It's such a small world. So we go to San Tong and Calvin sees some dude he knew from Duke. Then we go to lollicup and I see Calvin Chen. Yes, Calvin Chen. Not Cheng. Odd huh? Such similar names...then we go to Glitter and we see Jamie who i haven't seen for ages either. I was just talkin to someone bout how we haven't seen Calvin Chen in forever. And of course, there he appears after like, 2 years. interesting...
Not many thoughts actually...not much to think bout these days. Well...i take that back. Not much to ponder or brood over. Cept for this law skool business. I've basically decided to take a year off before law skool but it's what to do with that year. Japan/Korea/LA/NY/Houston. sigh...i'd really like to go elsewhere and i was realllly gung-ho about Japan but now i dunno. I'm still kinda gung-ho about it, but at the same time it's so expensive. It's not as practical as staying in Houston. Altho it'd be fun and exciting and new and my japanese would improve immensely. and marina is there. and i could conceivably get a job there too. but a year is a long time too...sigh...mebbe i'm not ready for that. :T Houston's big pull is mainly the people...LA is cuz i love LA...NY for the same reason...Korea cuz of family and friends and stuff...wanna improve my Korean. sigh...what to do...decisions decisions..so many decisions to make in the near future..
So funny how life throws you things when u least expect em. Or mebbe it's God throwing me these curveballs bein like, see?! You were just supposed to trust me! hahaha...
Time for beddy bye...
Heard from some of my Parisian buddies. Makes me so happy to hear from them. I love you guys!! hehe...Inseeyah, Colin, and Marina. mah buds...aww...those days were so fun. I can't believe it's been a year since I left for Paris. How fast time flies...How many things have changed since then. odd how things work out. Timing and everything.
i'm sleepy...i'm always sleepy during the skoolyear. In fact, I'm always sleepy in general actually. Ok ok...i keep procrastinating. Gotta read some b4 i go to bed...
10:00 pm
sigh...i suddenly had a nervous fit about the LSAT and law skool. Again. sigh...this happens all the time. I hate gettin all nervous. Now I dunno if I should really take a year off or if I should just apply. I dunno why i keep swayin back and forth about it and gettin all concerned. I think takin a year off will be good actually, but i guess mebbe seeing Catherine startin apps and stuff is what's making me nervous. Esp since I haven't the slightest clue what I'm gunna do next year. Where i'm gunna work...what i'm gunna do. ahhhh...it's always having all these things up in the air with no set plans that stresses me out. any words of advice anyone? waahh....found this kewl program I can apply for working with gov't officials in Japan that doesn't pay too bad...sounds kinda kewl but i'm a lil hesitant about goin abroad. i used to be so gung ho about it, i dunno why i'm so shaky about goin abroad now...kinda just wanna stay in houston. mebbe some kinda job where i can work based in houston but will send me to kewl places for projects or something...that'd be ideal...
Starting to feel a lil overwhelmed and stressed bout all the things I have going on....So what else is new? When do I ever not feel stressed during the skoolyear? Too bad I think I have some major senioritis goin on...but I can't cuz I need to finish strong..ahh...i really love college tho. Everyone always tells me to appreciate it while i'm here. i am i am! appreciate! hehe..spending time with peepz..doin stuff like LNY that I won't be able to do when I graduate...fun stuff...
9:10 pm
sigh...weather is so dreary out. But went to Galleria for the first time in a long time and got to eat Cheesecake. Twas a fun dinner. hehe...laughing up a storm the entire time. :P I hate rain storms. so icky...a lot of random things i wonder about these days...
Had a minor attack earlier today. Cat was like omg...chill! Just felt overwhelmed with a lot of stuff to do. a lot of stuff hangin over my head.... :T Happy, yes. in a weird way. hehe...hmmm...not sure~
dunno if it's a burden or question lifted off my shoulders, or more weight...sigh...mebbe it's just a feeling of insecurity or uncertainty...
My boss is so funny. He cracks me up sometimes. We're actually really lucky to have such a kewl boss. So flexible and appreciates us like none other. Hours are awesome, not hard, learn lots, he's always talkin talkin talkin...heheeh....tells stories all the time, asks about us...he's genuinely a nice man who really cares a lot about us. So generous too. Today he stops me and he's like, how's skool? Life? he pauses and looks at me pensively (as he does often) and says, "You look different..." I was like uh yeah..tired. my hair is never done anymore and i don't have much makeup on. haha..i look tired. He was like "No no...not tired. Different..." i was half expecting him to say I had a lion growin outta my ear or something cuz he was lookin at me so intently. Suddenly he's like, "I've noticed that you look...happier lately." (He had mentioned this happy thing earlier last week too btw) I paused and stared at him going uhh ok..i look happier? Did I walk around depressed looking before or something? I don't feel particularly energized or excited anymore than i was during the summer...He says, "Do you have a bf now?" Wat the...what kinda question is that? Quite amusing actually. I was like uhhhhh...what an odd question...
