Chapter 1
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight.
Lead me out on the moonlit floor.
Lift your open hand.
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance,
silver moon's sparkling.
So kiss me.
~ Kiss Me, Sixpence None The Richer
Hayes likens his partner to a butterfly. "Push too hard and you'll break him," he cautions when Jones abruptly, albeit politely, puts an end to a photo session the next day.
I smiled to myself as I reread the line over again in the latest issue of Australian Vogue magazine. Push too hard and you'll break him. How typically metaphoric of Darren to say such a thing. But of course, he'd always been the poet, right? Twisting his words in metaphors and riddles. That's what a lyricist does; play games with your mind.
I threw the magazine back on the rack and slumped back down against the couch.
Another photo shoot, another day of primping and preening. I detested every moment of it. Here I was once again, in Red Light studios for Australian culture and fashion magazine Cream who requested an "exclusive" photo shoot with us. Minders and assistants everywhere were hurrying to and fro like headless chickens. The photographers were barking orders at one other about the setting and backdrop for the shoot. Leonie was talking loudly over the chatter on her mobile to the record company. And Darren was still in the make-up room while I sat here, waiting for my turn.
I sighed. It was going to be another long day - and a boring one at that.
I stared at my reflection in the dressing mirror before me. Micheal, the make-up artist, peered behind me, wiping his hands on the grotty, eyeliner stained towel and rearranged the lightening above me.
"Well Monsieur Hayes," he whispered in his low, husky French accent. "They wanted a very different, very unique gothic look for this shoot, so there you go..."
I stared. And kept staring. I couldn't answer him.
Oh my god. I can't even recognize myself!
Micheal's make-up brush had tainted my skin in such pure whiteness, it had literally taken my breath away. My large eyes were encircled by a generous thick lining of black eyeliner, making them almost too circular for my face. The lashes were thickened with a heavy coat of mascara that threatened to touch my pale, pale cheeks. And my lips... they were touched with lashings of blood-red lipstick, shining and glimmering in the artificial light.
I looked... I looked... well, I don't know how I looked!
"Geez," I muttered under my breath, my hand tentatively touching my flawless right cheek. I looked like I was made of sculptured marble. "How on earth did you make me look like one of the living undead??"
Micheal smirked. "I like it. And it suits you too. Makes you look so damn pretty."
I turned to look at him. "Pretty?"
He simply shrugged and slipped off the sheet protecting my clothes from stains. "That's what Cream wants you two to look. It is an art magazine. Outrage photographers are here as well and they might want some shots too."
I cocked my head to one side. Outrage wanted photos of us again? Oh well, at least it was good publicity. "Hmmmmm, I didn't know that. But shit-" I glanced at my reflection again and carefully licked my red lips. "Mike, you sure have outdone yourself this time."
He grinned and motioned me to stand. "I take that as a compliment then. Righty, get Dan in here now and let's get him all dolled up too!"
Chapter 2
"Outrage wants to put us on the front cover again?" I repeated, leaning forward.
Leonie took out her pen and scribbled something down on her clipboard. "Yuh-huh Dan. Seems that last year when you guys were on the front cover, sales shot right up. So they want to put your pretty faces on the front cover again."
She looked up. "It's great for the promo so far. Two hot shot magazines desperate to have you two splattered on the covers; it doesn't get any better than this!"
"Hmmmmm," I muttered, unsure. For some odd reason, I had a queasy feeling at the pit of my stomach. It was then I snapped. Why the hell am I so damn apprehensive all of a sudden? It's only a photo shoot for a national gay men's magazine for heaven's sake!
"What sort of shots are they after?" I finally asked.
"Something very different... the 'gothic' look," she replied. "They're dressing you up as goths, I should say."
Just then, the door swung open and out waltz Darren Stanley Hayes. And my, what a spectacle he was.
The entire room, which had been buzzing with endless orders and directions, fell into silence as the darkly clad figure slowly walked towards me. Tight PVC plastic pants matching a thin, almost see through button up shirt with those old-fashioned lace cuffs and collar. A silver chain around his neck; the top was unbuttoned and one could see the shining gleam just slightly above his chest. He stopped a couple of inches in front of me and grinned.
"Boo." he whispered, almost sensuously.
Strands of growing black silky locks framed his white, white face. Black eye make-up made his entire face look absolutely haunting. And, god forbid, was his pouty lips dipped in real blood? They were so red, in contrast with his devilish moon face and black, black eyes.
I was mesmerised by this hypnotic beauty in front of me.
