"Birthday Time"

What do you do when that one "special" birthday in your family rolls around?

You've been anticipating it for months, but when the day finally comes, a celebration of any kind just doesn't seem appropriate. There is no one to blow out candles on a cake, no one to unwrap a pile of presents. Yet, your precious baby is still very much a part of your life and occupies a permanent and tender place in your heart. Here are a few suggestions on how to commemorate this bittersweet occasion from year to year.

• Visit the cemetery if it is nearby, or another favorite private spot where you can be alone with thoughts of your child for awhile.
  
  
• Encourage family members to recall the specific characteristics they remember best about the baby.
  
  
• Write a letter or poem to him or her focusing on the grogress you've made and the valuable perspectives on life you have acquired since his or her birth and death.
  
  
• Pull out the photo album or baby book to help the family recall the good times you had during the baby's life. Put together a scrapbook, if you haven't already done so.
  
  
• Have a good cry. It's perfectly acceptable and can be very therapeutic.
  
  
• Bake a cake and write the baby's name on one section, then when everyone has their piece they also get a piece of the baby's section.
  
  
• Make a contribution to the local SIDS chapter in memory of your child. You will have the satisfaction of knowing that you are helping newly bereaved families and making possible research that may one day eliminate SIDS. Grandparents may appreciate knowing there is ameaningful gift they can give at this time of the year.
  
  Adapted from original materials by the Utah Chapter, NSIDSF

  SPECIAL DAYS

  The seasons change, and some of you are becoming aware of some difficult days ahead. For those who are still going through the "firsts" - Mother's Day, Father's Day, first day of school, Sweet 16 birthday, graduation, vacation - some of these days with special family times which bring tears and memories of young lives cut short. They can be a little easier to get through with some planning and encouragement from those who have already been there. Whatever the special day that lies ahead for you, it helps to focus on doing something meaningful and tangible in rememberance of your baby. Share as a family thoughts about planting a tree or rose bush, donating a book to the livrary, lighting a special candle, releasing balloons with a message, putting flowers on the alter, or planning a vacation you always talked about taking. Tears and moments of sadness are okay, for they are expressions of love. Remember, "take one day at a time," allow some space for yourself and your innermost feelings. Parents that have been there agree: the anticipation is often much worse than the day itself.
  

  Shirley Melin, TCF Aurora, Illinois.
  
  
  

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