11:32 pm
Hmm..been thinkin lots bout what to do next year. Peepz keep askin me and I keep not knowing...Mebbe I'll just apply for the Watson. In which case, I'm not allowed back in the US for 12 months. Kinda scary...Granted, that I even get it. Which is highly doubtful...It'd definitely be a new experience. But do I really wanna do that? Hmm...I'm sorta leanin toward stayin in the US. Mebbe LA or NY...leanin toward Cali. all depends on whether or not I can get a job out there I guess...doing what?! sigh...something fun and exciting and interesting...get me some good experience before i go to law skool. Law skool...another big question. Wonder where I'll end up spending 3 years of my life...kinda different than applying for college...i had nothing pulling me anywhere...Where I go kinda dictates where I'll prob end up...general area anyways...wasn't like that for undergrad. It's not like I'm pulled toward staying in Houston just cuz I went to Rice. Different if I go to UC Berkeley or UCLA for law skool...i'd end up in Cali prob. which is one of my top choices. But I wanna go to NY too. I guess it all depends on where I get in actually. Why am I even worrying about this right now? haha...i need to concentrate on where I'm goin next year right now--not law skool. That's for later. hehe...Ok, i need to finish my 462 reading...and do a games section before i go to bed~
In quite an odd mood lately...can't quite pinpoint why. It's been a few days since my odd mood started...not too fond of it...some things are just weird sometimes...Kinda weird that Steve was talkin bout how I look all happy when my mood is actually kinda odd.
Doesn't seem like a Tuesday for some reason. I feel like this week is going by super slow. It hasn't even really started yet either. Weird...Yesterday, I kept thinking, tomorrow is Wednesday. Nooo..mebbe it's cuz i have lotsa stuff goin on so i'm wishing away the entire week. hehe...
I successfully managed to stub my last three toes on my right foot again the other day so now they're incredible sore. again. Esp when it rains. Nice nice...
I love this song. I have no idea what she's saying, but it's one of those odd make you happy songs when you hear the melody and the beat. No clue why...Certain songs just do that~ My rents always think I'm so weird for listenin to song when I dunno what they're sayin but I dun just listen to songs for their content. Listenin to the song is more about melody and the beat and stuff for me. Then I'll listen to the words if they're in English, Korean, French, Spanish, or Chinese. Otherwise I just keep listenin talkin bout how I love the song. hehe...
12:05 pm Got a lot done...looked over the winning essays for the Watson...I officially have 3 weeks to prepare all that crap? sigh...Dunno if it's even worth my time...?? Got all my stuff registered for monstertrak with Career Services...weird to think I'll be looking for jobs. Had my appt with the Registrar to get me all squared away with my Degree Audit. Graduating huh? I feel like I have all these logistical meetings these days...
On another note, my day was disastrous. Well, I guess not in the grand scheme of things, but still...things have been crazy hectic lately~ Meetings and classes up the wazooo...Had 2 classes this morning (Crazy tired for some reason) meeting at 11, another lunch meeting at noon that i couldn't make it to cuz my car died. Wouldn't start...got the Campos to jump my car, drove it around for awhile to let it charge back up, and then it died again. Sigh...jumped it again (by the mean guy this time. I really don't like that mean guy. He's sooooo grumpy and pissy everytime he comes out to jump your car. I'm like, can u be any less helpful and rude? sheesh...) and then drove it to the shop with Steve. He's such an awesome boss..seriously...he takes me there, makes sure they take care of me...He's been goin there for like, 27 years or something ridiculous like that. I was like wow~ So they give me a new battery and then Steve pays for it. Seriously, I mean, c'mon! I felt so bad but he insisted. You can't get more generous than that. He's like, yeah, it's your bonus. Go home. awww...i love ya Steve! Best boss ever! hehe...I was sooo hot and tired from standin outside in the heat and waitin for the Campos and stuff. argh...blah day. But everything turned out ok in the end so I guess I have that to be thankful for. Just really tired now. Gotta drive all the way out to the Greenspoint Mall area. I guess it's good that my car is fixed now so I can drive all the way out there. I'm so sleepy but I don't really have time to take a nap..gotta read some and shower. ahhh..sleepy...
Busy day yesterday...went out to my meeting after I finally got my car fixed, took longer than i expected, ate a lil (yummy leftovers! hehe..), watched my Big Fat Greek Wedding. It was actually pretty funny. And cute. hehe...I've officially decided that my dad is gunna cry at my wedding. And I'm sure I will too. kekeke...woke up early to move my car cuz there was no freaking parking last nite when i got in. pissed...freakin need to regulate parking. i did not pay for a decal to have to get up at 7 am and move my car from faculty/staff thank u berry muchy! ah wellz...had my phone interview, talked to Cat about issues for awhile, been doin my 212 reading ever since. I have SO many things goin on...it's absolutely ridiculous. Plus, I'm officially broke so I'll be staying in for awhile...sigh...I gotta be focusin on this LSAT business newaiz...argh...Blah blah blah..
4:52 pm
Tired...went to class, ran errands, took a lil nap, got my tv cable thingy fixed cept retarded me left the remote to my vcr at Sun's place...man, my freakin like, 3rd time goin back there to get somethin I forgot. ah wellz..newaiz, ate lunch, ran off my resume, got ready, went to the career fair...got allll kindsa crap from them. NY Life Company thingy sounds kewl...the foreign officer for the Department of State did too...accenture positions are pretty interesting...microsoft sounded fun too~ lotsa different options. The Japanese Exchange Program thingy sounded awesome and perfect for one year, but i dunno if i'd wanna teach...the salary really isn't bad tho...i wish i had enuf japanese to do that CIR position dealing with IR stuff, but ah wellz...i dun think i'd be able to speak japanese well enuf by then. SEO thingy in NY sounded fun too. man, so many different options and things to think about. that's what i get for not applying to law skool right now. hahaha...ah wellz, we'll see what happens...gotta go get some studying in before dinner and the big paatii (as katakana would spell out. haha..) 2nite. i'm already sleeepy...ahh..i'm always tired for some reason. Cat called me all frazzled. i dunno where everyone is actually...weird...
