Title: A DM Carole
Posted By: Kathana Justinia Trevalaer
Posted On: 12/26/1999 8:34:41 PM The Wheel of Time turns and Christmastime came and went. It was not the Christmastime, but it was a Christmastime...
The Amyrlin Seat sat in her Study, in a cranky mood. Christmas was not her favourite time of year. Kathana was forced to be nice and give gifts and share her pudding with everyone. "Bah humbug!" She proclaimed, "I'm not going to put up with this anymore." She wrote out a quick decree banning the holiday in Tar Valon. She placed it on Serafelle's desk for proofreading and then went to get ready for bed.
As she was letting down her hair, she heard a knock at the door. Opening it, she was shocked to discover her ex-Warder Chris. "Hey! I thought you were dead." she yelped.
"Only if I keep eating those biscuits you bake for me." he replied.
"They weren't that bad." She protested.
"They were black."
"They were blackened. You know, cajun-style."
"They were so blackened, I chipped a tooth. See?" He pointed. "And how about those cookies you made?"
"What was wrong with those?"
"Kat, there is no such thing as cookie-dough flavoured cookies. They were raw. Anyways, thats not why I've come here tonight. I've come to warn you." Chris's face grew grave. (Slight pun. Apologies all around.)
"No! WARN you! Has all that pudding addled your brain?" He shook his head, then pulled out a note card and began reading. "In life, I was your Warder, Chris Banefall..." Chris saw that Kathana's eyes were begining to glaze over. " Oh never mind the speech. Tonite you will be visted by three ghosts..."
The Amyrlin jerked awake. "Ghosts? Cool! Can I ask them what its like to be dead? And if they know Elvis? And..."
"Oh why do I even bother. Your completly hopeless..." Still muttering, her former Warder faded away into mist.
Later Kathana decided to forget about the whole thing and go to bed. She put a butterfly net next to her bed, just in case a ghost did decide to visit her. Snuggling deep under the covers, she was disturbed by a soft whispers from the next room. Throwing on her fuzzy bathrobe and special Amyrlin slippers, with the big seven colored pom-poms on them, she went to investigate.
"Come in Amy and know me better." Kaleyra Sedai called to her. She was sitting at a table, surrounded by all sorts of holiday goodies.
Accepting a mug of hot chocolate and a slice of gingerbread, she asked, "So who are supposed to be? The Ghost of DM Past?"
"No, actually I'm re-registering and I'd like you to update my icon."
"But aren't you going to show me why I should celebrate Christmas?" Kathana asked, puzzled.
"Why would I do that?" Kaleyra frowned. "We're both pagan and don't really celebrate Christmas."
"Yeah, but that really dosn't make a good story. Could you help me out a little? Please?" begged the Amyrlin.
"Oh alright. Quit your whining." Kaleyra channled and a wove flows of Illusion. A misty scene appeared in the air before them. "Okay, here you are posting your last Christmas silly. It really sucked, you know."
"Everyone's a critic." Kathana sighed. "But yeah, it did."
"Anyways, that was the first Silly to be posted at DM. Your later ones would establish the Silly traditions that we all know and love, like chocolate pudding, drunken Greens, Reds in flimy dresses feeding grapes to Ender, smacking Phoenix around and plots that make no sense. You see, Kathana, you really did have a wonderful life."
"Wrong story hun." The Amyrlin pointed out.
"Whatever. I've got to go tell Lannie I'm back. See ya!" With that Kaleyra faded into mist and blew herself out the door.
"I need to learn that trick. I wonder if my OP rating is high enough?" Making a note to ask Sera in the morning, Kathana went back to bed.
The Amyrlin had just settled her brain for a long winter's nap, with visions of pudding cups dancing in her head, when all of a sudden there rose such a clatter. She sprang from her bed to see what was the matter. When what the her wondering eyes should appear, but Arik Korpin, eight tiny chickens and beer.
"Arik! What are you doing here at this hour?" she demaded angrily as he spilled his beer on the sofa. A chicken clucked a gentle reproof at her.
"Oh hullo Mom." He waved at her cheerily. "I'm the Ghost of DM Present."
"Presents?" Kathana asked. She immediately closed her eyes and held out her hands.
"No, not that kind of present. The present!!!" He proclaimed expansively, flinging his arms out. "As in now. As in lately. As in the PRESENT!" At this point he knocked over a lamp. The lamp tipped over a half-empty beer bottle and liberally anointed a squawking chicken. "Oh whoops." Arik grinned at her sheepishly. "Sorry about that. I was supposed to bring snacks, but Kaleyra stole them from me downstairs. All I had left was beer. Or at least I did." He said sorrowfully, peering at his glass. "I seem to have lost some while I was waiting." The drunken Dedicated noticed the Amyrlin's growing annoyance. "Anyways," he said, hastily comming to the point. "I am here to show you the present. Or at least the near past, since there is nothing really good going on right now."
Arik pulled out a remote control and pressed a button. A large television screen rose on hydraulic lifts from the floor. He flopped down on the sofa, spilling more beer in the process. He nudged a chicken off to give Kathana a place to sit. Pressing another button, a movie began to play.
