the Head Chair for another few years, and cheer the Mother up after that madman had gone amok in her Study, swinging himself from her chandelier...
The second prize had gone to the Green Ajah members, who had shared the prize amongst themselves. Not that they really needed anti-wrinkle cream, but they were really vain about their looks.
The third one had gone to an Ashaman in the Black Tower. Francesca could still not figure out how that could be possible. If there had been some of them visiting the White Tower lately, she should have been informed... Well, he had at least gotten the prize, and was probably happy with it too. She wished it had been her winning 50 pounds of poultry instead of some male Channeler... She was getting sick of pasta.
OOC: No offense meant to Spanish/Portuguese/Mexican/Cuban(did I leave anyone out?) people by writing in my maid, Consuela. If offense is still taken, here is a formal apology:
And, I hope you liked it! I found it hard to write a sequel, actually. They are seldom as good as your first, and I hope this one was not a complete flaw! *g*
As you can hear, I am quite nervous...
Soldier of the Black Tower
Bonded to Siuan Sedai
of the Yellow Ajah (Whom I still miss very deeply and wish were here right now... Are you wearing a filmy dress? OUCH! Just asking... *pouts*)