6:05 pm
Got some LSAT done...but das about it. I dunno what I did this whole time...took a lil nap...did my laundry. I always feel like I have so much crap to do. I have all day tomorrow too I guess...It's better that I don't go out and do lotsa stuff newaiz since I'm freakin broke. sigh...not such a good feeling. Ah wellz...other things in life are all fine...not much to complain about I guess~
Lesse...ate California Pizza Kitchen yesterday. Yum! hehe...Asian Chicken Salad. YUM! :P hehehe...first time I've eaten there in Houston. Always in LA. Philly Cheesesteak Pizza was good too. Minus the yellow peppers...hehe...actually they weren't bad. NEwaiz, went to James's to watch My Sassy Girl. So good! hehe...just as good as I remembered it. So cute. :P hehehe...Das bout it. Came home and slept...Today was basically study study study...got some boba and took Gatorade to the boys while they were playing ball at Rice. Studied some more...took an arguments and a games section. Wow i can't believe the LSAT is comin up so soon...:T Ate black-eyed pea and studied some more. Sensin a pattern of the day? Now I'm takin a break and gettin ready to attack some more reading. Poli reading is sooo freakin dry. argh...i have my first japanese vocab quiz tomorrow. i'm gettin better at the whole hiragana business. finally! hehe..just takes practice. NEwaiz, I should get back to work. More reading and go over my Japanese again..mebbe do some more LSAT before i go to bed...
Ya know, as an afterthought, I've discovered that my thoughts have gotten progressively more and more boring. I don't have any time to be writin extraneous thoughts or nething cuz i have so much other crap goin on during the day. in fact, i'm not entirely sure if i even have any other random thoughts to interject cuz my free time is always occupied by thoughts of what freakin reading i have or how to improve my games section or something ridiculous like that. sigh...how sad~ after October 5th, at least one of those worries will be alleviated...
Found an awesome opportunity...something that sounds perfect for my year off. Hopefully it works out and I get the position. I'm gunna apply for the position in Houston and the one in NY. I'd be happy with either one. Timing is perfect, awesome experience, good connections...hopefully it works out. I can either do it for one or two years. I'll prob go for one year. And then go into law school. How perfect would that be? Only thing is, they're not accepting applications til January 1, so that means my plans will still be really up in the air. I guess I should apply for the Watson then...at least keep my options open. And the JET too...no harm, right? Whatever I get picked for is prob where I'm meant to spend the year newaiz...Wow, I'm actually feeling like things are kinda starting to work out and fall into place. At least I have some direction. I guess Cat was right..just need to get started on it and get the ball rollin so I'm not feelin so lost. Only thing is, what happens if I don't get any of em? Then I'm severely screwed...hmm..
11:20 pm
Studied, took a lil nap, finished my reading, ate dinner, went to class, went to Mudd to print stuff out, worked out, showered, here i am! hehe...gotta do some internet research work stuff, take 2 LSAT sections, and start my 212 reading. argh. it never ends huh? Talked to mom and dad...i think i pretty much decided not to do the Watson. Altho they're gunna talk bout it some more...i think the JET thing may not be so good either. The job i found out about today sounds soooo ideal...hopefully I'll get it. I guess it can't hurt to apply to dallas and austin as well. try 4 different ones and see which one i get. ONE of em has to work out. I would imagine that my chances are the best in Houston. Which wouldn't really be all that bad actually. Just cuz it'll let me get some good experience in a place I'm familiar with for now and then I'll have plenty of time to try out other firms in other cities after my first year and once I graduate from law skool...that'd be really awesome...i gotsta get a good LSAT score first tho! ahh...gotta go study~
I wonder sometimes if it's better to let things out as they happen or keep them bottled up inside. I mean, I guess everyone says that bottling things up is never a good thing but things just sometimes turn out that way. It's good to not burst out with your frustrations in certain situations...there's an appropriate time and place for everything. Altho in the end, they usually come out in one way shape or form. Regardless. I guess different people have different ways of expressing frustrations or whatever. Some people throw pillows, others punch holes in walls (yeah people actually do that), and others throw temper tantrums. I think I just end up screaming things to myself and then it's over and done with. Dunno...
How much pride is too much? I wonder if I have too much pride sometimes. Mebbe it's the Korean-ness in me. hahaha...i've always been that way tho. if i feel like someone doesn't like me, or doesn't care that much about me, or doesn't really wanna talk to me, or whatever the case may be, i close up even more and am too proud to show how i really feel. I just get defensive and stuff. Too proud to admit that I just felt hurt. ya know? which i guess isn't a good thing, so i try not to do that anymore...i seriously am the worst person in the world to talk about serious stuff--not all serious stuff, just when it comes to my feelings and stuff. if u ask me what's wrong, i'm like nothing. are you mad? no. are you upset? uh...no. when i really am inside. it's horrid, i know. cept u can always tell on my face that i really am. i'm transparent like that. Catherine is like shuddup you liar. tell me what's going on. haha...i can't say really good stuff to people about them either. i feel super uncomfortable. weird huh? i know i know...i've always been like that.
