PILOT - 1x79
Scully:
Am I to understand you want me to debunk the
X-files
project, sir?
---
Mulder:
Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most
unwanted.
---
Mulder:
Well, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly
regarded.
So... who did you tick off to get stuck
with this detail, Scully?
---
Scully:
Actually, I've heard alot about you. I'm looking forward
to working with you.
Mulder:
Really? I was under the impression you were
being
sent to spy on me.
-----
Mulder:
Do you believe in the existance of extraterrestrials?
---
Mulder:
And that's why they put the I in FBI.
---
Mulder:
(About coroner) Guy needed a longer vacation.
-----
(Scene:After
the coffin rolls down the hill, exposing a small
wrinkled alien-type goob-head)
Coroner:
This isn't official procedure.
Mulder:
It's probably a safe bet Ray Soames never made
the
Varsity Basketball team.
---
Scully:
Who is it?
Mulder:
Steven Spielberg.
----
Scully:
Time can't just disappear. It's a universal invariant.
Mulder:
not in this zip code.
---
Mulder:
You gotta love this place. Everyday's like
Halloween.
---
Scully:
(After told by Mulder that Billy is killer)The
boy in the hospital?.....The vegetable!?!
---
Blevins:
Agent Mulder - what are his thoughts?
Scully:
Agent Mulder... believes we are not alone.
DEEP THROAT - 1x01
Mulder:
That's the $64,000 question, Scully.
---
Scully:
So?
Mulder:
So you and I are going to the Spud State to
investigate
a little kidnapping.
Scully:
I don't get it Mulder. Does this have something
to
do with an X-File? I thought you only liked
those...
uh... Paranormal-type cases. Am I
missing
something here?
Mulder:
Let's say this case has a... distinct smell to
it.
A certain... paranormal bouquet.
---
Mulder:
So what did you make of Uncle Fester down the
block?
---
Kid:
Thanks!
Mulder:
Later, dude! (In surfer voice)
---
Mulder:
(After the kids leave) Kids today, huh?
Scully:
You believe it all, don't you?
Mulder:
Why wouldn't I?
Scully:
(Smiles) Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I
were
that stoned...
Mulder:
Wuh-Hoo, If YOU were that stoned, What?!?
Scully:
Mulder, you could have shown that kid a picture of
a flying hamburger and he would have told
you
that's exactly what he saw...
---
Mulder:
You didn't come to raid my mini-bar, did you?
---
Mulder:
You think if maybe we ignore him, he'll go away? (man
with rifle at car window).
SQUEEZE - 1x02
Tom:
Does this look like the work of little green men?
Mulder:
Grey.
Tom:
Excuse me?
Mulder:
Grey. You said green men. A reticulan's skin
tone
is actually grey. They're notorious for their
extraction of terrestrial human livers due
to iron depletion in the Reticulan galaxy.
Tom:
You can't be serious.
Mulder:
Do you have any idea what liver and onions go
for
on Reticula? Excuse me.
---
Tom:
Maybe you won't have to be Mrs. Spooky anymore.
---
Mulder:
And he should stick out in a crowd with 10
inch fingers.
---
Mulder:
(To Scully) You wouldn't shoot an unarmed man,
would
you copper?
---
Mulder:
... Maybe I run into so many people who are
hostile
just because they can't open their minds
to the possibilities that sometime the need to mess
with their heads outweighs the... millstone of humiliation.
Mulder:
So, what is this? The anti-Waltons?
---
Scully:
(Next chance to get Tooms) 2023.
Mulder:
And you're gonna be head of the bureau by then.
---
Mulder:
Do you have any Dramamine on you by any chance,cause these
things make me sea-sick.(Regarding microfilm reels)
---
Scully:
Is this what it takes to climb the ladder,
Colton?
Colton:
All the way to the top.
Scully:
Then I can't wait til you fall off and land on your ass.
CONDUIT - 1x03
Scully:
Oko-what?
