Oh I just don't know where to begin
Though he says he'll wait forever
It's now or never
But she keeps him hanging on
The silly champion
She says she can't go home
Without a chaperone
Accidents will happen
We only hit and run
He used to be your victim
Now you're not the only one
Accidents will happen
We only hit and run
I don't want to hear it
'Cause I know what I've done
There's so many fish in the sea
That only rise up in the sweat and smoke like mercury
But they keep you hanging on
They say you're so young
Your mind is made up but your mouth is undone
(Chorus)
And it's the damage that we do
And never know
It's the words that we don't say
That scare me so
There's so many people to see
So many people you can check up on
And add to your collection
But they keep you hanging on
Until you're well hung
Your mouth is made up but your mind is undone
(Chorus)
I know, I know, (repeat)
Senior Service
Chorus:
Senior service
Junior dissatisfaction
It's a breath you took too late
It's a death that's worse than fate
Senior service
Junior dissatisfaction
Though it may be second hand
It's by no means second rate
I want your neck
I want the seat that you sit at
I want your cheque
Because they told me I would get on
I wanna chop off your head and watch it roll into the basket
If you should drop dead tonight then they won't have to ask me twice
(Chorus)
They took me in the office and they told me very carefully
The way that I could benefit from death and disability
(Chorus)
I want your company car
I want your girlfriend and love
I want your place at the bar
Because there's always another man
To chop off your head and watch it roll into the basket
If you should drop dead tonight then they won't have to ask me twice
(Chorus)
Oliver's Army
Don't start me talking
I could talk all night
My mind goes sleepwalking
While I'm putting the world to right
Called careers information
Have you got yourself an occupation?
Oliver's army is here to stay
Oliver's army are on their way
And I would rather be anywhere else
But here today
There was a checkpoint Charlie
He didn't crack a smile
But it's no laughing party
When you've been on the murder mile
Only takes one itchy trigger
One more widow, one less white nigger
(Chorus)
Hong Kong is up for grabs
London is full of Arabs
We could be in Palestine
Overrun by a Chinese line
With the boys from the Mersey and the Thames and the Tyne
But there's no danger
It's a professional career
Though it could be arranged
With just a word in Mr. Churchill's ear
If you're out of luck or out of work
We could send you to Johannesburg
(Chorus)
Big Boys
I am starting to function
In the usual way
Everything is so provocative
Very very, temporary
I shall walk (I shall walk)
Out of this place (out of this place)
I shall walk
Out on you
'Cause you go silly
If she's willing
Trying so hard to be like the big boys
So you take her to the pictures
Trying to become a fixture
Inch by inch trying to reach her
All the way through the second feature
Worrying about your physical fitness
Tell me how you got this sickness, Oh ohhhh..
I was caught in the suction
By a face like a truncheon
I was down upon one knee
Stroking her vanity
I was stuck on a hammerhead
I came alive and left for dead
As my face returned to red
Choking on my pride and pity
We can talk (we can talk)
Until your face is blue ('til your face is blue)
We can talk but she'll get to you
After you've been loved and hated
By the ones you've watched and waited
Found that they were overrated
She'll be the one - when the party's over
She'll be the one - when the girls have gone home
She'll be the one - that you'll wish you'd held onto
She'll be the one - but it's too late for you to
She'll be the one - who knows all your history
She'll be the one -
So you can cross her off your list
And you try so hard
And you try so hard
And you try so hard
To be like the big boys, oh.
Green Shirt
There's a smart young woman on a light blue screen
Who comes into my house every night.
And she takes all the red, yellow, orange and green
And she turns them into black and white.
But you tease, and you flirt
And you shine all the buttons on your green shirt
You can please yourself but somebody's gonna get it
Better cut off all identifying labels
Before they put you on the torture table
'Cause somewhere in the "Quizling Clinic"
There's a shorthand typist taking seconds over minutes
She's listening in to the Venus line
She's picking out names
I hope none of them are mine
But you tease, and you flirt...
Never said I was a stool pigeon
I never said I was a diplomat
Everybody is under suspicion
But you don't wanna hear about that
'Cause you tease, and you flirt...
Better send a begging letter to the big investigation
Who put these fingerprints on my imagination?
