JUSTIN: Yello?
SCARY VOICE: Hello, Justin.
JUSTIN: Um, who be dis?
SCARY VOICE: Well, you tell me.
JUSTIN: I gots no ideas.
SCARY VOICE: Do you like scary movies?
JUSTIN: Yeah g! I saw dat Backstreet Boys home video 20 times, yo!
SCARY VOICE: That's not what I'm talking about you freaking idiot! I mean HORROR movies! Like, "Halloween H20" or Friday the 13th, or something like that!
JUSTIN: Ohhh! Nah, homes, I don't watch much crap like dat. At least not without my mommy around ... hold up a minute, who da hell is dis? I've gotta fly honey comin' over in a second, so I can't be wastin' my flava on you!
SCARY VOICE: Her name wouldn't be.. Britney - would it?
JUSTIN: HELLS NO! I wouldn't touch that skank if ya'll PAID me!
SCARY VOICE: Then who the hell do I have tied up on your patio?
JUSTIN: WHAT?!
[Britney is outside, tied to a chair bruised and
bleeding...]
JUSTIN: Yo- it's abouts time someone did that!
SCARY VOICE: We're going to play a little game, Justin. If you answer the question right, Britney lives. If you get it wrong, then I kill her and
leave her body in your Benz.
JUSTIN: My Benz! Oh my God, da blood would never come out of the upholstery!
[Justin starts to cry.]
JUSTIN: Okay, okay! I'll play yo' game, g!
SCARY VOICE: First question ... name the other
members of *NSYNC in 10 seconds or less.
JUSTIN: [Pausing] Uhh, well ... um, there's JC, ...what's-his-face Chris!... uh, there's one named Lance, right? Okay, dats four ...
SCARY VOICE: Times up! Say bye-bye to Britney!
[Britney is falling all over the patio.]
SCARY VOICE: Now, Justin. Onto Round Two ... what color are you?
JUSTIN: What?
SCARY VOICE: You heard me, what COLOR are you?!
SCARY VOICE: Are you BLACK or WHITE, Justin?
JUSTIN: [Finally, after a hesitation, he
answers...] Yo, is dis a trick question?
SCARY VOICE: Wrong Answer, Justin!
[He opens the glass door, and stabs Justin 34 times. He hangs his body from the rafters.]
Justin:(dying) Joey!...Dats..who da other..one...is!
Lance: (hanging up the phone) Hey, you guys, I got some bad news. Somebody killed Justin last night.
Chris: WHAT?!
JC: Oh my God! Justin's dead?! Without Justin, we're ruined! Who else can even get 8-year-olds sexually aroused but him? Certainly not any of us.
Joey: Hey, when are we eating?
Chris: Is that all you can think about? My BEST FRIEND is dead! He was the only one who ever laughed at my jokes! I'm screwed!
Lance: Hey, on the plus side, somebody killed Britney too.
JC: Well, I guess every cloud does have its silver lining.
Lou: Boys, I'm sure you've heard the terrible news. I'm probably losing thousands of dollars as we speak. Anyway, to be on the safe side, I'm imposing a curfew on you. You must all be indoors by 9 o' clock.
Chris: What a fat piece of ass.
Joey: (looking up from a bag of chips) Huh?
Chris: No, not you Joey. I was talking about Lou.
Joey:Oh.
JC: So what are we going to do?
Lance: Well, if we have to be in by nine, why don't we invite all of our friends over so we won't be lonely?
JC: Yeah, but Lance, you don't have any friends.
Lance: Oh yeah. Okay, why don't we just all get wasted and make fun of Joey instead?
JC and Chris: Okay!
Chris: Hey, can somebody get me another beer?
Lance: Yeah, me too.
JC: Me three.
Joey: How come I'm always the one who has to get the beer?
JC: What else are you good for?
Lance: Hey Joey, I think there's a coke in the
garage.
Joey: Coke?
Lance:(nodding) Yeah, a Superman-shaped one. You can have it if you get us more beer.
Joey: SUPERMAN-SHAPED!! Oh my, God, I think I just had an orgasm!
JC: That was more than I needed to know.
[Joey's excitement soon turns to confusion.]
Joey: Hey, I don't see any coke! But Lance wouldn't LIE to me! I've shared too much of myself with him to do that!
[Joey then sees a face with the dark, scary ghost-faced man.]
Joey: What the hell?
[He tries to squeeze through the cat door, only to find that his head is the only thing he can fit.]
Joey: Well, this is...awkward.
[Meanwhile, elsewhere in the house...]
JC: (returning from the bathroom)Hey guys, what's taking Joey so long?
Chris: Who cares? He's gone. Lets enjoy the moment.
JC: Well, I'm going to check on him.
[He looks out the door. Suppressing the urge to
vomit, he runs back to the living room to tell Chris and Lance what he'd discovered.]
JC: (panicing) You guys! Joey's dead! I saw his
body hanging ... (trailing off) Uh, guys, why are you SMILING like that?
Lance: What's not to smile about? Justin's dead, Joey's dead, and soon you'll be dead. (Lance raises a bloody knife and slowly advances towards JC.) You like my knife? It's an antique. As BOP reported, I really do collect them. But you already knew that, didn't you, JC? That's because you know everything, don't you?
JC: Chris! Help me out here!
Chris: Help? HELP? Why? So you can steal more of my solos later? I don't think so.
JC: Why? Why would you do something like this?
Lance: Why? 'Cause I'm from MISSI-FREAKING-SSIPPI,THAT'S WHY! Or how about this? Lets see, how you would feel if people constantly told you that you couldn't dance, that you were really a girl, and that you were having sex with JOEY?! You would want to kill people too!
JC: You've got a point ... but Lance, all
Lance: Shut the hell up!
JC: Chris? What about you, what's YOUR motive, huh?
Chris: My motive? I'm a 27 year old virgin (not really, but whatever) with dreadlocks, and the only people who see me as a sexual being are under the age of fourteen. Plus, I'm the CRAZY one of the group! It comes with the territory!
JC: Fair enough.
Lance: But you haven't even seen the best part.
[Lance snaps his fingers.]
Lance: Chris, bring the surprise!
JC: Oh my God! You've kidnapped Nick Carter!
Lance: Picture this: Nick relizes that he is not the number one sex symbol in America anymore because of a certain JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. He snaps,
and goes on a killing spree. He kills all the
members of NSYNC, except, of course, me and Chris.
Chris: Being the stupid idiot that he is, he forgets that we're in the group ... actually, most people tend to forget that.
Lance: Then, the reality of what he's done hits
him, and he kills himself. It's perfect!
JC: Yeah, except ... hey, what's Topanga doing here?
[J.C. takes the knife out of Lance's hand and grabs
it. He stabs Chris through the forehead. Chris stumbles and falls face-first into the kitty-litter
box.]
Lance: For once he did something funny!
JC: I'll say.
[JC manages to tip the refrigerator over, crushing
Lance's skull. JC unties Nick.]
Nick: Oh, JC! Your my hero!
JC: Dude, get the hell off me.
[JC brushes himself off]
JC: Hey, now I can finally have a solo career! What a great ending! I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
*~THE END~*