Stars amuck at Pitt
Stars amuck at Pitt
Here at the University of Pittsburgh, we pride ourselves in the elite humans that we attract
to this priestigious institution. Celebrities such as the famed jazz musician, Nathan Davis and
the dominant quarterback, Dan Marino, have graced our ranks. Even a few numb-nuts believed that the
Olsan twins were coming here (that, of course was a phony CNN web page that anyone could make...
what's your IQ, Bond?). However, currently celebrities are everywhere around campus, attending
classes and the such. The Pitt Skews caught up with one of the biggest stars here for a little
chat. Here's what makes him tick...
The Pitt Skews : Top of the day to ya, mate!
John Travolta : Hey, thanks. How yinz doing?
TPS : Ahh...true Pittsburgh accent...it's nice to see you speak it. We're just fine.
JT : Ya, just something about this place that rubs me the right way.
TPS : Pitts got a great basketball team this year...how far will they make it?
JT : All the way baby...all the way.
TPS : School spirit, nice. You go to watch them blow out those stinking, low-life, verman, virus producing,
backward fuck Mountaineers last night, 82-46??
JT : Nah.
TPS : No!?!?
JT : Nope.
TPS : Well...why not?!?!
JT : I was at the library instead.
TPS : Oh, very loyal to the books I see??
JT : Oh you know it.
TPS : You know what, 'Grease' sucked, hard.
JT : Hey man, poo on you!
TPS : Haha, alright alright. So John, if I may be so bold, who would win : Pens of the Flyers?
JT : Easy, Flyers.
TPS : Ah..now your walking on thin ice my hairy friend...
JT : Oh c'mon, you guys just got rid of some great players, not to mention anything from Philly is
just quality.
TPS : Ya, you got me there. So you're a big fan of Philly...how about the beating the Eagles took from the
Super Bowl Champs in the NFC Title game??
JT : They got that far??
TPS : YES! How can you not know that?!?
JT : I was in the library.
** Awkard silence **
TPS : Sources tell me that you still retain some of those magical dance moves that you busted out in
'Grease' and 'Saturday Night Fever', and that you break'em out from time to time. Is there any truth to this, Mr. Travolta?
JT : Ya, it's a little something I like to call, "The Bird Dance".
TPS : Interesting name...can we see a bit of it possibly??
JT : I don't see why not.
** Proceeds to do the Bird Dance. Two girls walk by the room at this point, and every drop of their
will is required to contain themselves **
TPS : **Picks up jaw** That was....awe inspiring....
JT : It has that affect sometimes.
TPS : Would you pay to see a man in a bannanna costume fight a toll booth operator??
JT : Is the toll booth operator a midget??
TPS : Yes.
JT : Is the fight being held in the library??
TPS : No.
JT : No then.
TPS : I read in the tabloids coming over here that your posse got kicked out of the Towers recently. What happened?
Doing drugs, like in Pulp Fiction??
JT : Nah, nothing of that sort. We just all had a good time, got a little tipsy, and they used my ID card to get in and out
of the building, nothing serious. It was a few buddies of mine and John Rambo.
TPS : **clears throat** ahh...John Rambo, did you say...?
JT : Ya, John Rambo. Good guy, has a nice pad in Lotrop. **proceeds to throw his "L's" up**
TPS : Well Mr. Travolta, thank you for taking time out of your day for us. Any big plans for tonight?
JT : Oh ya. First, its off to the library. Then, after that, I have a wonderful date planned with Natty Ice.
TPS : Ooohhh...I got ya...Natty Ice...must be some new exotic pet name for your lover, eh?!??
JT : Umm, no. It's just Natty Ice.
And with that, we departed John. As we were leaving, the sweet sounds of the theme from 'Grease' could be heared
echoing throughout the hallway. Rock on, John, rock on.
- Teve
John Travolta in 'Domestic Disturbance' (2001)...........................John Travolta in his dorm room (2003).
