Pisces with Cancer

Both of you are good at pushing guilt-buttons, and you need to learn to be more honest about your feelings. Even though you don't think that words can convey what you want, they can help you to avoid emotional game-playing. Moods and atmospheres will always be part of your interchange, but you also need detachment and a willingness to talk things through.

You are a Pisces
It's impossible to understand your real motivations, because like the tides of the ocean, they change all the time. Pisces is concerned with a realm that has no boundaries. Nothing less than the source of life itself is the secret you seek. No wonder, if you fail, that your disillusionment and world-weariness can be as great as your aspirations. It's sometimes said this last sign of the zodiac contains a little bit of all the others. And no one is as much of a chameleon as you.

You have a fluidity and complexity which can be alternatively enchanting and infuriating. There are so many people inside you that others wonder when the real Pisces will stand up and be seen. Sometimes you show a strange passivity or inertia when a crisis looms. But making decisions requires choosing one thing over another, and to you all choices contain some truth. Seeing the relativity of truth is a great gift, because it makes you tolerant and forgiving - and, occasionally, incredibly lax.

That calm, wise indifference with which you greet human transgressions not only applies to your own transgressions. You can sit quietly while your lover leaves, your children insult you, your employer heaps abuse on your head, and your landlord throws you out of your house. Pisceans seem to accept misfortune as though they were born to it, expect it, even welcome it. But you know something other signs don't: all that human suffering means little when your eyes and heart are focused on a greater unity.

Pisces is the sign of the mystic. Admittedly, there are Pisceans roaming about who are almost a caricature of the rational, scientific mind. These are the Fishes who are frightened of the chaos of their own depths. But probe more deeply, and unless the defences are incredibly rigid, there is a deep spiritual longing in every Pisces. Including you. That doesn't mean religious in an orthodox way. But you have an intuitive sense of some other reality, something magical and elusive, a transcendent unity which makes ordinary life seem drab and meaningless.

You also have a deep instinctive wisdom about the futility of so many human desires. Intense ambition, powerful passions, covetousness, greed...these ordinary human motives don't usually have much power over you. Deep down, you don't really take them all that seriously. After all, as they say in the East, it's only maya - only illusion. As a water sign, you're deeply sensitive to the secret undercurrents that lie behind the mask of ordinary human behaviour.

It's hard to fool a Pisces. But where others might respond by defending themselves and accruing resentment, you will look, see, feel saddened, and forgive. You often let yourself be taken advantage of, not because you're gullible, but because you feel sorry for all sorts of people. This material world isn't the real one to you; you listen to a different drumbeat.

You move in a world where every thought and action has thousands of associations which ripple out into infinity, and nothing is ever simple and clear. It's hard for you to discriminate, to limit yourself. This can incline you to excess, which can lead to some big problems with things like food, alcohol, drugs or financial extravagance. The compensation for this disturbing lack of boundaries is your boundless imagination. Even heavily defended, hyper-rational Pisceans have this wonderful imaginative faculty hidden away.

The world of the arts, and of intuitive science (including computer science, higher mathematics and physics) is heavily populated by gifted Pisceans. You have a built-in key to the vast and mysterious realm of the unconscious psyche, and it was given to you at birth as a gift. The trouble is, once in those waters, you sometimes find it hard to come back. Coping with mundane reality can be a real problem for Pisceans. Although your intuition may be lightning-quick and your intellect brilliant, you often overlook something simple, like the electricity bill.

You're also an incurable romantic. Some Pisceans have lots of defences to hide this tendency, but romantic you were born and romantic you will remain. And romance isn't just about love affairs. You crave magic, and you get bored more easily than any other sign. The only truly consistent things about you are your allegiance to a higher, deeper reality and your love and longing for change. Never mind the safe job, the conventional social status, the budget which ensures your pension will see you through old age. You'll take hyacinths for the soul any time.

The Cancer partner
For the true Cancerian, love has a lot to do with security. It also has to do with affection, kindness and sympathy and, if the moment is right, intense passion. But most of all, love has a lot to do with Mother. If Cancer becomes truly involved, then Mother enters the scene - although, hopefully, in a psychological sense and not literally. Cancers sometimes badly need to be mothered. Equally, they may need to do the mothering. Show your pain, weakness or vulnerability and you have won Cancer's heart. Show too much strength and independence, and things might not work out so well.

Cancers are emotional people. But don't expect everything to be talked about. If you're involved with a Cancer, it's a good idea to learn to read signals and interpret moods. Sullen sulkiness means he's feeling rejected. Crabbiness means he's feeling unappreciated. An explosion of delightful wit and wacky humour means he's happy and contented. And so on. But if you try to confront the issue, the Crab will slide away from you: "It was only a mood."

If you're a very verbal type who needs everything spelled out in clear, logical sentences, either develop your intuition or choose another sign. The Cancer partner, when in the mood, can out-talk anyone. When in another sort of mood, you may get only stony silence and an atmosphere you can cut with a knife.

This is a changeable sign, and Cancerians are notorious for keeping the home base safe while collecting thrills on the journey. But in the end, the priorities are clear: anything that jeopardises the security of an important relationship just isn't on.

