This is the substance of a reply to a heading on the bbc online website which was rejected due to it's length - this is the result of two tries to make a (much shorter) comment, but unfortunately as they did not specify how many characters one could use, I just wrote some thoughts down. Since it was too large to post I am posting it here...

I'd like to see what other people think - on the theme of, does our society predispose us to addictive behaviours?

'Welcome to addictions' - (BBC online)
By Jane Johnson c.2000

According to modern medical research, there is a difference in the brain chemistry and cellular balance of people afflicted with addictive tendencies at the genetic, or DNA level, and this poses an interesting question in terms of associated problems.. It has been shown that allergies are also implicated in this research, and a sensitivity to certain inassimilable substances can set up a craving for them, eg chocolate, or cheese, which both contain the monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOH) that prevent a necessary interruption of information sequencing in the brain at the cellular level. Like having an accelerator but no brake. It is as if the body is recognising on the one hand it's inability to benefit from the introduced substance, and yet a refusal to give up trying - and the question is why?

On a psychological level, we appear to have a mechanism that encourages determination, so that the idea of 'giving up' equates also with failure. This sets up a semantic crosswire in the mind's understanding of the appropriate attitude required. It really is most important that we refrain from thinking of the cessation of a harmful habit as 'giving up'. This approach is counter-productive.

In encouraging developing minds to desist from one form of behaviour and to adopt another, it is important to present the required adjustment as desirable. Elementary, I know, yet often overlooked. How many times do we say to a small child 'don't' - and they promptly 'do', as the impact is in the instruction, not in the prefix. Instead of telling the child 'Don't talk!' ('But...') the approach that would possibly work would be 'Be Silent!' (Or 'Be Quiet - sometimes!)

Thus the new status, instead of being presented as 'freedom from ADDICTION, ie unenslaving oneself', could be presented for example as 'Embracing health; the 'sweetness of breath easily breathed.' The freedom from bad smells becomes 'The enjoyment of wholesome smells, and of fresh air.' This may seem like a tiny shift, but it is the necessary push to send the poised rock crashing down. Often the most subtle shifts in perspective can have the most radical results. This is the principle behind Therapies such as Acupuncture, Chiropractic, Homeopathy, Biochemical Tissue Salts, and Flower Essences, which all depend upon subtle adjustments and are becoming far more recognised as useful complements to modern medical practices.

The second point, apart from positively presenting desired results rather than negatively attempting to negate old habits (which makes them stronger) is to consider the frame of mind in which the subject is most susceptible to change. I was a smoker for 30 years, as well as an asthmatic, and had tried several times to give up without success. A shortened version of the following account is available to read on the welcome page of this site under the heading 'So You Want To Stop Smoking' and it contains some useful help suggestions.

A couple of years ago I had to have an unrelated operation, and asked the surgical team to speak to me whilst I was unconscious, using a range of health - oriented positive affirmations regarding my healing and recovery. The surgeon agreed, but told me the anaesthetist would have to know what to say as she would be at my head with the mask and checking vital signs. I was also told that she would do it if she could also tell me to give up smoking. I pointed out that I was a tough customer, nothing had worked before, but they could try.

Upon reawakening from the anaesthetic I was surprised to find myself, (the last person to have been taken to theatre that morning as it was potentially a long and difficult operation,) to be the first to have regained consciousness. I was also able within a few hours to walk to the day room and eat an evening meal. The other patients operated on that day did not stir. The next day my recovery continued at an astonishing rate, and by the third day I was only taking paracetamol for the internal pain. All the other people who had been operated on, who were also smokers, had by this time shuffled off to have a drag at a cigarette as if their lives depended on it (Another indication of our contrary psychological make up) and yet I still felt no desire, or craving, to resume my 30 - 40 a day habit.

As the months went by, and I continued to enjoy a delight in breathing fresh air rather than stinking choking burning vegetation, I realised that not only was I a non-smoker, but that I had no recollection of having felt desire or craving, only an image of having done so. It occurred to me that this method could work equally well on other, more dangerous addictions - for alcohol, drugs, or aberrant behaviours and eating disorders.. Thus far no one has given my experiences any credence, although the surgeon was pleased to know the technique had worked, and posted an article I wrote on the office notice board.

There is potential here - but the worst part is overcoming the prejudice towards mindset adjustment as a result of bad press with televised hypnotists manipulating people to perform 'funny' sensationalist, humiliating acts, which terrify people who fear relinquishing control. The usage to which I would put the technique - already working well with successful business people, sports stars, politicians and anyone who wishes to function at the best of their ability - would be to offer it as an alternative to community service or prison for young offenders, as a clinical technique in the case of eating disorders to obviate force feeding, or to alleviate the sufferings of self-harmers, or drug addicts.

