[ PART 7 ]

"Nothing, man, I didn't say anything." Brian stifled a giggle and then sighed. "This is the pretense you operate under? This is what you convince yourselves so you can get through it? Oh, *man* you guys are fucked up!" He trotted off primly.

~*~

The show that evening was fine. Darren and Daniel were fine. Professional enough not to let these things hinder their stage presence. Placebo were a little rocky, and not overwhelmingly received by the crowd. Brian was in a bit of a tiff, and this seemed to bring great pleasure to Darren. They returned to their respective hotels.
"All I'm saying, Darren, is that you have to be a little more ... lenient with Brian. He's of a different ... breed, so to speak."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Reducing us all to the level of dogs doesn't justify his belligerent attitude toward me. He's a bitch, Daniel, can't you see that? Why are you defending him? And why, for the love of god, does he have the impression that I'm somehow *jealous*?" Darren yelled in disgust.
"Jesus ..." Daniel sighed. //It's too complicated.// he thought. //I want out. Just give me a nice suburban home and a wife and kids. I'll work in a book store. Everything will be great.// The bubble burst when Darren tore into him again.
"I think this all comes back to *you*. You don't know what you want. Every time I turn my back, you plunge a knife into it for Brian to see."
"Oh, is that what you think we're doing? God, you're self-centred," Daniel countered.
"Am I? Well what *are* you doing when I turn my back, then?"
"We're doing this!" Daniel screamed, grabbing Darren roughly by the shoulders and kissing his mouth impulsively. All the words were gone. Angry and crazy turned to white noise. Darren froze with shock. Briefly, a thought flittered through his head. //Things are going to be different.// And then he started to breathe again. Daniel pulled away.
"Fuck you," he muttered, and disappeared into the bathroom.
"Dan, wait, I ..." Darren tapped gently on the other side of the door. "I don't know what to say." Silence. "I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I'm sorry that things aren't going very well. But I'm not going to stand here and say I'm wrong, and that Brian has any right to act the way he does ... I mean, it just seems really complicated all of a sudden."
"You're not wrong," Daniel said. "Brian's being a bitch. But so are you. So what the hell am I supposed to do?" He opened the door and paced across the room in frustration. "I'm stuck in the middle."
Darren cautiously put his hand on Dan's shoulder, and prayed for everything to calm down. "It doesn't ... it doesn't have to be this way." Slowly he reached around to embrace him. They stood like that for a while, falling into the comfort of the hug. Silently dreading the inevitable release.
//Come on,// Darren thought. //Just ... open. I don't know why, but I want ... I want to stay like this forever.// Darren closed his eyes as if falling asleep. //I want to know what he likes about Brian. I want to know what they do.// Quietly he moved to kiss Daniel's neck, tiny kisses, he almost hoped Daniel wouldn't notice. It just seemed natural. //I want to do that too.//
Gradually Darren's kisses grew more intense, until he was pawing at Daniel with intention. Lips brushing against the hollow of his throat, dying to express the affection that had denied itself for so long. Dan was doing his best to retain his composure, but every now and then his eyes would close in disbelief. //I've wanted this for as long as I've known him,,// he admitted to himself. //Why now, of all times ...? Brian's going to ... // "Ah," Daniel whispered, his thought train derailed as Darren's tongue darted out to lick his earlobe. He felt the tension in Darren's body, how he wanted to crawl all over him. And then his mouth was crushed by Darren's, kissing with the same abandon that Dan had earlier. //Oh, this is *good* ...// A rush went through his spine.
And a knock came at the door. //No. Way.// They froze, the sound throwing them back into reality. "Oh, my god." Darren sighed. Daniel reluctantly got up and looked through the peephole. A heavily-mascara'd eye stared back at him. Brian. Daniel quickly opened the door and stepped into the hallway to deal with him.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, trying to hide his annoyance (among other things).
"Sweetie, you're looking flushed," he put a hand to Dan's forehead and smiled (knowingly?), "are you feeling ok ...?"
"Yeah," Daniel fidgeted. "What are you doing here?"
"I just came to see if you wanted to go out," Brian said, batting his eyelashes.
"I do, actually. Alone." Daniel started to pace down the hall, and Brian followed.
"What do you mean?" he asked as they got into the elevator.
"I'm going for a walk." Daniel pushed L.
They got out at the lobby and Daniel pushed through the revolving door to the outside, leaving Brian behind.



[ PART 8 ]

Darren watched Daniel step out of the room with decidedly mixed feelings. Part of him was relieved, he wanted time to regain his composure, to wipe away the heat from his most-likely-flushed cheeks.
But another part of him didn't want Daniel to go. Ever. It was the part of him that wanted to feel connected again, wanted the warmth, *yearned* for it. And that was the part that was scaring him the most.

//This is *not* how I thought things would go..// Darren quietly thought, absently sitting down on the hotel bed. Darren didn't wonder who was at the door, there was only *one* person he could think of who would have such awful timing. Darren didn't think he could resent that little tart Brian anymore than he already did, but apparently he could. A lot more.

