MARRIAGE DECISIONS:
Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
MARRIAGE AND THE FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS:
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy...
- One is to let her think she is having her own way.
- The other is to let her have it.
LONGEVITY:
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
MISTAKES:
Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing......tee...hee! (we say we forgive but we never forget)
MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
WEDDING CAKE
Scientist have discovered a food that diminish a woman's sex drive by 90%. Its called Wedding Cake.
RINGS
Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to.
What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two Mothers-in-law.
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wishes, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a minute and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and then beat me half to death."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