It (auto suggestion, or post-hypnotic programming) could be used to apply transactional analysis, neuro-liguistic programming, or in more simple terms, in order to reprogram what went wrong. The subject could be played a carefully constructed pre-recording of any tape that was going to be used whilst they were unconscious (no harm in knowing, and tailoring certain requirements in advance) and then they would just need to agree to 'suspend disbelief' until after the procedure was over. I have no doubt that this vastly neglected area of healing could have enormous benefits in use as another means to understand the psychology of addiction.

It has been shown that the DNA patterns of addicts and non addicts are different - the question is, were the changes already there, or were they caused as a result of the body's ability to modify it's own chemical make up, in order to incorporate certain environmental criteria? There is the suggestion of a precondition creating a potentiality for this behaviour. It is however important to investigate the obvious.

Does the in-take of nicotine have an effect on the ingestion of nicotinamide (vitamin B3)? Does the use of steroids not affect the adrenal cortex of the kidney, resulting in weight gain? Does long-term exposure to eg hormone tablets (birth control or HRT) not have the effect of causing the body to adjust it's cellular operations in other areas, eg bone density, mucus membranes, connective tissue hydration, endocrine changes, etc? Do not toxins in tobacco harm the body, just as alcoholism can cause cirrhosis (clouding or graining through the slow death) of the liver? Does the use of tobacco, and resulting anoxia, create changes from premature aging of tissues to circulatory and heart problems?

The above are not usually considered by most smokers who focus on the direct effects on the lungs, throat and mouth, the taste, smell, and breathing organs. If the smoker can still breathe - and cough - that's considered 'healthy'. Many amputees would like to get out and about, and to tell them otherwise, as would those permanently on oxygen, if they had enough breath to do so, or could dare go near a smoker or any open source of fire.

The point I am making is that yes, it appears people may have a genetic predisposition towards addiction, but this is compounded environmentally, and also the environment determines - by dint of nature, nurture, and culture, the direction which those dependencies take. The precondition of psychological readiness to turn towards a crutch, or external support, is also an area that needs to be considered, and the readiness to blame any shortfall on inadequate parenting will more often come from those afflicted by this tendency.

We are trained to be self reliant - to a point - but we are also trained to have conflicting loyalties, to be amenable towards suggestion, and to be influenced by market forces. Is this to the detriment of the National Psyche? Would it be preferable if in our search for support and for success we were directed towards more sociably and family oriented goals? - Enough for now, perhaps...

From: shona (a journalist, free-lance writer, wife and mother)

From: Grant

Nobody pushed me or educated me to get into drugs. It was a choice I made. But the people I knew who were into drugs began dying and going to jail, and I decided I didn't want to hang around with them anymore. So now I don't use anything. It was a choice I made. I didn't go to AA or a clinic or anyhting else. I just stopped hanging around with the kind of people who did that sort of thing.

My philosophy is you have to take charge of your own life. If you don't somebody else will, just by being there and providing an example for you to follow. When I worked as a bar tender, I saw the same sad faces come in every day and do the same things -- drink and fight and talk about each other. They did it because that was what they wanted to do. That was the life they chose. Since I knew I could, I chose not to drink. My customers were always trying to buy me a drink, thinking they were doing me a favor. Sometimes they got upset when I said "No." I didn't care. I had made my choice. Like I told my customers, when it comes to quitting, either you're doing it or you're not. Tapering off is not quitting. Lying to yourself about doing it tomorrow is not quitting. Quitting is just saying "No." You don't go into a bar to quit drinking. You don't sit at home with a bottle of booze on the shelf to quit drinking. You don't stop at the store on the way home and pick up a bottle to stop drinking. It's the same with drugs. You're either doing them or you're not. The choice is up to you.

Grant

A guy who has done it all but don't anymore. I choose not to.

From: shona

Read on further, and you discover this poor 78-year-old had recently provided his arthritic wife with 24-hours-a-day care before she died last year.

And also that he had Persistent Delusion Disfunction, where he had an obsession with clearing imaginary yellow dust from his home. He covered furniture and electrical equipment with plastic bags to keep them clean and would not have the television on because it “puffed dust” all over the house.

I felt sorry for this poor chap with his cleaning obsession. I couldn’t help feeling it must have sprung from his caring role, ie. looking after his wife, and something must have kicked into overdrive. Maybe it all started with a belief that if he looked after his wife, she would be all right, and as her health began to fail, he tried to look after her even harder. Is this feasible, do you think?

I know nothing else about him, but I admired him. I felt sort’a glad that he hadn’t died from suicide.