You tease, and you flirt...
You can please yourself but somebody's gonna get it
You can please yourself but somebody's gonna get it
Party Girl
They say you're nothing but a party girl
Just like a million more all over the world
I know I shouldn't be raising my hopes so high
But I have seen the hungry look in their eyes
They'd settle for anything in disguise of love
Seen the party girls look me over
Seen 'em leaving when the party's over
They can't touch me now
You say you don't mind
We're so hard to find
I could give you anything but time
Give it just one more try
Give it a chance
Starts like fascination
Ends up like a trance
Oh you'll never be the guilty party girl
Maybe someday we can go hiding from this world
Maybe I'll never get over the change in style
But I don't want to lock you up and say you're mine
Don't want to lose you or say goodbye
I'm the guilty party and I want my slice
But I know you've got me and I'm in a grip-like vise.
They can't touch me now
You say you don't mind
We're so hard to find
I could give you anything
I would give you anything
I can give you anything but time
Give you anything but time (repeats)
Goon Squad
Mother, Father, I'm here in the zoo
I can't come home 'cause I've grown up too soon
I got my sentence
I got my command
They said they'd make me major if I met all their demands
I could be a corp'ral into corp'ral punishment
Or the gen'ral manager of a large establishment
They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod
But I never thought they'd put me in the
Goon squad
They've come to look you over and they're giving you the eye
Goon squad
They want you to come out to play
You'd better say goodbye
Some grow just like their dads
And some grow up too tall
Some go drinking with the lads
Some don't grow up at all
And you must find the proper place
For everything you see
But you'll never get to make a lampshade out of me
I could join a chain of males or be the missing (a) link
Looking for a lucky girl to put me in the pink
They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod
But I never thought they'd put me in the
Good squad ....
Mother, Father, I'm doing so well
I'm making such progress now that you can hardly tell
I fit in a little dedication
With one eye on the clock
They caught you under medication
You could be in for a shock
Thinking up the alibis that ev'ryone's forgotten
Just another mummy's boy gone to rotten
They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod
But I never thought they'd put me in the
Goon squad....
Busy Bodies
So you think that you have seen her
When you're lying in between her
And you tell me that you don't care
Busy bodies getting nowhere
Ev'rybody's getting meaner
Busy bodies
Caught in the concertina
You check her outline
Break her regulations
You watch her legs through several
Service stations
Busy bodies
Very busy
Getting nowhere
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Now you're ready for the merger
With the company you're part of
And you do the dirty business
With your latest sleeping partner
You're becoming
Automatic
Busy bodies
Out playing with the traffic
You want attention
You try my patience
With the best intentions you are nothing but a nuisance
Busy bodies
Busy busy
Getting nowhere
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Now you've given your performance
Though the matinee was idle
And you find that a wave of her right hand
Could seem so tidal
Just a second
Satisfaction
Busy bodies
Temporarily out of action
You wash and brush up
You want to dress up
You want to kiss her
But she's busy with her makeup
Busy bodies
Very busy
Getting nowhere
Nowhere (x6)
Sunday's Best
Times are tough for English babies
Send the army and the navy
Beat up strangers who talk funny
Take their greasy foreign money
Skin shop, red leather, hot line
Be prepared for the engaged sign
Bridal books, engagement rings
And other wicked little things
Chorus:
Standing in your socks and vest
Better get it off your chest
Every day is just like the rest
But Sunday's best
Stylish slacks to suit your pocket
Back supports and picture lockets
Sleepy towns and sleeper trains
To the dogs and down the drains
Major roads and ladies smalls
Hearts of oak and long trunk calls
Continental interference
At death's door with life insurance
Chorus
Sunday's best, Sunday's finest
When your money's in the minus
And you suffer from your shyness
You can listen to us whiners
Don't look now under the bed
An arm, a leg and a severed head
Read about the private lives
The songs of praise, the readers' wives
Listen to the decent people
Though you treat them just like sheep
Put them all in boots and khaki
Blame it all upon the darkies
Chorus
Sunday's best
Moods For Moderns
Moods for moderns (x4)
I get hit looking for a miss
I never thought that it would come to this
Moods for moderns (x4)
Though we may never be the same again
I am so proud that you've been taken in vain
What if none of your dreams come true?