Darren sighed and was reaching for the TV remote when a loud knocking startled him into dropping his arm. He froze for a moment, wildly wondering if, against all odds, Daniel had come back after stepping outside. Maybe he decided wanted to come back to Darren instead of going with Brian. Maybe he had told Brian to piss off!

Rushing excitedly to the door, he threw it open and looked to where Daniel's smiling face was supposed to be. But empty air graced his vison, causing Darren to look downward in dismay.

//Oh no. Not him. Not *now*// Darren thought despairingly, not relishing the prospect of having to deal with his new visitor: Brian Molko himself. The diminutive singer seemed to grin at Darren's expression and waltzed in without invitation. Still feeling a bit shocked, Darren automatically closed the door and turned to face Brian, a small part of his mind wondering where Daniel was. And why Brian wasn't with him. It implied too many things, Darren dimissed his musing and focused on the task at hand.

"Where's Daniel?" Darren asked calmly, as Brian proceed to flounce himself onto the bed. *Darren's* bed, as a matter of fact. Darren ignored that and leaned against a wall, waiting for a reply.
Brian shrugged, not looking at Darren for a moment but appeared to take in the mess Darren had made of his room, the mess he *always* made in hotels.

"I dunno, he left cuz he said he wanted to take a walk. I don't know or really care where he went." Brian said offhandly, leaning over to pick up a pair of Darren's black Star-Wars boxers that lay on the floor. He looked up at Darren with a sly, questioning expression and offered him the article of clothing. Flushing, Darren snatched them back quickly and stuffed them in a random bag.

"Why are you here then?" Darren asked impatiently. Brian pouted slightly at his tone.

"I'm borrrred. I just wanted to talk." Brian informed the taller singer, giving him an innocent look. Darren replied to that look with a disbelieving look of his own. Brian's pout deepened.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you always so pissed at me?" he demanded, sitting up straight and leaning forward, his eyes daring Darren to answer.

"You're always in the way!" Darren exclaimed heatedly, all of his pent-up frustration making him a little careless with his words. Blinking in alarm, Darren bit his lip and hoped his tone would go unnoticed. No such luck; Darren watched Brian's eyes get a particular gleam in them.

"‘In the way'? How am I ever in the way?" he asked, quirking his eyebrow up in an obvious mockery of Darren's own habit.

"You never give us a moment's peace! Always barging in, interrupting people and making a nuisance of yourself. Just look what you did a moment ago, banging down our door!" Darren retorted, getting all worked up. Then he realized exactly what he had just said, and froze. Brian smirked slightly, but whether at what Darren had said or his reaction, he couldn't be sure.

"And what exactly were you doing that I interrupted, Darren?" Brian asked in a sly voice, never taking his eyes from Darren's face. Darren opened and closed his mouth without a sound coming out, throat too dry to speak.

//He knows. Oh God, he knows. What is he going to do?// Darren thought in a panic. Stalling for time, Darren walked over to the bed next to the one Brian was occupying.

"Oh, nothing," Darren finally stammered, striving to sound normal "We were just talking about something, and you made me lose my train of thought when you knocked. Nothing big." He refused to look at the singer beside him, Darren could practically *feel* Brian grinning at him. Irrationally, it made him angry again, and Darren turned to glare at Brian's smiling face.

"If it was nothing big," Brian drawled in a completely rational voice "then why does it bother you so much? Or is it really that Daniel was in the midst of seducing you and I interrupted the Kodak moment?" Brian smirked at Darren like he had already agreed to Brian's theory. So smug and self-satisfied.

//He's mocking me!// Darren thought furiously //Throwing the fact that he's got Daniel in my face!//

"God Brian, shut up! I know that Daniel lusts over you totally, you don't need to parade it around me!" Darren shouted, standing up suddenly, wishing that he could wipe that grin off Brian's face entirely. Or just sink into a hole in the ground and disappear. But instead of smirking wider, Brian got a look of surprise on his face.

"Darren, hello? Where have you *been*? Mars?? How can you not know that Daniel wants YOU! He's always wanted you!" Brian exclaimed, pointing straight at Darren with an impassioned hand. "I can't believe how fucking blind you are!"

Darren sat down again in confusion. Daniel wanted him? To the point that Brian had noticed?

"If *you* knew, Brian, why did you go for him?" Darren asked, almost plaintively. Brian glanced at him, an odd defensive look, then quickly glanced at his lap, studying his hands. Then he seemed to force himself to shrug.

"Well, you didn't seem to be wanting the attention, let alone doing something about it. Can't blame me for indulging in your cast-offs, can you?"

Brian's tone was so unfamiliar that Darren peered at him, but Brian's had his head angled so low that his hair had fallen in his face, masking it effectively. After a moment's thought, Darren realized that the unfamiliar tone was *bitterness*, made foreign by the fact that Brian never seemed upset.

//Things just got a little weird// Darren thought faintly, not knowing what to say next, what to think....

what indeed...