Divorce is often a horrific experience for Cancers. No separation is easy for the Cancer partner, even if the relationship is as extinct as a dodo and both of you know it. Once again, learn to read the signs. Gradual withdrawal and sexual disinterest - when they go on and on, and aren't just a passing mood - are often Cancer's way of saying, "Get me out of here." But Cancer will rarely be the one to make the decision to leave an unhappy relationship. The emotional confrontation is too terrifying. They would rather become quietly, progressively more unpleasant - without even realising it - until you're the one to make the break. But it takes a lot to get a Cancer to this point: consistently trampling on his feelings and dreams, being insensitive or cold or, most devastating of all, betraying him.

Remember that Cancers never wear their hearts on their sleeves. That hard shell they sometimes present on the outside is there for self-protection, not for fun, and even a lifelong companion may never get to see the Crab fully vulnerable. Even after you've lived with a Cancer for decades, you may still never know the depth of feeling he has for you. Sometimes he doesn't know it himself. A Cancer who loves deeply can be shattered if the trust is broken, and he has a long, long memory. He may not leave, and he may forgive you, but he'll never, never forget.

It's easy to love this sign for its gentleness, sensitivity, imagination, subtlety, and quiet courage. The Cancer partner possesses a truly magical ability to heal your fears, your pain, your insecurity and loneliness. He's protective and gentle, and he can make you feel very, very safe and very, very loved. It's harder to tolerate the moods, the emotional games, and the innate egocentricity of the child which is always present in this complex sign.

The Cancer partner also possesses the ability to infuriate and confuse, bewilder and irritate, anger and enrage even an even-tempered mate. If you're looking for consistency and a permanently easy-going personality in a partner, look elsewhere. Whichever role Cancer plays - needy child or protective parent, or both - that need for closeness is always there deep down, even in the midst of a bad mood or a period of emotional withdrawal.

If you are a coolly self-sufficient person and find displays of feeling embarrassing - your own or your partner's -it might be better to choose another sign. But if you have a warm heart and an appreciation of real intimacy, you've found a winner. Cancer's greatest gift is a profound instinctual understanding of human nature and human suffering. And there's no human being walking the Earth who doesn't need a bit of that.

The Cancer man
It may sound simplistic to say that all Cancer men are mother-bound. But it would come close to the truth. This man is tied, one way or another -in love or in hate, and often in both - to Mother. It's his biggest test in life and in love. He can either embody Mother himself and express a wealth of empathy and protectiveness, or he can look for a mother all his life.

Cancer is a sign of fertile imagination and deep emotional needs. They don't like to stand alone. Cancer men are often eternally searching for that nurturing, protecting partner who will always forgive and understand them - especially if they didn't find it in childhood. You might well ask, Why not? What's wrong with that? Nothing, of course. But in each man's unconscious, buried deep within him, is the myth of the Hero. How can a hero keep running back to Mummy for comfort and understanding? The mother-son bond is one of the most difficult things Cancer must contend with in life.

Cancer men often marry young - that is, if they aren't secret mother-haters. The mother- haters usually marry very late, if at all. They're afraid of women and avoid commitment. But this is a distorted kind of Cancer, a Cancer on the run from his own emotional dependency. There are lots of Crabs running around with extra-hard shells and hyper- rational attitudes, never letting you - or themselves - see the vulnerable, imaginative person underneath. If you probe, they snap at you.

The Cancer man may settle down by the time he's twenty-five - although, given the complexity of his nature, it may not be his last port of call. This man makes a wonderfully loving father - as long as he's not jealous of the mothering his children receive. But sadly, if he makes a commitment too young, he may find later that he made it because he needed security, and not because his deeper feelings were really touched. Like good wine, the Cancer man's understanding of himself deepens and improves with maturity.

This man appreciates a strong partner - as long as "strong" doesn't mean you don't need him. His moods and anxieties need to be understood, although you're not required to tolerate them with a perpetually sweet smile. Engage with him emotionally, even if it's with anger, and he'll respond. Although he recoils from real separation, he can wander - emotionally if not physically - if the mood is on him. The up side is that he'll always come back again. If he wanders physically, the big question is whether you want him when he does come home again. That's up to you, of course. But if he knows he's hurt you, he's likely to do everything in his power to avoid doing it again.

It helps to understand that, for a man, this is a sign with a lot of innate conflict. Sensitivity and imagination don't mix with society's macho expectations. Did I hear you say times have changed, women (and men) are liberated, etc.? Maybe in the world's big cosmopolitan cities. But most of the rest of the world hasn't heard yet.

It's still hard for this moody, introverted, changeable, imaginative man to feel entirely secure being himself. He always wears camouflage. Cancer's two best camouflages are the hard rational thinker and the jolly extrovert. Don't be fooled by either of them - they're just a mood. To live so close to the forces and currents of the inner imaginal and emotional world is a great challenge for a Cancer man. Here lies the source of his greatest creativity, but it can take a long time - and some painful experiences - for his gifts to fully emerge.

The Cancer man is never an easy partner. He's too complex. He can be evasive and indirect, and the deeper the problem, the less likely you are to hear about it. He can be sulky and crabby one moment, effusively sentimental the next. Even when he's wearing that hyper-rational mask and pretends to be clear and logical, he's elusive and mysterious, and you'll never really get to the bottom of his secret soul. But most of all, this man has an incredible depth and array of feeling, and he's deeply, richly, stunningly alive.

Tough-guy tactics don't mix with Cancer's tenderness and subtle form of strength and courage, so be prepared for a partner who is as able to be helpless and vulnerable as he is to be protective and tenacious. And who wants tough-guy tactics anyway?