From: Hiram

Addictive behaviors are both environmental (external) and biological (internal) Some of us are fortunate enough to pick up certain behaviors, like Grant's quart a day habit, that we can set down and walk away from when we are no longer involved in the environment that introduced us to the behavior. Others are not so lucky. How many high schoolers start smoking or drinking only because their group does it and they want to fit in? I started smoking at 14, when I started drinking as well, and would have loved to have quit when I was 30 and smoking 2 packs a day. Unfortunatily, nicotine is one of the most addictive substances there is, right up there with crack cocaine. I did quit at 41 though, but it weren't pretty.

I've worked with people who had substance abuse issues, that once removed were masking mental illesses. No one chooses to be schizophrenic, or to have OCD or Manic Depression. These are chemically based disorders of the brain. Alcohol, pot or coke provides that chemical that's missing, so they become addicted to that substance. Problem with alcohol and cocaine is that each time you use, it takes a little more to get that "special feeling" that came with that first drink or snort. Alcohol manages to eat the liver over time and cocaine depletes dopamine in the brain to the extent that one has to overdose to get that final high.

The most unfortunate people I have worked with were those with OCD. These are people who are driven to perform ritual, addictive behaviors in hopes of finding just a little peace. It never comes and they soon become captives of their compulsions. They self medicate with booze, drugs, food, nicotine and sex.

To some extent, I'll agree that one makes choices in relation to addiction. But for those people who make that choice to do it, the choice to stop isn't always as simple as just stopping. In truth, they have to make the choice to stop, but it ain't so easy as saying just stop, now, today.

I worked for a time with a gentleman who had been involved treating alcoholics long before there were many established programs. He was a rather cynical believer in AA. One of his favorite statements to new patients who were in the beginning stages of withdrawl (and believe me anyone who says this is a simple choice has never sat with someone in the thralls of alcohol or cocaine withdrawl) He used to tell them to" just put the plug in the jug." Knowing, as did they, that it just wasn't that easy.

Saying that this is simply a question of choice is making a moralistic statement that some people lack the strength or morals to make those choices. And that's just ridiculous.

From: Jane

Phenylketonuria is an affliction caused by the bodies' failure to process certain kinds of protein, which leads to kidney failure and death. Diabetes mellitus, insipidus, and hypoglycaemia all mask in other ways until discovered, with cravings, avoidances, strange sensations, (the need to urinate before a black out, for example) and we are only scratching the surface with the different effects of pituitary imbalances - anything from bed-wetting to OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and schizophrenia, fibromyalgia (the failure to secrete the enzyme that metabolises the build up of lactic acid in the muscles and joints, waste products from exercise) also insomnia, irritable bowel syndrome, and so on.

There are so many conditions which people try to alleviate by developing addictive behaviours - and then they find that the substitute becomes a problem in itself. The latest is Prozac, soon to follow thalidomide and valium on the no-no list. In America it was for a while hailed as a wonder drug. It appeared to help with depression, bipolar (manic/depressive), Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD), sleep deficit disorder, and so on. Soon one in four school-aged children were taking it for 'hyper-activity' (over stimulation through exposure to caffeine in drinks, too much unsuitable tv, inappropriate leisure activities, and tired, overworked exhausted parents strugglig to maintain the required standard of living in a consumer society, comparing their own energy levels with those of their children).

Sooner or later the bubble burst. Attempting to wean the kids off Prozac was a nightmare; their emotional outbursts were worse than the original problems that led them to take it in the first place. People were seen to get deeply depressed, angry, even suicidal after being on it just a few months. The changes in personality were so radical, and so frequent, that the drug became avoided. At this point, the manufacturers had a problem. They had committed machinery and workers to churning the stuff out so that a good percentage of American citizens had been taking Prozac. What to do with it now? Why, sell it to the UK of course! Easy! Why?

1) The British love to grumble, but consider the doctors and nurses wonderful. It's the govt. that keeps them underfunded. The medical staff do what they can.

2) The medical people train for 6 years. They know best

3) There's still a National Health Service, and most people use it. Prozac is among the cheapest sedatives, and is therefore on the NHS list - which takes the place of other, perhaps more appropriate, but in any case more expensive medications.

4) Even if peole pay for their prescriptions, they will still receive drugs from the NHS list in preference to others.

5) Many people in UK don't want to know about their health, or treatments - that's 'Biology', which they 'didn't understand at school' - or it's 'women's stuff' - and they only find out about conditions that they or others around them suffer from.

6) If you call it by a different name, most people won't even know they are taking it.

It's interesting to note, that considering I go to college only 5 miles or so from a Nuclear Power Point which it is rumoured leaks more times than we are told (for reasons of public security and to avoid panic) that among my fellow students and two members of staff, and myself , we have a 5:1 average of bleeding gums and unexplained bruising, plus hair loss (in the comb) since the 10th January when it was rumoured there was a radiation leak. Tiredness, yet insomnia, complete with blue shadows (I know you're going to say the wife always looks like that, Vann? Or maybe, to be diplomatic, that you do? - Jokingly in both cases, of course) - but I'm absolutely serious - these coincidences are uncanny.

