Trying for elavator, man comes up an arms short
Trying for elavator, man comes up an arms short
Maybe you'll think next to about holding that elevator door for someone. An unidentified University of Pittsburgh student is in fair condition after a freak accident in Tower C earlier this week. In an apparent freak accident, the student lost his arm when it became stuck in the elevator door. Apparently, the student wanted in the elevator and stuck his arm in as the doors were closing. Normally, the door would reopen, but a malfunction in the door prevented it from happening. The horrified student could only watch as the elevator went up as normal, taking his arm with it.
"I've never seen anything quite like it, it was so gruesome and bloody," says sophomore Craig Neyerman, a resident of Tower C and occupant of the elevator. "It was wicked cool, man. Luckily I got dibs on his watch."
In a strange twist, medical professionals were unable to reattach the arm due to the fact that some unknown assailant made off with the severed appendage. Reasons for stealing a human arm are up to speculation, but according to Robert M. Arnold, Associate Professor of Medicine at the University of Pittsburgh, the motive would probably be that "a preserved severed arm would be a really awesome gag prop." Many experts agree with this hypothesis, as Arnold has been described a prank master and is a self-described "party animal," who is rumored to have done a keg stand that reached an unprecedented two straight minutes.
Authorities are still looking for the missing arm, and Pitt police arm confident that they're catch the perpetrator that made off with it. Members of this crack squad of savvy motivated personnel have vowed not to sleep until this man, or woman, is caught. It is notable that they said the same thing about the guy that raped those chicks, but, as one officer told me, "people need to understand that we need to keep our priorities in line."
University of Pittsburgh maintenance employees were on the scene testing the malfunction of the elevator. They were sure to stress to the students that there is no reason to fear using the elevators. We can only hope that this task force of wrench-wielders will be as motivated and determined as the Pitt Police. As for me, I'll be taking the stairs from now on.
GO PITT
--Scotka
Portrait of the alleged assailant.