I can never run from you
There's never been a how d'you do
There's never been an ending
Soon you'll belong to someone else
And I will be your stranger just pretending
Moods for moderns
Memory lingers
I let you into
Foreign fingers
Moods for moderns (x4)
I never thought that would see the day
I never thought that I would give you away
(Chorus)
Moods for moderns
Let them break us
Strong and sudden
Foreign fingers
Chemistry Class
She throws back her hair [hands] and she shows you her mouth
The breath that I waste trying to ruin your life
Beauty's on a budget but you take it on the chin
'Cause you have to do your duty taking orders from the kingpin
You've got a chemistry class I want a piece of your mind
You don't know what you started when you mixed it up with mine
Are you ready for the final solution? Oh. Oh.
[They] chopped you up in butcher's school
Threw you out of the academy of garbage
You'll be a joker all your life
A student at the comedy college
People pleasing people pleasing people like you
You've been around so long but you still don't know what to do
(Chorus)
Sparks are flying from electrical pylons
Snakes and ladders running up and down her nylons
Ready to experiment, you're ready to be burned
If it wasn't for some accidents then some would never ever learn
(Chorus)
Two Little Hitlers
Why are we racing to be so old?
I'm up late pacing the floor
I won't be told
You have your reservations
I'm bought and sold
I'll face the music
I'll face the facts
Even when we walk in polka dots and chequer slacks
Bowing and squawking
Running after titbits
Bobbing and squinting
Just like a nitwit
Two little Hitlers will fight it out until
One little Hitler does the other one's will
I will return
I will not burn
Down in the basement
I need my head examined
I need my eyes excited
I'd like to join the party
But I was not invited
You make a member of me
I'll be delighted
I wouldn't cry for lost souls, you might drown
Dirty words for dirty minds
Written in a toilet town
Dial me a Valentine
She's a smooth operator
It's all so calculated
She's got a calculator
She's my soft touch typewriter
And I'm the great dictator
(Chorus)
A simple game of self-respect
You flick a switch and the world goes off
Nobody jumps as you expect
I would have thought you would have had enough by now
You call selective dating
For some effective mating
I thought I'd let you down, dear
But you were just deflating
I knew right from the start
We'd end up hating
Pictures of the merchandise
Plastered on the wall
We can look so long as we don't have to talk at all
You say you'll never know him
He's an unnatural man
He doesn't want your pleasure
He wants as no one can
He wants to know the names of
All those he's better than
(Chorus)
I will return
I will not burn
(repeats)
(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding
As I walk through
This wicked world
Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity.
I ask myself
Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain and hatred, and misery?
And each time I feel like this inside,
There's one thing I wanna know:
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding?
And as I walked on
Through troubled times
My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes
So where are the strong
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?
Sweet harmony.
'Cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry.
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding?
So where are the strong?
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?
Sweet harmony.
'Cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry.
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding?
My Funny Valentine
My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable, unphotographable
But you're my favourite work of art
Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?
Don't change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine, stay
Each day is Valentine's day
Tiny Steps
Muscle baby won't let go
Weekend baby won't say no
Is she an active beauty ?
I should say so
Wooden bones and pretty lashes
Iodine for your baby's gashes
Little tombs for your baby's ashes
If something goes wrong
Tiny steps almost real
Tiny fingers you almost feel
Make her walk or make her kneel
Oh, she's almost human beneath that Cuban heel
Who's that down at the bottom of the garden ?
Who's that hiding underneath the sofa ?
Who gets blamed whenever you're in trouble ?
