Ganster Saves Child
Written by: Jeff Andonuts 
A small child was rescued yesterday by a former ganster turned minimum wage recieving burger-flipper from a spiteful crow. The ganster's name was Frank Fly, and in an interview, said he was very proud of himself for "not doing something selfish" for once. 

The boy recieved minor injuries by no fault of Frank, but that of the crows talons. He will be released from the hospital this afternoon. If you would like to contact the boys parents on his condition, please call them at their personal cell phone at 123-456-7890.