Leonie broke the silence. "Wow." she whistled. "Just look at what a little eyeliner can do to you."
There were an equal chorus of laughter and amazement all around. Sure, at photo shoots we had make-up transformations, but never this much or this theatrical! It almost made my blood boil...
What?! What did I just think? Made my blood BOIL??
"Shit Daz," I tried to laugh, covering my blush. "You look... sort of androgynous if you ask me!" Those words just popped out of my mouth without thinking.
He laughed and smiled. "Now it's your turn sweety."
I knew I loved you before I met you... I hummed the little tune in mind as I waited. Everyone else went back to business, getting everything prepared for the shoot. As the minutes seemingly slowly ticked by, my thoughts turned back to Daniel's first expression of seeing me dressed up like this. Oh hehehehe. He looked like he'd just seen a ghost. I didn't look that bad, didn't I?
The door opened and heads were turned to see how he would turn out. I felt rather giddy at how today was turning to be. To be honest, I was enjoying all this... the most interesting photo shoot I had ever done.
Once again, everyone stared at the blond prince before them. And, shamelessly, so did I.
Black from head to toe he was - tight shiny pants, revealing his slender frame, matching an equally tight velvet button up top. Over that, he also had on a three-quarters length leather black coat, with the collar adorned in fake fur. Tiny crucifix studs were placed in each ear and he had on one of those silver studded dog chokers circulating his long, long neck. He had on the same Dr Martin boots as I.
His dirty blond hair was just lightly tinted to a darker shade, yet still a glimmer of gold could be seen. It was his eyes though, that grabbed the most attention: his usual grey-green emeralds had been transformed into brilliant jewels; the thick eye lining similar to mine made his eyes appear so penetrative. It was like he could just delve into your damned soul by one single glance. Ah, what has Micheal's brush done to us? Never before had he experimented with the 'gothic' look; this morning was his first attempt, and my oh my, the guy sure has talent for the art.
Daniel walked towards me as I did to him before and smiled. Lashings of - what on earth? - dark violet lipstick had been applied carefully on his lips. And his skin. Daniel, the ever outdoorsy type, now had the same white marble skin as mine. So smooth and almost glassy.
I stared at him as he stared back at me. Something didn't seem quite right, yet I could not put my finger on it. All of this... our 'gothic' revamp image for this particular photo shoot... what was it doing to me??
Then it hit me.
I had never, ever before looked and studied Daniel this way before. What I just did then now, relaying information to my brain about every single detail of his make-up and clothing is beyond me. Hell, we've had hundreds of shoots before, but none of them enchanted me as much as this one had - it almost seemed like I was witnessing Daniel's dazzling beauty for the first time.
I shivered under his glance. Those eyes. Those damn, damn eyes... they could seduce any woman or even any man, no matter how straight they claim to be.
What?!
"Alright guys, stop checking out each other!" Kirk, Cream photographer, suddenly pulled me back into reality, "We have work to do, plenty of time later!"
I could feel the burning blush creeping up my neck and face as good-humoured laughter was heard all round. Shit, I wasn't making too obvious that I simply could not take my eyes off this man, was I?
Chapter 3
I faked a laugh to cover up my embarrassment. That Kirk, such a joker he is. But I could feel my face flushing under the layers of cake of my white foundation and cautiously I took a sideways glance at my partner in crime.
Such beauty. I could not help but, well, fantasize about this luxurious creature in front of me. It was almost as if for the first time, my eyes were finally opened to see him in his true light. He was the perfect picture of innocence and betrayal all in one. Like little boy lost and Mr Sexuality all oozing into one.
Huh?!
The other part of my mind snapped back at me. What the fuck were you just thinking AGAIN?? For the first time this morning, it officially dawned on me: I had never thought or felt this way before about my best friend and business partner. Sure I knew Darren wasn't too bad looking before, but this...! What has this man done to me now! Micheal had deliberately emphasized Daz's best features, adding almost a feminine quality to them. Ah yes, my mind purred. Yes, that was the word. He was a most perfect mixture of femininity and masculinity.
My head felt light and dizzy as in a daze, I was moved this way and that for the shoot. Hands were groping all over me, making sure my top wasn't too crushed, my hair was perfect, my lipstick still shiny - I felt like a delicate china doll being played around with; one hurried move and I'm broken.
"Alright you two, just sit nice and pretty over there behind that blue backdrop..." Kirk eyed us through the camera, his nimble fingers ready to click the button.