My rents are coming down! hehe...always for my bday. This time it's the big 21. I can't believe I'm actually turning 21. I feel like I've been looking forward to it for so long. It's less than a month away. I'm such a silly girl when it comes to birthdays. I realllllly go all out. Well, according to james newaiz for Cat's bday. hehe..i mean, c'mon, she's my best friend and it's 21! That only happens once! I left all these little gifts and notes and surprised her throughout the entire day. hehe...and bought her a Tommy watch. I know she had been talkin bout wanting a sportier watch for a loooong time. i love to surprise people. I think that's one of the best feelings in the world. Honestly. Giving someone a gift you think they're really gunna like, or surprising people with little things just to show them u care. i guess it's cuz i'd love to get stuff like that myself, so i get all excited about showing other people the lil ways i care. i guess that makes up for my lack of verbal communication. haha...it's always the lil dorky things that i think are so cute. like, some thing that reminded them of me when they went outta town or were shopping somewhere one day. those are the best! hehe..they really make u feel loved. cuz it means they were just randomly thinkin boutcha when they were doin something else, ya know? but birthdays are particularly special. They've always been a really big deal in my family. That's why my parents have always come down to Houston for my birthday every year. It's tradition! We go out to dinner with my friends, they bring stuff for me..hehe...i get to spend time with them. They always bring lotsa food, gifts, celebrate!!! It was sad bein in Paris without any friends or fam out there when i turned 20. Well, I had my host family and my Paris buddies were the best!!! but it's still not quite like bein at home, ya know? I've always wanted a surprise party, but that hasn't ever happened either..i remember trying to throw one for my sister one time and she figured it out...same with suzy's. haha...evidently i wasn't so good about keepin it on the dl back then. hehe...but i'm better now! Cat was surprised at all the lil things i left. hehe...i'm such a nerdo like that. :P ahh...birthdays...they're so fun. :D
Speakin of giving people little things, I got to thinkin bout how Anna and I used to take the guys powerades and slurpies and waters from 7-eleven whenever they'd play at mid-america at nite. they never asked for it, but we always loved goin to get it. i dunno why...mebbe it was just cuz we wanted a break from watchin all the sweaty guys for hours. haha...nah~ keke, but i just remember really enjoying bein the girl who watched the guys play bball (cuz i happen to think that's extremely cute. haha...esp azn guys for some reason. Cat, among other people, think I'm totally nutz for thinkin it's so cute, but ah wellz...) and then goin to get them drinks. I thought it was so fun. Watchin them gulp down the drinks that we went to go get. hehe...i'm so weird i know. Korean girl in me, I guess. :P Bein the caretaker when it comes to food/drinks. i guess i've always been like that. like the breakfast feast when two of the boys came ringin on my doorbell at freakin 8 am one time when i didn't have skool. man, was i pissed! but i still made this hugongoid breakfast for them, nevertheless. Two diff kinds of bfast, cuz one of em didn't like pancakes! heehee...i guess i'm kinda weird like that. Altho I must admit, as an even exchange, i have different aspects that need taking care of. haha..Cat can vouch for that one! :P For example, at dinner, we decided to eat some of my mom's eggrolls and chicken wings. She knows I really don't like asking people for things. Like, in restaurants, or in stores, whenever u have to ask strangers for sumthin like, more water, or where something is, or if it's possible to do something etc...i just feel uncomfortable doing it for some reason. So she asked the cook if he would refry the stuff for us. Then she turns to me and says, "you haven't changed a bit since last year." I looked at her all confused and she's like, "I see that you still don't like askin for stuff." haha...little weird things like that~
1 pm
I think it's natural human tendency to like to feel needed and wanted. Right? I mean, it makes everyone feel good to think that someone wants them or needs them in some way shape or form.
Ya know, I wonder what I did with my days when I was in HS. I musta putzed around a lot cuz i'm sooo freakin busy in college but i have all these things to study for. and i feel like i never have enuf hours in the day. I never felt like that in HS. I guess that's all a part of growin up and gainin more responsiblities and stuff tho...
Went to Japanese, Poli, did Japanese homework, ate lunch, trying to get some Poli reading done before I head to work. Have an exam Friday so I gotta get some serious reading and studying done this afternoon and tomorrow all day since I have no classes or nething all day. After work, eating dinner, spendin some quality time with da boi, and headin to bed...back tomorrows~
Hmm...the male preferences are fitting?...hmm...i dunno bout that! :D Soft on the outside, hard on the inside? was that it? ;P altho, i find that to be a pretty interesting observation that i didn't really notice since i did write most of that stuff a looong time ago...bad liar huh? yeah, actually, christina mentioned that i was a bad liar too. i suppose that's somewhat troo. haha..it's cuz i'm too transparent. but i guess that's good...u never have to worree if i'm tellin u the truth or not~ :P if i'm not, u'll be able to tell! I guess that's where my gullible nature comes in. Man, guys always tell me i'm all gullible, innocent, naive. sheesh...what's up with that? I'm definitely gettin better than i used to be tho~ I guess that comes with age...u learn a lot thru different experiences...diff not so good experiences and u learn to be a lil less trusting.
