Don't drink & drive- you might spill your
beer.
This is a fwd I got about University- its pretty long.. but it speaks the truth! Enjoy!
50 THINGS ADMISSIONS NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT COLLEGE
1. Quarters are gold.
2. Two meals per day is the standard.
3. Road trip whenever possible.
4. Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before.
5. You will begin to nap again.
6. Your bookstore bill will almost equal tuition.
7. Squirt guns = Stress relief.
8. Instant messenger becomes an addiction.
9. E-mail becomes your second language
10. College students throw paper airplanes too.
11. You never realized that so many people were smarter than you.
12. College football is the coolest thing on the planet.
13. Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you wouldn't know, but you can
recite last week's re-run of The 70's Show verbatim.
14. Cartoons are for all ages, especially Pokemon.
15. Disney movies are more than just classics.
16. You will never rent/buy more movies in your life.
17. No one is too old for video games.
18. Procrastination is an art form.
19. SNOOD is more addicting than pot.
20. Thanks to Aimster/Audiogalaxy/Morpheus, you will never listen to any of your CDs ever again.
21. It never hurt so much to get sick.
22. The health service nurses are there because
they couldn't make it at a real hospital.
Never, don't ever forget that.
23. Care packages are right up there with birthdays.
24. Campus is only clean for Family Weekend and Freshman Orientation.
25. Nothing you want to register for will be open.
26. Classes... the later the better.
27. You are no longer thankful that the fire alarms are here to protect you.
28. Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires.
29. The only time to dress up is when your jeans are dirty.
30. Showers become less important; sleep becomes more important.
31. Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night.
32. Creativity in the dining halls is KEY...
33. The freshman 15 is NOT a myth!!! (Or how about freshman 20?)
34. If it's snowing out, the only reason you will leave your room is for food.
35. Dishes smell after days of piling up.
36. Cereal makes a meal any time of the day.
37. You will eat anywhere that is a buffet.
38. You will eat anything that is free.
39. New additions to food groups: pitapit and pizza.
40. Stealing from the dining hall will become second nature.
41. ATM's are the devils advocate. ATM= another Twenty Missing.
42. Keys have never been so important, yet you
seem to lose them or lock yourself out of the
room even more.
43. Duct tape heals all wounds.
44. If they say you can't have it in your dorm,
they are just kidding.
45. You will come to hate hallways/elevators
with a passion.
46. Those ugly cinderblocks are not sound proof.
47. Pictures, posters, emails or anything else to cover the ugly cell we live in will be transformed into wallpaper.
48. Everyone is only nice for the first week. After that, no matter how nice you are, some people just won't smile back. Get used to it.
49. You are never alone!
50. You realize college is the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes
TOP 10 REASONS THAT COLLEGE IS LIKE PRESCHOOL
10. You cry for your mother.
9. You cross the street without looking for cars.
8. Snack time is a necessity.
7. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring
what you look like(because everyone else looks as stupid as you do).
6. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
4. You wear big mittens.
3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
2. You take naps.
1. You look forward to grilled cheese sandwiches.
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN...
You actually like doing laundry at home.
Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
You'd rather clean than study.
"Oh man how did it get so late!" comes out of your mouth at least once a night.
Mom's Meatloaf and potatoes become something you desire, not avoid.
Half the time you don't wake up in your own
bed and it seems normal.
You schedule your classes around sleep habits
and soap operas.
You know the pizza boy by name.
You go to sleep when it's light and get up
when it's dark.
You live for getting mail.
Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
Prank phone calls become funny again.
You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
Black lights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
Walmart is the coolest store EVER!!
The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday.
BEFORE I CAME TO COLLEGE, I WISH I HAD KNOWN...
That it didn't matter how late I scheduled
my first class, I'd still sleep through it.
That I could change so much and barely realize it
That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
No matter how 'cool' you were in high school, no one here cares.
That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.
That every clock on campus shows a different time.
That if you were smart in high school, so what? It doesn't matter here.
That I would go to a party the night before a final.
That Chem. Labs/Architecture studios take
up more time than all my other classes put
together.
That you can know everything and fail a test.
That you can know nothing and ace a test.
That I could get used to almost anything
found out about my roommate.
That most of my education would be obtained
outside of class.
That friendship is more than getting drunk together.
That I would be one of those people that my parents warned me about.
That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
That Psychology is really Biology. That Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is really Math.
That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.
That it's possible to be alone even when friends surround you.
