“Meggie…baby… it’s time to get up,” Nick whispered into his wife’s ear. “We have to leave in an hour,”
Meggie opened her eyes and stared up at her husband.
”Where are we….oh…” She replied, her eyes suddenly loosing its sparkle.
“I’m going to go get Austin up and ready… do you want anything for breakfast?”
“No, I’m not hungry… but thanks,”
Nick nodded as he shut the door behind himself. He padded down the hallway dressed in only boxers and a white tee shirt. He hesitated before opening the door to the nursery. He had to go in. There was no way around it. Quietly, he opened the door. Tears burned his eyes as he saw the empty crib dressed in pink and white blankets. Her Backstreet teddy bear stared at him through the bars on the crib. He bit his lip to keep the tears from falling as he went over to Austin’s crib.
“Hey Little Man… time to wake up,” He said, gently picking Austin up from his sleeping position. He stirred and slowly woke up as Nick laid him down on the changing table. As he reached down for a diaper, his hand fell upon a soft purple sleeper.
“D*mnit!” He exclaimed, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. The door swung open and Meggie ran into the room.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing..” He whispered, tossing the sleeper across the room.
“Oh Nicky..” She cried, enveloping him into a hug.
“We need to clean out this room,” He sighed. She nodded in agreement. Nick turned back to Austin and began to undress him from his pajamas.
“I’m going to take a quick shower,” Meggie said, leaving the room.
“How are you handling this?” Nick asked Austin, knowing he wouldn’t get a reply. “You know what’s going on, don’t you? You miss her too?”
After changing Austin, Nick dressed him in little black pants and a white shirt, adding socks and shiny black shoes to the outfit.
“I’d never thought I’d have to dress you up like this. Sorry, kiddo.” Nick picked him up and carried him into the master bedroom. “You sit here… and play with this, so mommy and I can get ready,”
Nick pushed a Playskool truck and car in front of Austin and watched him play with them for a few seconds. He then went over to the closet the couple shared and opened his side. He pulled out a pair of black dress pants and threw them on the bed. He picked out a black dress shirt and a black tie. He didn’t have to dress cheerful or fashionable. He was just going to a funeral… his own daughter’s. Not even bothering with a shower, he pulled the pants on over his boxers and took off his shirt. He dug around through a drawer for a wife beater and slipped it on. Then he put on the black shirt, buttoned in, and tucked in. He put the tie on, and then finished everything off with the coat to the suit. As he ran a comb through his hair, Meggie opened the bathroom door and emerged. She was dressed in a black dress that went down to her knees, with little dark red flowers hemmed along the bottom. She slipped on a pair of black strappy high heels and stood up, looking into the mirror.
“How should I wear my hair?” She asked, sighing.
“Down,” Nick said simply, easing himself down onto the floor beside Austin.
“Ok,” She replied. She picked up her brush and ran it through a few times. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah,” He said, picking Austin up. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”
She took Austin and left the room. Nick dug through the bottom of the closet and found a bag from JC Penny’s. He walked down the hall to Austin’s room and entered. He got Madison’s beloved teddy bear from her crib and laid it in the bag. He took one last look around before shutting the door and going downstairs. Locking the door behind them, they left the house. Meggie handed him the keys to her BMW and he unlocked it. Nick’s stomach did flip-flops as he saw two car seats in the backseat. He decided to leave it until later, and began to strap Austin into his seat. Then he got into the driver’s side, and started the engine. The drive to the funeral home was silent, except for the radio playing lightly in the background and the occasional murmurs from Austin. As they pulled into the parking lot, Nick sighed in relief to see no reporters or cameras. He parked near the front and turned off the car.
“Ready to do this?” Nick asked.
“Can you ever be ready to do this?” Meggie asked back, opening her door. Nick also got out and unhooked Austin from his car seat. Another car pulled into the lot and parked in a designated parking spot.
“Hi… are you Nick and Megan Carter?” He asked. They nodded. “I’m Pastor Brown… I’ll be doing Madison’s service today. It’s nice to meet you... under such circumstances.”
[AN: I’m not quite sure what Nick’s religion is, so we’ll just use a Pastor]
They each shook hands with the Pastor. “I need to be getting inside. Let me know if you three need anything,”
“Thank you,” Nick said, as the Pastor went inside the glass doors.
“I’m going to go find the ladies room… I think Austin needs a change already,” Meggie said.
“Ok,”
Nick watched as his wife and son disappeared from sight into the building. He sighed and sat down on a wooden bench. The dreary gray clouds and occasional drizzle set the mood for the day. Nick tugged his jacket tighter as a cool breeze ruffled his blonde hair. He suddenly remembered the bear was sitting on the floor in the backseat. He walked back to the car and unlocked the back door. He reached down for the JC Penny’s bag and retrieved it. He relocked the door and slammed it shut. As he began walking back to the bench, a black Explorer pulled into the parking lot. It parked beside Nick’s car, and A.J. got out. He set the alarm as he walked towards Nick.
