Hear what I say See what I do Believe me now I'm all over you All over you I know a place A CERTAIN VERY TENDER SPOT TO HAVE AND TO HOLD TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT Listening to the sad song that the radio plays Have we come this fa-fa-fa to find a soul cliche

Let them talk
Let them talk
Let them all talk

Oh yeah we're killing time Just to KEEP YOU CLOCKING ON These are the best years of your life Now they're here and gone Do the world a service And you could do yourself a favour WHOSE TONGUE NOW IS TASTING LAST WEEK'S FLAVOUR Our day will come When you have squandered all your youth To have and to hold A stranger to the truth Listening to the sad song that the radio plays Have we come this fa-fa-fa to find a soul cliche Let them talk

Everyday I Write The Book

Don't tell me you don't know what love is When you're old enough to know better WHEN YOU FIND STRANGE HANDS IN YOUR SWEATER When your dreamboat turns out to be a footnote I'm a man with a mission in two or three editions

And I'm giving you a longing look Everyday, everyday, everyday I write the book

Chapter One we didn't really get along Chapter Two I think I fell in love with you You said you'd stand by me in the middle of Chapter Three But you were up to your old tricks in Chapters Four, Five and Six

The way you walk The way you talk, and try to kiss me, and laugh In four or five paragraphs All your compliments and your cutting remarks Are captured here in my quotation marks

Don't tell me you don't know the difference Between a lover and a fighter With my pen and my electric typewriter Even in a perfect world where everyone was equal I'd still own the film rights and be working on the sequel

The Greatest Thing

EVERYONE STOPPED WHEN SHE WALKED INTO THE ROOM Isn't this the greatest thing Everyone own up but nobody could touch her Isn't this the greatest thing

PUNCH THE CLOCK keep boxing clever You'll be young enough for ever Isn't this the greatest thing Isn't this THE GREATEST THING I heard some new confection Said we can't afford to feel affection And it's the lastest thing In and out of matrimony Never once removed the Sony 'Cos it's a status thing

So girls like that above described Are not to be so easily bribed With a white frock and a ring PUNCH THE CLOCK and in time you'll get pulled apart IF YOU'RE MARRIED ON PAPER AND NOT IN YOUR HEART But I won't be told that life with the one you love is sordid Just because some authority says you can't afford it Since nights were long and days were olden Woman to man has been beholden But since then times have been changing She sends back HIS TRIBUTE OF A ROSE And says this ring is better suited for the nose He's always fingering

I PUNCH THE CLOCK and it's OK I KNOW A GIRL WHO TAKES MY BREATH AWAY And it's the greatest And it's the greatest thing

The Element Within Her

It's the element within her Something under her skin That is shining out through the face of the girl Two sapphires and couple of rows of pearls It's just a part of it Like your fine tresses You know what my guess is La la la la la la la la la la la

He was a PLAYBOY Could charm the birds right out of the trees Now he says 'What do I do with these?' La la la la la la la la la la la

This love in my heart Let no-one set asunder Sometimes I wonder La la la la la la la la la la la

But back in the bedroom With her electric heater I SAY 'ARE YOU COLD?' SHE SAYS 'NO, BUT YOU ARE LA'

Love Went Mad

I've looked at it every way I can From under and above And every chance I've had My love went mad Love went mad love went mad You you feel like I feel? Do you have a heart? DO YOU HAVE A HEART OF IRON AND STEEL?

Are you a man now you wear a man's hat? Are you a man now or are you a rat? You go to church quiet as a mouse You're a big cheese now in the workhouse With these vulgar fractions of the treble clef I wish you luck with a capital 'F' A self-made mug is hard to break A silent partner in someone else's mistake

Every day goes by without a hitch YOU FEEL THE URGE BECOMING AN ITCH The boys in blue are hard to catch They're busy turning Piccadilly Into Brands Hatch But with your fingers in your ears Feeling bright as a button Thinking 'THANK GOD THERE'LL BE NO MORE LAMB DRESSED AS MUTTON' Playing family favourites on a tissue and a comb DYING A THOUSAND DEATHS IN THE SAFETY OF YOUR OWN HOME