Mulder:
Bogee. Okobogee.
Scully:
Is that supposed to mean something to me?
Mulder:
If you know anything about trout fishing.Or UFO hot-spots.
---
Scully:
I just think it's a good idea not to agonize
local
law enforcement.
Mulder:
Who, me? Mr. Congeniality?
Scully:
You never know, we might need his help one of
these
days.
Mulder:
I'll send him a Bundt cake.
---
Mulder:
(Reacting to the NSA trashing the house) You
guys
do really delicate work.
THE JERSEY DEVIL - 1x04
Scully:
Working hard, Mulder?
Mulder:
(about the centerfold) This woman claims
to
have been taken aboard a space ship and held
in
an anti-gravity chamber without food and water
for three days.
Scully:
(Looking at magazine) Anti gravity's right.
Sorry
to interrupt your serious investigation. But
I just heard a story that'd just take your knees out.
Mulder:
What's that?
Scully:
They found a body in the New Jersey woods
yesterday,
missing its right arm and shoulder. They
think they may have been eaten off... by a
human.
Mulder:
Where in New Jersey?
Scully:
Just outside Atlantic City.
Mulder:
Not an uncommon place to loose a body part.
---
Scully:
You missed your opening, Mulder. You could
have
really humiliated him and, uh, told him who
the perpetrator was. The Jersey Devil.
---
Ellen:
What about that guy you work with?
Scully:
Mulder?
Ellen:
I thought you said he was cute.
Scully:
He's a jerk. He's not a jerk. He's, um...
he's
obsessed with his work.
---
Scully:
(On the phone) Where are you?
Mulder:
Not far from where you left me.
Scully:
You're still in Atlantic City?
Mulder:
Scully, you got anything happening this
morning?
Scully:
What's that noise in the background?
Mulder:
That's a guy getting sick.
Scully:
Mulder, where are you? The drunk tank?
---
Scully:
Well, it's not hard to see why they mistook
you
for a vagrant.
Mulder:
You going to rag on me or you going take me
to
get something to eat?
Scully:
Am I buying, or did you manage to panhandle
some
spare change while you were at it?
---
Scully:
Unlike you Mulder, I would like to have a life.
Mulder:
I have a life!
---
Mulder:
You should have seen her. She was beautiful.
Scully:
Yeah, well she just about ripped your lungs out.
--
Mulder:
Don't you have a life, Scully?
Scully:
Keep it up Mulder and I'll hurt you like that
beast
woman.
---
Mulder:
Eight million years out of Africa...
Scully:
(Holding door open for him) And look who's
holding
the door.
GHOST
IN THE MACHINE - 1x06
MIB:
If any inquiry as to this meeting is made, we
request
full denial.
Mulder:
I'd say you people already suffer from full
denial.
---
Mulder:
I would never lie; I wilfully participate in a
campaign
of misinformation.
---
Scully:
Psychokinesis? You mean how Carrie got even at
the
prom?
---
Mulder:
Paramedics check you out?
Scully:
Yeah, I'm fine, although I do have a standing
in
line at the DMV sized headache.
Mulder:
Mine's more IRS sized.
---
Mulder:
Either that or a poltergeist.
Scully:
(Doing a Carol-Ann impression) They're heeree!
---
Mulder:
You won't find too many people at their bosses' grave who aren't dancing
on it.
---
Mulder:
Do you know how difficult it is to fake your
own
death? Only one man has pulled it off.... Ellll-vis!
-----
Scully:
So, why did you two go your separate ways?
Mulder:
I'm a pain in the ass to work with.
Scully:
No, seriously.
Mulder:
You mean I'm NOT a pain in the ass to work with?
---
Scully:
Must be for the visually impaired.
Mulder:
How do you like that? A politically correct
elevator.
---
Mulder:
Maybe Drake was talking to someone before he
was
doing his Ben Franklin impersonation.