5:20 pm
Suddenly panicking about the LSAT. sigh...i'm definitely not hittin the score i need to be. Man, at this rate, i'm gunna be at like...no law skool at all. :( Just gotta keep studying...don't get discouraged...i can do it! yeah! just need some encouragement and none of this psyching myself out. concentration is key... =T
Woke up, took a games section, read 212, ate lunch, took Cat to her meeting, came back and did another games, finished reading 212. gotta go to a CSA meeting soon and then review session for the exam tomorrow morning. sigh...i'm not all that worried bout the exam. it shouldn't be tooo bad. but on top of everything else, that's the last thing i need right now. grr...i hate havin to deal with the LSAT on top of skool. ah wellz...things could be worse. just need to stop freakin out and actually get stuff taken care of. gotta go study..again... :T
5:42 pm
Took some practice sections, took a lil nap, more studying, went to work out and did 462 reading as I was on the elliptical. Unfortunately that made my vision blurry for like, 10 minutes afterward cuz i was trying to read as i was bouncin up and down. not good for my eyes i know..ah wellz...newaiz, about to hop into the shower...hungreeee~
Got an interview with NY Life Tuesday...Too bad i dunno the first thing about interviewing for a company. ah wellz...guess i'll just wing it. haha...it was actually the main company that i thought sounded pretty kewl at the career fair so mebbe it'll turn out to be good...altho that other thing still kinda sounds better. but i guess there's no harm in goin to the interview and findin out. who knows, mebbe i'll really like it and i'll end up workin there b4 law skool...i guess we'll see. I guess wherever I end up is where I'm supposed to be. Same thing with my LSAT and law skool...I'm sure God will put me wherever will be the best place for me. So even if I don't get that hot of an LSAT score, whatever happens is cuz it's prob better for me in the long run. He knows better than I do, that's for sure~
Ya know...just when u start to have faith in people in general, someone comes along and jacks it up. In my 20 years of living, I never cease to be shocked outta my brain when I hear some of the things people do to other people. Seriously...not to say that I'm the most considerate person in the world, cuz everyone makes mistakes, but to be intentionally hurtful and rude...that just sux. i guess there's really nothing u can do about it when other people choose to be that way, but i just think it's a sad existence. sad sad...the only way you get any pleasure in life is to knock other people down? sux 2 b u...
I must be reallllly super sensitive to smells. I think God made my olfactory senses in superdrive when He made me. Seriously...I was at the gym today and some guy walked by with some really good smelling cologne on. The second I smell certain colognes I instantly remember a person, time, place, or something related to it. Then of course, any emotions or feelings, or memories follow in suit. Cologne has a really strong effect on me for some reason. Perfumes too. Man, if you walk by with some musky smellin grandma perfume, my nose gets all super itchy and my eyes start watering. Forrealz...I can't stand that. Certain men's colognes are super gross too. if ur gunna be around me u'd best be smellin goooood! haha...jk jk...wat else? I think I'm getting used to the smell of alcohol...not that it ever really bothered me before actually...I'm actually getting used to cigarette smoke too. Isn't that horrible? Man, I remember when I used to HATE it. ABSOLUTELY detest...in fact, I still do. I guess I'm just a lil more accustomed to the smell now. I still hate the actual smoke itself. I remember someone found out one time that I really hated the fact that he smoked cuz one of my friends mentioned it and so he went to greaaat pains to try and quit. And I do mean, great. It was pretty impressive actually~ Altho he wasn't entirely successful, I realllly appreciated the thought. The constant smell of smoke on clothes, in the car, on someone's breath...ew. Nobody likes that. I always thought it was so unattractive seeing old ajushees sittin around drinkin soju and smokin up a storm in those clubs and stuff. I guess that's kinda contradictory cuz I don't really mind it all that hugely when it's a young guy, but it makes me sad to think that those older men are someone's dad and the kids and family prob don't even know that he's sittin around drinkin and smokin and hittin on women. That would be the saddest thing ever if I ever ended up with a husband like that. I guess seein lotsa odd random Korean families whose dads do that has made me scared of that. Altho my dad is definitely not one of them. He's always sittin at home...never drinks...never smokes...hehe...so cute. I love my daddy...ahh..makes me reallly grateful that I didn't get one of your "typical" Korean men for a dad. How did I get off on that tangent from having olfactory senses in overdrive? haha...
Lesse...how was my day? Not bad...went to Japanese and Poli (super tired for some reason tho...even tho i actually got lotsa sleep) did some reading, ate lunch, took a nap, went to work, ate dinner, had my lab meeting with Mikki's lab people til 9, worked out, showered, and now i gotta go do some more LSAT...ahh..my days are never-ending...
Do you ever wonder if you're outta someone's sight, then ur outta their mind too? I guess that applies to some situations...but sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder too. I think mebbe the outta sight outta mind thing is more applicable for more surface relationships and absence makes the heart grow fonder applies more to deeper relationships. Cuz I find that when I'm really close to someone, not seeing them for even a day or two makes me miss them and appreciate them that much more. I always wonder if I have that much of an impact on the people as they do on me...
