Cast:

Liam Neeson
Ewan McGregor
Jake Lloyd
Natalie Portman

Ray Park

Director: George Lucas

Previews: Wild Wild West (new preview) ($$), The General's Daughter ($$$), Anna and The King ($$), The Beach ($$1/2)


People have asked me, where did my love of movies come from, when did it begin, and why should my opinion matter to you. Well, two of those I hope to answer here, as for the last one, maybe the first two will tell you, but basically, my opinion should not matter. I am just one person, who uses his words, and experiences to express what I think on a subject, but alas, that is the topic for another time.

Way back, mid 70s or so, I discovered that the theater was not just that weird shaped building with the bright sign, and words that changed every week. Inside, I would soon discover, was a magical world, a world where I could, and have, escaped to. A world where I can be someone else, somewhere else, and at least for 2 hours, forget the real world outside, and become a part, and partner, to a directors vision, story and ideas. It was kind of like my version of storytime, told in a dark auditorium, with the smell of popcorn surrounding me.

One of my earliest, and definitely my most influential, experiences, happened in the early summer of 1977. My 9-year old self, armed with my best friend, an overactive imagination, and an open mind, as clear as blackboard, wandered into said movie theater, and left 2 hours later, changed, and impressioned, for a lifetime. The movie was Star Wars, George Lucas’ epic fable for the ages, which has become a phenomenon of unimaginable proportions, and has changed the face of cinema permanently. Whenever my history, or recollections of movie data, information, etc. come up, my reference point always begins there. As a 9-year old child, Star Wars opened up a new world to me, several actually. The world of space, yes, obviously, but more, the world of movies, imagination, and the magic that the cinema can hold, and has held on to me with, for the past 22 years.

In those years since, I have seen probably thousands of movies, and more recently, have taken to the forum of combining my writings here, with my love of movies, in order to pass my opinions, thoughts, and beliefs along to my 5s of adoring fans out there. In doing such, I have developed a more critical eye toward movies. Not necessarily, cold, unfeeling, and forgetful of the fun and joy that the cinema brings, but more watchful, and even picky, of what is presented to me onscreen.

Yes, I know I am rambling, but there is a point to all of this. A dilemma presented itself in my head, as I was leaving the theater from seeing The Phantom Menace.

Which viewpoint do I evaluate it from? The 9-year old, who was so starstruck, awestruck, and impressioned for life, or the 31-year old, who began seeing, watching and loving movies because of it, but cannot help but critically analyze what appears before him. The solution? Get both perspectives. So, let me introduce 9-year old Jerry, and 31-year old Jer, with the respective reviews, commentary, and discussion on the Phantom Menace. I will throw out the first question, and then let them take over.

Me: Gentleman, thank you for joining me here today, okay, let me toss this out, and then let you two take over. What was your overall impression of the movie, like, dislike, and why? (That should keep them occupied for a bit, off for a café mocha)

Jer: Well, in all actuality, I really was not that impressed. Granted, there is no movie in history that could’ve lived up to the hype here, but even this was a disappointment..

Jerry: Aww, come on man, this movie was cool, I mean, look at it. The fighting scenes, the racing scenes, that cool bad guy, and that Jar Jar, he was funny, I liked him.

Jer: Okay, I will give you a few points. The action sequences were pretty cool, I think the same who did The Mask of Zorro, did those, also..

Jerry: Zorro was cool too, I want to be a musketeer, or sword-fighting dude for Halloween, do they make double-sided swords like that Darth Maul had?

Jer: Umm, I don’t think so. (shaking head), anyhow, as I was saying, the fighting scenes were good, the final three-way duel, was very impressive. Also, yes, the pod racing sequence was good, it reminded me a bit of the chariot races from Ben-Hur (noticing a confused look on Jerry’s face), forget it, before your time. The effects, while impressive, were not really mind-blowing, as would be expected from Lucas. But I do have to disagree highly on Jar Jar Binks. He was completely useless, annoying, and pointless to anything in the movie. His voice was grating, his actions were juvenile, and he basically stuck out like Van Damme at a Shakespeare in the park. He seemed like the illegitimate child of Bob Marley, and Louis the Lizard. Overall, if he had been left out, the movie would’ve moved up a couple of more notches in my book. Then, there’s the plot..

Jerry: Yeah, I meant to ask you about that, ummm, what’s an embargo? What are trade relations, is that like trading my baseball cards? I was confused, and really couldn’t catch all that stuff that was going on up there. After awhile, I did not really care, I just wanted Jar Jar to come back, and more lasers and fight scenes. I don’t care why, I just wanted more

Jer: Well, as much as it pains, I must agree with you. The plot was totally convoluted. It seems Lucas was trying too hard to impress and meet everyones expectations, by delivering, and cramming a lot, into a little amount of time. The beauty of Star Wars, was its simplicity of a story. A boy, without a home, on an adventure of searching, discovery and realization of who he is supposed to be.  But here, we have a mass of confusion, regarding power struggles, trade relations, oppression of people, etc. etc. It was just all too much

Jerry: Yeah, I got lost and confused, but it was still cool to look at everything

Jer: Of course it was, but there’s supposed to more than movies than just appearance. Here, it’s missing. Now, onto the performances, they were completely faceless. They could’ve been played by any number of actors, with a lot less talent than is assembled here. Neeson does his best, with what he is given, McGregor acts as if he is seen Star Wars one too many times, and has been possessed by the voice of Alec Guiness, and little else. But most disappointing of all was Natalie Portman.

Jerry: Oooh, she was that Queen girl wasn't she, she was pretty, I wish I was a little older, or she was a little younger, maybe then we could like, hookup, or something..

Jer: (shaking head)..umm sure you could, anyhow, she was so good in the Professional, and Beautiful Girls, but now, she has hit a new low, saying her lines in a cardboard manner, and not showing even a smidgen of the talent that she has.

Jerry: But she was cute..and those other guys knew how to fight with swords too, that was cool. Most of the time they were talking about stuff I really did not understand though..so I was a little confused..maybe next time, you can go with me, and explain what they are talking about. I think I might like the movie better that way

Me: Okay, it’s time to wrap this up, each of you give me a quick summary conclusion of what you thought.

Jerry: Okay, I can do this, I’m gonna go first. I liked it, the story was bit over my head, but overall, I thought it had the fun, the effects, and watchability of the first movie, it’s an entertaining experience, and not a waste of my allowance, 3 stars from me. Now can I go to the bathroom please? I had too many sodas.

Jer: Sure, go ahead, you are kinda smart for a 9-year old, just keep your mind open, and keep watching movies. They really can be quite an experience. Overall, I have to disagree, I cannot recommend it to anyone, outside of the diehard fans, and the younger crowds. Even they, I feel, will get lost in it all, like my young friend there. Lucas basically gave us too much story, and too much cute,with not enough intelligence, or overall entertainment, as in the first three. Take out Jar-Jar, simplify the plot, and there may be "A New Hope", but otherwise, I’d say watch the other three first. See it for the effects, see it for the fight scenes, and the pod race. That is all, a low 2 stars from me.

Thank you two for your analysis, and observation, this has been an enlightening experience indeed, definitely more entertaining than the movie itself. Ultimately, I’ll say that I really did want to like this movie, and did not set my expectations that high, but this one came in even under that. Of all the stars in that mighty galaxy out there, this one, only gets two of them. Goodnight, and may the force be with you.  Oh, and Mr Lucas,  next time no more Jar Jar! ($$ of $$$$)


Actor and movie information courtesy of the Internet Movie Database


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