I don't want anyone to love me

I don't want anyone to love me
Just now.
Not you, not her, not him,
Not Jesus, not my brother, not my sister,
Not my X.
None of you.
I just don't want to be
Loved
Right now.
I don't want you to say hello
To me.
Or bring me coffee.
Or tell me how wonderful I am
Or was
Or will be again.
I don't want any of that.

I don't want you to look at me
Because I am feeling ugly and lost
And waaaay too skinny to be allowed to
Inhabit
An inch much less foot of this space.
And would someone please put a fucking bullet
Through the head of that whining fuck?

I don't want you to touch me.
Or write to me.
Or call me.
Or send smoke signals.
Or give me a toke
Or offer a drink.

I hate when you don't write.
I hate you take and take and take
I hate when you bleed me of my insides
And give me back a wilted smile.

Be real.
Or go away.

I don't have to write good poetry.
Who fucking cares?
Ada doesn't love me
Even tho she does.
My son is a Karate Master
And we do not speak.
What shall I do?

How shall I redeem myself?
By being what you want me to be?
I can't.
I just can't.

I am eliminating all poets
Who are better than me
I am cutting you out of my life
You will soon
Not be in the Circle
Because
Your silence is
Killing me
So be forewarned.

You are nearly
Gone.
And all my love for you
Which I gave and gave
Is dribbling to an end.

I am jumping off the bridge
Right fucking now.
So upset.
I will not talk to any of you
Should any of you
Really care.
I am tired of being
Analyzed (why do you love women so much???)
I am tired
Of everything.
I am tired of not being able to be myself
W/o you saying it's not enough
Or
It's too much.

Okay, then.
Okay, then.
Okay.
You win.
Fuck you.
All of you.
I hate you.
Don't ever talk to me again.

Ever.
Is that clear?

Loveisarose does not love me.
I handle rejection so badly.
I fall apart.
Did anyone
Notice?

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