If we were notified, we could take iodine tablets, and the danger, if any, would soon be past as it would go straight through the body - but any shortage of iodine, and the enriched strontium iodide would go straight to the bone cells where it can sit for seven years or more, before being replaced, giving the isotopes ample opportunity to damage the DNA in the bone marrow, (causing childhood leukemia, which is 3x higher than the national average in this area) and cancer of the ovaries etc in adults. Even my GP (Dr) is having treatment for it. So what am I saying? Ignorance is bliss, and a powerful shield for the unscrupulous to hide behind.

Addicts are given prison sentences due to their need to steal to support their habits, instead of counselling and opportunities for rehabilitation. They are blamed for their weakness of willpower, as those who feel no need to indulge in such behaviour cannot see the attraction to others. But we can be just as compulsive about our image - who passes a window or a glass without a glance - as if we'd changed into someone else from the face we see every day. Is that not compulsive? Who says 'Fine, How're you?' when asked how they are, irrespective of how they are feeling? - we have out own way of doing things - milk in before the tea, cold in before the hot, left sock then right sock, and are creatures of conformity and habit - it creates a kind of security.

This is where another 'reason' lies. Apart from chemical imbalances, or culture, nurture, nature, or iatrogenic addictions (caused by the medics - eg asthma drugs, sleeping pills, tranquillisers etc) there is the masking of actual traumas that have become so buried as to be unknown even to the victim. Well how can they hurt then? Because they underpin many other behaviours, and are masked by compounding the problem with drugs or alcohol - or obssesive movements etc. There are deep hurts - abandonment, rejection, rape, bullying, low self esteem, bereavement, homelessness, abuse, phobias, and the irrational and sick fears of a childish nightmare, never addressed through inadequate parenting, or absence.which may remain unacknowledged unless brought to the fore with trained and sympathetic counsellors who are also able to assist in nurturing life skills so that the sufferer is able to address the issues without compounding them, or going back to more of the same.

Many children brught up in, or at some time recipients of institutional care cannot cope with self sufficiency, and return again and again to institutions, whether hospitals, clinics, prisons, or hostels, in order to find someone to fill the gap in their lives. When there is no-one to fulfill this place, they turn to drugs, self abuse, or anything that will enable them to forget how much of an odd-one -out they feel, or how no-one wishes to befriend them.

The question is, how far does our society today, our culture, predispose the creation of this degree of human misery, the hidden statistics in the Brave New World? We recognise these descriptions - and think back to some Rousseau-like golden age, when everyone in the village knew one another, people worked hard for their living and were satisfied to thank God for the harvest. There would generally be only one village idiot, born to a woman late in life, and people only left their homes to work or visit family. A holiday was just that, a day, and transport was a horse or a cart or at best a bicycle or bus. - But we couldn't live like that now could we?

The pressure of adjusting to so many mammoth changes, in my opinion, is what predisposes our Society to have more than its original share of mental strain and accompanying stress-related disorders. The changes that are needed, the conditions to fulfill, in order to fully participate in the fabric of contemporary life are increasingly difficult for those who are not on a level playing field to start with. Inadequate housing, education, poverty, family breakdown, or just no family, all contribute to making a large number of casualties the groundswell upon which 'success' is registered. The aim, the striving, the attempt to 'better oneself' - makes a kind of barnyard out of human endeavour, and leaves many inadequately prepared souls out in the cold.

Then there are drugs, alcool, tobacco, and socially sanctioned escape valves, which are compelling for those looking for a way to alleviate their problems. This is the structure of our society today and, glitzy, sophisticated, glittering with potential though it may appear, there is such a long way to fall. 10% of the World's people have 90% of the world's wealth, a statistic roughly duplicated in nearly all nations. This says something about human nature, and what we do with abundance when we have it. It also says why in some countries beggars and orphans are treated like vermin and shot at when found alone, exposed at night. Perhaps this is why we were for so many hundreds of years living in a more or less sustainable, stable social structure.

Our determination to change all that, to 'improve' our lot, has resulted in a more indulgent lifestyle for the few - but the casualties are many. We can look down our noses at the dysfunctional teenagers in sleeping bags, with their doggy emotional props, begging in doorways, and subways, with despair in their eyes, and a few needles hidden under their clothes. We can blame them -'No one has to live like that!' and tell them to 'Pull yourself together!' - with as much success as if we were addressing the terminally depressed - but there is only one place to look for a reason why, and that is the Society to which we belong, that depends on the 'downs' so that it can offer the 'ups' that everyone, as several million lottery ticket holders will testify, is looking for...