That friends are what make this place worthwhile!
Don't be dismayed at good-byes, a farewell is necessary before we can meet again, and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends.
I AM CANADIAN
(clears Thoat)
(the canadian one is actually a commercial and is all true!)
Hey...
I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader...
and I don't live in an igloo, or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really, really nice.
I have a Prime Minister, not a President.
I speak English & French, NOT American.
and I pronounce it 'ABOUT', NOT 'A BOOT'.
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.
DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation,
AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.
A TOQUE IS A HAT, A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
AND IT IS PRONOUNCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!!!
CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS!
THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY! AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!
MY NAME IS JOE!! AND I AM CANADIAN!!!!!!!!
I AM ITALIAN
Ciao...
I'm not a construction worker, a brick layer or a school janitor.
I don't live in a basement, or eat pasta every night.
And I don't drive a Camaro.
And I don't know Tony, Rocco or Gino from Woodbridge,
Although I'm certain they're very, very hairy people.
I drink wine...not beer. I don't use utensils for pizza.
I believe in open bars at weddings, not cash.
And its pronounced ESPRESSO, not EX-PRESSO.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during the worldcup.
Gelato IS ice cream, Biscotti ARE cookies,
Antonio Columbro IS the best of the tenors,
And it's Broo-SKetta, not Broo-SHetta!!
Italy is the ONLY country shaped like footwear,
The FIRST nation of soccer, And the BEST part of Europe!!
My name is Guiseppe !!!
AND I AM ITALIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM PAKISTANI
Allo,
I'm not a cab driver, a 7-11 clerk or a gas attendant.
I don't go to fleamarkets, or worshipelephants, or eat with my hands.
And I don't know Akbar, Rampreet or Mohammed from Rundle,
Although I'm certain they're very smelly people.
I eat roti....not pita. I don't only shower once a week,
I believe in discounts, not full price.
And I pronounce it WHAT, not VHAT.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during a terrorist siege.
A turban IS an article of clothing.
Spicy foods ARE better than mild foods
Curry is a VERY tasty dish,
and it IS pronounced Gaun-dee,not Gun-dee ,GAUN-dee!!
Pakistan IS a third world country,
The first nation of Cricket
And the BEST part of the middle east!!
My name is Raheem!
AND I AM PAKISTANI!!!!
I AM CHINESE!
Wai...
I'm not a cook, or a computer tech, or the owner of a laundromat.
I don't live with my parents, I don't eat dog. I don't drive a souped-up Civic.
And I don't know Ping, Ching or Wing from Beddingt Heights
Although I'm certain they're very rice... I mean nice people.
I use chopsticks, not a fork. I rarely drive on the sidewalk.
I believe in giving cash, not gifts
And I pronounce it HELLO, not HARRO.
I can proudly wave my country's flag at a tank during a massacre,
Dim sum IS brunch, Gwai-Los ARE white folk
Jet Li can kick Van Damme's ass anyday.
And it IS pronounced Gon Hay Fa Choi, not Gon HEE Fa
China is the LARGEST country in Asia
The FIRST nation of PING-PONG,
And the BEST remaining COMMUNIST COUNTRY!!
My name is FUNG!!!
AND I AM CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and finally........
I AM AMERICAN
Wassup...
I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked.
And I don't live in a safe place, eat a balanced diet, or drive very well.
I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg,
although I'm pretty sure they were American.
I drink beer, not water, I am outspoken, not opinionated,
Guns settle disputes, not discussions.
Winning isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing,
And it's pronounced RUFF, not ROOF.
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack, unless I go somewhere.
Burger King IS fine dining. Washing after peeing is for LOSERS,
Twinkies and Moon Pies ARE GOOD for breakfast,
I have a SHED, NOT a GARAGE, and WWF ACTION IS REAL!
The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is the ONLY country in the world,
The FIRST nation of IGNORANCE,
And the BEST part of SOUTH AMERICA!!
MY NAME IS JIM-BOB, I am married to my sister,
AND I AM AMERICAN!!!!!!!
YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM THE WEST ISLAND IF.....
The "West Island is where I grew up.. and anyone from (or whos knows it!) will totally understand... it is so true!
--The words Sources, St. John's, St. Charles, Pierrefonds, Gouin or Lakeshore fit into the directions to your house or anywhere else you are going.
--"One Island, One City" brings both pride and bitterness into your heart.
--You've worn red to the St-Jean-Baptiste fireworks celebration.