ICE - 1x07
Bear:
Credentials? The only credentials I have is that I'm the only pilot
willing to fly you up there.
You
don't like those credentials? (Laughs) Walk.
---
Mulder:
We were told we'd have 3 clear days of weather.Over.
Doolittle:
Welcome to the top of the world, sir.Over.
---
Mulder:
(As all the men strip) Before anyone passes
judgement,
may I remind you- we ARE in the arctic.
SPACE - 1x08
Scully:
Didn't you want to get his autograph?
---
Scully:
It's an oxygen leak. Even I can figure out
what
happens when you run out of oxygen.
FALLEN ANGEL - 1x09
Max:
Uhm, say no more, you're a cautious man.'Trust No
One',
very wise. After what happened to JFK I understand completely.
---
Mulder:
(To Scully) I didn't order room service.
---
Scully:
That story happens to be highly classified.
Mulder:
A highly classified lie.
---
Scully:
So what's going on? (the room is really messed up)
Mulder:
Looks like Housekeeping hasn't been here yet.
---
Mulder:
I published that under a pseudonym.
Max:
M.F. Luder, I know. M.F. Luder's an anagram for
F.
Mulder. Heh, you really didn't think that would fool us, did
you?
Mulder:
I didn't think anybody was paying attention.
Max:
Somebody's always paying attention, Mr. Mulder.
And
this must be the... enigmatic Dr.Scully.
---
Mulder:
(impressed after they leave the camper)'Enigmatic' Dr. Scully.
---
Scully:
Good luck.
Mulder:
'Break a leg'? (He already broke a leg)
---
Mulder:
Over a dozen men lost their lives and you want me to respond to issues
of protocol?
---
Mulder:
Then what can I say? How can I disprove lies
that
are stamped with an official seal?
---
Deep
Throat: ...Thank having him exposed to the wrong
people.
What he knows... what he THINKS he knows... Always keep your
friends close, Mr. McGrath, but keep your enemies closer.
EVE - 1x10
Mulder:
And one girl was just abducted.
Scully:
Kidnapped.
Mulder:
Pa-tay-toe, puh-tah-toe.
---
Scully:
Mulder, you're rushing me out of the room.
Mulder:
No I'm not
Scully:
Do you have a girl coming over?
Mulder:
What's a girl? I've got a movie I want to watch on TV. Sleep tight.
FIRE - 1x11
Mulder:
I'm sure I locked it (car door).
Scully:
Must be an X-File.
---
Scully:
What do you think it is?
Mulder:
Ten to one you can't dance to it.
---
Mulder:
What brings you to the colonies?
---
Scully:
Mulder, you just keep on folding like a flower.
---
Mulder:
Oh, I was merely extending her a professional
courtesy.
Scully:
Oh, is that what you were extending?
---
Scully:
(In a Phoebe, english-kind of accent off screen) Care to take me
to
lunch? (Normal) Scare you?
Mulder:
You have no idea...
BEYOND THE SEA - 1x12
Male:
Aw, man! Busted.
---
Scully:
Last time you were that engrossed it turned out you were reading the Adult
Video News.
---
Scully:
Mulder, do I detect a hint of scepticism?
---
Scully:
Did Boggs confess?
Mulder:
No... No. It was five hours of Boggs' 'channeling'. After, uh, three
hours I asked him to summon up the soul of Jimi Hendrix and requested All
Along
the Watchtower. You know the guy's been dead twenty years but
he still hasn't lost his edge?
GENDERBLENDER - 1x13
Mulder:
...Radar Love.
--
Scully:
So what is our profile of the killer? Indeter-
minate
height, weight, sex. Unarmed but eXtremely attractive.
Mulder:
It gets weirder.
---
Scully:
There's something up there, Mulder.
Mulder:
Ooh, I've been saying that for years.
---
Mulder:
I know what I saw, Scully. And I saw you about to do the "Wild
Thing" with some stranger.
