Tangerine Speedo
So, I'm pretty tired. I opened and closed today at Diedrich's. I'm not complaining, cuz I'm a super robot who doesn't really need sleep, I just do it to keep up my human facade. The real reason I said I was tired is cuz this isn't gonna be the best entry in my highly advanced Web Log (I'm lazy). And speaking of Diedrich's, I quit there today. Everyone started crying, it was totally sad. Then they offered me a million dollars an hour... and an aqua-car bi-weekly to stay there. I declined the offer due to the fact that I sold my soul to Starbucks ealrier in the day.



Also today at Diedrichs this girl came in (she was hott, but don't tell Charlotte) and she was all kinds of flirting with me. Then she said something to her friend about going to see Capo's air guitar tomorrow. Then I was like "dude, I was totally in air guitar in high school" and she was like "me too". Then it turns out she was in it 2001 (so was I), but I don't remember any hott girls from that year besides the Sirens (this girl wasn't a siren)... so I guess she got hot in the past 3 years.
Moral of the story: Ugly girls, there's hope for you all.
Side-note: I totally wasn't interested in her, depite her hottness.



Snake-boards are way too hard.



If you like readin comics at all and are even mildly interested in the X-men, you should read the New X-Men paperback trades, starting with "E is for Extintction". Man, it's good. If it were a woman (or possibly a warmed up bagel) I'd totally have sex with it.










Ryan "Xorn" Davis

Tickle Face
I've been doing a lot of interesting things lately. I spent about $40 on comic books this week, that was pretty exciting. I bought tickets to the "Save Eric" concert on March 26th featuring such bands as Reel Big Fish, The Aquabats, Starpool, Lit, Suburban Lengends, Homegrown, and the Forces of Evil. If you're not at this show, like me and Danny will be, you are a total narc and nobody likes you.

I found this awesome cartoon series called "Napster Bad". It would have been a lot better if I would have known about it like 4 years ago when it was topical, but better late than never. I recommend watching MetalliCOPS, it's number 2. After that watch Metallica: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (#3). They are awesome. Thank you Camp Chaos, thank you. The G.I. Joe Shorts are also pretty funny. Check them out.

The other day at school it was raining, and this girl was totally just wearing a clear trashbag over her body. it didn't have any holes poked in it or anything, she was just in a trashbag. What a Dueschfag.

Also, I rented Shanghai Knights. It was pretty cool. I really just had to get my Owen Wilson fix cuz I tried to see Starsky and Hutch and it was sold out for the night. (sad face)

I was trying to think of a cool picture I could put at the end of this entry. I couldn't find one.

In other news I was reading the Bible recently and on two seperate occasions God was mad at a king for taking a census. (1 Chronicles 21:1) I guess it's wrong to want to know how many people are in your kingdom. Who knows? The Bible has a lot of interesting stuff in the there. The one I have, I took from a hotel I stayed at once (Yes, you're allowed to take those! That's why the Gideon's put them there! Jerk!) Futhermore, Satan is usually referred to as specific people in the Bible (if you don't beleive me read 1 Chronicles 21:1 then 2 Samuel 24:1). Never as some ruler of hell (that I can find). A few times it was said that a particular satan would be cast to hell (in more colorful words than my own). And I can only find one mention of this "Lucifer" (Isaiah 14:12) and if you read that passage he does sound like fallen angel... but if you read before and after that in Iasiah, not just that passage, it seems more obvious that they are refering to a king (a man) who thought himself mightier than God. And in some versions of the Bible it doesn't even say "Lucifer", it says "Morning Star" which is what Lucifer translates to. The real point is I always thought Lucifer to be Satan who was a fallen angel/ruler of hell. The more I read though, Lucifer seems to be a guy and satan seems to be more of a concept. Also Jesus is refered to as the Morning Star on (Job 38:7) He even calls himslef that!(Revelations 22:16). It's just weird. Why do they call this Lucifer and Jesus Morning Star? Furthermore, Morning Star? That's Venus yo, the brightest star in the morning sky... which is soon over powered by the sun's light... not such a flattering term if you ask me. Oh well. The end.















Ryan "there's a radio in my fingernail, Car!" Davis

Vicious Fabricated Rumors
Today at school I wanted a Gatorade. So I went over to the machine and looked at the flavors. They had: Lemon-lime, fruit punch, orange and glacier freeze. The problem I had is that I have no idea what glacier freeze is. Is it just frozen water that moves incredibly slow? I don't know. How hard would it be to just call it by what flavor it is? I'm sure if they named it after the flavor they would have saved money by not having to pay some genius to come up with glacier freeze. Come on people! I want to buy your product, I really do. Help me out here.

Also my accounting class is seriously raping me.

