simplicity nervosa
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*explanation (I'm pretending that it's needed)
This is more of a one-time need-to-read thing, and I wrote it to explain this thing to anyone who's curious although I question why I'm putting this here because I don't intend really to showcase this much. If you are here and curious, I'll produce a meager explanation. I'm sure you've noted the ridiculously simple (ironic isn't it) and unadorned face of this webpage. I am keeping it like this for a number of reasons. First of all, I recall from previous webpages countless hours in search of cool java scripts or code things and guestbooks and hit counters and of course the endless search for pictures to go along with a cool concept. I became bored with everyone of those not because the content was lacking, but because I was tired of the endless search. There are other reasons for the simplicity and those lie in the fact that this is more of a personal expression and not much of a forum. I'm not listing this or anything and I won't instill it with every wisdom that pops into my rather dry head. Although I love to look at a well-constructed web page, they are no longer for me. Recently I looked at a site that would link by have certain key words or letters in each progressive poem be links to the next poem or group of poems. This was cool but I became really bored of scrolling over every character looking for the goofy glove to appear telling me to move on to the next maze. I have a short attention span and although it is initially interesting to look at, I began to get annoyed and so just left, probably neglecting more good poetry. On the other side of the equation, there are the web page megaplexes (as I like to call them) with flashing and scrolling and beeping and stupid computer music with pop-ups and pop-ins and pop-tarts of annoying images. Movies and other memory-wasting things like the ones I listed before are all really neat except for those of us who have slower connections and therefore have to wait an hour before the page will load up only to hobble along from cluttered link to cluttered link. The fancy of that also wares off as I look at the endless 1-2-3 of the page loading message at the bottom of the browser. It's slower than learning to count in a new language and although I have little to do all day, my time is more important than that, I hope. I don't mean to discount anyone, and anyone who has the patience and the will to search over the net for cool new concepts and codes and pictures and scripts is good in my book. Unfortunately, I'm not in my book. The only credit that I will give out in the 2-minute creation of this website is to Mindy whose script for these text boxes I pirated. Her new url is (https://www.angelfire.com/punk3/skittles). It's an interesting website with quips and pieces of wisdom you'd do well to see. And the pictures are well chosen for those of us (like me) who likes to look at pictures. There's just one thing missing from that website, and that's me (joking of course). It's a good site so see it. You'll have a better time there than here anyway. As far as this website goes, it is horrendously simple for those of us who just want to read something and not be entertained with any cool accessories. Let me rephrase that, if you, for some reason, are willing to ignore the fact that this page looks awful in order to read what I have to say, thank you and any affirmation for my sometimes lacking self-image would be wonderful, but not mandatory or anything. Another note needing mention is the fact that everything I write is directly written in these little textarea boxes and therefore will not be subjected to a spell or grammar check (which is something I have no business ignoring), so forgive my lapses and crimes of the English language. I don't really care if I misspell or anything, but just in case you do, I thought I'd say that. As for me, I live in Kansas and am still going to school. I play guitar and write a lot of music for a band with somewhat nomadic members. Sometimes it has been just me, hopefully it will continue to have people in it so I can finalize and at least attempt to see my life-goals bloom. Nevertheless, I'll throw lyrics or at least lyrical ideas out for anyone interested in the poetry box. There won't be an order, but I'll label it if it is a poem or anything important like that. As far as other writing goes, I recently went back to work on completing my book (which is my first) with a new dedication page and a new thirst for completion. It had been extinguished to due computer problems several times and hopefully this time it will reach completion, or at least something like it. I think the main reason I am even creating this webpage is to have a page to rant about my problems (because I abhor ranting to other people. Not that I don't do it, but that I feel ashamed of myself afterwards). This way I can rant to someone that won't think of me as a fool, namely the screen. Read my rants if you wish, but remember that I didn't ask you too, so don't act as though I did. I'm done validating this webpage to myself and any possible reader, so with the explanation online, proceed (I'd say enjoy, but I don't want to make you :) ). Simplicity Nervosa.