From: shona

But for me, the question is not whether there is something fundamentally wrong with our society - and global society - but what can we do to improve it? Specifically, what can I do to improve it? And then I scold myself for being a pious idiot, so far up my own arse that I take everything too seriously. And anyway, the conclusions I reach are always the same.

Whatever I hope to do, if I ever hope to "do" anything, whether charity work of some kind, politics, or whatever, I'll be doing it when my kids are much older. Probably when my youngest (she's nearly 12) is at least 15. Somehow, I always come back to this conclusion. That no matter what is happening to the world "out there", my first concern must be for the little society "in here", and by "in here" I mean in my home, and in my heart. Perhaps it's cowardice that makes me act this way. Perhaps I'm only burying my dissatisfaction, but I work full-time, I have my family, home and work to think about, and I know I cannot overload myself and do everything. So I don't volunteer for any of these things. Not yet.

But in the meantime, if I was ready to "do" something. What exactly is it that I can do? And would anything I ever did really ever improve anything? I seriously wonder. I seem to myself to be like a classic would-be do-gooder, coming back to that quote about the way to hell being paved with good intentions.

From: Grant

My point is, it is possible for people to make the choice. I'm not the only one who has done it. Just as there are lots of people who keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over, like throwing their money away or quitting jobs for no reason at all. They'll tell you it wasn't their fault.

My son used to hit me with "Well, I didn't ask to be born, you know."

"And I suppose the rest of us did," I replied...

So if you can't quit, you'll just have to live with the consequences of your actions. One of my customers at the bar knew he was killing himself. His liver was so big it stuck out the side of his body. He decided he'd rather die than quit. I respect that decision as much as I respect my wife's.

What I don't respect is people who blame thier addictions on society. People who don't take responsibility for their actions, good or bad. People who blame everyone else but themselves. We are not responsible for a disabling illness, but neither is anyone else. It's just a condition you have to live with, like being born with one leg too few or unable to see or hear. You live with it and you learn to cope. That's what generates respect. Crying about it and blaming society doesn't. At least not from me.

This has been a rant and a half. I may be lucky or stubborn or whatever, but I am what I am. I accept what I am. I take responsiblity for what I am, success or failure. I feel sorry for people who don't. They have to live with the feeling that someone or something else is running their lives for them and there's nothing they can do about it. That's a heavy load.

Grant

From: Jane

There was a time when I felt as you do. I refused to suffer fools gladly. I decded that being 'down there' was a person's choice, there is unlimited opportunity to do it differently. I thought blaming others was a refusal to take responsibility..The only limitation is the mind.. dada dada dadaaa

Having a defeatist outlook can be as disabling as having one leg. There are reasons why people get 'stuck' And I know what you are saying and I agree, what works is what you decide will work.

The mind is the most versatile tool we have.

But for all that, there are those who cannot cope and are not equipped to use their mind for the purpose for which it is intended - to focus attention. They use it as a security blanket, a box they don't want to see out of ('cos it's scary out there), as a punishment to assuage their guilt at being 'in the way', the way their parent (or not) taught them- etc. etc. It's like the computer, garbage in, garbage out.

Boot straps are fine for boot camp - where you're told what and how to think, including the 'think tough' act... but they are pretty hard to lift yourself both feet off the ground with.

Some people need a helping hand, therapy, whatever, to get them to think straight, because life has handed them a raw deal.

You wouldn't argue with that would you?

And the attitude 'Stop whingeing and get on with it' is one of the classics in therapy as an obstacle to people coming forward for help - 'cos it's what they've always been told. Grant, you'll get sympathy here whether you need it or not!

Something must have got your goat - did you have a kid sister or kid brother who got away with things, seemed to get more attention, or were your parents off hand with you, so you feel self made? Don't knock the boys in the army - the failures and no-hoper drinking buddies, or whatever - they've helped you to measure and rate yourself. Giving up can happen for some of us - but that's rare, the majority are so inextricably bound up in their addictions - even if it's just to their point of view - that you'd think there was nothing new in this world for them to discover...

You're one of the lucky ones - and I think I made the point that so was I - but that still leaves a lotta people who don't see any way out. And Society DOES lean on them - do you have any idea how much misery is the result of our luxurious lifestyle? That most western powers get rich on arms sales to terrorist regimes, creating unrest in unstable areas in order to set up aid that is just another little investment - reaping either raw materials, food, a tithe, or else the opportunity to use the land as an oveseas strategic base? How cynical our foreign aid programs are (that's any western power - not just UK and US) - and the fat of the land we live on is not from our land, but from others...

We are privileged, yet conditioned to think we've had a hard time - it is a struggle, the cut and thrust of modern day society - unless you're very 'protected' - and some people just can't cope. In my experience, it's the sensitive ones who go to the wall, who'd rather harm themselves (or wipe themselves out) than walk all over others - but end up doing just that when they get desperate, and judgement looks at them, and they just want to lash out in retaliation, or else to snatch what hasn't been given. A sorry state of affairs - but with the demise of religion - where's the measure when love is missing? Who cares now?

