1.  The name -- Yeah, that's the first thing that bothered me.  Paper Mario?  It's the kinda name that instantly makes you lose all respect for this game (not like you should've had any in the first place...)

2.  The battle system -- What's with making it a solo adventure?!  It's new!  It's innovative!  So it has to suck!  And it does.  You have to waste a whole whopping turn JUST so you can use another member in your pathetic party.  And then if you want to go back to using the first guy, you have to switch AGAIN, wasting another turn.  Is that fair?  No, it isn't.  It forces people to use their brains once in a while, which is just way too much to ask from the average person (not that I'm an average person...ummm, hehe, yeah...)

And there's the matter of damage.  How come the most damage you ever do in this sorry excuse of a game doesn't even reach 20?  What kinda rip-off is that?!  Some people say I should just pretend it has a few extra zeroes.  Are they retarded?  If you go to work on payday, and you get a check for 20 bucks, are you supposed to just pretend it has a few extra freakin' zeroes?!  That's a bad analogy, you say?  Oh yeah, well YOU'RE a bad analogy!  (Hahaha, I'm so witty...)

And where are the healing spells?  Why can't I just attack and heal like every single other RPG in the world?  And don't say I can use Star Power, because you can only Smooch once or twice before you have run out.  It's like they expect me use strategy or something!  Sheesh, of all things...  Star Power is stupid anyway.  SP should stand for Stupid Power.  Yeah.  (Hehe, oh man, sometimes I just kill myself...)

3.  Badges -- Sonny, back in my day, once you learned abilities, you LEARNED 'em.  None o' that fancy schmancy badge-equippin' of yers.  Why, if we had the wrong equipment back then, I could still beat the bosses.  It'd be a little harder, yeah, but I could beat 'em.  But nowadays, if you don't got the right badges...well, let's just say that you have no chance to survive make your time.  Besides, where'd the good ol' Exp. Ring and Miser Ring go?

4.  Koopa Koot -- Annoying old geezer.  I wish he'd croak already.  You go to hell and back to get him an item, and what does he give you?  One freakin' coin!  Yeah, he'll give you Star Pieces once in a while, but if weren't for those, I'd turn him into a pile of Dry Bones without a second thought (he's practically is one already anyway...)

5.  The Playroom -- Don't they mean Casino?  Or do they not even have the guts to make a couple crazy parents mad, and get sued for millions and millions of dollars?  Hrmph.  But more importantly, I almost never win at those darn games.  And even when I finally do, it's just enough to cover my losses...if I'm lucky.  Those programmers are evil...

6.  The graphics -- Or rather lack of them (what, you thought I'd forget about this one?)  Ever since I saw the first screenshots, I knew Paper Mario (or Super Mario Adventure as it was called then) would be stinker.  I mean, didn't they learn their lesson from Yoshi's Story??  2-D = bad graphics.  Bad graphics = bad game.  Everyone knows that.  Some people might try to delude themselves into thinking that it doesn't matter as long as the gameplay is good (heh, no luck there either...), but what's the harm in having some decent graphics, huh?  I mean, dude, seriously, the ORIGINAL game had better graphics than this!

7.  The music -- One of my favorite things about the original game was the awesome soundtrack, and I was hoping that there might a slight chance they'd get a decent composer, but no...the music is as flat as the graphics.  There's no depth, it's completely two-dimensional.  But hey, what do you expect from a non-Square RPG, huh?

8.  Special attacks -- Or rather lack of them...no flashy spells, no feature-length summons, no nothing.  Just plain ol' jumps and hammers and shells and stuff.  This emasculated version of Mario can't even throw a measly fireball.  Not even the bosses get any good attacks.  Remember Super Mario RPG?  Now THOSE where what I call spells.  And what happened to awesome status effects like Mushroom?

9.  Equipment -- Or rather lack...ummm, I think you get the point.  I mean, can't a guy even get some decent protective gear around here these days?  You know, equipment used to be so good that Mario could bash enemies with own hands if he had the right gloves.  And what about the Lazy Shells?  What fun is a game if you can't totally annihilate enemies without receiving a single point of damage?

10.  Items -- You can only hold 10?!  Wha???  I mean, it was already bad enough that you couldn't have bottomless pockets in the first game, but this is ridiculous.  Even the store won't let you check in as much stuff as you want!  I mean, sheesh, come on, gimme a break here...

11.  Leveling up -- Ummmm, what's the deal here, huh?  You can only upgrade one thing at a time?  What genius thought of THAT?!  I bet they were just too lazy and forget to upgrade everything else whenever you level up...I mean, even your attack and defense stay the same for crying out loud!  If you wanna do more damage to take less damage, you need those stinkin' badges, and they take up 6 freakin' points each!!  Are these morons supposed to get PAID for this?

So, what's my advice?  Get it.  NOW.