Title: The Laundromat
Authors: Kristi
Summary: The gang goes to the laundromat.
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: I do not own John Doggett, Monica Reyes, Fox Mulder, Alex Krycek, or Dana Scully. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. Robert Alfredo belongs to me and my partner in crime, Cassie.

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FADE IN:

INT. JIM JIM'S LAUNDROMAT - APRIL 2 - DAY

Monica and Scully walk in to the laundromat carrying their laundry. They are dressed in sweat pants and look like crap. They are having a conversation. As they walk in, we see Mulder in the background. He slams his washing machine door shut with a strange look on his face. He looks guilty. He quietly sits down and picks up a magazine and begins to read it... upside down.

Meanwhile, Monica and Scully are doing their first loads.

MONICA
I'm so glad you convinced
John to keep Buddy. I've
always told him he was a
dog person.

SCULLY
I think Buddy will enjoy
living with Doggett. Just
like before.

In the background, Mulder finally realizes his magazine is upside down and turns it right side up.

MONICA
I need change. I'll be back.

Monica leaves. Scully looks over in Mulder's direction. She notices the odd expression on his face. Scully walks over to him.

SCULLY
Hey Mulder.

MULDER
Hey.

SCULLY
I didn't know you did
your laundry here.

MULDER
I don't.

Scully gives him a weird look.

SCULLY
Then why are you here?

MULDER
Just in the neighborhood.

He turns his attention back to his magazine. Scully gives him a strange look, shrugs her shoulders and goes back to what she was doing. Monica comes back.

SCULLY
I wonder what's wrong with Mulder...

MONICA
What do you mean?

SCULLY
He's just sitting there.

Monica looks over at Mulder. He's holding the magazine and looking around the room with his eyes.

MONICA
I have no idea.

Suddenly, a man falls through the door and crashes to the ground. He falls into his dirty laundry. Monica and Scully turn around to see who it is. Monica rushes over to help the guy up.

MONICA
(to guy)
Oh my god, are you ok?

The man looks up, not looking at Monica in the eyes. He is none other than Agent Robert Alfredo. The same geeky agent who has been picked on by Mulder and Krycek. This is not the same guy we got to know who was treated as an equal by Doggett and Reyes in season four.

ALFREDO
(shy)
I'm fine.

MONICA
Let me help you.

Alfredo notices people staring at him. Some are even pointing and laughing... like Mulder. Monica helps him up.

ALFREDO
Thank you.

Monica finally realizes who he is. She's never seen the geeky picked on side of him.

MONICA
I'm Monica Reyes.

ALFREDO
Robert Alfredo.

They shake hands. Alfredo quickly walks over to a machine that is near Mulder's. Mulder quickly jumps out of his seat to defend his machine. Infact, he jumps up and sits on top of it. Alfredo passes him, and Mulder flicks his ear.

MULDER
(still flicking ear)
Stupid. Stupid.

Every time Mulder says stupid, he flicks Alfredo's ear.

ALFREDO
(swatting him away)
Stop it.

MULDER
Stupid.

ALFREDO
Knock it off.

Mulder continues to flick Alfredo's ear. In the background we see Doggett enter. He sees Mulder and his stupid tortures of Alfredo. He begins to think that maybe he shouldn't go in. But Monica spots him.

MONICA
Johnny! Hi!

She waves at him. No turning back now, he's been spotted. Doggett walks over to Monica and Scully. He doesn't have laundry. He's in a rush and hardly notices Scully.

DOGGETT
Hi. (beat) Monica, we have to talk.

MONICA
Is something wrong?

SCULLY
How's your back?

DOGGETT
It's fine.

MONICA
What did you want to
talk to me about?

Doggett looks over at Scully.

DOGGETT
(to Scully)
It's personal.

SCULLY
Ok. I'll just be over there.

Scully walks off and sits in a chair, still in ear shot distance. She listens in.

MONICA
John, if this is about
"The Bullet Incident",
I'm sorry.

DOGGETT
No, no. Not that. (beat)
Remember a few long years
ago when we made that
promise to-

MONICA
Marry each other if
we weren't married by
the time we were thirty-five.

Doggett just looks at her. Waiting for her to figure it out.

MONICA
(after a beat)
Oh my. (beat) Your birthday's
coming up! But that's not
why I came here.

DOGGETT
(not letting go)
But a promise is a promise.

Monica just looks at him blankly. And before she knows it, Doggett gets down on one knee. Monica's eyes go wide. She smacks him up side the head.

MONICA
Get up, Johnny! (beat)
You have to learn to
let go of things.

DOGGETT
What are you talking about?

MONICA
You're not thirty-five yet. (beat)
And I know you have feelings
for a certain red head.

Doggett is speechless.

DOGGETT
(face red w/embarrassment)
I-I do not. (beat) And I
don't believe in feelings.

MONICA
Your face is red. (beat)
It's a sign! (beat) Red
face; red head.

