A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Amyrlin...
Title:My first silly-story!!!
Posted By:Arik_Korpin
Posted On:04/04/1999 06:55
The Wheel of Time turns, etc.
Alone in his luxury study in the Black Tower, Arik Korpin sat at his mahogany desk, bent over a stack of papers. 26 pages... He had read 26 pages, and he wasn't even IN the story...
He shook his head, and rubbed the tiredness out of his now redlined eyes.
And after a big yawn, he decided...
It was time for revenge.... Or at least.... another story......
Stepping out from his mahogany door, which led to his luxury study, and the mahogany desk, he almost stumbled over something that ran past his legs with a cackling sound.
Relieved to see it was not one of his fellow Ashaman though, he continued walking down along the misty halls of the Black Tower.
It had started only yesterday... All the messages about changing the rooster had obviously confused the M'hael himself... And, with roosters followed hens, in some mysterious way he could NOT understand...
Oh, how he hated having eggs to breakfast every, single morning.
Enough was enough. He couldn't even stand to watch the Soldiers running around with various nets, trying to catch their feral friends.
Geez, he thought to himself...
No, he had 3.... 4 main reasons as to why go to the White Tower now...
The first was, of course, obvious. If he stayed in the Black Tower, this story would be a complete flaw... Not to mention full of meaty, healthy, chicken pies...
He shuddered.
The second reason was, of course, his recent bonding.
He smiled to himself. Ah, Siuan, whom he had not seen for a while now... yes, yes, that was certainly a good reason...
The third reason was, of course, his sister Ciara. He had seen neither her nor Siuan in some time. Not that he... wanted... to visit... but, if he didn't.... He swallowed hard.
Now, he knew there was supposed to be a fourth reason too... damn it all that he hadnt written it down last night! Oh well, the story had to go on...
He opened the gateway....
Standing in front of the all mighty Gates of the White Tower, he smiled to himself. This looked like a lovely place, in opposition to his home Tower at the very moment... Once again this morning, he twisted his mouth in disgust at the very thought...
As the guards let him in, he wandered along the sunny garden path, and the flowers seemed to greet him. And there were fountains, and statues, and small sausage stands... He sighed... This was the life...
As an NPC novice greeted him, he nodded back. This was kinda fun...
And then, he stood in front of the all mighty gates of... Wait a minute, that sounded familiar... Ah, well, he wouldn't mind that, just open the gates...
As he stepped inside, he stumbled with a loud shout in something fluffy. His thoughts went to the Black Tower at first...
"JOE!!!!!!"
Then, something huge and green threw itself over him, and gave him a big kiss. He tried to struggle, but he was helpless under the strength of this creature.
If this is a trolloc, I will kill myself afterwards, I swear, if this is a trolloc...
The thing suddenly backed away and he now saw that it was no trolloc at all, but his dear, dear sister: Ciara!
"Oh, yuck, Arik! What are YOU doing here? I thought you were my warder! Where is he now..." She glanced down at her wrist, for, as Arik saw it, no obvious reason...
"What am I doing here!? What are YOU doing here?!"
She started to giggle, and out of old habit, he backed away.
"Arik, this is the White Tower! I live here! Silly brother...."
He frowned for a second... "Ah... yeah, but... jeezus... what is going on here!?"
What he was referring to, was the Main Hall... it was almost completely covered with fluffy pillows, no wonder he had stumbled, in all sorts of color. And the women there, Aes Sedai, wearing their filmy dresses and their pink pajamas, sat relaxed with bodies slumped in some squishy furniture he could not decide on what was... perhaps something from the Age of Legends...?
And all spread across in a good mix lay their warders. Now, THAT, was a chapter in itself... he winced as he saw some of them wearing.... make-up....? He shook it off.
Another woman came up from behind him, and she smelled strongly of something he again could not put his finger quite on...
"Ciahrah, dhearr," she said in her most pleasant voice. It was truly horrible... Her dress jingled when she moved... party bells, Arik thought casually to himself...
"I sayh, Cirah, dearieh., you... you shimply MUST bhond this nice lohking fellowh here...
As Ciara shook her head, the woman continued:
"Yesh, you musht! Yesh, yesh, you would be the PERHFECT couple.... mhmm, yesh, yesh, I DO thinksho..."
At the pose of her feet, and the way she was holding her cup, Arik suspected she was drop-dead dr...
"Lanfir, haven't you met my brother? This is Arik, my brother!" She started giggling again. "Oops, I just said so..." More giggling....
"Youh do nhot sayh.... pherhapsh youh wouldh whant to be MY..." She laid one hand to her throat, and swallowed quickly, and her eyes moved inward, before she continued: "I wahs jusht..."