Shipbuilding

Is it worth it A new winter coat and shoes for the wife And a bicycle on the boy's birthday It's just a rumour that was spread around town By the women and children Soon we'll be shipbuilding Well I ask you The boy said 'DAD THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE ME TO TASK BUT I'LL BE BACK BY CHRISTMAS' It's just a rumour that was spread around town Somebody said that someone got filled in For saying that people get killed in The result of this shipbuilding With all the will in the world Diving for dear life When we could be diving for pearls It's just a rumour that was spread around town A telegram or a picture postcard Within weeks they'll be re-opening the shipyards And notifying the next of kin Once again It's all we're skilled in We will be shipbuilding WITH ALL THE WILL IN THE WORLD DIVING FOR DEAR LIFE WHEN WE COULD BE DIVING FOR PEARLS

TKO (Boxing Day)

You can run all you like from the classroom or the cot From a great big man or a tiny tot But from this day everyday will be BOXING DAY Don't need your indecision let there be no doubt Don't need you permission I can count you out

TKO

They put the numb into number they put the cut into cutie They put the slum into slumber and the boot into beauty But from this day everyday will be BOXING DAY It's a fight to the finish let there be no doubt As the seconds turn into minutes I can count you out

TKO

You need a back to break or a back to stab NOW YOUR BIRTHDAY SUIT LOOKS DULL AND DRAB But from this day everyday will be BOXING DAY NOW YOU DON'T LOOK SO GLAMOROUS WHENEVER I FEEL SO AMOROUS I CAN COUNT YOU OUT

TKO

Charm School

Men made out of monkeys Men made into mice Happy days are here again And all the drinks half price A girl with a trick and a man with a calling

Trying to make a living out of your downfalling TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING out of anything at all Didn't they teach you anything except how to be cruel In that charm school

You and I as lovers Were nothing but a farce TRYING TO MAKE A SILK PURSE OUT OF A SOW'S ARSE Saying 'Why don't you watch me' Hardly speaking SOTTO VOCE

I've got a notion I've got an angle Take your dreams and promises And put them through the mangle They say it's hell to finance too And I just want to romance you

In this perpetual nightclub I'll be yours eternal Though the hours are long And the noise infernal JUST ONE SHAMEFUL ACT OR SOMETIMES TWO WE MAKE BELIEVE WE'RE MAKING DO

The Invisible Man

I WAS COMMITTED TO LIFE AND THEN COMMUTED TO THE OUTSKIRTS With all the love in the world Living for thirty minutes at a time with a break in the middle for adverts But it's a wonderful world within these cinema walls WHERE A SHOWER OF AFFECTION BECOMES NIAGARA FALLS And you wish she could step down from the screen to your seat in the stalls

BUT IF STARS ARE ONLY PAINTED ON THE CEILING ABOVE Then who can you turn to and who do you love I want to get out while I still can I want to be like Harry Houdini Now I'm the invisible man

My head is spinning round faster and faster Here I stand on the edge of disaster I'm shattered like a piece of crystal porcelain or alabaster Crowds surround loudspeakers hanging from the lampposts Listening to the murder mystery Meanwhile someone's hiding in the classroom Forging books of history NEVER MIND THERE'S A GOOD FILM SHOWING TONIGHT WHERE THEY HANG EVERYONE EVERYBODY WHO CAN READ AND WRITE OH THAT COULD NEVER HAPPEN HERE BUT THEN AGAIN IT MIGHT

Mouth Almighty

This town belongs to you and your tricks of confidence All the pavements for miles around are littered with your footprints Now every girl I get close to seems to be wearing your perfume And the clock strikes the letters of your name Both midnight and noon

But I used to shoot my mouth off Till you'd had enough of me Once or twice nightly I know I've got my faults And among them I CAN'T CONTROL MY TONGUE But if you didn't believe me Why did you have to leave me With my mouth almighty