I see your point, and I see Hiram's too - I opened this debate just so that these opinions and others could emerge. I am glad you were able to be so stong with yourself. The marines are not for weaklings - but it takes all sorts in this world.

I always thought you were a tough cookie, and now I see why/ You're as hard on yourself as you are on anyone else.

Permission to stand at ease, sergeant! (or whatever your rank!)

jane

From: Grant

Jane,

I see nothing wrong with trying to help people who need help. But what I try to help them do is take charge of their lives. To make them see that, until they start making the right decisions a thousand times a day, they're not going to beat their problem. As long as people think there's an "easy" way to do it, it's not going to get done. I don't think it helps the addict to pat him on the back for his failures and feed him substitutes for what he's trying to kick. I tell him to get as far away from the source of his addiction as he can. When I decided to get off the pot habit I went to Taiwan. I didn't know anyone who could supply it over there. I could have done the same thing in Kansas or Oklahoma, but I wanted to go back to Taiwan anyway for other reasons. But my point here is that if you want to get rid of a habit, you have to get away from the people and activities that feed it. Changing your life means CHANGING YOUR LIFE. It doesn't mean just not taking a drink today. It means not hanging out with people who drink. It means finding new ways to structure your time and new friends who don't drink to share it with.

Life is a matter of time structure. What you do with your time IS your life. You can spend it writing and researching and talking to people who can help you with what you want to do or you can spend it sitting at home or in a bar drinking. That's the choice you have to make. What are you going to sped your time doing? Not just today, but every day.

How are you going to structure your life so that it is full and satisfying? That's what you have to take charge of. Who is making these decisions? You or the gang at the pub? You or the people who feed your habit with free drinks and good fellowship? If your daily life is structured around them, you haven't got a chance.

Don't get the idea I'm condemning the people who choose to drink and structure their time around it. But if you want to quit, those are not the gang you want to hang around with. You don't want to sit at home doing nothing, either. That will drive you to drink. We need structure and companionship in our lives. You just have to choose what you want to build it around. What you seek is what you find.

You can be out in the middle of the desert, and if you go looking for drugs and alchohol, you'll find them. But why are you spending your time doing that instead of something else? That's the decision you have to make. Not just once, but continuously. What are you going to do today and why? If you havn't got it planned, you'll find some way to do it. But it won't be a way you planned.

Addiction is a game we play. Without the other players, the game falls apart. You need a source, a rescuer, a patsy, and "good buddy" to play the game. The source supplies your habit. It can be a friendly bar tender who gives you credit or a corner liquor store. The rescuer helps you structure your time around "trying to kick the habit." The problem is, when you've kicked the habit, you've nothing to do and the rescuer you've grown to love doesn't pay attention to you anymore. So you fall off the wagon and your life is full of structure again. You know what to do with your time.

Many drunks become rescuers. That allows them to keep playing the game and gives them something to do with their time. The patsy is the person whose life is being ruined by the drunk. The person whose money he steals to buy booze or drugs. The person whose house he lives in because all his money goes to his habit. The person to wom he keeps making promists to quit and then sneaking out to break his promise. Sometimes one person can play more than one role in the game and often one role can be shared by many. Your whole family can play the role of patsy.

But there is a structure to all of this. It's a way to spend your time that seems meaningful at the time. You're satisfying a hunger and a need. What you have to realize is that there are other activities that will fill you up without destroying your body or your life. Once you realize that, you can change your life. You can start making life saving decisions about how to spend your time and who to spend it with.

That's why I see AA as a dead end. It helps you structure your life around the same people and same activities that you say you're trying to get away from. They're all people who know how to play the game and are locked into it. That's how they spend their time.

Here I am at the end of another long rant. I hope I haven't offended anyone who feels that the institutions I mentioned above are their salvation. I just have a different opinion, that's all. The people I know who have been successful in quitting have done it the hard way. They just quit. They built new lives that structured their time around people and activities that did not involve drinking or doing drugs or the people who kept them locked into the game. I think anyone can do it. That's my belief and my philosophy and I'm stuck with it.

Grant

From: Hiram

To an extent, I'll agree that addiction is a matter of choices. No intelligent, sane person would freely give up the amount of control that an addiction removes from their lives. One has to make the decision to stop, not for all those other "players" but for themselves. Otherwise it doesn't happen. The person who quits for another is doomed to relapse, as is the person sentanced by the court system to attend a rehab program. That's truely a waste of time, effort and taxpayer's money.