How do you know when to trust someone? Is there ever any concrete definite way to tell if people truly care about you or not? Nah...I guess u just gotta trust and have faith. Or hope...
Ever question the things u think are good or bad or right or wrong? I mean, in terms of the big things in life, I'm definitely set in what I think is right and wrong and stuff. Of course. I mean, by the time ur 20 years old, I hope you already have your morals set and things straight in your mind. But the little things. Little things u happen to encounter in everyday life and seeing how different people deal with different situations. They're all good people and end up happy and well, but just use different means to get there. One isn't necessarily more right than the other, but does one person end up happier than the other? Or is that just an indication of the differences between people and how they're happy with different things?
I don't think it's just the olfactory senses that have huge effects on me. Auditory too. I was thinkin bout how colognes or smells or scents make me think of things...like hazelnut always reminds me of my mom wakin up in the morning to brew her hazelnut coffee before work. I woke up to that smell a lot. I loooove the smell of hazelnut. I wonder if I'd like it as much if it didn't remind me of my mom so much. But NEwaiz, songs do the same thing that scents do. I'm always reminded of someone or something when I hear a song. Where I was when I first heard it, who I was with, why it's significant, the lyrics, the melody...mebbe I'm just a sappy person in general. hehe...smells, sounds...haha...Tactile too since I'm a girl. All girls like lil random squeezes or hair tousles to show that you care. Duh. Who doesn't know that? Those are the best. Altho I'm not as visually stimulated. Not as much as those other things. That's the guy domain. All visual. :P haha...which is only bad cuz girls have big complexes with that. Guys lookin at other girls. I always think it's cute if you ever find a guy who feels kinda uncomfortable about stuff like that. Granted, every guy in the world has seen things before or whatever, but what girl likes to see guys go nutzo over lookin at nekkid girls? None. Trust me. It's highly unattractive. Highly. In addition to the fact that it just gives girls complexes about how they need to look like that too. No good.
Sometimes I think girls overreact to things, but sometimes I think we have a valid reason to get upset too. Mebbe not upset, but just...disturbed.
Different people show emotions differently...Some people are just more expressive than others. Some people don't show them at all. Altho I think those people are kinda scary cuz you never really know what they're thinking or whether or not they are actually harboring negative thoughts about you. Ya know? I kinda prefer people who are upfront about stuff. Show their emotions. Das kinda like me huh? hahaha...u can read it allll over mah face. ahhhh...the beauties of being transparent. Altho it tends to have not-so-good consequences sometimes too...
11:57 pm
Read all morning, went to my interview--which went really well by the way. In fact, I think it sounds like it'd be pretty fun to work for them but i dunno if it's good or not cuz I'm only gunna work for a year...then i'm goin to law skool..soo..but the other opportunity isn't even available til january and then I don't find out about hiring until april or may! that's sooo freakin late. I dun wanna graduate without having ANY idea what i'm doin. jobless and homeless..not even knowing what city to be in. i mean, there's no point in staying in houston unless i know i have a job here. which would mean goin back to KC after graduation. no thanks. then again that opportunity is soooo perfect. if i got it. i guess i'll just keep searching and keep my eyes open next semester and see what happens...NEwaiz, came home and ate lunch, studied, went grocery shopping at Target with Cat, read some more, ate dinner, went to class, came home and talked on the phone, worked out, showered...now i gotta do an LSAT section and go over my Japanese so I don't sound like a complete idiot in my tutorial discussion section. mildly busy day tomorrow...it's always bad when u know u have a jam packed day cuz ur dreading starting the day. but i guess it's not necessarily really bad stuff, so it's not like i'm really dreading nething...okies, time to study!
Ya know, talkin made me really glad that I didn't stay in KS. forrealz man...i mean, i defend Kansas just cuz it's really not as bad as it sounds and as bad as people make it out to be, but bein a korean in such a small community...man....i can barely handle being around a lot of Korean people in a huge place like Houston. You always feel like girls are sizing you up or making some kinda judgment, the guys are just...well...not all of them, but we won't start in on that. It's always super uncomfortable around adults cuz you hafta be so formal and they all have these preconceived notions about you...you do one thing and everyone jumps. seriously. plus, there aren't that many, so you don't really meet any new people either. i know man, i feel your pain!!! :P Talkin to my old bud on the phone and I was like ya know, I felt the same way my senior year in HS. All confused and wanting to leave and just itching to meet new people...experience a new city. and i'm sooo glad i did. granted, i will probably not stay in houston for the rest of my life. But for the four or five years i'll be here, i'm really glad i came. It's a lot different from KC and altho it's not my ideal city, it's a heckuva lot better than where i was before. i'm much happier here. i'd just prefer to have my family closer to me when i get older so i can be near them and take care of my rents and stuff. which would work out if they really ended up buyin a house in california. if i go there. or east coast. if i go there...i bet u they'd move wherever i did if i just asked them to. haha...just not the same city. same state. :P keke...
Korean people are really interesting sometimes...they confuse me sometimes. We have a very interesting culture. I wouldn't trade it for nething just cuz it's who i am, and i definitely have a lot of pride for bein korean. no doubt. but just like any other group of people or culture...we definitely have our....hmm...our, interesting points. :P makes it kinda hard for KAs sometimes i guess. I wonder how things are gunna be for the next generation. Like, as we get older, they're progressively gunna be more mixed, more half korean mixed with white, chinese, french, german...whatever...it'll be a totally different experience for them. curious...My kids are gunna be all culturally aware. haha...they'd better know lotsa languages! keke...jk jk. altho i think that's always a good asset to have. just so happens to be my passion... :P hehe...