Mouth almighty that's what I've got Mouth almighty telling you what's what Mouth almighty I wish I'd never opened my mouth almighty

SO I THREW AWAY THE ROSE AND HELD ONTO THE THORN Crawling round with my crooner cufflinks and my calling card cologne But the realization of being replaced starts to tell tales across my face Without a soul to talk to or a hair out of place

King Of Thieves

I had forgotten all about 'The Case Of The Three Pins' THEY SAID I MUST BE CRACKED Until the brown paper parcel landed on my welcome mat Even the pretty secretaries who wouldn't even Let me HANG MY HAT All recognize my handwriting And return to sender as a matter of fact

If I were you I'd change my name again They don't care what they do to you believe me This is the coronation of the King of Thieves His occupation is the King of Thieves He can steal more than you can save You can take him on, but you're not that brave

I'll tell your fortune in a minute or two I might even tell you what comes next The moguls want a HUMAN SACRIFICE AND LOOK AT THAT GIRL, YOUNG HUNGRY AND PERPLEXED They took away the best years of her life Ah but it's all in good fun And if you kept you nose clean You can laugh now at the caring things they've done

I'll write this story down, but you'll never guess the Final twist Blow the whistle on the whole design As they find my name on that fatal mailing list I hear the clatter of a typewriter Another rookie eating up the reams I think it's time to place my feet under the desk And PUT MY MARK ON ANOTHER MAN'S DREAMS This is the coronation of the King of Thieves And look at that girl Look at that girl LOOK AT THAT GIRL

Pills And Soap

They talked to the sister, the father and the mother With a microphone in one hand and a chequebook in the other AND THE CAMERA NOSES IN TO THE TEARS ON HER FACE The tears on her face The tears on her face You can put them back together with your paper and paste But you can't put them back together You can't put them back together

What would you say? What would you do? Children and animals two by two Give me the needle Give me the rope We're going to melt them down for PILLS AND SOAP Give me the needle Give me the rope We're going to melt them down for pills and soap

Four and twenty crowbars, jemmy your desire Out of the frying pan into the fire The king is in the counting house Some folk have all the luck And all we get are pictures of LORD AND LADY MUCK They come from lovely people with a hard line in hypocrisy THERE ARE ASHTRAYS OF EMOTION FOR THE FAG ENDS OF THE ARISTOCRACY

The sugar coated pill is getting bitterer still YOU THINK YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU BUT YOU KNOW IT NEVER WILL So pack up your troubles in a stolen handbag DON'T DILLY DALLY BOYS RALLY ROUND THE FLAG Give us your daily bread in individual slices And something in the daily rag to cancel any crisis

The World And His Wife

The family circle gather round from very far and near To pass around the same remarks they passed away last year The little girl you dangle on your knee without mishap STIRS SOMETHING IN YOUR MEMORY AND SOMETHING IN YOUR LAP

But it's a living This is the life For the world and his wife The world and his wife

The kissing cousins slip outside to cuddle and confess She says sweet nothing at all it's much more of a mess The conversation melts like chocolate down their open jaws As the juniper berry slips down just like last night's drawers

To tell the truth our Mum ran off with someone else's father WENT FOR TWO WEEKS' HOLIDAY IN TARAMASALATA Daddy went out with the rubbish and he kept on walking Between Mum and the walls God only knows who does the talking

But later on in the evening through the tears and fol de rol Come the sentimental feelings for the lure of vitriol Longing thoughts go hankering for the old home overseas WITH A BLINDFOLD AND A NATIONAL ANTHEM SUNG IN DIFFERENT KEYS

Heathen Town

We used to call it Sin City now it's gone way past that. Painting the town and then burning it down. And even that's old hat. Now there' a choir of angles and the fall of Rome singing "Ave Maria" or "Home Sweet Home"

Chorus: It's just a heathen town I hear only evil as my tongue is tightened. I used to be god-fearing now I'm so frightened 'cause the devil will drag you under by the sharp tailfin of your checquered cab (?) Now I can't sit down, I'm going overboard in this heathen town.