Arik broke her little suggestion off right there.
"Ah, no, I dont think so, uhm... Lanfir... I am already bonded. Eh, so... one is quite enough for me, you see...
She waved it away as a mere trifle, and her warders watched her closely.
The Hall smelled of mint tea, but he was unsure whether it was mint tea Lanfir had in her cup. She seemed to try and hide it now and then from those sidelong glances...
"I am sorry, Ciara, I see you are busy, I will come back later. Good day to you too, Lanfir Sedai." There was a mutter from that side....
"Bye, Arik! Do come back later and have a smore!
"I dont even know what that is, Ciara...."
He continued down the hall, relieved... now that had been an interesting experience, although very disturbing too...
Further down, the Halls seemed to be pillow-free and Aes Sedai-free too, for which he was very grateful.
He started to whistle a small tune, heading towards the Yellow Ajah Quarters.
He could not wait to see Siuan at last... the M'hael had been too busy plucking feathers to give him permission to leave before...
Suddenly, from around a corner, he could hear some muttering coming his way:
"Where are they now... where can they be, they have to be around here some...OOFF!"
Arik made his second wince this day as the person-thingy crashed into a wall. He seemed to be utterly lost or something close to it...
Then, he recognized the man. It was Darksmoon! And there was something crawling all over....
"JEEZU... DARKS! How long has it been since you took a bath?!?!"
Darksmoon looked up at him, and moaned.
"I know, I know... but it seems there is no available bathtub in the Tower... and no one wants to lend me one to use..."
A ray of enlightenment hit Arik. "Aha.... yes, I can surely understand that...."
He sniffed. "Yes... and I asked the Amyrlin if I perhaps could borrow her satub, but not even SHE wanted to borrow me one.... and I who thought we were such close friends...
"Her.... satub...?
"Yes... the almighty Bathtub of the Amyrlin... she keeps it locked up, and few knows about it..." He started to whisper in a conspiratorial voice...
"Have you never wondered why she is always so clean and well-shaven, and even after she have been seen eating heaps of chocolate pudding....?"
Arik shrugged. "Can't say I have actually."
"Never mind that!" Darks growled.
"Okay, I won't..." Arik still kept his distance.
Darksmoon nodded. "And then, I asked Lanfir if I could borrow her tertub..."
This time, Arik was only mildly surprised.... "And....?"
Darksmoon seemed reluctant, and looked down. "Well, it... It was kinda crowded, and I didn't want to..."
"Ok, I've heard enough already! Geez, you dont have to tell me everything, you know!"
As Darks gave him an ashamed look, he noticed something strange about his eyes.... they were....... blue.....
"DARKS! OH MY GOD! YOUR EYES!!!!"
"SSSSHHHH!!!!!" Darks leaped forward and laid a hand around Arik's mouth. He had to feel his way all over Arik's face.
Arik tried to scream, but Darks showed no mercy...
"Do you still know that I wear lenses...?"
Arik did not dare to move his head, so he just opened his eyes wide.
"Ah, this is gonna be difficult.... ok, here's the deal... you will NOT tell anyone that I wear lenses, ONLY.... if you... convince the Amyrlin to borrow me her tub!" He looked satisfied with himself, and removed his hand.
"Well.... it sounds weird to me. I mean, why would I not tell anyone that you wear lenses just because I had convinced the Amyrlin to borrow you her tub?
Darks raised one eyebrow...
"Hey! You're good at that!"
"Gee, thanks." He smiled. "I try my best... now, ok... here's the new deal... if YOU convince the Amyrlin to borrow me her tub, I will not tell anyone that you know that I wear lenses! AHA! What do you say to that?" His grin was almost disturbing...
"Ok, I guess... do I get any bonuses alongside?"
"Burn them, they always ask for more! Ok... if you convince the Amyr....
"Yes, yes, could you please skip that part? I am trying to get this story ready by 1 PM, and I am not even sure I can make it..."
"Ok, ok, I'm sorry... If I get to borrow the tub, I will personally convince the Amyrlin that you TOO can borrow her tub!"
"But... if you couldn't conv... ah, never mind. I will do it, Darks, but just because it's you!"
"Oh, THANK you, Arik!"
"NO HUG, NO HUG!!!!" Arik waved his hands franticly, and ran down the hall towards the Amyrlin's study....
It was strange in some way. He had always thought that the Amyrlin's study was on the RIGHT side of the Hall, but after the last story, he had gotten the impression that it was on the LEFT side of the Hall... most confusing...