Okies, it's way past my bedtime according to my sleepy clock...gotta get up and do lotsa LSAT and poli reading...nitey nitey everyone! *MUAH* :D (i'm feelin in a loving mood. keke)
10:30 am
oops..so i woke up mildly late. hehe..i was supposed to get up at 9 to study and stuff. Man, i dunno why I'm so freakin tired these days. it's ridiculous! i'm constantly sleepy. grr...stress mebbe. Man, my friends have some angels lookin out for them these days. Sheesh...Karthik's car accident and comin outta that totally fine?! I was soooo glad he was ok. And now Charlie...man...it sounds like once he heals and stuff he'll be ok, but how scary is that?! Scary stuff...the doctors are right dude, i can't believe he wasn't injured more. God's lookin out for those two that's for sure...I'm soooo glad too man~
Okies..time to go read before class...
8:56 pm
Wow. Talk about lazy day. I felt like crap...picked Cat up from work, tried to have a mtg and eat lunch but had a disaster to deal with so sat around for a few hours...tried to go to class but i might as well not have gone cuz i freakin fell asleep...like, i was FIGHTING to stay awake. Came back and slept for 2 hours. I was actually gettin freaked out cuz i was like, what's wrong with me? Why am I so tired all the time these days? Plus, I feel like I've been eating really poorly for some reason. Just had these munchy cravings. I thought it was just cuz of my yuj thing, but that should be done with by now...i was like uh, am i getting sick? what's the deal? this is not the time to be getting sick for me man. i need to be 120% for this LSAT business. And midterms next week. sigh...mebbe i'm really stressed out and it's manifesting itself in my physical state without me really realizing it. Kinda like when I got sick in Korea. I didn't really realize how crappy I felt then either. But apparently my body was responding to my emotional and mental problems. grr...
Spent a lot of time talkin to someone today who was really upset. Super super upset. Like, I've honestly never in my entire life seen anyone that upset. I felt soooo super bad for her. To a certain degree, I could relate cuz I mean, everyone takes break ups super hard, but at the same time, I don't remember ever being that distraught either. It was crazee..i felt soo bad. It was nice bein able to sit and talk to her tho cuz I feel like I got to know her better. At least have a venue where we can talk about boys and stuff. That's always a good way for girls to get to know each other. bash boys. haha...talk about how they're all stupid. hahaha...ahh~ just kidding. :P
How often do u listen to your instincts? Hmm...I tend to listen to them a lot but sometimes they tell me things that I don't wanna hear and then I just ignore em. Altho I guess in the long run...that's not such a good thing huh? My instincts typically tend to be right. hmm...
Guys and girls tend to care about very different things. God certainly made us extremely different beings. I guess that was the point. Cuz we balance each other out. Altho that sometimes leads to problems. But everyone knows that...The eternal questions that everyone is always asking. I guess it's not so much a matter of understanding the differences, but more learning what they are and catering to them. U don't necessarily hafta understand why they think what they do but it's just a matter of doing the things that make them happy. rite? cuz ur goal is to make the other person happee.
12:05 pm
Class, lab, copied Poli reading...ate baozi...gotsta study and get lotsa stuff done this weekend...LSAT, study and read 462, read 212, look over Japa. After October 5, I'll be so happy! YAY! hehe...I think things will be fine...just gotta study. Then I'll have more exciting things to talk about other than the LSAT and skool. heehee...Thankfully I'm not as tired today. Altho I got less sleep. Mebbe that's the key. Not gettin too much sleep. My body is so weird sometimes...
Wow, my score is actually improving. Amazing! I'm still nervous tho...but I'm finally hitting my goal. I think it really is a matter of just practicing cuz i'm getting more familiar with the types of questions and how to attack them. arguments and reading comp aren't bad at all for me...now i just gotta get my games strategies down and my score should be ok. hopefully...for those of you who know nothing about the LSAT, there are two arguments sections, one reading comp, and one games. ever since the SAT reading comp has always been my strength. i used to think games were fun, but apparently that's my weakest section now. i guess i didn't think i needed to practice em as much. but my arguments are actually improving. only missing a few per section. which is pretty much what i'm aiming for. yay! mebbe there's hope yet. ahh...
Rite, so I think I was gettin burned out from all that studying. My score started goin downhill for some reason so i was like forget that. ate, worked out, now gettin ready to read some 462 before din din...i really wish i didn't have these midterms to be worryin about. ah wellz...one more week!!!!