She's your friend and she's your double
Tiny steps almost real
Tiny fingers you almost feel
Make her walk or make her kneel
Oh, she's almost human beneath that Cuban heel
Pretty little fashion face
Pick anyone up off the shelf
Though you say it's a disgrace
You know you owe it to yourself
You can even shop around
Though you won't find any cheaper
She's your baby now
You can keep her
Tiny steps almost real
Tiny fingers you almost feel
Make her walk or make her kneel
Oh, she's almost human beneath that Cuban heel
Clean Money
Payday's coming and we wash it away
Clean money, clean money
Payday's coming and we wash it away
Clean money, clean money
That's what I want to do
I want to spend it on you
Checking on a checkmate
Grassing on a classmate
So beautiful and fortunate
He hates to love, you love to hate
He can fix you for good
'Cause he is the neighborhood
You can't get money for blood
Blood money for doin' no good
But they won't take my love for tender
Payday's coming and we wash it away
Clean money, clean money
Payday's coming and we wash it away
Clean money, clean money
That's what I want to do
I want to spend it on you
Have you made your selection ?
Are you ready for correction ?
'Cause the wages of sin
Are an expensive infection
And it's under the counter
Under the Geiger counter
Who stole your thunder ?
But they won't take my love for tender
Talking In The Dark
I tried in vain to drive myself insane
I talk to myself but I don't listen
I found out what I was missing
I miss talking in the dark
Without you, I'm not conversational
Without the sense of the occasional
Without you, I miss talking in the dark
When the barking and the biting is through
We can talk like we're in love or talk like we're above it
We can talk and talk until we talk ourselves out of it
I look for the news, somebody to abuse
I look at myself but it's so chancy
I see things that I don't fancy
I miss talking in the dark
Without you, I'm not conversational
Without the sense of the occasional
Without you, I miss talking in the dark
Without you, I miss talking in the dark
Wednesday Week
The movies save on conversation
And the TV saves on sight
We met in a head-on collision
So I would say our chances would be slight
You can lead and I will follow
See us dancing cheek to cheek
You'll remember me tomorrow
But you won't give a damn by Wednesday Week
Say you love me until you do so
Joso singing just like Caruso
Three little words roll off your tongue
Somehow your face just doesn't look so young
You say you want to strike a bargain
Now there is no need to speak
You say you want to learn the jargon
But you won't give a damn by Wednesday Week
You start acting like a zombie
Someone wants your piece of cake
You think you want to jump up on me
But you won't give a damn by Wednesday Week
Oh what a letdown when the battle was finally won
One little breakdown and then it was over and done
I wish I had your confidence
It's love and not coincidence
Do you say these words to everyone ?
You're fantastic, you're terrific
Your excellence is almost scientific
You took the words out of my mouth
You put the tongue into my cheek
But I'd better lose my memory by Wednesday Week
Alison
Oh it's so funny to be seeing you after so long, girl.
And with the way you look I understand
that you are not impressed.
But I heard you let that little friend of mine
take off your party dress.
I'm not going to get too sentimental
like those other sticky valentines,
'cause I don't know if you've been loving somebody.
I only know it isn't mine.
Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true.
Well I see you've got a husband now.
Did he leave your pretty fingers lying
in the wedding cake?
You used to hold him right in your hand.
I'll bet he took all he could take.
Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking
when I hear the silly things that you say.
I think somebody better put out the big light,
cause I can't stand to see you this way.
Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true.
My aim is true.
Watching the Detectives
Nice girls not one with a defect,
cellophane shrink-wrapped, so correct.
Red dogs under illegal legs.
She looks so good that he gets down and begs.
She is watching the detectives.
"ooh, he's so cute!"
She is watching the detectives
when they shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot.
They beat him up until the teardrops start,
but he can't be wounded 'cause he's got no heart.
Long shot of that jumping sign,
Invisible shivers running down my spine.
Cut the baby taking off her clothes.
Close-up of the sign that says,"We never close"
You snatch tune, you a match a cigarette,
She pulls the eyes out with a face like a magnet.
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
She's filing her nails while they're dragging the lake.
chorus
You think you're alone until you realize you're in it.
Now fear is here to stay. Love is here for a visit.
They call it instant justice when it's past the legal limit.
Someone's scratching at the window. I wonder who is it?
The detectives come to check if you belong to the parents
who are ready to hear the worst about their daughter's disappearance.
Though it nearly took a miracle to get you to stay,
it only took my little fingers to blow you away.
Just like watching the detectives.
Don't get cute!"
It's just like watching the detectives.
I get so angry when the teardrops start,
but he can't be wounded 'cause he's got no heart.
Watching the detectives.
It's just like watching the detectives.