Darren Hayes looked around the room and sighed. He was only halfway finished unpacking his two large suitcases, mostly filled with his clothes. He glanced at the huge pile on his bed and the open wardrobe with pieces of clothing carelessly stashed into it. He was tired, no, plain exhausted really and there was nothing more than he wanted to do than to to just hide under the bed covers and go to blissful sleep. How beautiful would that be. He smiled as he slowly stroked his luxurious silk blankets. Worth the thousand bucks, he thought to himself. Every night was a luxury with these blankets.
He slumped down in the black velvet chair. He loved black velvet, so a lot of his clothes and furniture were made up from the material. Putting his head in his hands, he closed his eyes and tried to clear his thoughts. He could feel his temples starting to throb once again. Damn, was another headache on it's way? He swallowed nervously to himself. Tomorrow he had to go to this little get-together, sort of a 'welcome home' party at the Jones' place. It was all Mrs. Jones' idea. Did Daniel have any idea about what's going on? Of course he would, stupid. His mum would tell him alright. And then...and then... And then what? He shuddered at the thought of how Daniel would react to the news. I didn't tell him I was coming back home. I told everyone else but him. He knew he would make Daniel feel terribly upset and hurt, but he just couldn't help it. And all these past few months or so...it had been hard for him, for both of them really. That was why he had to go to New York, as far away a possible from him and everything else. He had to get away from it all or he would go frightfully mad.
I love you Jonesy. I want more than just friendship from you.
That was the main reason why he had been so cold towards him. He had strong feelings for Daniel, stronger than any other emotion he had ever experienced. Of course, when he had first discovered this, he was shocked and horrified. More than horrified, he was overcome with shame. At that time, he was still together with his beloved Colby, whom he had planned to start a family soon and spend the rest of his days with. How could he, Darren Stanley Hayes, have such lustful and intense feelings of love towards his best friend in the whole world and musical partner in the phenomenally successful Savage Garden?? It was torture. Feelings of guilt racked his brain whenever he was with Colby. He hated himself for fantasizing about Daniel. He hated himself even more when he pretended he was making love to him whenever he was making love to Colby. And he was disgusted. Though he wasn't homophobic in any way, he couldn't get over how he was falling in love with another man. He couldn't bear to be around Daniel anymore, for the temptation would be too great. Whenever he saw Daniel around near him, his heart would start beating hard and mixed emotions would overwhelm him. He was scared to death he might accidentally make a pass at him, so thrilled was he by his presence. It was especially torturous when Daniel would rest his hand on him, flash one of his sexy smiles at him, or whisper intimately in his ear. He felt like dying, because he couldn't show Daniel how much he really cared, how much he truly, madly, deeply loved him with all his heart. He knew he and Daniel had a pretty exceptional relationship before, and that no-one in the world could ever take his place. Even Colby, whom he had stilled loved so much, was nowhere near as Daniel. It was like they were meant to be, they knew each other so well, inside out, it was almost a claustrophobic friendship.
That friendship would never be the same again and he knew it. Not when he was so magnetically attracted to Daniel like this. It was the main reason why he built a strong sturdy wall around himself, to protect his vulnerable feelings. There was no way in the world he was going to confess his feelings to Daniel, even if it killed him. Daniel was already in a good, solid relationship with a woman, Michelle. Earlier this year, they had announced their engagement and Darren was determined not to get in the way of things. It didn't matter that he was twisting and turning painfully inside, trying desperately to fight off these horrid thoughts and feelings about him, but as long as Daniel was happy, that was all that mattered. Poor Daniel, didn't know what hit him when I suddenly cut him right out of my life, he thought sadly. Daniel, who had thought he didn't want him anymore, how heartbreaking it was to see those puppy-dog eyes fill with tears. Daniel, who was so deeply concerned about his friend and wouldn't give up pestering him, no matter how much he threw hurtful retorts back at him. But Jonesy, there was a good reason. I'm doing this for your own good. You must understand. But how could Daniel understand if he didn't know what was going on in the first place?