Darren stood in the centre and, the ever natural he is, stared at the camera with intent. Slightly lowering his eyes a little, he peered from under his thick long lashes, making him appear oh so sweet and pure yet dangerous altogether. I sucked in my breath. Shit, I mentally cursed to myself as I (tentatively?) moved around then behind him as I always have done. Can't you shut up about him?! You've seen him before posing like a little Drama Queen he is!
Click, click.
Click, click.
"Purrrfect..." Kirk murmured under his breath as he continued taking more shots of us. "You two beauties look sensational, baby!"
Hmmmm. Must I also mention that Kirk is a well-known flamboyant gay photographer?
He looked up at us at that moment and grinned cheekily. "Such pretty boys."
If I hear the word "pretty" one more time, I swear I will commit suicide. Pretty this, pretty that, pretty everything - what is it with Kirk and Micheal anyway?! Was it part of their publicity vocabulary or something?
Julie, one of the writers for Cream, came in just then and smiled at us, flashes from the camera momentarily blinding our vision.
"Well, well, well, it's the Logan lads finally!" she beamed. Huh.
Click, click.
"Do you know how long we've been waiting for you guys to be on our front cover? We wanted a photo shoot on Savage Garden like never before, so we decided to give you two a complete makeover."
And what a makeover this is, I silently agreed as I moved my hips slightly here and there for the added effect. I turned around and caught Daniel studying me, his eyes once again putting me in a trance. His dark lips were slightly opened and looked so inviting for all to see.
Damndamndamn!
What was going on? I had never looked at another man like that like before! My whirling thoughts were swimming in a chaotic mess in my head and I closed my eyes momentarily.
"Mmmmmmmm-mmmm!" exclaimed Kirk, his camera furiously trying to capture every single movement. "Darren, you are one professional alright! Come closer to him... yep, that's it..."
I stared at Daniel's face, his lithe body, his silky movements. He looked so much like a blond porcelain doll. So crushable. So breakable. So bad yet so good at the same time.
And why did I suddenly think of that?
Click, click.
Click, click.
Kirk suddenly stopped and gazed at us thoughtfully. He squinted his eyes and I could distinctly see a glint behind them. I patiently crossed my arms and waited.
"Hmmmm, Outrage should be here any moment now... " He stopped, leaned closer and gently pushed Daniel's bangs out of his eyes. "I've got this idea... but I'm not sure whether you two would, um, shall we say, consent ..."
My heart started to race at his words. Oddly and strangely enough. Consent. I glanced back at the golden-haired beauty behind me. His face mirrored my quizzical yet almost yielding expression.
"Erm, for Outrage?" he asked.
Just then another photographer entered the room, a sleek good looking young man along with a couple of others. I recognized him as... Cameron? He took our shots last year.
"Heya," he drawled in his broad accent. He stopped in front of us. I felt his eyes running over me like water. Oh well. He works for a national gay men's magazine Daz, what do you think? Of course he has to have an eye for... um, men.
Chapter 4
Kirk turned him aside for a while and the two talked in low voices, obviously about what they planned to do with us. My head was spinning a bit from all this today. What on earth did Kirk have in mind to do to us? Consent?? My face was burning even from the mere thought of it. I didn't know how this particular shoot, or day for that matter, was going to end. Things were just getting weirder and weirder.
And you're enjoying it, aren't you?
I licked my lips. I looked down and my hands were trembling from anticipation and suspense. Did I want anything to happen? And if so, what exactly do I want to happen?
Darren stood in silence as the photographers still whispered to one another. I swallowed, the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach increasing by the minute. Cameron, if I recall his name correctly, kept glancing back at us, his dark eyes first widening in wonder then a knowing look came into them as Kirk whispered more instructions into his ear.
"Wonder what the hell that guy's got in plan for us, eh Jonesy?"
I snapped my head back towards him. "Hell yeah. With our consent...?"
I deliberately hung the question in mid-air, just to test him what he thought of it.
He nodded, but wouldn't meet my gaze. "Hmmmm yeah," was all he said. His black locks glistened in the light. They looked so soft.
After what seemed like years, Kirk and Cameron finally stopped and walked towards us, a rather queer look on their faces. Cameron, his hand on his camera, broke into a grin.
"We have an idea for the front cover of next issue." he said. "But, of course, it all depends on whether you two want to do it or not. Entirely up to you."
There was a pause. I didn't want to say anything first before Darren did. He turned his eyes towards me warily then back to the other two.
"And what is it you exactly want us to do then?" he finally asked. It was getting hot and stuffy and I undid my collar which was heating up my neck awfully.