DOGGETT
Oh for cryin' out loud!
Monica, stop jumping to conclusions.

With that, he walks off and leaves the laundromat. As he leaves, he passes Krycek, not even noticing him. Krycek enters the laundromat. He doesn't have any laundry with him. He's wearing his black leather jacket and a T-shirt that says: "I'm Damn Sexy". He just walks in and takes a seat in a chair.

Scully walks up to Monica.

SCULLY
What was that all about?

MONICA
Nothing. Just John not
being able to let go
of things.

Behind them Krycek speaks to a woman.

KRYCEK
(sexy tone)
How you doin'?

The woman sneers at him and walks off. Monica and Scully turn around as they recognize the voice. This is the first time they've noticed Krycek since he came in.

SCULLY
"How you doin'"? (beat)
That's original.

MONICA
Where'd you hear that?
An NBC TV show?

KRYCEK
(embarrassed)
Shut up. (beat) You're
cramping my style.

He gets up and walks over to the other side of the room and sits down.

SCULLY
Anyway...

They go over to some chairs and sit. Scully pulls out a cooking magazine. This catches Monica's attention.

MONICA
I didn't think you knew
how to cook. That's what
everyone told me.

SCULLY
Oh. I'm going to take
some cooking classes.

MONICA
When do you have time?

SCULLY
Night classes.

Scully flips through some more pages.

MONICA
(out of no where)
Why are there so many
skeptics working on the x-files?

SCULLY
What do you mean?

MONICA
Well, you know. There's
you... and Doggett... (beat)
Krycek doesn't care, and well...
Mulder is the only believer.

SCULLY
Don't worry, Monica. You'll
do fine. It's always good to
have contrasting minds.

Monica notices that Mulder is picking on Alfredo some more.

MONICA
This job doesn't turn you
into someone like Mulder, does it?

Scully laughs.

SCULLY
Hopefully not.

Across the room... Krycek approaches a woman. The woman doesn't seem to notice him.

Krycek leans up against the wall. He puts on his "I'm damn sexy" look... not that he needs it, his T-shirt already states it for him.

KRYCEK
(sexy tone)
Hey baby. Busy tonight?

He gives her his sexy grin.

WOMAN
(mans voice)
I'm busy tonight. But
what about right here,
right now?

He/She winks at Krycek. Krycek's eyes go wide. He quickly runs away.

Krycek leaps into a seat next to Monica and Scully. They give him a strange look.

SCULLY
Krycek?

KRYCEK
I just hit on a woman
that's a man!

Monica and Scully can't help but laugh.

KRYCEK
(offended)
Stop laughing! It's not funny!

Mulder comes over to join them.

MULDER
Krycek, you really
shouldn't hit on George.

KRYCEK
That's what it's name is?

Mulder says nothing and goes back to his chair.

MONICA
And Mulder knows that guy...

KRYCEK
That's so wrong.

SCULLY
How could you not tell
he was a man. (beat)
It's so obvious.

KRYCEK
(embarrassed)
Shut up.

He gets up and leaves them. He goes over and sits next to Mulder, stealing Alfredo's seat.

Alfredo comes back after getting some quarters.

ALFREDO
(to Krycek)
You're in my seat.

KRYCEK
So.

ALFREDO
Why are you always
such an ass to me?

Krycek looks up at him offended.

KRYCEK
(being an ass)
Moi?

Alfredo nods his head. Krycek stands up to be "Mr. Tough Guy".

KRYCEK
You have a problem with
me, Mr. Alfredo?

ALFREDO
Yeah, I do.

Krycek glares at him.

KRYCEK
So. You don't have the
guts to touch me.

With that, Krycek sits back down in Alfredo's seat. Mulder sniggers. Alfredo leaves their area in frustration.

He makes his way over to where Scully and Monica are.

KRYCEK
So Mulder... why are you here?

MULDER
Well, ya know... I'm
doin' my laundry.

Krycek just looks at him.

KRYCEK
(doubtful)
Really?

Mulder nods his head 'yes'.

KRYCEK
Where's your laundry basket?

Mulder says nothing.

KRYCEK
(suspicious)
What's going on Mulder?

MULDER
(guilty)
Nothing...

Krycek stands up. He goes over to Mulder's machine. Mulder's eyes go wide.

KRYCEK
What are you hiding
in the machine?

Mulder stands up ready to defend.

MULDER
Don't touch that!

KRYCEK
Why not?

Mulder keeps his eyes on his machine. Krycek's hand touches the lid... ready to open it.

MULDER
Don't!!

Krycek quickly lifts the lid.

MULDER
NO-OOOO!!!

KRYCEK
(peering into machine)
What the hell?!

He looks up at Mulder. Just as he does this, Mulder leaps onto the washer and slams the lid shut.

Doggett enters the laundromat. He walks right up to Monica. He seems furious. In his hand is a "Happy Gilligan's" grocery sack.

