This is one of the biggest quastions that is asked of us. I cant begin to tell you how many times someone has asked me this. It makes me very angery, instead why dont people ask "why does he hit?".Im going to try and answer the question of why we stay on this page.
Most of us do not stay. Many that do leave though are stalked, harrased, and assaulted by former husbands or boyfriends. And then there are many who stay or leave and go back. Most people think we stay because we are masochists who enjoy being abused.
Some reasons why we stay:
The number 1 reason we stay is fear. Battered women are most likely to be killed when they try to leave than in any other time in this type of relationship.
We want to believe that if we love our abuser enough we can change them.
We often feel sorry for the abuser because we know that most have been abused themselves as children and we think we can heal them.
We feel that we must have a man in our lives in order for us to feel whole.
Some believe that divorce will hurt their children, and that any father is better than no father at all.
Financial situations are another obsticle. Some have never been aloud to work or have always had their money taken away from them are not able to stash anything away to leave with.
The abuser is an upstanding citizen in the outside world, and no one would believe you.
Many abused woman think very low of themselves because of their abuser, they think that no one else will want them.(low self-esteem)
Being hurt by people who love us is nothing new to some. So we see this as normal.
I hope this clears up that question for anyone who has doubts of why we stay. I cant express enough how important it is for people to understand that sometimes we dont have a choice.
Now I would like to go on to a new subject, that is the forgotten victims, our children.
Children in homes where there is violence are more likely to be abused tnat any other children.
A study showed that 62% of teenage boys who tried to protect their mothers got hurt.
Some battered mothers often use harsh or abusive punishment than mothers who have not.
There are millions of children that witness one of their parents being abused either emotionally, physically, and even sexually.Children learn from this that it is ok to solve problems this way.
A study done on children staying in a womans shelter showed that 85% had been sent away to stay with friends or relatives during the previous year, and 75% of children 15 and older ran away from home.
Some children blame themselves for the violence and try to do what they can to keep their parents from fighting. This put such an emotional and mental stain on kids. They start doing bad in school, their behavor may change, they may even become violent themselves.
Some boys may learn that it is right to beat women. Girls mau also learn that it is ok to accept this behavior.
Violence is a learned behavior that must be addresses as early as possible.
If the chain is to be broken, it must be done at the childhood level.
