Won't Fear Love

(Sequel to "Something Rational")

Author: agent myers

Rating: PG-13

Keywords: DSR, Angst

Summary: All the fear has left me now, I'm not frightened anymore.

Spoilers: Within, Without

Disclaimer: They're not mine. Duh.

Feedback: I live for it.

Archive: Gossamer, XFMU, yes. All others please ask, I'm sure I'll say yes!

Author's Notes: The long-awaited (shyeah) sequel to "Something Rational"! Die-hard MSR-ers will not like this one. But don't even think about flaming me. IT'S IN THE HEADER.

Recommended Listening: "Release" by Pearl Jam, "500 Miles" by the Proclaimers, and "Possession" by Sarah McLachlan

***

Won't Fear Love

by agent myers

***

The basement office is quiet, and it smells like decaffeinated coffee and Irish crème.

My partner sits across from me, working quietly, and quite involved with his report. I glance up at the clock. It's almost time for my appointment with my obstetrician.

Several weeks ago, when I'd fallen asleep at John Doggett's house, and woken up in his bed, he told me that I didn't have to be alone. That if I wanted someone to share the burden - and the joy - of the pregnancy, that I could always come to him. At the time, I'd appreciated the gesture, but I never imagined that I'd be considering asking him to come to my appointment with me.

Ultrasound. It was, without a doubt, the most incredible thing to see my baby...to hear it's heartbeat, to actually *know* that it was living inside me. But it was hard not having anyone to share this joy with.

And then I remembered what John had told me...if I ever wanted someone to accompany me to my appointments...

And I also remembered the smell of him as I lay in his bed. It was all around me...

I had to admit to myself that I was attracted to him. Not because of any one thing, but because everything about John was what I'd always wanted in a man. Honorable and caring. I could see him treating me like a princess, something I wasn't used to. There were no lengths he wouldn't go to nurture me. Like he genuinely cared about my happiness.

I couldn't ever remember feeling that from Mulder. Empathy, yes. But he never dared to step inside my soul and heal me from the inside out. He stood at a distance, loved me at a distance. I'd been waiting for all those years, and never had Mulder had the courage, or maybe desire, to let me know under no uncertain terms that he was in love with me. He would risk his own life to save mine. He would go to the ends of the earth to bring me back...but he wouldn't say those three words that would have changed everything.

I never understood it.

And then there was John Doggett. He was the kind of man that wouldn't mince words. He was good at everything - you need only look at his record to know that he was dedicated. Married once, a father once, and something told me that he was good at that too.

"Scully?"

My head shot up at the sound of my partner's voice. "Hmm?"

"You okay? You've just been staring at your computer for a good five minutes."

I smiled. "I'm okay."

He looked at me thoughtfully, and then returned to his work. Genuinely concerned. I decided to ask him.

"Agent Doggett."

His head shot up. "Yeah."

"Remember when you said that you'd go with me to my doctor's appointments if I asked you?"

He nodded.

"I have one today at three. Would you...would you go with me?"

He stared at me, and a smile gently lifted the corners of his mouth. "Of course. I'd be happy to."

I smiled back, and we regarded each other. "Thanks."

"Anytime, Scully."

***

He was quiet on the drive over to the hospital, but the silence was not uncomfortable. When we reached the hospital, John surprised me by opening the car door for me.

"So chivalry is not dead." I said, as I got out of the car.

He merely smiled.

People glanced at us as we made our way through the hospital. They smiled...they probably thought he was my husband and I was carrying his child.

I pretended it was true. It seemed so normal, so right.

John sat next to me in the waiting room. He didn't seem at all uncomfortable, on the contrary, he seemed to be enjoying himself. I looked up from my magazine.

"By the way...thank you for coming with me." I said quietly.

"Like I said, Scully...anytime." He smiled casually.

"Dana?"

We turned in the direction of the nurse's voice, and we both stood. The nurse led us in a small examining room, with a table and the ultrasound machine. The nurse handed me a hospital gown specifically designed with an opening in the middle.

"Get undressed and put this on. If you want, you can leave your socks on." She said, smiling. "Doctor MacFarlane will be right in."

She left quickly, but not before giving John a big smile that acknowledged him as the father. I stood there, holding the gown.

"Uh, I'll step outside." He said, motioning to the door.

"No. It's okay. Just turn around, this will only take a second." I said, slipping off my shoe. What was I doing?

"Alright." he said nervously, turning as I slipped off another shoe. Within seconds I had my shirt and bra off. I slipped on the gown and removed my pants. I piled everything neatly underneath a chair.

"Done."

He turned around and eyed me a little uncomfortable. He smiled though, and I suddenly felt guilty for asking him to come. Who was I kidding? This man didn't want to be here. I wasn't his wife, this wasn't his baby growing in my stomach. He wasn't my escort. He was my co-worker. He was just being nice to the poor pregnant lady.

He came and sat next to me in a chair. "So you're gonna get an ultrasound, huh?"

I nodded.

"I'm a little excited." He said. My brow furrowed with surprise. He looked at me thoughtfully.