In Portland, Maine there is a non-profit organization that works with addicts in outreach programs and treatment groups. While I was there, they had a blended group of alcoholics, pill poppers, coke heads and smokers. Most of these people were poly abusers in that they used two or more substances to get high. The group functioned fairly well, though the alcoholics felt that they were a step above the rest, since their substance of choice is still legal. After a time we wanted to include one more fraction from the streets. IV drug users.

I'm not talking about the stereotyped IV user that you see on COPS. I'm talking about ex-Vietnam Vets who were using a number of opiate type substances to maintain a daily existence. These weren't vets who got hooked in a Siagon whore house, but the ones who were given massive injections for pain management from severe wounds. They spend time in a number of hospitals here and there, then with budget cuts and such they were dismissed with some scripts and sent home.

These guys weren't whining about society's failures or anything else. They were trying to work, any did, and support a habit that outside of a VA hospital was suddenly illegal. Once their scripts ran out, most said their doctors refused to write more.

So, if I apply Grant's theory of this being a "game" the source here was the US gov., the patsy? I think the taxpayer, the families and the vet. There weren't any "good buddies" that I saw. Most of these guys would rather be alone. The concept of sharing your hard "earned" drug isn't seen often in IV users. These weren't a bunch of good ole boys bellying up to a bar. These were people who had been trained to kill others to reach an objective. They'd just as soon stab you in the eye with a hypo as be talked down to.

In the end we never did intergrate IV users into the group. The rest wouldn't accept them. Apparently, it's OK to drink, smoke, pop or snort the substance, but injection is a no no.

My feeling is, that if you can get up one day and say "hey, I think I'll stop --drinking, smoking, pill popping or drinking coca-cola--today," and you do it, great. Of course, you never had a physical addiction anyway, and you've managed to work through whatever psychological issue that was there.

True addicts don't stop without "rescuers" either. Stopping cocaine use or alcohol isn't the same as quitting smoking. I've done all three, so I speak from experience. And I didn't leave town to do it either. If you're an addict, you'll find a source quick enough. I don't care if you're in New York City or Piss Ant Corners, Texas. If there's no pot, there's booze.

Does AA work? Who the hell knows? For some people it apparently does. I've talked with those who have been dry for twenty years and have worked all their 12 steps. They sponser others, some make it, some don't. There is structure there, for sure. But some people need that kind of structure in their lives to help them manitain their sense of control. I don't claim to understand it, but I don't look down on them either.

There are no patsy's in this "game" Families of addicts are just as dsyfunctional as the addict is. There's a whole group of names for these people. Enablers, peacemakers, caretakers and so on. They stay because they don't know any better, or there's some benefit to them to do so. Then of course there's the rigid, stick up my ass, type that sees all in black and white. They're usually the ones who got really screwed over at some point in their lives and never forgot.

This ain't no game.

From: Grant

Hiram,

Of course there's a benefit to playing the game. And it IS a game. It's a role playing game and you learn how to do it, quite often from your parents, but also from friends and relatives while you're growing up. But games are for losers. You feel like you're winning when you're losing again. That's the benefit. You feel like you're winning.

What makes it a game is that you're actually losing. The rescuer gets to feel like he's actually helping someone. For the additct, just geting high is a reward. The game is that he doesn't really want to quit, but keeps kidding himself that he does. He continues self-destructive behavior and pretends that not doing it for a little while or promising not to do it some time in the future is the same as quitting.

Of course, you can just decide that you don't want to quit. That's not a game You're not fooling yourself then. That's what the IV users you described have done. They're not playing a game and I can understand why they don't mix well with people who are.

The patsy's game is to keep supplying the addicts needs while believing the lies and thinking that things are going to get better when they're not. Living on hopes and dreams that will never materialize. That's the reward they get from their role -- the feeling of hope for a future that will never come. And that's what makes it a game. Every promise gives them hope. Every broken promise makes them a patsy.

They don't give it up because living on hope makes them feel good, just like the dope or alchohol makes the addict feel good. And in both cases, it's just for a short time, so you have to go in search of another fix. The addict for his substance of choice and the patsy for another spoonful of hope. Another promise of a brighter future.

You can only help people when you're helping them to do what they want to do. If someone doesn't want to quit (although he might lie, even to himself, and say that he does) all the help in the world won't get him to quit. If a person truly wants to quit, a little help can do a lot of good.

There isn't much you can do for the person who loves his habit and his game too much to give it up. All you can do is point out the destructive nature of what he is doing. That it's going to destroy his life and kill him if he doesn't give it up. If that doesn't give him the incentive, stop wasting your time and go find someone who really does want to quit.

In his book, Games People Play, Eric Berne, M.D., a man who actually cured people of their addictions, lists over a hundred games people play. Alchoholic was only one of them. But one thing characterized all games: people felt like they were winning when they were actually losing

When you beat somebody out of something, you get what they had but you lose their respect and make people not want to associate with you. In other words, you lose your good name and reputation. The theif, the bully, the liar, the woman who teases then yells rape, or promises love but only takes it, these are all people playing games -- destructive games that lead to lives of misery and early death.

