1. Camera -- I think it hates me. And believe me, the feeling is mutual...

2. Control -- Like driving an 18-wheeler. Why does it take so darn long just to turn around?!?

3. Characters -- Beat? Gum? Tab? What kinda gay names are those? And Professor K...what freak show did he come from? And a mooing dog? What the freak?!

4. Music -- I think the composer should be arrested for noise pollution. Were his ears being amputated with rusty red-hot knives when he came up with this stuff? Because that's what it feels like whenever I listen to it.

5. Level design -- Do Japanese people actually live in these places? No wonder they make games like Jet Grind Radio. And the last level...what were they smoking, and where can I get some?

6. Enemies -- Where do they get these people? Schools for the learning disabled? Then again, that would be insulting the learning disabled...Seriously, though, it's like they OD'ed on Viagra.

7. Story -- A demon record...somehow they always find a way to make your characters save the world. What's next, killer tomatoes?

8. Graphics -- Cel-shading...whose brilliant idea was that? Looks like a freaking cartoon. But I guess it makes sense, considering that they're targeting this game towards infants.
 

Conclusion: My friend says this copy was burned, but that didn't seem to succeed in destroying the disc, so I think I'll try sticking it in the microwave. But first I've got to see the dog on roller blades...