- After eating a strange fibery something from a spoonful of leftover pudding left uncovered in the fridge, you wonder to yourself, "What did I just eat?' And, because you have had this experience before and never died, you don't panic and usually just keep chewing. It is a tolerance you develop as a parent.
- You walk into the bathroom, and have to back out gasping for air, then holler at the last child occupant, "At least you could have turned the fan on!" (All our bathrooms are equipped with an exhaust fan and a can of air freshner.)
- You pull yet another hair out of your mouth of food and wonder if you will die from a caught hair ball because of hairs you have undoubtedly missed and swallowed?
- Why is it that you can be home, all alone for hours, and the minute you get situated in the bathroom, or get undressed to change clothes, and the phone rings, your daughter emerges out of nowhere banging on the door to give you a message from mother, and someone rings the doorbell?
- How is it that a child of seeming intelligence that can break into fridges, bedrooms drawers and closets, to find the hidden goodies, REGULARLY, WITH SURPRISING EFFICIENCY, can tear their poopy diaper apart, smear it all over their face, arms, legs, crib, wall, curtain, etc. in complete silence; and. then fall asleep in that condition? The worse part of it all is he/she is your child.
- How would it be to throw caution to the wind and grab a cup from the cupboard, fill it up and guzzle down with out even inspecting the inside?
- Why is it that after marraige, as each year goes by it takes that much less time eating to gain five pounds? Now all I have to do is think about food and I gain five pounds.
- Why is it that those that are closest to the floor only know how to deposit to the floor being unable to grasp the concept of "If it is on the floor and shouldn't be, PICK IT UP!"?
- Why is it that metal utensils are worshipped by children with a prompt burial ritual outside promptly followed by a memory lapse of the action and the location. While plastic utensils are left outside at or near the front porch for everyone to see, like beached whales, waiting for the sun to yellow them? Or plastic utensils are left on the floor most of the time decapitated. It seems like a prejudice situation to me.
- How do metal utensils have the unusual ability to teleport directly under you shoe as you put your foot down even after you have just picked up five of them from the same general vacinity?
- Why is it that you can be up in the morning for hours having tried to wake the family; yet, when you decide it is time to take a shower, the dead arise and line up to use the restroom. Yes, a father's best job is waiting on the family meaning his most cherished characteristic is patience.
I hope to find more, wait if you have any, email me and I will put them here with a link to your page
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