A group of NPC novices stood alongside one wall of the Hall, hanging up little yellow and pink sticky notes to a gigantic blackboard, and writing on them as well...
"Excuse me. A moment, NPC novice..." he said, grabbing hold on the sleeve of one of the novices, "May I ask what you are doing?"
"Certainly, kind and sweet and kind Sir, of course you can."
That was the good thing about NPC novices, they would always say what you wanted them to... Arik smiled, pleased with the answer.
"Well...?"
"Oh, we are posting replies to other messages for our masters, the Aes Sedai, on this board. This is the White Tower Board, kind Sir. You have perhaps heard of it?"
A ray of remembrance hit Arik the way only rays could hit him...
"Ah, yes! Yes, we have one of those over at the Black Tower too! Only, ours is heron marked..." He grinned. "I will come back later and post this story on it, is that okay?"
"Yes, master. We will be pleased to serve you as best as we can!"
"Well, now.... Ah, I mean... I must be on my way.... Ta ta, good NPC novice!"
She waved at him.
He now stood in front of the door that led to fabled office of the Keeper of Chronicals, Chissa. Right inside that door... err... lay the office of Chissa, the Keeper of Chronicals, and there was another fabled door there too! The door, which led to the Amyrlin's study itself!
He knocked once, and an almost incomprehensible "Come in" could be heard on the other side.
As he entered, the first things he noticed was, of course, the door that led to the Amyrlin's Study, Chissa's desk and Chissa, the guards outside the Amyrlins study, the roof, the floor, and all the other stuff...
Strange, he pondered to himself... he could not remember hearing about guards outside the Amyrlins study...
"Hello", Chissa said in a sort of formal voice. "Do you have an appointment, or would you like one?"
Arik walked towards her desk, and looked down at the bowl standing there. It was filled with biscuits, chocolate/vanilla ones, formed as the ancient symbol of the Aes Sedai...
Chissa followed his look.
"Feel free to take one, if you want to. They are crunchy and crispy, and altogether very good..." Chissa gestured wildly towards the bowl.
"Ah.... I think I'll pass..." he said, seeing the look on her face.
"BURN THEM ALL!" Chissa lowered her face, and blushed... "I mean... too bad for you, isn't it? As I said, they are VERY crunchy..." She tried one more time to gesture towards the bowl.
"Why are you so intent on me eating those biscuits?"
"I am sorry, that is strictly confidential. Now, do you have an appointment?"
Arik sat himself down on a chair nearby. "Actually, no... but it is rather a matter of haste, you see... uhm... hello?"
Chissa bit her pen, and shook the piece of paper she was holding.
"You wouldn't happen to know an 8-letter word for *is the Amyrlin*, now, would you?"
Arik looked as puzzled as a crossword, which was exactly what Chissa was doing...
"No, I... I can't say I do...?"
Chissa laid the paper in front of him, and sighed. It was the annual Tairen Crossword Contest, Arik saw... it was fabled, too...
She gave him her pen, and he lowered it to the paper and the 8-letter check boxes...
He began filling it out, as he slowly remembered.... F.....U.....
"Ok, this is just silly," Chissa interrupted. "I have to do this myself, or else I would never forgive myself afterwards... I will get you an appointment right now. Just knock on the door and say that I sent you in. It will be ok."
Arik got up from the chair, and started to move to the door, when Chissa called.
"I am so sorry, but I must ask you to fill out this form!" She held up another piece of paper.
Arik went over to her, sighing, and read it carefully. It contained only one question, in addition to name and address fill-outs, and all that fun stuff that you had ever dreamed of filling out.
He viewed the line of answers, and picked one out. Then, he gave the paper back to Chissa. She looked at it closely, nodded, and then she started to search for something under her desk. When she came up again, she held out a box of marshmallows to Arik. He took them from her, with a questioningly look.
"The Amyrlin has been a bit moody lately," Chissa explained. "...ever since the Saldean Ambassador visited only yesterday... Seemed some of the Aes Sedai had forgotten about the time, and was still holding a slumber party... Well, never mind that now. It is not important... Oh, and..." Chissa found another paper under the complete mess on her desk, and pointed on finger upward while reading, "...If the Amyrlin asks you to take a marshmallow, say nay. Trust me on this one..." Chissa went back to her crossword.
Arik had a feeling that this would turn out to be another silly story, if he did not do something about it. And the time was mirthlessly ticking towards 1 PM...
Before he managed to knock on the Amyrlin's fabled door, one of the guards took hold of his arm.
"Sword, please!"
Arik gave him a certain look. "Oh, that's alright. You see... I don't wear a sword...
The guard looked like he was out of words, then said... "Uhm... very well, you may enter... urrh... here..."