Cameron smiled, almost seductively if you will, his white teeth grazing just a little on his lips. "We want the guys of Savage Garden to pose as lovers. A kissing shot. What about it?"
Silence.
The words hit me like a bolt of lightening. My heart and head was pounding so hard, god I was going to faint soon. I blinked. I swallowed. Yet I was still here, existing in the present moment. It can't a dream then, just something I can wake up to and shrug off; Cameron's request of us kissing was real.
It took couple of seconds more for me to start thinking rationally. Okay, okay Dan, I told myself as I unconsciously wiped the drop of sweat off my neck. Just calm down. It's only a photo shoot, nothing more. Just say yes or no.
And what the hell should I say? Or rather, what did I want?
Did I want Darren's lips on mine? Could it be possible that it would surely happen in a matter of minutes if all I had to do was to reply yes?
This was getting stranger by the minute. What a morning so far. What a fucking morning.
"And may I ask why you want us in such a way?" Darren's voice cut through the thicken silence. There was a slight tremor in his tone.
"Well, this is Australia's number one gay men's magazine you're talking about here, " Cameron answered proudly. "And you are Australia's number one band of the 90's. Together, sales will just shoot to the stars! It did last time you were on the front cover."
"You're not answering my question," Darren lowered his gaze. "Why do you specifically want Daniel and I to pose as lovers? And why, especially, kissing?"
I was sweating so much, I was afraid my make-up would slip off. But it wasn't as bad as the thoughts in my head, screaming for explanation here. Kissing Daniel? Hel-lo, this is your best friend you're talking about here.
The thought was tempting.
But I needed to hear Cameron's answer first. Why, of all stars and poses, did he want us to act in such a way? Last year, our shot was fairly uneventful - we wore blue and black and simply stood side by side one another. Nothing too revealing. Harmless. And it sold well, as Cameron keeps on saying. Then how come he felt that a kissing shot of us on the front cover would sell better? What would the general public think? What would the fans think? Hell, what would our family and friends think, namely my ex wife??
Cameron looked at us thoughtfully for a long moment then softly broke into another one of his maddening smiles. I felt like punching him.
"You two are born to be on the front cover of Outrage." he started, walking slowly around us both. I saw Daniel’s eyebrows shooting ten feet in the air. We were probably both thinking the same thing: What on earth did he mean??
But he continued: "Savage Garden has a rather large gay following, did you know that?"
I shook my head. Daniel continued staring at him.
"Well, especially for today, Micheal presented you two well. Very well. It's perfect for Outrage. The goth look is in and you do have the features for the look. Also..."
He paused and looked at us carefully.
"You two would make a very good couple. Not that I'm saying you guys are-" he laughed at that as if it were some kind of private joke. "-but it's just the picture of dark-haired Darren with his loyal blond-haired Daniel that turns men on. Believe me, I know. I've never told you this before, but when Savage Garden were on the front cover last year, we've been flooded with requests from men who want you and Daniel to be in, ahem, shall I say, 'certain positions'? That is why I would so much love to take a shot of you two beautiful men captured in a kiss - it would satisfy our readers very much."
I was stunned. Men, gay men actually desired to see us together?? Daniel's eyes were so wide, I was afraid his eyeballs would pop out. Oh shit, what does HE think about it? If only I could read his mind!
I didn't have a problem with men salivating over our pictures in magazines or in real life. No, of course I didn't mind. And our little appearance in Outrage had just been a little fun - nothing taken too seriously of course. Dan and I would often joke about it to friends, saying how yes, we were together and yes, he does wear his Simpson's boxer shorts to bed. We would laugh and take jibes at one another like that. But now the thought burned me. Especially when Cameron just revealed how we seemed ‘suited’ to one another and their readers would actually enjoy seeing pictures of us together. God, how could I face Dan again after all this???
If I declined, it would seem I was homophobic and of course I wasn't - I didn't want the band to have a reputation as such. But if I agreed... I would be able to taste his lips against mine, wouldn't I?
I suddenly felt a strong hand grip my shoulder. I turned my head and once again, I drowned into those green bottomless pools before me. There was question in those eyes and he wanted me to answer. Do what you like, they seem to say to me, it's your choice for this one.
Cameron and Kirk stood before me, unblinking. I noticed that Micheal was standing a little behind them, head cocked intently to one side, eager to see and hear what would happen. It seemed to me that everyone was listening to my every thought.
Then the words jumbled out before I could stop them.
"Sure," I stuttered, shifting my weight on one foot then the other. "It's only one shot, right? No harm done."