To dream a dream is to be in love with

an idea. I have many ideas and many

dreams, but none stronger than my dream

of you. To convince myself that time will

tell and that patience is a virtue is

only putting off the issue. In the end,

or beginning depending on the out come, I

have to realize the setting of the

scene. Which in this case is that a

spark has been lit and is slowly growing

into a flame. To desire something that I

will never have is waisted energy. I try

telling myself not to long for my hearts

desire. Realization is opening my eyes

to the truth and the truth is a big slap

in the face when my dream is beyond my

grasp, which in reality is the situation

at hand. Being acquaintances is good at

best, friends is comforting, but

anything more is unimaginable. Desire is

to see what I want knowing it's not mine

to have and never will be. Unexpected,

I'm sure, feelings of this sort. Words

better say then actions sometimes. Never

assuming you feel the same, but dreams

are dreams are dreams. Never played out

or fulfilled. Time is a waiting game,

love is a heart game, sex is a head

game, life is the biggest game of all.

To live up to my self set goals is a task

of a life time. To obtain my ultimate

want takes work and work I will do. Make

it I will and wanting you still. Forever

our dreams live in or minds and always

our desires are alive in our hearts.

Life may end some day, but until that

happens you have to deal with the rise

and fall of emotions that come with

living. You may reach the end of your

rope, or what seems the end, and want to

be done with the whole thing. You may

come to the point where you feel you can

no longer go on. When you've taken all

you can and can't take anymore. You look

at the sky and ask God "Why me? Why do I

have to be so miserable?". If you can't

be happy you just don't want to be. You

wish he'd take you and if he won't,

You'll do it yourself. All you want is

to lay down in your bed and go to sleep

forever. Sleep is your one salvation. In

your sleep there are no problems. When

you dream, if you dream, you are happy

and content. You spend your days

thinking of sleep, a sleep eternal. You

ask yourself what's left to live for?

What do I have? It doesn't matter what

you've been taught. If you take your

life by your own hand you'll go to hell.

Hell is where you're already at. No one

can save you. No one can change your

mind. Do you leave a letter or do you

just do it? The world isn't going to

stop without you and the world is no

longer your home. A handful of pills, a

glass of water to wash them down. You

close your eyes and it's done. The

darkness will come and take you away.

You're through dealing, it's out of your

hands now. Life is over and you'll never

have to face another day again. Thank

you, God, for giving me the courage to do

this. My life is my life and i finally

have control.