Questions People Have Asked Me Too Damn Much (Or Would If I Gave Them A Chance)


I frequently get emails from ppl asking me stuff that's technically none of their business, but since I rarely if ever respond to them I figured I might as well respond to them all here. I mean really, what else have I got to do? ;P

Q: Where do you live?
A: If you're asking this, you obviously haven't read my main page, or are foreign enough not to understand the abbreviations, or your memory sucks as bad as mine. In any case, I live in a small midwestern town full of junkies, religious nuts, and rednecks. Most people here have no idea how to do anything halfway...they're either one or the other, no in between. I've yet to find anyone I'm not related to who can talk about philosophy and then tell a dirty joke and most of them have no idea what I'm trying to say when I actually bother to talk to them.

Q: How did you get so weird?
A: Ask my mother. Actually I think part of it's from growing up among my family members, and part of it's from deciding I didn't wanna be like anyone else I know. Sure I went through a period of imitating anyone I thought was cool (which was basically anyone who'd talk to me), but I eventually discovered most of them only gave a shit about me as long as they were getting something out of me. Why should I try to be like people I hold in contempt? Besides, I firmly believe that normal people (whatever that means) don't have fun. If you can laugh at yourself, you can laugh at damn near anything. And the problem with a lot of these ppl is that either they hold nothing sacred and just run around screwing up the lives of whoever they run across, or they hold too much sacred and never bother to think about why. Either way, 9 times out of 10, none of them are actually thinking. And when it comes down to it, weirdness is just a different way of thinking about things. Compared to the ppl I live around, any way of thinking about things is a different way of thinking about things. ;P

Q: Are those nuts you talk about all the time real people or just figments of your twisted imagination?
A: Sad to say, they're real. I think this is because we have a large mental health center in town, so we get a lot of retards and weirdos. (I've yet to figure out why they put dumb people on medication. I can understand it if you're schizophrenic or something, but how the hell is a little pill gonna make you understand the world any better than your brain meant for you to?) I really did know a guy who fucked cows. He used to give us weed so we'd go over to his apartment and put up with him going on and on about how cows are more intelligent than humans so the aliens talk to them, and sometimes he'd talk about how he was doing secret work for the government and had a robotic hand. Then he beat up his girlfriend and ended up in the state mental hospital. Then there's the guy who thinks aliens are stealing his socks. He's pretty much harmless, but he's too damn old & ugly to flirt around as much as he does. Then there was the guy who was taking hormones because he was gonna have a sex change operation. He sat in his living room playing with his boobs until we stopped coming over. Then he moved to California, got married, and had 4 kids. I'll never understand these people. Hell, I'll never want to understand these people.

Q: What is the meaning of life? (Ok, so no one's ever actually asked me this. I prefer to get it outta the way so they don't ask me.
A: Does it have to have a meaning? If a carbon atom in your toe was conscious, would it know where it was and what it was accomplishing in your body? I rather doubt it. Not that I'm saying we're all literally living in the toe of some huge being, but it's a rather apt analogy. We do things without ever really knowing if they'll ever affect anything, for better or worse, but we do them anyway because it'd be too damn boring to just eat and sleep and fuck and shit. And who knows? Maybe that bowl of corn flakes you ate yesterday will cause a revolution 300 years from now in a country that doesn't even exist yet. What I'm saying with all this is that our lives fit together like the atoms in a human body. We may not know where we're going or why we're going there, what we're doing or what result it'll have, but somehow it all fits together, if we were just capable of perceiving reality on a big enough scale to tell.

Q: Do you believe in God?
A: Yeah, although most likely not the same God you believe in. I often wonder why people of various religions attribute human qualities to God when he/she/it doesn't have human limitations to deal with. I also wonder why Wiccans in general tend to split it into God and me it's just a human way of quickly referring to whatever part of the whole you wanna talk about. I believe it's pointless to try to label a being as one thing or another when said being can be any damn thing it wants to be, whether we can imagine it or not. Every human that has ever lived or that will ever live could add their definitions of God together and probably still not come up with the whole picture. We all see little facets of the truth, and a lot of us are stupid enough to believe that what we see is the whole truth. This is how a great majority of our wars have started. But I ask you this...when we can't even really know ourselves, how the hell can we claim to know God? It seems to me egotism of the highest order. (Ok, don't send me hate mail here folks. I'm not trying to insult anyone's religion, and if you think what I believe will make me go to hell, that's my prerogative. I'm not trying to change anyone's beliefs, and I'd appreciate the same courtesy.)

If you can think of anything I haven't covered, email me and I might eventually get around to answering it on here. Don't hold your breath though...if you know me at all, you know I only check my email often enough to keep my inbox from filling up with junk mail.