DOGGETT
(worked up)
Monica. I do not like her.

MONICA
Oh please.

DOGGETT
Don't start with me.

Monica gets out of her seat. Scully and Alfredo look on.

MONICA
I didn't start anything, Johnny.
You're the one that can't
let go of anything.

DOGGETT
That's not what this is about.

MONICA
Oh really?! Then what is this about?

DOGGETT
This is about... how...
I don't like her.

Monica rolls her eyes.

MONICA
This is just like the third
grade when you liked that
girl and she rejected you.

DOGGETT
And do you know why?

Monica, afraid to continue for fear of where Doggett is going to take this...

MONICA
No, but I'm sure you'll tell me.

DOGGETT
Because in the second grade
you pushed me and I fell
into the mud.

MONICA
It's not my fault you
were a scrawny little
skinny boy.

Doggett glares at her.

DOGGETT
Which brings up another thing!

Monica rolls her eyes.

MONICA
Do I even want to know?

DOGGETT
Because of that, Tom
always picked me to be
in his boot camp team
last. (beat) I was the
guy. I should've been
picked before a girl.

MONICA
See what I mean. You can't
let go of anything.

DOGGETT
I can too! (beat) That's why
I joined the Marines. I got
through boot camp.

Monica says nothing and lets Doggett rant on.

DOGGETT
And you... you never went
to the Marines. I made it.
You didn't. (beat) Eat that.

With that, Doggett leaves the laundromat once again. Monica sits back down.

MONICA
And that is how John
Doggett lets go of things.

Scully and Alfredo don't know what to say. Something catches Alfredo's eye.

ALFREDO
He forgot his groceries.
He'll be even more mad.

Monica looks over at the grocery sack.

MONICA
I wonder what he bought.

She picks up the back and looks in.

Meanwhile... Mulder sits on top of the washing machine.

KRYCEK
Mulder... do I dare ask
why you have fish in the
washing machine?

MULDER
I told you not to look in there.

Krycek looks at him. He's about to laugh.

KRYCEK
Come on Mulder. Spill the
beans. (beat) Why on Earth
would you wash fish?

MULDER
(quietly/serious)
They wanted a bubble bath.

Somehow, Krycek keeps a straight face.

KRYCEK
"They"?

MULDER
(duh, it's obvious)
The fish.

KRYCEK
(serious)
Do the fish speak to you?

Mulder glares at him.

MULDER
Fish can't speak.

KRYCEK
Then why? (beat) Why
would you do such
a stupid thing?

Mulder sits there for a beat before answering.

MULDER
(spilling the beans)
I was at a carnival and
I won them. They were in
a plastic bag. I thought
they needed more room for
a while. (beat) So I brought
them here to swim.

Krycek looks at him blankly.

KRYCEK
Why the soap?

MULDER
It's a habit for me to
put detergent in a
washing machine.

Mulder shrugs. Krycek rolls his eyes.

KRYCEK
You are so stupid.

He goes over to his seat and picks up a magazine. Mulder gets off the washing machine and opens the lid. He looks down at the dead fish. A tear comes to his eye.

MULDER
I'm sorry little fellas.

Meanwhile... Monica is now pulling out the various items from the "Happy Gilligan's" grocery sack. She places the items on the table.

On the table there are apples, a Peter Pan coloring book, a lighter, and a loaf of bread.

MONICA
(still pulling things out)
Oh look... another lighter.
(beat) He wasn't thinking
when he was shopping...

Scully picks up an apple and takes a bite.

MONICA
Oh... what's this...

She laughs.

MONICA
Lime green condoms...

She tosses them on the table.

MONICA
That's it.

A buzzer off stage rings. Monica looks over.

MONICA
That's mine.

She gets up and goes over to her dryer. Alfredo keeps an eye on her as she walks off. Scully notices.

SCULLY
So, Robert...

He turns his attention to her.

ALFREDO
Yeah?

SCULLY
I've noticed how you
keep admiring Ms. Reyes.

She smiles at him.

ALFREDO
Yeah...

SCULLY
She's single ya know.

Alfredo looks back at Monica.

ALFREDO
(to Scully)
Do you think-

SCULLY
-It's Monica. Ask her.

Monica comes back. Another buzzer rings.

MONICA
Ask who what?

SCULLY
My clothes are dry!

Scully passes Alfredo and quickly whispers something in his ear.

ALFREDO
Monica?

MONICA
Yeah?

She starts to fold her laundry.

ALFREDO
I was wondering if-

Doggett bursts through the doors again. This gets everyone's attention. This time, he passes by Monica and goes right up to Scully. She's taking her clothes out of the dryer.

Doggett turns her to face him and kisses her. This lasts for a beat. When he's done, he leaves, passing Monica.

DOGGETT
(points finger at Monica)
That is called 'letting go'!

With that, he leaves the laundromat. Leaving everyone to wonder.

FADE OUT:

THE END.