I wonder about a lotta things...I wonder if I do a very good job of lettin peepz know that they mean lots and lots to me. Cuz I'm not an entirely verbal person. But I feel like I show it better than I say it. But mebbe that's just how I feel and I don't really do that. Cuz in the end, it only matters if the receiver feels like i'm showing it. mebbe other people do that too and that's why i feel like i don't mean that much to them either. cuz they don't say it...I wonder if it's possible for any girl in the world to have no girls who dislike them. I mean, seriously. Girls are so weird like that. Always create petty reasons to not like other girls. Why are we such jealous people? It's so weird cuz guys don't get like that. There always seem to be girls who don't like other girls for no apparent reason. You don't even really know the girl and she don't like you. wassup with that? almost always stems from jealousy...I wonder how many times it takes for someone to get hurt before they get fed up and give up on the other person...I wonder if anyone is ever 1000% sure about their spouse when they get married. Altho I suppose if you've decided to marry that person, then u love them and wanna spend the rest of ur life with that person. Scary thought huh?...I wonder how long it takes for the average person to find their soulmate...I wonder if everyone actually believes in soulmates...I wonder if all guys can turn mushy and sentimental when they fall in love...I wonder if most people know what it feels like to fall in love. Cuz I mean, I guess like all things, u don't really know what ur missing out on or what something feels like if you've never experienced it before. Take me, for instance. I've never been drunk. Or buzzed. So I have no clue what that feels like. So I guess if you've never fallen in love, then u wouldn't know...I wonder if everyone fears losing someone they care about. Like, someone falling out of love with them or finding something about them they don't like...I wonder if I'll ever stop wondering these strange things~ :P
1:58 pm
Ok score on arguments. There's still hope... :P Japa, Poli, LSAT, lunch with Nhu and Cat, meetings, gettin ready to go to work...i hate the feeling of having been outside~ u feel all smelly...smelling like outside. just not very clean. icky~ esp havin to go to work afterward cuz i gotta get dressed up..gr...
7:20 pm
Wow...i'm so super sleepy...had a rough day at work. worked forever and had a looooot of crap to do. got in kinda late, went to family group dinner, and i was starvin marvin so i ate more than i prob should've and now i'm even sleepier than i was before. rough day and lotsa food. not a good combo. i have lotsa reading to do tho so i can't fall asleep...mebbe i'll take a lil nap later 2nite. Had a good time at family group tho. twas kewl gettin to talk to peepz and see people and stuff. erikku is so funnee. what a cutie pie. i had forgotten how much i missed talkin to him when he was in japan. plus it's fun cuz i can speak japanese with him and he helps me learn more too. keke...we both agree that language classes are subarashi. i always walk outta japanese smiling and he's like yeah, i walk outta econ classes crying. haha...so troo so troo...
11:22 pm
Wow, i was sooo tired. read for a lil while, took a lil nap (i never do that at like, 9 pm at nite but i was tired...) went running, took cat home to get her car, came back only to find NO parking. AGAIN! grr...that always happens. whatever...annoying. newaiz, i'm in an odd mood. again. pensive. this tends to happen on mondays. a lot of weirdness goin on...i dunno. a lot of times something different is good for you. change can be good. but at the same time kinda hard cuz it's something uncomfortable. something ur not used to. but do u always know instinctively whether or not it's a good change? cuz if that's the case...i dunno. random thoughts...a lotta stuff to get off my chest, but i'm just not really sure what all that stuff is...trying to articulate it, but it's just kinda hard. i dunno...just in a confused mood i guess. i kinda understand the whole expectations thing. used to hear it all the time from an old friend. better for people not to expect nething so they'll be surprised when u do something nice or good. i guess that's troo. to a certain degree. altho i don't really think i ever have that high of expectations. i always used to be surprised and appreciative of stuff. wrote my sis a long e-mail...sometimes wish i had all the answers to all my questions about things. but of course, i don't. surprise surprise...wish i could talk about these things but of course the whole disappearance thing doesn't help matters. so many reasons why i know that things are rite and as they should be, but en meme temps, je ne suis pas si sur...
11:11 pm
Not even really sure why i'm writing nething cuz i don't have much of nething positive to say right now. I guess I need to vent or something. Had to go running after class today to relieve some stress. I cannot wait until this freakin midterm is over, and the LSAT is outta the picture. wow...all this crap is spilling over into other aspects of my life and I suddenly had this like..i dunno, emotionally drained feeling. i kinda wanna just take this exam 2nite and get it over with but i can't cuz i still need to study more. it never ends...there's no use in getting stressed out cuz it doesn't help matters at all. in fact, it's rather detrimental to ur health and well-being. yet i never seem to keep that in mind when i start feeling the stress brimming outta my ears~
Life sucks sometimes...
11:21 am
I know I'm not supposed to worry about things. I know they'll be taken care of. I know it doesn't help matters. But it's so much easier said than done. itsuka~
Riiiite..so I woke up kinda late. Surprise surprise...eatin my oatmeal...contemplating the order of my day since i have various things to take care of. I can't believe that D-day is actually in 2 days. I know I keep saying that, but I can't help but have it on the forefront of my mind these days.
9:46 pm
Lunch in at airplane/tau bay, lollicup, barnes to study, class, more studying, CSA meeting, more LSAT, working out...just got back from burnin off a buncha steam. Ya know, i think that when there's one thing on ur mind, everything else sorta gets amplified. and seems worse than they really are. or something. i guess it's just the fact of having strong emotions about something in general that makes you attribute that to other things as well. i learned about something like that in a psyc class once...ya know what? i hate the feeling when someone makes you feel really stoopid about something. i mean, obviously...most people do. but it's just a sucky feeling when someone looks at you like what an idiot...when it's something completely valid to not know. not that people do this often, no worries~ :D haha...
It's quite odd the people you miss when ur feelin down...random~