--You've killed some time in the Herzberg basement.
--You know where the Herzberg basement is.
--Your sixth sense includes bicycle cop awareness... or not.
--You've received a $75 ticket for drinking, smoking, making out or... gasp... TALKING in a park past the 11pm curfew.
--On July 1, you go out with your friends to celebrate Shadfly Day.
--You don't have to imagine what having curtains made out of shadflys would look like.
--Soccer mom with a minivan isn't just a suburban cliché to you: you either are one or will be someday.
--You consider Delmar, Pardo or Amabaie to be the ghetto.
--You've been in the batcave and have met the bat.
--You hang out at Clyde's, Cheers, Annie's or the fourth place that changes names and locations every year (eg, Fuzzy's, Bed.)
--Pumpkin, strawberry or apple picking at Quinn's farm is not considered child slave labour but a fun field trip every elementary school must make at least once a year.
--If you don't have a car and can't afford a taxi, your night out ends in time to make the last bus home from Fairview.
--Your parents have been banned from attending your soccer, hockey or softball games. --Brasseries were a cool place to be before you were legal.
--You don't know Ile-Bizard is an island.
>--You've been freaked out at the castle.
--You've karaoked in front of a large crowd of drunk lifeguards/camp counsellor.
--You are a lifeguard/camp counsellor.
--You've explored houses in the process of being built.
--You've paused street hockey games to let a car pass through.
--You're still playing street hockey well into adulthood.
--You can name at least 3 people who have worked at the Coliseum.
--You've been to Fairview without having any intention of buying anything.
--You trust a parking lot full of amusment rides that have been set up in a few hours and will be taken down 3 days later.
--When looking for a job, you print off a dozen CV's and head straight to Fairview.
--You think Hudson is the country.
--When on the 200 or 211 bus, you dread stopping at Cartier.
--You're educational career follows the pattern of elementary school, high school, Cartier, the country club, then somewhere out of the West Island.
--You can tell the difference between Valois, Pointe-Claire Vilage and Donegani.
--Rush hour traffic makes you angrier than anything else in your life.
--Anything past the IKEA building is "downtown." > --There is no way that NDG is a suburb.
--Going out to dinner means driving along St-Jean Blvd. and choosing which one of the 80 large restaurants you want to eat at tonight.
--You remember when there were more vacant lots and "greenery."
--Conversations with old friends always include news of someone who managed to finally be someplace other than here.
--Your town has a "Welcome to_________" sign made out of flowers.
--A tempo is a tent that protects your driveway from the winter snow.
--You've been on the train from hell.
--You have spent as much money on your lawn as other people spend on vacations.
--Your family can still afford a vacation.
--Instead of a damn horrible time in the dark and cold, Ice Storm '98 brings back memories of "a whole community coming together in a time of need."
--You get nervous when the news reports yet another bird dead from West Nile.
--You are a senior citizen. >-- you don't see anything wrong with wearing socks and sandals
-- You know the "street names" for the private schools in the area (Quick and Available, Sacred Bitches, Hors on the Hill etc. )
--Cyclists make way on the bicycle paths for pedestrians
--The polluted, smelly oversized brown puddle known as the St. Lawrence always seems so pretty in the summer time
--You own and use a recycling box
--you've gone out without locking your door and/or windows
--when young and poor you dream about the day that you'll have a car and go downtown "LIKE ALL THE TIME" then when you have it you a) can't afford the gas or b) are scared of driving downtown... looking for parking... traffic...crazy drivers
--one or two of yourt parents is afraid to drive at night or long distances
anywhere that is more than 15 mins drive from your house is "far"
you can't walk through a store without running into someone you know and hearing the latest "gossip"
A professor stood before his philosophy class with an empty jar. When the class began, wordlessly, he filled the jar with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar were full?
They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar were full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar were full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are your
friends, your favorite passions---- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.
The sand is everything else----the small stuff.
If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend
all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the, whatever needs to be fixed
"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired about the beer. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of
beers!
Top Ten Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.''
9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''The hair, it's growing. Growing!''
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon....''
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, ''Oh, yeah, I remember!'' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, ''Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?'' Complain loudly that you are hungry.
2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, ''Hooray! You're back!'' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, ''Shouldn't you be going somewhere?''
1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, ''No, I want to watch them suffer.'''
Go..
Back to Kelera's Kastle
Kelera's Kastle Part II
Email: kelera@hotmail.com