If they want to quit, they can all be helped. If they don't want to quit, there's little you can do for them. First they have to realize they are playing a game and then they have to learn not to play it. To give it up rather than keep it up. Most people who play games don't think it's a game. They see it as real life and that's what life is all about.

"That's the way my mama and daddy lived their lives," they'll tell you, "and that's the way I live mine. And if you say anything bad about my mama or daddy I'll punch your lights out."

That's were they learned how to play the game. That's why they feel comfortable with it. They play it well because they grew up playing it. People hang around with other people who know how to play the same game. It's not just chess players and poker players who hang around together and seek each other out. It's everyone who knows how to play a game of any kind and has done it long enough to get good at it.

If you don't believe people are playing games, watch them for a while and see what they do. If they keep repeating the same losing behavior over and over again, its a game. If they feel like they're winning when they're losing again, it's a game. If they really want to stop losing, you can help. If they like the game too much to quit, you can't.

Grant

P.S. This is the stuff of which stories are written.

From: Jane

Consider if you will a kid who's been using pot since she was eight, and heroin since she was 12, and IV since aged 15. 5 years on, she's on a substitute script, drifting from helper to helper, who want to 'take her away from it all.' As you say, Hiram, and I think Grant agrees, it's not that you CAN go to a place where there isn't any of your substance of choice available. It's that you have to want to do so.

I feel you both are really talking from a deep place, like you know. The dysfunctional family bit is exactly right - but the more I look the more there are dysfunctional people and families around - it's a new buzz word for an age old problem. What isn't so age old is the accessibility of heroin, or any pharmaceutical quality drug, and of disposable syringes -dished out to 'diabetics' like there's no tomorrow.

Of course the chemist knows what they're used for; they go to the same people who get their script there. But to become an IV user in the first place you need to be introduced to it by someone who knows how to use it - often a lover or close 'friend' - and then to produce your used needles in a needle exchange in order to get more. It's not the chemist's job to judge, withold, or decide what is going on - but the situation is that with the lifestyle we live, the potential for addiction of young children in the UK is frightening. It may even be promoted by hidden activists for political or other purposes.

I think if we are going to hold a two or three year enquiry into drugs, it should be made up of a panel of users, ex users, carers, and modurators, and should include people with inside knowledge, for which there is no substiture. It should be an open debate, with contributors remaining in touch and all the rest being monitored throughout the length of the study.

At the end of the debate, without drawing conclusions, only considered suggestions, the people and the agencies designed to help them should have the opportunities to change the way the addiction problem is dealt with, so that abusers can build up their lives again and rediscover what they have missed. Never too late for a happy childhood. (Opinionated yet inexperienced experts need not apply!)...

I'm aware of your points, Grant (that went up while I was composing my last reply) and I have to say that the points you are making are entirely valid - except for one thing. The choices people make are not to go from being gamers to sober awake people - because all around them are gamers.

One of the first things about recovering phases in addiction (and I know the 'games people play' to which you refer) is the shocked recognition that other people are not only not your parents, and therefore have no obligation to help you, but also that other people have their problems too, and the ones who come across as mates are the ones who will rip you off and do all the things you are finally wising up to and have chosen not to do yourself. At this point, unless you're very strong or supported, you don't want to hear about 'karma', or 'now you know how it feels' - what you think is 'why should I bother'

The support is only effective until the next slip up. That's why contracts are introduced, and GP's are given training on the 'tough love' as are counsellors. As far as I see, they get it wrong time and again as to when to be tough and when to be supportive. Supportive is not soft, it is going the extra distance when the user is struggling against all the odds and a litle bit more effort will see results - and then, to be careful not to crow, as they are cheated out of the sense of achievemen from having done it themselves.

The learning curve is slow and steep - there is a lot to learn, and it's about learning to know yourself. And to accept yourself. Learning to like and respect yourself. All difficult. The pussy footing around. The 'tryng to be a saint' - The 'patsy' - the 'guilty parent', the 'fearful parent', the 'angry parent' - all useless in terms of behaviourism. Professional help and counselling, can help, if the user wants. But in terms of being the centre of attention, like the old man of the sea in Sinbad - in the end, we have to take our own burdens when they are in danger of falling to others.

I want to see dependency decriminalised and treated like a notifiable contagious illness, as well as an illness characterised by dependency and to which the victims or sufferers are inherently disposed by heredity, sometimes triggered by trauma, stress, deprivation or other life events. I'd like to see the intiative for change in the approach to treating this problem taken by the victims, supported by Society at large, which is as much threatened by the illness and its effects as are the addicts themselves.

From: Grant

Grant

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