"You're excited?"

"Of course. This is the fun part, when you see the baby..."

I smiled.

"Hear the heartbeat..." He looked away from me, as if deep in his own memories. I touched his hand gently, and then squeezed it. He squeezed back.

"Thank you for letting me come."

Tears suddenly filled my eyes. I wiped them away quickly before John could see.

***

John and I stared at the monitor in awestruck silence. The baby moved around on the monitor. John looked down at me and smiled.

"Looks like you've got a future soccer player in there, Scully."

I beamed. "Sure feels like it."

The nurse flipped a switch on the machine, and suddenly we could hear a whooshing sound...the heartbeat.

John stared at the monitor, smiling thoughtfully. "Wow." He said.

I knew just how he felt. And for a moment, I felt utterly complete having him there. I closed my eyes, and listened to the sound of my baby. It was an amazing thing...to feel a living thing inside me, growing. Just then, I felt a hand slip into mine.

I opened my eyes. He was smiling at me. I smiled back.

***

After the appointment, we walked slowly to the car. Something had passed between us up there in that tiny, darkened room. It felt right, and I had the strongest desire to ask him to come to all of my appointments. I knew he would say yes.

We got in the car.

John chatted idly about his wife's childbearing experiences while I listened, grateful for any kind of insight into this terrifying, yet wonderful adventure.

"It was one of my favorite times in the six years we had together. It was our first...so of course, everything was new and exciting. Still, nothing is as exciting as when the baby's born."

John laughed. "I thought I would pass out when I saw her pushing that kid out. I thought, how in the hell is that possible?"

I couldn't contain my laughter. John went on.

"And when they put the...the...epidural in...I couldn't watch. I am not afraid of needles, but that was a big one."

I smirked. "If you're trying to put my mind at ease about having this baby, you're failing miserably."

John stared at me. "Sorry..." He said, and added a small laugh. The car was silent for a moment, only the sound of the road meeting the tires filled the space between us.

"You know, John, if there's anything YOU need..."

He looked over at me. "Need?"

"You know, anything I can do to...repay the favor. Maybe buy you dinner, or...fold your laundry."

His shoulders shook with laughter. When he stopped laughing, he turned to me again.

"Actually, Scully...there is ONE thing you can do for me."

***

We walked silently through the garden of stone, to the heart of the place. John stopped in front of the one he had meant to find. We both looked down at it thoughtfully.

My pregnancy had made me more emotional that was usual. I felt tears sting the back of my eyelids.

Luke John Doggett. Beloved Son.

He was so young. I looked over at John. He sighed as he looked at the stone. He'd been here many times. The grief I was feeling at this moment was a constant in his heart. He felt it all the time. I wanted to hold him...I really did.

After several moments of silence, he looked over at me.

"Thanks for coming here with me. No one has ever come with me before."

I took his hand strongly in mind and held it tightly. I knew that I couldn't say anything without breaking into tears. We turned to leave together.

***

Back at my apartment, John insisted he walk me to my door. As soon as I walked into the apartment, I took off my gun belt and hung it up. I invited John inside, but I could tell he was trying not to overstay his welcome.

As if he could have done such a thing.

"Well, Scully...I'm sure you've got...things to do, so I'll be going." John said, opening the door.

"The usual."

He nodded.

We stood in silence, looking at each other.

"I really appreciate you coming to the cemetery with me."

"And I appreciate you coming to my appointment with me, John."

He smiled. I smiled. And we slipped into a hug. He embraced me, being careful of my increasing tummy. I felt his breath against my ear and I shuddered. He pulled away, but I was still holding on.

And we stood looking at each other. I suddenly became lost in a sea of blue. He didn't blink.

The moment our lips touched, my whole body flooded with fire.

Desire, guilt, need, want, pain, longing.

The seconds seemed to stretch into minutes. His lips were soft, but not as soft as his arms that were around me. I melted. I died. I pulled away slowly.

And again, I was staring into the blue abyss.

I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. I could only smile as I let John go.

"Good night, Agent Doggett." I said. He smiled back. His gaze never wavered...his eyes never blinked. He backed out of the apartment, into the hallway.

"Good night, Agent Scully."

Knowing that soon enough I would be seeing him again, I shut the door slowly. When the door had latched, I turned around and leaned on it, sliding to the ground. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

The memory of his touch would never leave me. It had opened my eyes to the possibilities that I'd always dreamed about. It was like a sixth sense, I knew that everything I desired was in John Doggett. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against the wood door.

And somehow, I knew that John was still standing on the other side.

~FIN~

When I'm lonely yeah I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you

When I'm dreaming yes I know I'm gonna dream

I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you.

When I go out, well I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you

When I come home, well I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's comin' home with you

I'm gonna be the man who's comin' home to you.

But I would walk 500 miles

And I would walk 500 more

Just to be the man who walked

1,000 miles To fall down at your door

~The Proclaimers

(just some mood music for ya...I can totally hear this song as Doggett walks away from Scully's door)