"Thank you very much, kind guard"
Arik knocked on the door, and there was a grumpy "Come in!" on the other side of the door. He opened it slowly, but before he had his other foot on the inside of the study, the guard grabbed hold of him again.
"Sword, please!"
"I told you, I don't wear a sword!" Arik thought there might be some other reasons to the Amyrlin's bad mood in addition to the slumber-scandal...
"Very well, you may leave then."
"What!? But I just got here!? Why in the Light would I want to leave?!"
"Oh, I am terribly sorry, kind Sir..." (they were NPCs too)"... but we are just following orders... Are you sure you are not leaving?"
"Very so! Can you please let go of me now?"
"Of course." And so the guard did.
As Arik stepped inside the fabled Study, closing the fabled door behind him, he looked around... and there she was...
She was pale, like the moon in the sky at late night, but that was how she had always been, creamy, soft and white.
And her curves were like the ones one could just dream of, round and soft as her skin also was. And when you looked at her, she looked as if she was screaming "Take me! Hold me! Use me!" And although she was getting old, there were those who wished that they could, men as well as women, but they also knew that it could never be. There were tales of those who had managed to fulfill their dreams, but they had never been heard of again...
Never had there been made a finer eating utensil...
Ah, yes... she was the Spoon of the Amyrlin, the Light shine on her...
Holding her in her hand, sitting on the desk, was the Amyrlin herself. How she would pay if she had hurt the Spoon, Arik thought, and grinned mischievously to himself at the thought.
Nowadays, she was only used to eating pudding... chocolate pudding, that was... he shuddered... the fate was truly a horror in itself...
"Arik!!! NOOO!!!!!!" The Amyrlin twisted and moaned. "But that must mean....." She tried to raise an eyebrow, but she could not quite manage it...
"Indeed, Mother." Arik smiled. "I am writing a story, and YOU are in it! Now, you will feel the wrath of the storyteller!" He started to laugh.
The Amyrlin jumped off the desk, and walked in a semicircle, towards the chair behind it. It was... comfy... more so than Arik's mahogany chair and pillow accessories, but he did not care now. After all, some loons had placed her in that chair a long time ago, when she had become the Amyrlin.
He stared at the Spoon... it was holding a chocolate glob.... the inhumanity...
"Ok, Arik," Kathana said, folding her fingers somewhat less neatly than it would have been done in her own stories. She seemed frustrated at that... "... lets get this over with, shall we?"
"Very well, Mom... but do relax... I have not come to make you seem like a complete foolish... Mom.... uhm.... oh! The fourth reason....
He played with the though of making her kiss his feet... but he dismissed it. It was not... him... It was rather.... he didn't quite know...
10 minutes to 1 PM... the clock was ticking...
"Ok, Mother. Very well, I must be on my way soon now! I do not have much time. The case I wanted to talk to you about was..."
He abruptly stopped talking, as she started to eat pudding carelessly...
Her every single move, from the plastic cup to her mouth, were disgusting... and he somehow knew that HE was the one making it that way...
It made him realize that if he did not stop soon... not only had he run out of ideas, but the Spoon would suffer, he would not see Siuan... and he would not manage to post!
"Oh good Light! Siuan! I forgot!"
Slamming the fabled door after him, Chissa looked up from the crossword once again...
"6-letter words... *Theorist and scribe to the Amyrlin*... Is that Lone Wolf??"
"I guess... sorry, I dont have time to mingle with such tings... I have to go now!"
He slammed the other fabled door after him too, and ran for the Hall Stairs.
Darksmoon was still looking for his lenses, but he did not have time to stop... Poor fellow... and dirty too...urgh...
Suddenly, there was a voice from above. "ONE MINUTE LEFT, ARIK KORPIN!"
Arik threw himself to his knees, and folded his hands. "No! No, please! Let me write the part about Siuan! Please, Light, I want to see her!!!"
"I... NO! THE TIME IS UP! IT WOULD HAVE TO BE ANOTHER STORY!!
"Another story! But... but... I am not USED to writing these stories! I've run out of ideas! Please, just give me one more minute... I really wanted to call Lone Wolf for Ulv, and I..."
THE END!!!
NOTE: The Spoon was not hurt, so all relax...
OOC: Apologize for any errors, spelling or so.
Editor's Note: Hopefully fixed.
And, I hope you liked it! It took me 2 hours to write, and it all came to my mind this night.
From 12 AM to 4AM, stuff started to pop into my mind! *g*
Arik Korpin
Soldier of the Black Tower
Bonded to Siuan Sedai
of the Yellow Ajah
