*Seventeen*
"Please, come in. I was just getting to know your friend here, Alex ..." I turned to Krycek, "may I call you that?"
"Uh."
"Good." Mulder stepped inside and gave Krycek an indelible look of utter perplexity. It's a shame they can't hear what each other is thinking, I thought.
You bastard. What are you doing here? How could you leave like that? You have everything I've ever wanted. Answers. Maybe you can't find them now, but they're there. The truth is in you. Why can't you help me? Whose side are you on?
I'm so scared. All my life I've been betraying the people I love, and sometimes falling in love with the people I betray. It's just what I do. I haven't had a choice. I don't feel anything anymore. Except with you. I don't know who I am. I don't know how things are going to turn out.
That exchange of expressions struck me. It meant so much, I suddenly felt far too involved. I felt myself being drawn into their minds. The fate of the world was resting on the shoulders of these men, and their emotional instability was alarming. I mean, man, talk about the love that dare not speak its name ...
"Tell me what you know," Mulder repeated, his voice cracking. "What are you?"
Uh-oh. That's it.
That's just it.
The way he said it or something.
Don't know. There was too much going on in too small a space. But something happened that had never happened before. I saw what I was. Vampire. What does that mean. Scare people. Drink blood. It was not so unusual, day to day. It was normal. But not now. Not with all this human emotion and unfiled memory taking up residence in my head, coming from them – god, what is it about them? Why does this mean anything at all to me?
It's because ... because they remind me of me and Daniel.
How is this happening?
That's just it.
The way he said it or something.
What am I?
In an instant, still-motion frames of every person I'd ever killed flashed before my eyes. All the puncture wounds spouting at once. All the bloody kisses. Crushing mouths together. Slicing through skin. Ripping. Draining. Draining. The summit of every extortion wracking me mentally, suddenly a vision that this could be the whole world. The world, a vampire.
"What happened when Scully and I were here before? What happened that night?" Mulder's voice was rough but I was too caught in my vision to realise. I looked at him slowly.
"You know ... all those people you were sent here to interview? They were called here to be abducted, taken aboard an alien ship and given the hybrid gene. Yes, it has been perfected." I told him. "These people are no longer entirely human. It will be some time before they realise the full effects of the gene, before they notice thing like ... cuts healing immediately. Green blood. Superhuman strength. The ability to shape-shift."
"That can't be. Their stories aren't consistent," he argued. "And the implants are different."
"Of course. People remember what they want to remember. Experience mixes with fantasy and sci-fi movies after a point. And wouldn't it be suspicious if all alien abductees, from all corners of the Earth, were given exactly the same implant?" Mulder's jaw was clenched, conveying a fear that he was teetering on the edge of believing me, and that would mean an even heavier emotional weight to bear. "You want to know what happened to you and Scully that night?" He nodded solemnly. "Mulder, have you ... have you cut yourself lately?"
"No!" he screamed. "That's not possible! There's no way I am going to let you tell me my future's been reduced to becoming a slave! Now tell me what I can do!"
"You can do nothing. Your fate is spelled out. Resist or serve – well, you must serve."
Krycek understood all too well. "Oh, god ... It's too late, Mulder." he stated uselessly.
"Fuck you, and your fucking ambiguity! If someone as cowardly as you can resist, so can I. And I can save Scully." He turned to me, his eyes burning into my face. "Do it to me."
"Mulder, you can't! We don't know what that would do to a hybrid!" yelled Krycek. Now he was staring at me too. "You have to help!"
It was so confusing. Yelling out loud, yelling in their minds. I have to do something, but I'm not sure what ... I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Dan. There were no questions – he had seen the visions in my mind, knew I was realising the fate of the world and my own inhumanity. He cleared it all away in one fell swoop. All the death that was in me, all the death in the room, gone. Then everything was quiet and there was no more yelling. And then it was so quiet I could hear everyone breathing. It sounded cold. Cold and blue. And then the room took on a familiar glow, and I realised what was happening.
It was too soon. How could this be? I was still locked in Daniel's gaze, until he pulled me forward into a kiss that froze us. We wandered from mind to mind, felt the fear, but it was all right. There was no one in us but us at this moment.
It's like light years of travel to meet your next door neighbour. You know it's always been you. I love you more than life.
Life does not exist. Saving the world is about being bigger than life. I love you more than love.
Peripherally I was aware that the other two were locked as we were. I wandered into them.
There is nothing to forgive when you were never who you were and you will never be again.
Resistance is the only way to show you I am sorry. I can find your answers. Everything you've ever wanted. The truth.
Truth is beauty, and beauty truth.
But beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
What can I say. I want to behold.
The light glowed more intensely and it became nearly impossible to move, but I had no choice. I grabbed Krycek by the collar of his jacket and pierced the skin of his neck with my teeth. The blue radiated with such severity, I could hear nothing. Nothing. Wait.
"Ohhh ..." Alex grew weak as desire coursed through him. He slumped gently to the floor and I followed, drinking out his blood as he reached for my wrist. He kissed my hand and arched desperately for my mouth, but there was no way I could let him do that now. I pulled my wrist away and tore it open before covering his mouth with it. He was so far gone, I felt sorry for him. He convulsed as he drank, and seemed unable to quiet the cries he continued to emit. I had developed at least some degree of control over such feelings in my experience. I must admit, I was exercising that degree as much as possible. Mulder looked on but remained frozen by the light. I placed my hand on Alex's chest, and knew he had no hope of release until the transformation was complete.
We stayed that way for nine minutes. Changing. Changing the world.
some time passes ...