The camera swooped down on a sun drenched courtyard at the White Tower. A tall novice, with a mass a pale hair and only one eye. It gave a close up of a single tear rolling down her cheek. "Lasir was not like the other novices." A narrator intoned in a voice more suitable for a funreal than a children's television special.
Suddenly a chorus of dancing and singing Accepted burst out of nowhere. "All of the other novices." Kick. Spin. Vogue. "Used to laugh and her names." Can-can. Pirourette. "They never let poor Lasir." Boogey. Woogey. "Play in all the novice games." Kick. Step. Kick. "Then one perfectly normal day." Heeey Macarena! "The Amyrlin was heard to say. "
Kathana was treated to the frightening sight of herself on screen dancing and singing. "Lasir with your eye so bright." Kick. Spin. Step. Kick. Kathana accidently kicked one of the Accepted and the girl limped offscreen crying. She sang on obilvious. "Won't you be my assistant tonight?"
The Accepted chorus reached all new hights of giddiness. "Then how the novices loved her."
"Loved her." Agreed the harmony part.
"And they shouted out with glee." Kick. Kick. Ouch.
"Lasir, the one eyed novice, you'll go down in history."
"Like Lewinsky!" Big finish. Much rejoicing.
Arik turned off the TV, and blew his nose loudly. "That one always makes me cry."
"Yeah, its heartwarming." Kathana agreed. "But what was the point?"
"Huh? I dunno, but its my favourite show. I'm going to go find some more beer now. Toodles!" With that he, the chickens and all the beer turned into mist.
"Maybe its a ter'angreal or something." She mused.
The Amyrlin decided it would be pointless to go back to bed, since at least one more ghost was going to show up tonight. She sat up in front of the fire, waiting for the next one to appear. She was not disappointed.
A dark figure, wraped in a black cloak appeared before. In a deep, yet familar tone, he spoke. "I am the Ghost of DM Future. I am here to show you the dark and horrible future that awaits you if you continue on your present course."
"No your not." Kathana told him.
"What? What do you mean I'm not." He flapped the sleeves of his cloak at her, like Bat Man. "Why do you think I'm wearing this?"
"Because you are Segurant Gaidin, and its nearly two."
"Yeah, your right." He sighed, pushing back his hood. "Sorry Kat, I was just trying to help. I'll send in the real Ghost now." The Amyrlin patted his head, and gave him a drink. Then when he was safely in bed, with his cup, the Ghost came up.
"Hi Mommy." Kartos bounced into the room.
"Hey there baby girl." Kathana grinned at her mentee. "What are you doing up so late?"
"I'm the Ghost of DM Future, because I'm a future Aes Sedai and all."
"Ohhh...Okay." Kathana nodded. "Makes sense, I suppose. What are you going to show me?"
"Ummm....I'm not really sure how to do this. I've been busy making icons lately, so I skipped that class. Sorry." Kartos grinned and blushed.
"Here. Arik left his remote control here. You can try using the TV."
"Ooooh. Okay." Kartos pressed a button. The frowning visage of Soraya flashed onscreen.
"Hey! How come I'm not in your story? I'm supposed to be your best friend and you didn't put me in your Silly? And you." She turned on the startled Accepted. "Your supposed to be in bed, little miss. You better get moving, before I..."
The Amyrlin quickly pressed a button and Soraya disappeared. She smiled reassuringly at Kartos. "The futures not much diffrent is it?"
"No, no its not." The white faced girl stammered. " I better get back to bed, before she catches me." Kartos skipped turned into mist, and fled out the door.
The next morning, Kathana sprang from her bed and flung open the windows. "Its Christmas Day! I haven't missed it! I need to get presents for everyone and spread my cheeriness all around!" She looked down at the courtyard below. She saw Segurant walking along, minding his own business. "Hey you!"
"Yeah?" he yelled.
"Go down into the city and buy me the biggest coconut candle you can find. There's a shiney nickle in it for you."
"Okay, just one question."
"What's a coconut?"
"You know, swallows carry them around."
"African or European?"
"Just go get one!!" She yelled in exasperation.
Later that day, she assembled everyone in the main Hall. All the Aes Sedai had brought food, the Asha'man brought drinks, and the Warders were preparing to put on a Christmas pagent. They were all arguing over why Joseph didn't just bitch slap the inn keeper, when Segurant came in lumbering under the weight of a giant pineapple incense burner. Kathana sighed and forgave him.
Phrygiana called for a toast. "Peace on Earth." She proclaimed, clinking her glass against Daelin's.
"Its good to kill men." The Red sister replied.
"No, you've got wrong." Lanfir interrupted. "Its supposed to be 'Its good to thrill men." She delivered this with a saucy wink and a grin. All the other Greens smiled and nodded in a knowing fashion. The Warders all grinned and gave each other high fives.
Kathana broke in before it turned into a fight. "Your both wrong. Its supposed to be 'Goodwill towards men."
"Oh." Daelin looked embarrassed. " I should go apologize then." She rushed out of the room.
Kathana sighed. "Reds. Anyways, lets party!" With that confetti fell from the ceiling and techno music began blaring from hiden speaks as strobe lights flashed. As the Accepted chorus girls came prancing in, like Rockettes, Daelin called from the room. "Could some one get a Yellow? I think this one's still alive."
MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS DRAGONMOUNT