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he's really gone

| r i c h e y | e d w a r d s |

this piece is based on a conversation i had once, trying to explain richey's self-mutilating to a friend... it was hard, as i never knew the man in question, and so, but i think my mate got a somewhat clear image of the whole issue. the text has been moulded a bit, thou.

a lovable little richey

who is this guy? richey james edwards. he was the main lyricist and rhythm guitarist (thou he didn't play much guitar) in the manic street preachers, a post-punk-now-conscience-rock band from wales.

what makes him so special then? richey was/is a genius. really intelligent. he'd studied politics at university and was an A student. (he had plans in becoming a teacher). his intelligence reflected in his amazing lyrics (i'll feature some soon!). richey was a person with low self esteem and was very, very sensitive. ("i'm weak, all my life i've felt weak compared to other people, if they want to crush me they can. but i know i can do things they can't.") to top it all off, richey was mentally ill, a manic depressive. he self injured quite a lot too. ("can't shout, can't scream/hurt myself to get pain out" -from the song yes) one of the most 'famous' cutting incidents he had was in 1991 when he talked to nme journalist/radio dj steve lamacq after a gig. richey tried to explain to lamacq what the manics were all about, but lamacq still didn't think the band was for real. richey wanted to prove that, because his life was the manics, and took a razorblabe from his pocket and slashed in the word 4REAL deeply in his arm. he had to be sewn with 17 stitches. the spine of the letter 'r' cut down all the way to the bone. as he explained later; "i tried talking to steve for an hour to explain ourselves. he saw us as four hero-worshipping kids trying to replicate our favourite bands. there was no way i could change his mind. i didn't abuse him or insult him. i just cut myself. to show that we are no gimmick, that we are pissed off, that we're for real."

that sounds freaky. did he cut himself at other occations? oh yeah, all the time. he 'had' to do it. it made him feel better. "when i cut myself i feel so much better. all the little things that might have been annoying me suddely seem so trivial because i'm concentrating on the pain."

i'm so familliar with that. i feel completely the same way! well, the thing with richey was that he even found it sexual; "sex and death are very closely linked. sado-masochistc imagery, bleeding... i find it [cutting himself] attractive... i find it... sexual." i don't think many SI's feel that way, but who knows..

but.. didn't he kill himself or something? that can't be proved, that he killed himself. richey d i s a p p e a r e d february the 1st, 1995, from the embassy hotel in london. he and [msp singer] james were to fly to the us of a to promote the manics 3rd album, the holy bible (which is richey's lyrical masterpiece). his car was found abandoned at the severn bridge with and empty battery, meaning that he'd been driving until the car broke down and continued by... ???? richey had been treated at different mental hospitals for his major depressions and self abusing (he drank excessive amounts of alcohol, was anorectic -- he weighed 6st (38 kg), and cut himself like crazy). he couldn't cope with life anymore and saw no other way than disappearing. he's maybe dead, he's maybe alive. one thing that makes me a bit happy is that he made his descision himself.

where is he now? richey is where he wants to be. richey is happy. i know that. whether he's alive or dead, i think he's happy. maybe for the first time in his life. i have no idea. please leave richey alone. but, richey we love you....

to me, richey represents purity. richey was honest. richey told the truth. and boy, didn't he get locked up in a mental hospital for it??!?!?!?!

"it's my body and i can do whatever i want with it." -richey edwards