“Hey,” He said, sitting down on the bench beside Nick. “How are you holding up?”
“As well as can be expected, I guess… I don’t know,”
“Where are Meg and Austin?”
“Inside… Austin needed a changing.”
The two sat in silence until Meggie and Austin came back outside. Then more cars began to pull in. They came up to the couple and offered their condolences and sympathy, then went inside to sit down.
As it started to rain, the small crowd went towards the doors, except Nick.
“Are you coming in?” Brian asked, also dressed in a nice suit.
“I can’t yet… I’m not ready…” Nick said.
“You’re going to get wet,”
“I’d rather get wet than say goodbye,” He remarked quietly.
Brian stared at the wet pavement, not sure how to respond. They leaned up against the building, so not to get drenched. About 15 minutes later, Brian looked down at his watch.
“The service is going to start soon,”
Nick nodded and opened the door, taking a deep breath as he entered. Small children ran around playing and smiling and having fun. How could they be laughing when my daughter is laying in a casket in the next room?
Brian led Nick into the other room, where people sat awaiting the service. Wearily, Nick began to walk towards the front, where the casket sat. Brian walked behind him, giving him some space. He heard Nick choke back tears as they got closer.
Brian sat down beside Kevin and Kristen and watched Nick take the bear from the bag. He set the bag next to the front pew, and walked up towards his daughter. His eyes burned with tears as he saw his baby girl… lying so still in the small casket. Her skin was pale, but her lips were now pink, not blue. Her thin blonde hair had been pulled up into a tiny ponytail at the top of her head, and tied with a pink ribbon. She wore a pink and white dress that Nick had bought for her a few months before the twins were born, while he was in Sweden. He knew it wouldn’t fit for awhile, but eventually it would. And it did. He allowed his tears to fall openly, as he set the bear in the casket with her. He turned and walked away. As he sat down beside Meggie, Pastor Brown came out holding a bible. The room became silent as he reached the pulpit.
“On behalf of the Carter’s, I’d like to thank you all for coming to celebrate the life of Madison Danielle Carter, who’s life ended too soon. Madison, or Maddie, as people close to her would call her, was born on June 21, 2001, along with her twin brother Austin.” He continued on about Madison’s short-lived life for about twenty more minutes, sharing stories that Nick and Meggie, along with the whole family had told him. “Before bringing this ceremony to an end, a few of the Carters’ close friends asked me to show something.”
Pastor Brown left the room momentarily, and returned with a video projector. He slightly dimmed the slights and turned the projector on. Videos and pictures from Meggie being pregnant showed across the wall. They showed the birth, and Nick walking into the waiting room, holding Madison. As Nick bent down to kiss his newborn daughter on the forehead, the song Nick wrote for Madison, began playing. Brian’s soft voice flowed through speakers throughout the room, as the video proceeded.
There's two things I know for sure.
She was sent here from heaven, and she's daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night, she talks to Jesus, and I close my eyes.
And I thank God for all the joy in my life,
Oh, but most of all, for...
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer.
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair.
"Walk beside the pony, daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, daddy, but I sure tried.
" Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.
Sweet sixteen today,
She's looking like her momma a little more every day.
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and makeup, from ribbons and curls.
Trying her wings out in a great big world.
But I remember...
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer.
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, daddy, but if you don't mind,
I'm only going to kiss you on the cheek this time."
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right.
To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.
All the precious time ... Like the wind, the years go by
Precious butterfly ... Spread your wings and fly
She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride room just staring at her,
she asked me what I'm thinking, and I said "I'm not sure,
I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl." Then she leaned over... and gave me...
Butterfly kisses, with her mama there sticking little flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle, daddy, it's just about time"
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, daddy?" "Daddy, don't cry."
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses
I couldn't ask God for more. Man, this is what love is.
I know I've gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning, and butterfly kisses at night…
(Written by Bob Carisle and Randy Thomas)
[AN: Nick did not actually write this, and Brian didn’t actually sing this, but it just fits perfectly into the story… so for the story only, let’s just say they did =o) ]
The end of the video neared, now showing pictures and videos from their recent tour. At the concert in California, Jane had videotaped Nick singing Time with Austin and Madison on stage with him. The video came to an end, and the lights were turned back up. Nick held Meggie as she sobbed into his chest, tears falling from his own face.
“On behalf of the Carters’, I’d like to thank you all for coming and sharing the celebration of Madison’s life.” Pastor Brown shut his bible and left the room.
Everyone stood up, exchanging more hugs and kind words.
“Guys… thank you,” Nick said tearfully. They all nodded and hugged both Nick and Meggie.
“We should probably get over to the cemetery now. Everyone’s starting to leave,” Bob Carter said. The large group slowly made their way out to their cars. Nick and Meggie had both decided against a limo, seeing it would only attract more attention.
“Anyone want to ride with us?” Nick asked.