---
Mulder:
I think Don Juan in there knows the difference
between
the male and the female of the species.
LAZARUS - 1x14
Bruskin:
Mulder says he's got something.
Daniels:
What? An alien virus or uh... new information on the Kennedy
assassination?
Bruskin:
Hey. Mulder's all right. Pay attention, you
might
learn something from the man.
YOUNG AT HEART - 1x15
Scully:
(Why Mulder didn't shoot Barnett in the back)
Because
it's not by the book. (It's so unlike Mulder)
---
Mulder:
Instead I got some dead man robbing jewelry
stores
and sending me haiku's.
---
Mulder:
I'm not going to hang around and wait for Barnett to send me another
Valentine.
Scully:
You mean the ghost of Barnett.
Mulder:
I didn't know you believed in ghosts, Scully.
---
Scully:
It's the first time I ever played the target.
Mulder:
Well let's make sure it's not the last time.
---
Scully:
Mulder, I know what you did wasn't by the book.
Mulder:
Tells you a lot about the book, doesn't it?
E.B.E - 1x16
Mulder:
Swamp gas?
Scully:
It's a natural phenomenon in which phosphine
and
methane rising from decaying organic matter
ignite, creating globes of blue flame.
Mulder:
Happens to me when I eat Dodger Dogs.
-----
Mulder:
(upon meeting Scully in the gift shop at the
airport)
I tied up an airphone for three hours.I don't speak Japanese, but I think
some buisness traveler told me to stick sushi where the sun don't shine.
---
Langly:
Is this you're... skeptical partner?
Frohike:
She's hot.
---
(scene:
after Scully gives her thoughts on CIA infrastructure)
Frohike:
She IS hot.
Mulder:
Settle down, Frohike.
---
Mulder:
Hey Byers, it IS a federal crime to deface money.
---
Byers:
Why would you need to expose a secret plane to an airforce that runs to
Iran whenever you take to
the
air?
Mulder:
What about UFO activity during that period?
Langly:
Yeah, UFOs caused the Gulf War Syndrome. That's a good one!
Byers:
(Laughing) That's why we like you, Mulder. Your ideas are weirder
than ours!
---
Scully:
Those were the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don't know
how you can think that what
they
say is even remotely plausible.
Mulder:
I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot...
MIRACLE MAN - 1x17
Mulder:
I think I saw some of these same people at Woodstock.
Scully:
Mulder, you weren't AT Woodstock.
Mulder:
I saw the movie.
---
Scully:
Maybe we should go backstage and see what the
reverend
has to say.
Mulder:
No wait, wait. This is the part where they
bring
out Elvis
---
Scully:
A few thousand grasshoppers does not constitute a plague.
---
(Scene:after
passing on the collection plate)
Scully:
Apparently miracles don't come cheap.
---
Scully:
(Rinsing a lung in the sink) Mulder, take a
look
at this.
Mulder:
Do I have to?
---
Scully:
You've got that look on your face, Mulder.
Mulder:
What look is that?
Scully:
The kind when you've forgotten your keys and
you're trying to figure out how to get back in
the house.
---
Mulder:
Remember the boy did rise from the dead. That
kind
of thing only happens once or twice every 2000 years or so.
SHAPES - 1x18
Ish:
Go home FBI.
Mulder:
How'd you know?
Ish:
I could smell you a mile away.
Mulder:
Well, they told me that even though my deodorant's made for a woman,
it's strong enough for a man.
---
Mulder:
In 59, 64, 78, and now again in 94.
Scully:
Here it comes...(Expecting Mulder's going off
on one of his famous on-going speeches)
---
Ish:
I sense you are different, FBI. You are more open to Native American
beliefs than some Native Americans.You even have an Indian name: Fox.It
should be Running Fox. Or Sneaky Fox...
Mulder:
Just so long as it's not Spooky Fox.
