*Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
*Drum on every available surface.
*Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
*Staple papers in the middle of the page.
*Ask 800 operators for dates.
*Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
*Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
*Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
*Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
*Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". *Set alarms for random times.
*Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
*Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
*Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
*Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
*Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
*Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
*Honk and wave to strangers.
*Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
*Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
*Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
*Wear your pants backwards.
*Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
*Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
*Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
*Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
*ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
*only type in lowercase.
*dont use any punctuation either
*Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
*Pay for your dinner with pennies.
*Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. *Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
*Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
*Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
*Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
*Light road flares on a birthday cake.
*Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
*Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
*Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
*Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
*At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
*When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
*Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
*As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
*Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
*Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
*Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
*Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
*Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
*Drive half a block.
*Name your dog "Dog."
*Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
*Ask people what gender they are.
*Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
*Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
*Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
*Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
*Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
*Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
*Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
*Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
*While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
*Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
*Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
*Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
*Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
*Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
*Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
*Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
*Wear a LOT of cologne.
*Ask to "interface" with someone.
*Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
*Sing along at the opera.
*Mow your lawn with scissors.
*At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
*Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
*Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
*Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
*Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
*Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
*Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
*Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
*Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
*Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
*Never make eye contact.
*Never break eye contact.
*Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
*Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
*Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
*Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
*Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
*Make appointments for the 31st of September.
*Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
*Forward e-mail back to the person that sent it to you.