“I will,” B.J. said. She followed Nick to his car and took Austin from his grasp. Half-heartedly, Nick took the second child seat out of the backseat and put it into the trunk. “Let’s get you all buckled in,”
Nick watched as his sister carefully buckled Austin into his child seat. Meggie came over and got into the car after talking to her family for a few minutes. The ride to the cemetery was rather quiet, except for B.J. quietly playing with Austin in the back, who had begun to get restless.
~ About Forty-Five Minutes Later ~
“Ashes to ashes… dust to dust..” The Pastor said as he ended the graveside service. Nick held back his tears, as he watched his daughter’s casket begin to drop into the ground. People began to throw roses and tulips onto the top of the casket.
“Goodbye baby girl,” Nick whispered, watching the casket disappear from his sight. Once again, everyone went back to their cars, now going to Nick’s house. They soon reached the house and parked in the garage, so everyone else could park in the driveway or road. With Austin in his arm, he unlocked the front door and held it open for the people going inside.
“I got it, Nick,” AJ said coming up beside Nick. “Go on inside,”
“Thanks,” Nick went inside and headed towards the kitchen to get Austin something to eat. His eyes widened at all of the plates of food lying on the countertop and kitchen table.
“What is all this?” He asked as his mom entered the kitchen.
“People brought over food for everyone to eat today, and then you can keep the leftovers so you won’t have to cook for a little bit.”
“Wow… Austin… what do you want?” He asked, letting his son see the whole arrangement of food. He looked around and pointed towards a plastic Tupperware bowl full of macaroni and cheese. Nick shook his head and laughed. “You’ve been around Brian too long,”
”Who’s been around me too long?” Brian asked, only hearing the end of the sentence as he walked in.
“Austin,”
“Ohhh..” Brian said watching Nick put macaroni into a small plastic bowl. He got a spoon out from a drawer and went into the dining room where people had begun to gather. He set Austin into his highchair and handed him the spoon.
“Dig in, little man.”
Brian came in moments later with two plates full of food.
“Hungry, Bri?”
“Yes, and so are you,” He said, handing Nick one of the plates.
“Thanks, B, but I could’ve gotten it myself.”
“But you wouldn’t have,” He said, sitting down beside Austin. “Good stuff?”
Austin nodded eagerly, spooning more noodles into his mouth.
~Later that night ~
B.J. laughed as Austin began to doze off in Meggie’s lap.
“Hey Austin… what do you say we head up to bed?” She asked, taking Austin from Meggie.
“Thank you, Beej,” She said.
B.J. nodded and walked upstairs, Austin on her hip. As she opened the nursery door, she was met with the smell of baby powder and wipes.
She lay Austin on the changing table and pulled of the clothes he had been wearing all day. After changing his diaper, she found a blue sleeper and began to put it on him. When she was done, she lay him down in his crib. As she went over towards a shelf for Austin’s stuffed dog, she noticed lights from outside. She pulled back the curtain to see hundreds of teenage girls and even children and adults, holding candles in the front yard and street. She smiled as she gave the dog to Austin and left the room, running downstairs.
“Nick!”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing… come here,” She said, taking his hand, and also Meggie’s. She opened the front door and heard their gasp. They walked outside and looked in amazement at the sea of people. The crowd was singing “Time” quietly, but loud enough to hear it. Meggie covered her mouth as tears sprung to her eyes. The people who were left inside came out and watched the excitement. As the song ended, Nick held up his hand.
“I… I don’t know what to say… except… thank you..” He began to cry. “The past few weeks have been very hard for not only me, but Meggie and my whole family. Even the other guys… and it makes me feel so much better... knowing that you guys are behind us, and not upset with us for postponing another tour. You guys are seriously the BEST fans.”
As Nick and Meggie’s family and friends began to leave, Nick sat outside on the front porch and listened to the crowd sing Backstreet Boys songs. Finally, all that was left were the four guys and Kristen. They sat outside for at least an hour, before saying goodbye.
“See you two later… and take care. Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything,” Kristen said, hugging them both before getting into her and Kevin’s car. The others did the same, and soon, Meggie and Nick were alone with the fans.
“Nick… I’ve got an idea,” She said, sitting beside him on the porch swing.
”What?”
”We have hundreds of flowers inside from today… why don’t you go give the fans the flowers. We don’t have any use for them… I mean they’re going to die soon and we can’t take care of them all.”
Nick smiled as he went inside and filled a box full of flowers from the vases. He went back outside and handed each person a flower. Finally, everyone had one. Nick and Meggie waved to them, as they went back inside.
As they got ready for bed, Nick went into the nursery.
“Goodnight, Austin” He whispered, kissing him on the forehead. “Goodnight Maddie,”
He closed the door and went back into the master bedroom.
“Goodnight, baby,” Meggie said, sliding her arm around his chest.
“Goodnight…maybe in the morning… we’ll wake up on the tour bus and this all would have been a nightmare.”
“I wish,”
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