DARKNESS FALLS - 19
Mulder:
[looking at picture] Rugged, manly men in the full bloom of manhood.
Scully:
Right, what am I looking for?
Mulder:
Anything unusual, unlikely, unexplainable... a boyfriend?
---
Mulder:
Come on, Scully. It will be a nice trip to the forest.
---
Scully:
What kind of insect could have gotten a man all the way up in a tree?
Mulder:
Itsy bitsy spider...
---
Scully:
[looking a desiccated loggers corpse] It's male.
Mulder:
Barely.
---
Scully:
Ohhhhh, BRAIN sucking parasites.
---
Mulder:
And I told her it would be a nice trip to the
forest.
TOOMS
- 1x20
Mulder:
Do you think they would have taken me more
seriously
if I wore the grey suit?
---
Green:
I hope you'll be comfortable, Eugene. The room
in
the back is small, but I'm sure you'll be able to... squeeze in.
Tooms:
I'm sure.
---
Mulder:
Excuse me! Could you help me find my dog? He's a Norwegian Elkhound.
His name is Heinrich.I use him to hunt Moose. (To Tooms)
---
Scully:
Mulder, it's getting a bit ripe in here, don't
you
think?
Mulder:
(Pulls out a tree freshener) Pine scented.
Scully:
Ooh.
Mulder:
Better? Tooms hasn't come out of the house all day. I sat through
a Phillies game, an Orioles game, and four hours of Ba-ba-booie.When it
got dark, I walked around the block.
---
Scully:
Fox...
Mulder:
(Laughs)I... I even made my parents call me
Mulder...
Scully:
Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you. (Uncomfortable
romantic pause ;-) )
Mulder:
If there's an iced tea in that bag, could be love...
Scully:
Must be fate, Mulder. Root Beer. (Mulder fakes a wounded sound and throws
his head back.)You're delirious. Go home and get some sleep.
---
Mulder:
(Scully gets out of the car) Oh at 11:30,
station
790, Pete Rose Late Night Sports Talk Radio Show. (Nods enthusiastically)
Scully:(Walks
back to her car, sarcastically)I wouldn't miss it for the world.
---
Skinner:
Agent Scully, you wouldn't be lying to me would you?
Scully:
Sir, I would expect you to place the same trust in me as I do in you.
---
Scully:
There's only room for one.(In the escalator pit)
Mulder:
You can get the next mutant.
---
Skinner:
Have you read this report? Do you believe them?
CSM:
Of course I do.
BORN AGAIN - 1x21
Lazard:
Excuse me. Could I talk to you for a second?
Scully:
I just started the autopsy.
Lazard:
Yeah. Um. I-I don't think he's going anywhere.
---
Mulder:
Why is it still so hard for you to believe, even
when
all the evidence suggests extraordinary
phenomenon?
Scully:
Because sometimes... looking for
extreme possibilities makes you blind to the
probable
explanation right in front of you.
ROLAND
- 1x22
Mulder:
How was the wedding?
Scully:
You mean the part where the groom passed out or
when
the dog bit the drummer?
Mulder:
Did you catch the bouquet?
ERLENMEYER FLASK - 1x23
Mulder:
I've gone along, been the dutiful son. But maybe
this time we can just cut out the Obi-Wan Kenobi
crap and you can save me the trouble.
---
Mulder:
The man we met yesterday kept this place like he
was waiting for the people from Good Housekeeping to show up. I would
never peg him for someone
to do all this. Or Greg Louganis out the
window...
---
Scully:
(Holding up jar) Okay, Mulder, but I'm warning
you.
If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.
---
Scully:
...I should know by now to trust your instincts.
Mulder:
Why? Nobody else does.
---
CSM:
Your cellular phone's been ringing off the hook.
Mulder:
I'm a popular guy. Why don't you answer it for me.
CSM:
Well I don't like talking on the phone.I have this thing
about unsecured lines. When YOU feel like
talking,
let me know.