Starts as an a flirtation and ends up as an expensive habit. With one eye on a place in debtor's prison And the other on a girl dressed as a rabbit. Now you can live forever in your fits and starts The only stake you cannot raise Is the one driven through your heart.

Chorus

The people all said sit down, sit down you're rocking the boat. The people all said sit down, sit down you're rocking the boat. 'cause the devil will drag you under by the sharp lapels of your checkered coat. Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you're rocking the boat.

The Flirting Kind

She used to be the flirting kind But the boy loved her anyway He made up his mind She said, What's a girl to do to be content? Use your imagination Time to experiment Make love like a punishment So they call her the flirting kind The flirting kind

You better stop Stop your running round I got everything I wanted I could make up for lost ground

With the flirting kind The flirting kind Your love is best But I'll leave like the rest The flirting kind The flirting kind

They say that her fate is sealed But she's much too beautiful to ever yield She says, What's a girl to do to be content? Use your imagination Time to experiment Make love like a punishment So they call her the flirting kind The flirting kind

She's crying in her sleep For a man tone deaf So is a man all over He's all over, all over town

With the flirting kind The flirting kind Your love is best But I'll leave like the rest The flirting kind The flirting kind

Walking On Thin Ice

Walking on thin ice, I'm paying the price. I'm throwing the dice in the air. Why must we learn it the hard way And play the game of life with our hearts?

I gave you my life, you gave me your life. Like a gush of wind in my hair. Why do we forget what's been said And play the game of life with our hearts?

I may cry someday. A kiss will dry whichever way. And when my heart returns to ashes, it will be just a story. It will be just a story.

And you go and try to walk across the lake Crossed it with winter and all of this is ice A terrible thing to do. They say the lake is as thick as the ocean. I wonder if she knew?

Town Where Time Stood Still

I made my selection from the lonely hit parade In the town where time stood still I was feeling very little pain Until some joker played "Almost Persuaded"

Now every girl I see Looks so much prettier to me My faithfulness has faded And their looks established daggers And the conversation heated Since the boys had all been late I found them walking round defeated In the town where time stood still

Somebody in charge must have pretended The future's been suspended And I say I don't want trouble But I find myself back in it In the town where time stood still I am the man of the minute

Teach me to say "I love you" I'll teach you to say "You will do" In the town where time stood still A way (?) that I can find a little girl To wind me up with all the usual spells

There's nothing else to do but rearrange somebody's future And check your figures in the till The bar is full of girls just like the creature with the curse And the food is just like cabaret and vice versa In the town where time stood still Just as my heart (went down) sinking I found the town was shrinking

And suddenly I saw her through the smoke and empty beers In the town where time stood still She might have well have waited years

Now I suppose we did some things we used to do But no amount of darkness could ever turn her into you

And so I woke up in the town where time stood still With a headache and a heartache And a handful of pills A welcome mat, a scandal rag and unpaid bills

With her head inside her handbag The sign says "please wait to be seated" I only want a cup of coffee I know you can't have your cake and eat it In the town where time stood still

Did you hear the news today? It's all bad; they'll be howling after sunset With a headache and a heartache And an hour or two to kill I only wish we were together... In the town where time stood still

Shatterproof

I see those newlyweds, their eyes wide and believing They bill and coo at the mention of Chez Nous Appearances can be deceiving

It's just a door and a window Four walls and a roof But a home of your own would be shatterproof A door and a window Four walls and a roof But a home of your own would be shatterproof

We papered over all the cracks and painted a cat's lick and a promise The landlord was a man of few words, and most of them were ominous

It's just a door and a window Four walls and a roof But a home of your own would be shatterproof A door and a window Four walls and a roof But a home of your own would be shatterproof

It was nothing really to write home about Then one day it all appears too much Here comes my little hammer and its shatterproof touch

He said, "Be practical, These are most unreasonable demands. Forget about the broken spectacles and the damage to your hand."

It's just a door and a window Four walls and a roof And the doctors say I'm almost shatterproof