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*poetry or lyrics and other things that require a lot of patience
Disclaimer: This is my poetry and verse. Don't even read it if you're going to borrow quotes without credit. Honestly. Unlike other empty threats, this work actually IS copyrighted, look it up in the copyright office. I don't want anyone taking it without permission just like I wouldn't take anyone else's. People who read this are here (unless you just stumbled on this webpage) pretty much by invitation only. And so if I have given you this link to read what comes from my mind, be careful what you do with it. I gave you this address and therefore my work so that you could read it because I trust you so if you want to give the URL out to someone or whatever, at least maybe ask me. Thanks and sorry for the above. *** Okay, this time it's a big update... Just think about it, three WHOLE POEMS! Yeah, I'm a moron... sorry. Anyway, in all good humor, I guarantee the first one isn't who you think it is... okay, it is. Whatever. Take it easy. And actually, the last one is interesting. I hated the assignment, which was an image cluster poem where you have like images stuck together... But it ended up being okay... You can tell midway through the poem where I started getting kinda interested in my own poem... so there you go. The middle one is my favorite... I'll explain why at the end. ~ a present for a While ~ so difficult to come by and so strained as it exists the joy of pretending like the present hasn’t past and the future is but a dream and memories like fall leaves falling spindle to my consciousness voided as it may seem, as pointless as anything makes me believe that there’s a blessing in oblivion it’s getting there that’s the trial and as fast it goes I’m awake all the while and there I fall back and live condemned days again it’s a discipline of the mind to suck yourself to a corpse and remember when and as I sit in this place, I see her face and it’s a million thoughts and feelings that I’m pressed to debase but there for a shining moment I remember the first night of the doomed life and although demise is its destiny, it’s beautiful in my eyes and I feel her touch, clammy and sure, as if there were no wrong words and every thought pure and I stole that night to keep for me to protect it against the onslaught of biased memory and even if she is meant to hurdle and deceive then at least I’ll be blessed by my self-induced sympathy the past passes when I’m tired of her smile and as I return to the present, a present of denial I’m sure to wish to go back for a blessed while to take part in her dreams, to live forever for a while, if only to go back. (R.K.) ~ kindness is contagion ~ Promise me your love, promise the purity, insecurity can be made to go away Everything that rises must come down, wound in a box perpetually on display Fitting me with your blessing, undressing your layers of skin Spinning me in my questing, besting the greatest game to win You'll tell me that you're immaculate, gradual progress in the gloom Piercing toxicity at insertion, desertion after christening the tomb And the death of so many for a stranger's smile And an impetus for clarity after a painstaking while And the ones in white deliver their decree Condemnation for a love that never could be Still carrying the token of a habit scorned in me Only to pass and send back to the new-borne symphony A symphony of regret, rushing to repay A strange placidity in a stranger's pain An endless cycle that began with a grin An inborn pestilence and it begins again (R.K.) ~ golden gate high ~ Scenery flies by with my cheek to the window, The insects busy in the headlights, adrenaline high in like-minded suicide A feeling worms its way into my conscious, urging me to fly Release the latch, grow effervescent wings, make love to the sky The darkness surrounds, veiled in my eyes The bridge in the distance, obsessed with the highs Suspended in the air, responding to my dare, too slow to ever realize A mask on my face and the fire in my eyes Wonder where I’m floating, wonder where I’ll go Wondering what to do as the blur begins to grow Destination unknown, a million miles flown Lost count at the beginning and now I’m being shown The ocean nears, remember my fears, but it’s too late now, the end is clear. (R.K.) Okay... now for the explanation of the middle one. It's called an adage poem (the assignment called for it, I'm not being smart)... and this is where you take a familiar concept and give it a twist so it's all interesting and whatnot. For instance, Silence is Golden is a good little adage. Anyway, mine was Kindness is Contagious... and I decided to write it about genital herpes... go figure. The problem was that I ended up liking it and just changed the title a little so it was a little cooler. Of course the subject matter is still present, but gone is my cute little sentence: "HAHA, you have herpes!" Oh well. *** ~ lifetime of choking ~ look to the Heavens, look as though I were staring in His eyes. so vast, so alive... so much I will never understand. yet there. stunning and forever and there. dip my hands into it searching never caring what to find only that I do find something and it never relents its attack of amazement when I do when something so familiar and so brand new blooms before my mind choking away my doubt (And there always is) it’s like a breath of air after a lifetime of asphyxiation and so many will never know they’re choking and every time the shadows come (And they do come) I have but to look above... and the noose will vanish. as long as I remember. (R.K.) *** ~ where he walks ~ (for a good friend, Joseph) there was a time of splendor when i knew so many thoughts and loves and aspirations there were nights in which tears soaked words and laughs pierced the stillness his absence is never forgotten not forever, but for necessity... for time and for two very different and self-involved lives but i hope that he will never forget that i know him and that i have always been glad to have known him i hope he takes some comfort in the the understanding that i know where he walks not every turn or every step or even every goal yet the direction is familiar and the tracks he has left behind were not shared alone even if i could not tell him of my knowledge i still felt every fall, or stumble, at least every one that found it's way over so many miles and so many calls i hope at least that he knows that he knows because the earth is a torrent of negativity to traverse alone and it is the most devoid man that walks it alone (R.K.) *** ~ crimeofpassion ~ there is no final draft, no closing plea no second chance like the buzzing flooding my ears, the realization rushes and fills like a liquid black so distinct--the ringing so piercing and alive, I feel as though it might bleed from my pores that it might escape like rebellious, unwanted tears there is no going back, no corrections and the only rerun/replay/return in my grasp is the vision over and over and over again the smoke clears and like a fog revealing a hidden reef to an oncoming ship, the truth carves its presence in the most exquisite way and blame I relinquish to pull of inequity and betrayal, and their unrelenting omnipotence; I know that no man would accept a crime of necessity/passion/fear ...and trapped like a wild animal, buckled to a throne I had not wanted ...a new buzz will ensue and so will a new smoke dissolving my mind. (R.K.)
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*random diatribe
me