And for no reason at all:

Ryan "Fast Times at Saddleback College" Davis



P.S. I ended up not buying any gatorade at all

Pocket Full of Shells
So this whole weekend I've been Home Alone. It's been pretty cool... except for when Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci broke into my house. Although, that was quite the adventure. It went a little something like this:

Daniel Stern: y'know, I was in this movie once called Very Bad Things
Joe Pesci: So fucking what?
Daniel Stern: It was a dark comedy, pretty cool, did you see it?
Joe Pesci: Did I see it? Who fucking cares if I saw it?
Daniel Stern: I just thought you might like it
Joe Pesci: I just thought you might like it, blah blah blah. I was in fucking Goodfellas. Who cares about your stupid movie!
Daniel Stern: ...yknow, I did the voice-over on the Wonder Years
Joe Pesci:wow, good job not acting
Daniel Stern:why you gotta be so mean all the time?
Joe Pesci:Why do I got to be so mean all the time? Why do I got to be so mean all the time? Cause Marisa Tomei gets a fucking Oscar for My Cousin Vinny, and what do I get for my starring role in that movie? The fucking karate kid leaving messages on my answering machine wanting to hang out.
Daniel Stern: ...remember Home Alone?
Joe Pesci: That's where we got the idea to break into houses shit for brains, remember?
Daniel Stern: oh yea... whatever happened to that little whiney kid with the scream and the swinging paint cans?
Joe Pesci: Wasnt he in that Mel Gibson movie, Signs?
Daniel Stern: Oh yea, thoses aliens freaked me out
Ryan Davis: you guys gonna rob me or something?
Joe Pesci: ...I guess not, wanna go shoot up
Daniel Stern: yea





In other news I recommend not reading the Incredible Hulk. It just kinda sucks right now. But I'll keep reading, and wait for it to get good again.


















Ryan "Die Another" Davis

I'm Passionate about the Christ
Basically I was just bored and decided to play with the gif generator I found on my computer.

Ryan "Skeet Skeet Skeet" Davis

Feed My Frankenstein
I bought Matchstick Men. That's a great movie. I have a big ol' crush on Nicholas Cage. If you don't like him I strongly suggest renting Gone in 60 Seconds, Adaptation, Matchstick Men, and even the Rock if you're feeling sassy. I've also been watching Blow every time it's on the TV. That movie never lets me down. Just when you start getting bored with a movie about marijuana, it becomes a movie about cocaine. Splendid. I'm not a big Johnny Depp fan, but that movie is awesome.

I was driving my car today and I was thinking about what kind of awesome car I would be driving if I had as much money as I deserve. I think it would be some kind of modified Cadillac. It'd be about 14 feet long, suicide doors in the back, giant tail fins and one of those new V-16 engines Cadillac makes. I'd be even more rad than I currently am if I had that car.

Yours Truly,

Ryan "Can't buy a bucket" Davis

Reusable Bug Jar!
By all accounts I should have had the worst day of work ever today. It was just me and my boss, so we were under staffed. I'd been up since 4:30 so I was really tired. And it got really busy for no good reason. But honestly I was having a great time. I think my good friend Abby put me in a wonderful mood before she left.

 

I guess that's not the most flattering picture of her. She has blonde hair now. And her eyes are usually open. And she smiles a lot. I think I made the neccessary adjustments.

 

That's my Abby, and I love her to death.















Ryan "the bong in this raggae song" Davis

Eight, Eight, I Forget What Eight Is For
I was thinking about fighting today. More decisions should be made by people fighting to the death. I got into a fight one time in the second grade. It was awesome. It was in the bathroom at my old elementary school and I totally made the other second-grader cry. His name was Brian. I probably decided that I was tired of people saying his name and thinking they were saying my name so I took him out... but I can't really remember what the fight was about. In any case I made an accurate depiction of what happened that day as to warn off any people here to rumble. I would totally dominate you.

 

Ryan "I love Justin Timberlake" Davis

Ok, let's get your pants back on
So I've been writing for the hit new WB sitcom/drama called "Ryan and the Bitch". In case you missed some episodes, here's some memorable quotes:

The Bitch: (while crying... and naked) Ryan, I never want to be with anyone else
Ryan: well, wanna do something next week end?
The Bitch: ...no, I probably have plans

The Bitch: Ryan, I wanna try harder this time to make things work between us
Ryan: I'm willing to give it a chance
The Bitch: What? I totally wasn't paying attention
Ryan: I said I wanna try too
The Bitch: Oh, by try harder I meant... I need time
Ryan: What?
The Bitch: I'm bored... don't call me anymore.

The Bitch: I ate a cookie today
The Bitch: However it was a graham cracker
The Bitch: So I don't know if that counts as a pastry

Ryan: hey
The Bitch: hold on, I'll be right back
(the Bitch's car hits a tree and she dies on impact)
Ryan: Too bad she's dead, but at least I saw her naked











Ryan "Shoulda seen it comin" Davis

low carbon diet
Ok, so in the past month or so I've lost 8 pounds and about an inch off my waist. My secret? Fast food and candy. With my success so far I think I'm gonna start on my high carb diet. I figure I'll have to make up for all those people on low carb diets... and we'll see who's heart fails first.

I strongly recommend both the new Ultimate Fantastic Four series and the Fantastic Four Marvel Nights. MOTHUH FUCKERS!








Ryan "Throw back a tall boy" Davis